oh, andre.

anyone who knows me, knows that i have an almost unhealthy love [borderline obsession] with andre 3000. i think he's one of the most brilliant minds to hit the planet. i love big boi too and i think they are an amazing duo ... but i have a favorite, clearly. but i just wanted to leave his lyrics to ms.jackson on my blog. the song came out when we were kids and people never LISTEN to his words:

Me and your daughter
Got a special thang going on
You say it's puppy love
We say it's full grown
Hope that we feel this
Feel this way forever
You could plan a pretty picnic
But you can't predict the weather, Ms. Jackson

Ten times out of nine, now if I'm blind fine
The quickest muzzle throw it on my mouth and I'll decline
King meets queen, then the puppy love thing, together dream
Bout that crib with the Goodyear swing
On the oak tree, I hope we feel like this forever
Forever, forever, ever, forever, ever?
Forever never seems that long until you're grown
And notice that the day by day rule can't be too long
Ms. Jackson my intentions were good I wish I could
Become a magician to abracadabra all the sadder
Thoughts of me, thoughts of she, thoughts of he
Asking what happened to the feeling that her and me
Had, I pray so much about it need some knee, pads
It happened for a reason one can't be, mad
So know this, know that everything is cool
And yes I will be present on the first day of school, and graduation


letter to my unborn daughter

to my heiress of the throne,

understand that being a Queen implies that others will want you to fall . never give into the gallows of insecure men who try to behead you and rid you of your mind. plant your thoughts into ripened soil and let your ideas flourish. little boys are intimidated by a strong mind, but sturdy men will appreciate one. 

never be ashamed of your emotions. society will suggest that they make you weak, rid you of your strength. false, your majesty. harness your feelings and channel them into expression. nothing is wrong with a sense of humanity. be careful because wild, uncultivated emotions can shake the tectonic plates in your relationships and life. instead, throw your emotions into the air -sparking salt into the bland world around you.  

Maya Angelou said, "Does my sexiness upset you?/ Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds/ At the meeting of my thighs?" my child, you have diamonds ! & NEVER let a man or woman depreciate the value of them. what they do with their coal is their business.  you are so much more than breasts, thighs, and ass. and if you so happen to stump your toe on a man worthy of your treasure, make sure he has the patience, endurance, and focus to dig for the reward that is you .

laugh. play. cry. hug. kiss. think. hard. interior design the outside world as if it were your own, lush living room. protect & provide for the ones you care for when others fall short. never cut the umbilical cord that connects you to your spirituality. speak to God and listen for the response. strip yourself of sticky facades. go barefoot. go naked, but stay strapped for war. my love, ak-47s won't be enough to equip you for the internal battle of life; if you're confused ... i'll be sure to place Ephesians 6:10 underneath your pillows.

i'm not sure if you will be pushed from my womb or pulled out from the ink of adoption papers, but i love you, unconditionally. my daughter ... you are woman, let them hear you roar. 


for soon to be parents & artists

Your child comes towards the car from another day in Ms. Wilkonstein's first grade class. Today, your daughter is distraught. Because of your parental (almost supernatural) instinct, you can see the knotted stress in her shoulders. Your child's eyes are heavy with tears as she hops into your SUV and shuts the car door.

"what's going on?" you say in your calmest tone possible. you know she is a landmine waiting to explode at the hint of any instability on your part.

"everyone was making fun of me today because _________" she says as the tears slide down her cheeks.

first,  you know "everyone"is a relative term that usually means 'one person's comment that stuck with her - bruising her self esteem."
second, why she is being made fun of is of no consequence ... you will recite the same, typical speech about ....

which brings me to my concern. 
what does it mean to "be yourself"? some people believe that we are ourselves if we go against the grain of society. somehow, the idea of counteracting against "the norm" creates a sense of self in people. nevertheless, is that not merely projecting our reactions to the world around us in action, speech, art, even fashion? you can never really escape the world around you.  how does this make you different from anyone else? if we become so concerned with "being different" then nothing gets accomplished besides a mass production of stand-out, clown clones. 

our true selves ... are they found within social media, hip-hop, and "urban culture"? are they found in Africa? are they found in materialism? NO. true self actualization happens when we acknowledge the numerous layers that construct "identity". Being a woman. Being a man. Being an African American. Being Asian American. Being an immigrant. Being heartbroken. Losing loved ones. Being a mom. Being a wife. Being a dad. Being a dad at age 16. Being from the west coast. Socio-economic class status. Educational accomplishments. Name brands. even religious preference.

but ultimately, "being yourself" begins with spirituality & ends with conscious awareness. 

if my child ever comes to me with those dampened eyes wide with concern, i will ... 

to be continued.

misadventures of an awkward black girl ... episode 1 (halarious)

"Anger ... it's a paralyzing emotion ... you can't get anything done. People sort of think it's an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling —- I don't think it's any of that —- it's helpless ... it's absence of control —- and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers ... and anger doesn't provide any of that —- I have no use for it whatsoever." 

- Toni Morrison, of course. 


"I tell my students, 'When you get these jobs that you have been so brilliantly trained for, just remember that your real job is that if you are free, you need to free somebody else. If you have some power, then your job is to empower somebody else. This is not just a grab-bag candy game." 

 Toni Morrison


nourish yourself .

Toni Morrison is one of my absolute favorite authors. She is the epitome of not only a writer, but an AUTHor. she takes extreme authority over her writing, messages, and imagination. Her books,  Songs of Solomon, The Bluest Eye, and Sula are sheer brilliance. Any who, i'm dedicating this week to her writing and wisdom. If you truly want to learn something, read these excerpts and quotes. THEY WILL MOVE YOU IF YOU KNOW HOW TO READ THEM ... 

"You think because he doesn't love you that you are worthless. You think that because he doesn't want you anymore that he is right -- that his judgement and opinion of you are correct. If he throws you out, then you are garbage. You think he belongs to you because you want to belong to him. Don't. It's a bad word, 'belong.' Especially when you put it with somebody you love. Love shouldn't be like that. Did you ever see the way the clouds love a mountain? They circle all around it; sometimes you can't even see the mountain for the clouds. But you know what? You go up top and what do you see? His head. The clouds never cover the head. His head pokes through, because the clouds let him; they don't wrap him up. They let him keep his head up high, free, with nothing to hide him or bind him. You can't own a human being. You can't lose what you don't own. Suppose you did own him. Could you really love somebody who was absolutely nobody without you? You really want somebody like that? Somebody who falls apart when you walk out the door? You don't, do you? And neither does he. You're turning over your whole life to him. Your whole life, girl. And if it means so little to you that you can just give it away, hand it to him, then why should it mean any more to him? He can't value you more than you value yourself." 


the dating game.

he was a crying clown .
yes, i dated a clown - so enamored by life's pressure weighing heavy on his heart.
he'd slit his wrist if folks weren't staring so hard -
waiting for his next gimmick to vibrate the crowd's soul in passionate cackling.
in the middle of his eerie three ring circus, the spotlight blinded him. he could not see that i was his biggest fan-
blowing my adoration in his direction to cool off his anger towards the world.

i dated a pianist.
he was injecting my veins with sharp & flat keys that opened the locks to my inner most thoughts. he'd leave me notes that moved my hips & lips, in sync we were.
turning gun powder into stardust , we had no limitations . my voice cannonballing into his compositions.
he poured his melodies in my lap and left me to organize the chaos.

i dated a chef,
he fed me bullshit.

and now i am in love with romance. the possibilities that tug and pull and stretch my heart's arm span.

i'm too young for glazed over eyes.
re-wired ears that have been tuned into the stations made to overpower cynicism.
i was born in 90 & i'm 21, but the math makes no sense.
i've seen too much so my corneas are crowded, it's making me tense.

but cheers!  homage to love, the place where hopes lie. here's hoping that the hope won't fade & die.


well ...

“After a while, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child, and you learn to build roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, you really do have worth, and you learn with every goodbye.”

— Veronica A. Shoffstall


..because a bird pooped on my leg when i was 8 & i never bounced back.

where do insecurities come from?
i know we all claim to be confident and secure in who we are .. and we ride clouds & grant three wishes & other ridiculous claims to fame.
nevertheless, we ALL have insecurities.
even the "coolest", "socialite-est", most attractive people have moments when they feel like losers.
even more so, we have little insecurities because of the lives we live when no one is around. 

it's hard to feel glamorous when you're on the toilet. (just stating the facts.)
it's hard to feel cool when you're at home & you accidentally walk into a wall lol.
dancing in front of the mirror naked or daydreaming about a crush are things that no one else gets to see.
yet and still, singing off-key in the shower OR messing up the lyrics to rap songs are the pinnacle of one's soul !
waiting anxiously on someone's text message.
the right boob thats bigger than the left.
the exes that we're not over.
the abuse we try to tune out.
the scars cover with make-up.

these nuances are at the core of each and every one of us . unfortunately, some people are ashamed of these kinks. they want to be manikins - made of plastic and perfection. NO SUCH THING.
our embarrassing and/or raw moments and thoughts are the things that humble us all the same. so the next time you're at home and fall down the stairs or pick your nose... realize that it's all about character building.

p.s. that little bundle of joy on ely's forehead is helga. yeaup, we named her. 

i LOVE him .