jailbird hearts .

day one hundred and fifty .

the sun is dripping through my bars on this beautiful afternoon . im curled in my bed trying to recap how i landed myself in this exquisite predicament . two hundred and fifty days ago, i was balancing my loathe of commitment on one hand & my acid drenched perception of love in the next . somehow, i woke up in a room with arms around me, watching 'G.I Joe' and a kiss to my forehead .

this time served has been a trying one, psychologically . competing for the best bunk, best food, best phone privileges, ... competing for the best of you . strangling my mind trying to control this foreign feeling of jealousy and frustration in me . pulling my hair out, mad at myself for losing "my cool" ... [im still searching for it] . suppressing all of the questions, irritation and relapses of my skepticism . too prideful to take the money you want to put on my books , afraid to trust sometimes . yes, it has been trying in some aspects .

yes, it is day one hundred and fifty and it seemed to fly by . i started off with my guard up, ready to slash anything that could harm me in the end . now im comfy in this ... arms wide, head high and ready to slash anything that could ever have the intention of harming you . im not a stranger to the concept of courage , but courage in this place is hard to master . i guess i was a tulip with frozen petals ; something hard with a soft perception . throughout my one hundred and fifty, time has began to thaw the icy outsides . . . but slowly .

but God, i love it here . in here, the sun is warm and the wind is nice . in here, i am raw and in my purest form . gates made of honesty, compassion, generosity, selflessness and trust guard me ... protect me . the outside world is out of luck because they'll never be let in . They try to hop the gates and infiltrate a good thing with opinions, cuts of the tongue and gossip . but we learn more and more , outsmart them more and more . we grow . mm, i guess this makes me a prisoner of love .

* dedicated to the 20th . looking forward to the good times, the rougher times to come, and the company of a great guy

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