puzzle peace.

"because trumpets & 808s are making love in my head."
i guess that's what i wanted to say when he told me i was, 'different from other girls'.
but i didn't. i suppose there was a fine line between sultry and insane.
and that's when it hit me:
i did a disservice to myself by suppressing my "odd".

when norah jones asked for the cool to be removed, i'm pretty sure she simultaneously asked that we layered in our odd.
-because it's chilly out there.
and the world's cruel cold is not for the faint of character.
for every suppressed word, a dream is swept under heavy rugs made of velvet and shame.
for every suppressed move, a kiss chokes and dies in fields of tall sunflowers ... unable to be heard.
for every suppressed desire, a soulmate loses the limbs capable of love.

and if i denied who i was, i would rid myself of

a guy who will sing erykah & cook with me.
someone to teach me how to blow hookah O's, whistle, and cartwheel ...
a man who's amused by my imagination .
a beach buddy.
a guy who's GROUNDED.
someone made of moral fiber & compassionate cloth. 
a humor chemist, boiling & brewing contractions in my tummy that birth laughter.
a guy who doesn't squirm when i pray over my food ...
someone who teaches me.
a healer.
an artist. -whatever that means.
a protector.
a makemepauseandthink-er ?
a seaman-
willing to dive into the deepest corners of my soul & drown if it meant reaching understanding.
a man that lives in between the eyelashes of God - so close that he'd cultivate my spirit in growth.
but for now, the first step is staying true to my puzzle piece. 


for wasting wallflower women.

i absolutely love it when i'm hanging with a guy and he asks, "what are you thinking?"
i love those moments because the implications behind that question can range anywhere from romance to respect.
in case you haven't noticed, we live in a male-dominated society (i am not cranking up the notch on my feminism, it is just a well known consensus). Because of this macho-centric community, the thoughts and theories of most women are ignored or of minor significance. i have seen one too many women being "hushed and marginalized" in conversations among their husbands and/or male friends. therefore, i can appreciate when a man takes an interest in the opinion of a woman.

on a smaller scope,
my personal pet peeves are when people (in general) try to manipulate, undermine, or lie to me. when someone decides that they will discount what i say or what i am feeling, it's a direct insult to my contribution in a conversation, collaboration or relationship. i do not need to be the center of every conversation, but i know when someone attempts to patronize me. i think it is just as important to think as it is to feel. i have no problem acknowledging my feelings as a woman because emotion is what differentiates me from the laptop on which i type.

i find that men have discovered the one way to completely undermine a woman's concerns and feelings. They claim that she's:

"insecure" or "crazy"
they frown their eyebrows and suggest that a woman is "seeing" or "believing" things because she is not confident in herself. they imply that a woman is blinded and sabotaging the relationship. this causes women to second, third, and fourth guess themselves and believe that they're the problem.  if a boy texts his girl by accident and says, "Hey lisa, i had a good time last night ;)" and his girlfriend's name is Tanika...then she's not being "insecure", she's using common sense lol (AND NO I DO NOT KNOW WHY I CHOSE THAT NAME). no woman wants to be that "crazy jealous stalker", so they appease their man's shady behavior.  NOW, some women are extremely jealous and insecure. nevertheless, most women's intuition is on point.

in short, the fore-mentioned tomfoolery is only an insult to my intelligence. playing the "over reacting", "crazy", "insecure" card on me will only make me believe that a man thinks little of me. So little of me, in fact, that some reverse psychology 'wamp wamp' will lower my self esteem enough to take disrespect or dishonesty. ultimately, i am a firm advocate for men liking my mind as much as my physical appearance and spirit. if you take one for granted, you take it all for granted.

- SRD.

Never let the hand you hold, hold you down.  ~Author Unknown


"if you put crabs in a barrel to insure your survival. you gon end up pulling down niggas who look just like you. what up blood, what up cuhz, it's all black . i love us ."
- Jay Z [murder to excellence]


they fear what they don't know.

‎"the worst thing you can call somebody is crazy. it's
 dismissive. 'i dont understand this person, so they're
 crazy'. that's bullshxt." - DAVE CHAPPELL.


hip hop shell shock .


initially, i thought i would give my review on Watch The Throne, but then i realized that my concern is bigger than a single album review.

look, i understand that numerous emcees come from nothing and turn it into something. so consequently, "niggas" are going to brag about what they have and how much they paid for it. young, inexperienced rappers like souljah boy, nicki minaj, big sean and waka flocka are going to talk about money, hoes, cars, and labels. that's a given. however, what's the excuse for veteran rappers that have been in the game for years ? after the initial shock of getting their forty acres and a mule from record labels, you would think the veterans of hip hop would have more substantial things to say in their music.

let's not pretend like hip hop was founded on the concepts of Ménage à trois and pushing weight. grandmaster flash, the sugar hill gang and even NWA had more to say about the lifestyle and guidance of black people. You may think, "Well these aren't the civil rights or the rodney king riots." enlighten yourself. right now, we need more guidance than ever before. we have only had complete legal freedom in this country for approximately 50 years.

"Watch the Throne" may be filled with some trivial nonsense, but there is a vital, underlying concept throughout the album. Watch the Throne is challenging the concept of patriotism and our identity as a race. African Americans are the muts of the globe. for centuries, we were told that we were beneath human. for centuries we were "sicked" on each other like pit bulls - competing for "the mass'ahs" good graces. we are finally in charge of constructing our own identity as African Americans and we're still "niggas in coupes". women, we're still half naked and bent over -nose to toes- in the club. men, you're still blowing your refund checks on louis belts and nonsense you cant afford. you would think the KKK was distributing this culture to us, but no ... the pleasure was our own. clearly, we're still missing the bigger picture.    

wake up. music is the most influential medium to reach our youth and race. im not saying that you should stop listening, but at least be aware of how it affects you and your values AND THE VALUES OF YOUR FUTURE CHILDREN. please be aware that our race is not stable. when and where you enter, your race enters with you. 


read a book.

As i mourned the end of my eleven-year relationship with Harry Potter, i stumbled across a brand new series. A friend of mine told me about a trilogy called, "The Hunger Games".

Synopsis: the novel takes place in the future where North America no longer exists and the world has been divided into 13 districts & a tyrant capitol. Years ago, the districts tried to revolt against the capitol and failed. To teach the districts a lesson, the Capitol host an annual "Hunger Games" ... two children from each district are selected to compete in a tournament. a gory, brutal fight to the death until the last adolescent is barely standing.

i endorse this book 110% ! Suzanne Collins is a brilliant fiction writer and brings some very "non-fictitious" themes about government, globalization, and humanity.  Besides, the movie comes out next year and you'll want to have read the story. promise :)


unforgiving fungi .

When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” - catherine ponder.

Forgiveness seems like a stale topic in today's conversation. Instead, we find that we're more connected with themes of "trust issues", "money over everything", and "emotional instability". Unfortunately, people fail to realize that forgiveness is the foundation of those fore-mentioned examples. Failing to forgive someone may seem like a small trait-malfunction. WRONG. lack of forgiveness is the seed that spreads cancerous fungus into every aspect of life.

When someone hurts us, they make us completely vulnerable. As much as we try to lie to ourselves and pretend that we are not affected, we are. THAT IS OKAY. We are human and if we are cut, we bleed - which applies both literally and figuratively. dont fight yourself over your natural emotion. It often seems that when someone else wrongs us, we wrong ourselves ten times more

  • we beat ourselves up. we think we're stupid for allowing pain in our lives. 
  • we become cold, shutting others out of our lives ... we constantly compare new people to "the wrong doers". we hallucinate and paint people out to be bad guys. 
  • we place our faith and hope in superficial things that provide hallow value for a short amount of time.
Bitterness is the ugly stepsister of an unforgiving heart. have you ever met someone who exudes negativity and evilness? they are always complaining and never happy for anyone else. YES, that person has lost hope in people. that person has lost hope in humanity. it makes them prideful. listen, it's a horrible occasion when pride gets involved - a person that thinks they are entitled to a certain outcome in life, a person who thinks they know it all. these people have an attitude that screams, "How dare God not give me what i want and how i want it !?" bitterness and pride tend to cloud a humble, open heart .

Personally, my most trying  "forgiveness" moments have been with God. Things happened in life that caused me to resent my maker. I would be moody, frustrated, bitter, and confused all of the time. I forgave the people who i felt "hurt" me. Nevertheless, i couldn't shake feelings of discontentment. I realized that i was upset with God for removing people from my life or inserting them in the first place . I am no preacher, but i do know that God would rather you come to him with your frustration and resentment than not at all. After numerous breakthroughs, i have peace about things i never thought i could. There are things in life that are bigger than money, dating, careers, and even death. Some things transcend it ALL. 

I have come to learn that unforgiving hearts harm themselves more than anything. Is there someone that comes to mind that you do not forgive ? if they were on fire, would you think twice before grabbing the hose? lol. yes, that person. do you think they're concerned about you? if so, how long do you think they'll beat themselves up over hurting you? let me tell you, LET IT GO. psh, send them a gift. send them a prayer. send them your forgiveness. forgive, and watch your life turn around :]

misadventures of an awkward black girl ... episode 2


let em' know !

congratulations to Nick Aziz for his published article in the Huffington Post.  "Why I Chose Morehouse" is a great testament to the power and influence of Historically Black Colleges & Universities . check it out: