men & women.

... lol gosssssh, just kidding (:

stretching the mind like spandex.

"I was rollin' around, in my mind it occurred
What if God was a her?
Would I treat her the same? Would I still be runnin' game on her?
In what type of ways would I want her?
Would I want her for her mind or her heavenly body?
Couldn't be out gettin' bogus with someone so godly
If I was wit' her would I still be wantin' my ex?
The lies, the greed, the weed, the sex.

Wouldn't be ashamed to give her part of my check
Wearin' her cross, I mean the heart on my neck
Her I would reflect on the streets of the Chi'
Ride wit' her, 'cause I know for me she'd die
Through good and bad call on her like I'm chirpin' her
Couldn't be jealous 'cause other brothers worship her
Walk this earth for her, glory, I'm grateful
To be in her presence I try to stay faithful"

excerpt from "Faithful" by Common .

don't drink the kool-aid.

“You know, we have never really been in love” said my friend. She has the tendency to say things for the “wow factor”, simply to piss me off. So, I took the courtesy of ignoring the entire comment. I moseyed along about my business and she laughed- clear of my decision to disregard her statement. About three days later (which was presumably last night) she made me listen.

But first, I’ll start by making an observation: There is a prejudice and stigma associated with love. A friend of mine, for example, has reservations about dating men who have never been in love, “If he has not been in love, he hasn’t lived...” To her, being in love equates to a sense of maturity, emotional accountability and growth. Therefore, men who have not fallen in love are seen as ticking time bombs, reckless and uncontrollable. Men who have never been in love are dangerous. They are not afraid of breaking hearts because they have never put theirs in another’s possession. They do not know the feeling of anxiousness or disappointment when seeing their significant others turn their backs on them.

So, I’ll return to my friend’s assessment that we have never been in love. Essentially, people think that love is about mere romance and affection. They think it’s about kissing in the rain and eating spaghetti in Italian restaurants with the sun shining through blinds. On the contrary, love is about two people establishing a soul connection through a funnel of God. God. God. God. God. Without the common connection to, dedication to, and relationship with God, “love” only becomes about our OWN satisfaction. Until two people are equally yoked together with Christ, -not separately, or privately, but collectively- they will not know how to truly love another person romantically. I have never been in love; But don’t judge … have you?


jadore expression

i watched the video on silent & still fell in love. please watch, amazing .

BLAME GAME from yonie.ethiopian.love on Vimeo.


"T.O.N.Y" by Solange.

Tony don't call no more, Don't have it on more
Maybe there is something wrong with his phone
Maybe it's mornin' and the thrill is gone
And I'm not sure that I'm still respected
And I'm not in a rush to feel rejected.
Not by Tony

Tony don't care no more
He doesn't want me there no more
I just want to know what I did wrong
Damn this would make a real good song

I don't have these nights to often
I wish I could take my mind off him
But I really like Tony

And he wasn't just some regular guy
Toni actually the other night
Oh why

I could've been in love by now
If it wasn't for Tony
I could've been in love by now
If it wasn't for Tony

Me and Tony don't speak no more
It all most been a week oh no
My how time goes so fast
But I still refuse to call his ass
I remember the way that I reacted

And today is even more attractive
But I really miss Tony.
Then Tony call me one day
He said that he just called to say hey

And it wasn't until he called me back
That I realized I needed more than that
I'm a love wiser and a little older
Hey baby it was nice to know ya

Good bye Tony.
Still he wasn't just some regular guy
Tony actually the other night
Oh why

I could've been in love by now
If it wasn't for Tony
I could've been in love by now
If it wasn't for Tony
I don't go with yesterday no more
Now I'm feeling free (I'm feeling free)
Today and tomorrow told me (what they said)
That's where I should be (that's where I should be)
That's where I should be (so I'm moving)
I'm moving (so I'm moving on)

I'm going, Can't wait forever (I'm moving on)
I'm going (so I'm moving on)
I'm leaving
I miss you baby

Still he wasn't just some regular guy
Tony is actually the other night
If it wasn't for Tony


♥ valentine's day re-post "the bottom of the stairs"

At the age of eleven, Valentine’s Day could have been synonymous with groundhog’s day. I simply didn’t see the significance. All day, I was surrounded by teddy bears, roses, and chocolate. "Is this what love is?" I wondered vacantly. I ran down the seventeen stairs and felt a shock of nausea at the sight of my grandparents cuddled on the couch, kissing. gross. My aunts were making my uncles’ plates of food and hallmark cards with red hearts, and black couples were laid across the old-fashioned, floral table cloths in Nana’s dining room. My grandmother's foster daughters’ Krystal and Champagne were on the phone grinning from ear to ear with an abnormally high pitched tone in their voices. There must have been testosterone on the other end of the phone line. This hoopla made me want to avoid the bottom of the stairs all together.

I knew I could count on Christina to escape from the ruckus downstairs. Out of the three foster daughter’s in Nana’s house, Tina intrigued me the most. Her hair was jet black with a faded, green streak in her bangs that Nana made her cover with cheap, drug store, hair dye. Somehow, the green still peaked through the oppressive black color. Her ear lobes were stretched 'cause Nana made her take out her ear gages too. She had a hole in her nose where her silver ring used to be. She always said that no one understood her. “Stevi, what’s up niece?” she said, pinning up a rave flyer to add to her collection. Tina always snuck out to raves through the back window and down the balcony. Those fliers were blatant slaps in the face, undermining my nana’s strict reign. “Tina, what’s the name of the cute Backstreet Boy again?” I said, looking at the poster on her wall. “Lance!” she laughed, “You know, you don’t have to like him just because I do. You can like whichever one you want.” I blushed.

“Christina!” my nana yelled from the bottom of the stairs.
“Excuuuuuse me?” said my grandmother with her accent rising.
Tina sighed, “Yes Mom?”
“Adrien’s down here to see you.”
“okay! coming.”

My stomach sank. Once again, I was an awkward outcast as a result of Valentine’s Day. Adrien was just like Tina. He had tattoos at the age of sixteen and dark hair that was spiked up into some weird entanglement. I stuck my head outside of the door to see Adrien’s eyes light up as Tina hugged him. My nana walked away and reminded Tina that she was on punishment and her boyfriend couldn’t stay long. Tina rolled her eyes and gazed at me from downstairs, “You can watch TV in my room until I come back.” Without waiting for my reply, they walked outside. I was furious. I couldn’t believe that Christina gave into all of the commercial-chaos of Valentine’s Day.

Twenty minutes later, I heard Tina’s keys unlocking the door downstairs. Like a typical eleven year old, I had forgiven her and I just wanted someone to hang out with me. I peered down the stairs to see her walking up, grinning harder with each step she took. I thought about what she could possibly have to grin about? What did he do? Get her a teddy bear? Did he buy her jewelry? Did he give her chocolates? She hated chocolate. Tina glided into the room. Out of a plastic bag, she pinned up a picture that Adrien drew of a bleeding heart. By the looks of the drawing, I assumed he was devastated or something. Apparently not. “Look Stevi, Look!” she carefully placed a dozen blackish-red, dying roses on her wooden dresser. Two dark, crisp petals fell from the bouquet and she caught them quickly, still beaming. I smiled . “This is love,” said Christina quietly. I silently agreed.

thanks iman lol .


answers in alias .

every one's watching my words, seeing what little piece of my subconscious will spill out now. so i try to keep a sponge in hand at all times, soaking up any drips that reveal too much . but overflowing would be an understatement today. this red lipstick of mine has me bold & brash today.

life is an extremely huge paradox that hangs above our head like a threat. People always like to say, "life isn't fair" ... but that's only a 'comfort zone explanation'. What we really want to say is, "life doesn't make any sense." The robust and scary idea of paradox haunts us daily & we cannot explain why something as valuable as our lives can crumble randomly. Do you follow? Let me explain ...

College loans:
You can take out a loan to pay for college. It sounds like a great idea in theory. However, interest accumulates the longer you wait to pay it back. Here's the catch: for most school loans, you do not have to pay them back while you are in school ... acquiring MORE and more debt . a straight 'catch 22' .

Numerous women could have cancer at this very moment and not even be aware. Maybe a pain here or there may cause discomfort but pain is not really a huge determining factor of a tumor. Here's the paradox: chemotherapy virtually rips apart your body and mind to make you better? Even more of a paradox, studies are showing that chemotherapy for minority women may be causing more harm than good: According to NLM Gateway, "Although the incidence of breast cancer in African-American women is lower than in white women, breast cancer case-fatality rates among African-American are higher than among whites. This mortality gap has not been adequately explained. Systematic differences in the doses and dose intensity of adjutant chemotherapy may contribute to the poorer outcome in African-American women." it's devastating to me that minority women are starting to become more vulnerable to their disease because theyre trying to cure it .
Lastly, Dating: What a paradox.

... to be continued ;)

inserted [new ken] here ♥ lol

three things:

1. this is being posted because the video is amazing/well thought out/ & hilarious & he came to the AUC today, so that's nice of him lol.

2. is that really morgan freeman or some voice-a-like man ? either way, i know he shelled out the cash for that narration lol.

3. I STILL LOVE THIS SONGGGGG after all of these months ! enjoy :]

oooo la la , jadore.

honestly ,
if i found a guy who had the style of chris brown or tyga, id probably fall in love on the spot. yeah chemistry, soul, and all that good stuff is cool too lol but these boys can clean up ; i always liked the song too X_x lol .

please dont brake my heart .

I sat in "Just brakes" with a room full of people. While we waited for the too-timely fate of our worn-out brake pads, we discussed our own lives. One man sat diagonal from me in a red t-shirt and sweatpants. With his crackly porcelain skin and clear ice-blue eyes, he confided in us strangers about the three heart attacks he had in the past few years. The last and worst one caused him to flat line in the ambulance until he was revived by what he stated was the "grace of God". He was an earnest man and while i received my estimate - which hurt my pockets so much that i could have sworn i heard my pants moan out of pain- he encouraged me to smile.

The heavier set woman sitting inches from me was reading - what i had a strong suspicion to be a cheesy, erotic, romance novel. Yet and still, she exuded warmth through her pale cheeks. She light heartily spoke about her sons. One suffers heavily from PTSD after his time spent overseas in the war. After recounting the times when she barricaded herself in her room out of fear of his "episodes", she compares him to other accounts of the troubled mental instability. "There are plenty of men out there killing their families and/or themselves! I guess i don't have it that bad..." I tried to muster up my best smile possible.

My story could not compare. Or perhaps it could compare. I recounted the things i have dealt with, seen, and experienced. Then it hit me. As we shared life's potholes on the road to peace of heart and mind, we learned to cope. When hearing someone else's story, we think "How can someone deal with such a horrible, trying time?" Nevertheless, these are OUR lives and we have invested more time and thought to these puzzles of ours ... more than anyone else. We learn how to cope . God gives us the strength to cope.


just a halftime thought ...

did anybody else think of the "Stepbrothers" car scene when fergie & slash were singing ?? lmao.


lattes with extra-whipped cream & lovin'

Her hair was warm and auburn, but froze his face like Chicago wind chills. Even from behind while she ordered her cinnamon spice tea, he recognized that hair. Yes, he knew those curls instinctively. Three years, four career plans, nine hundred miles, and two failed relationships later he was still connected to that familiar dance of her hair. He knew the curves of her neck, the sway of her hips, and the way she tapped her feet while ordering at Starbucks. He wished more than anything to grab her by the waste and kiss her. Like people did in movies where the violins came in and motion slowed down, sexy-like. He imagined she'd embrace him with open arms, smile and whisper, "about time". That smile- wide from ear to ear and transparently genuine. He remembered how nervous he was on their first date, forehead sweaty, hands shaking, and anxious to know her every thought.

But that was a long, long time ago. Before they split dessert at random restaurants, before he ordered her Chipotle burritos just the way she liked it, before beach trips, and pre-late night movies on the sofa. Essentially, it was before he left her heartbroken, short of breath, and crying in public places. He wrote her texts to apologize, but never pressed "send". He wrote letters (in attempts to seem nostalgically romantic) but never licked the envelope. She was synonymous with simplistic. She told the truth. She wanted to love him. She was "easy going" reincarnated. At the same time, she turned a mirror to himself and displayed his naked self in its entirety - even the things he did not want to see. Ironically enough, he yearned to grab her by the waste and kiss her... but all he could do was stare. Until she turned around and saw him ...

"H...H... hey. What's up?" She said with a mixture of confusion and giddiness. She reached out to hug him with a broad grin and his knees buckled a little. Twenty-four years old and his knees were buckling. he smacked himself over the head... in his mind. He asked her how her schooling was. She talked and he caught a bit of information in between his own fantastical thoughts. She was finally writing for a major magazine. She was working on her second novel and optimistic about "what God had in store". She P A U S E D .

"You know, i cant believe it's been so long. I meant to reach out but ... well, you know. How are you?," she said playing with the zipper on her handbag.

"Well, me? I..." he started.

As he began to speak, her eyes shifted to the door of the quaint little Starbucks. She smiled at the door. It was a heavy but sincere smile - it seemed as if she finally found a place to carry all her love... in that grin. She looked back towards him and said, "Hey, I'd like to meet my fiance..."

From that day forward, "Aint no sunshine when she's gone" seemed to play in his head like a skipping CD... over and over and over and...


"dark & twisty"

it only takes a second to shift a life.
blue skies can drain of color and moisture leaving
the tops of the world dry with hues of grey.
smiles lose their balance in the crowded dance floors of pain and fall.
every moment, somewhere-
calm ponds behind the eyes flood down hills of cheeks and chins.
french horns play in yellow dressing rooms and reveal themselves
as solemn violins.
it only takes a phone call to make small hopes into realities.
a simple warm moment of leeway can put infinite joy on lay-a-way.
a kiss can dig a grave, or raise the dead.
a confession can slit the wrists of dreams.
Oh God!
if only the tightrope of spontaneity and hesitation were not such a fine line.
diving into a pool of uncertainty-
spreading your wings into the deep side.
cracking your face in a shallow end.
i guess it only takes a second.

you never know when your life will change forever. making a right at a corner instead of a left can make all the difference. random trips to the mall, starbucks, or the movies can turn the direction of your future. it's quite astounding actually. think back, have you ever met someone who changed your life in a way you never imagined? have you ever said "YES" or "NO" to an option and it changed everything? pretty tricky stuff ...

wake up in london smoke.

thanks love =)