if my mood were a picture . . .

an ode to my bruhs back home .

hide the eggs . aha ;
i have never met a group of guys who have looked out for me like my bestfriend, my guadi , frustration terren & my panda !

we each have our stories , but nonetheless . i l them more than i can express .
ill never forget when kyle brought me flowers in rememberance of my mom's birthday .
ill never forget how terren stood by me for so many years. put up w. my evilness lol
ill never forget my guatemalan . sheesh, daren who is my backbone . my bro always .
ill never forget how ceiren always looked out for me when it came to $$, boys, cars, blah . ilthat asiacan .

so, for those reasons ... here's an ode to you all .
my bestfriend, thug, guadi, and panda :





*and shouts out to little og kyle ^ lol .


opening & closing of chapters .

finished my last class today .
how in thee hell am i almost done with my freshie year in college ? a trip .
as mickey as atlanta can be at times, i had some amazing experiences & met some amazing ppl .

. the bum fight in front of church's chicken after the emory party . haha
. the cabin trip with the homies in october , a messsss ! lol
. hookah, hookah, hookah !
. plan bumblebeeeee , lmxo .
. the all nighter when we walked to get donuts at 8am . sheeesh
. my trip to HOWARD to see my sis ! ly sam .
. little five point trips heavy with viv .
. all thossse kickbacks .
. allll those parties .
. dungeon buddy late night sessions ha .
. all and everyplace that raven tripped and fell lol .
. vegitarian soul food spot ! pauh'pinnnnn haha .

...just too many times to name . ill miss 'the fam' .


yayyy ! back to cali . my warm bed, my mustang 'white chocolate', my sisters, mischief hehe, and zuma beach ! :) cant wait .


sweet tooth worthy song .

song of the forever: slow dance by miss keri hilson .

stevi's response to: individuality, it can take you far

basically, iman feels like we need to copywrite our individuality . haha . i mean, people are going to bite style regardless . so i have learned to sit back and embrace the situation .

but what is individuality really ? its only relative in its context . i was "different" back home because i was smart and hung out with 'questionable people' ahah . i was an individual because i was the good girl, but i was personable . i wasnt the center of drama . i didnt get into relationships often (cause i didnt have the energy). i was different cause iman and myself knew all the lyrics to lil wayne mixtapes, all of kanye's songs, and could mimick the beat to 'she lives in my lap' like a machine . haha

but thats home .

in a college setting, there are plenty of beautiful, smart, driven women .

my point is, my soul is different. like a fingerprint, my soul is created specifically for me . no one can be me at the end of the day. no one has my exact sense of humor. my smart mouth . my focus . my self-respect . style sense comes and goes ... but my 'me' is always something extraordinary.

dont forget the people who were there before;

God has blessed me with some amazing memories, family & friends . some people turned out to be sour milk, but i thank God for those experiences . my sisters, my bros, my life . its all appreciated today :)


silence is golden, but never let yourself be silenced .

i can tell when a girl is gossiping by the way her eyebrows move .
i can tell when a guy is full of shxt by the way his eyes shift .
i can smell manipulation when its brewing in your mind .
my obstacle is never deciphering the legit from the nonsense of people . the time consumer is always the decision to appease it or address it .
well, lets address it shall we ?
when you grin in my face and say hi, it means nothing when your soul screams of insecurity.
no need to wave your hands when they're scarred with the backstabbing of yesterdays .
speaking up on me and what i 'might' be doing ... but youre a mute nonetheless .
with all of the synonyms, metaphors, and imagery aside ...

sometimes ... i just wanna slap the dog sh*t out of you people . lol
all these dramatic girls. fighting over boys & jealousy . never worth it .
sheesh, you're a joke .
i entertain their coonery because i find it amusing .
knee slapper . haha

* shouts out to all the real people ! my love goes out to you :)

i cant help but be dumb .

random thoughts before my 11 o clock class:

1. i wanna try those new 'late night' doritos . yummy !
2. santeria by sublime
3. maybach music w. kanyeezy, ricky ross the boss, & yung mula himself . lol
4. iman's blog slays me once again . west west lil cuh . haha , imy !!
5. what am i gunna do today ? blahh .
6. a double double with everything on it with fries and a strawberry shake would complete me .
7. i still havent worn my tiffanys bracelet . why ?
8. they never shoulda let ME get a blog lmxo .
9. i wanna go bowling . or on a picnic . or something corny and irrelevant like that :)
10. whats in the caf today ? yuck x2 .

*this was definitely for me . because no one else could possibly appreciate this haha . adios ;


squinted eyes .

heavy inhaling & exhaling .
shortness of breath .
body at the climax of relaxation .

yes . laughter is God's gift given in infinite generosity . from the first hour of superbaddd to that episode of family guy when he becomes legally retarded haha . life's tickles are a blessing . a good laugh pushes through the soul and cages up the frustrations of the world around you . for that split second when your chest heaves up and down and up and down ... inhabitions do not exist ; laughs that make you smirk and contemplate . laughs that make you loose 10 cool points and humble you . romantic laughs that make you blush and cheese . laughter is the cool blue in a pool of black. its a line break in the f*cked up-ness of reality .

g r o o o o o v y baybeeee .

man . i had a fun weekend :)

life is all about perspective & i cant stress it enough . my day could have been seen as either hella sus or amazingly blissful !! and today was definitely a positive one .

but man, this weekend man:
seeing friends, eating good food, laughin & chillin, biting, smiling & blushing . pretty awesome ;

as i listen to my hall neighbors sing 'ex factor' by lauryn hill , i cant help but smile because i know what its like to be in a spazz at 3am . lol --> big upss to jamila & taara . haha

just drama free, loving life, having fun, searching for some things, but ... not stressing it . just havin experiences . breathing . eating . blinking . kissing . hugging . observing . speaking . thinking . living .

xoxo .. all my love,
stevi renee .


another sus quote from fatima .

[in the dungeon of HH, and fatima and lea are getting ready so we can leave] .

fatima: "you know when you get your hair done and make-up on....and your outfit looks bomb and stuff ? "

stevi: "yeah"

fatima: " ... and you look in the mirror & think,'hey .... i look pretty today'?"

stevi: "mm hmm"

fatima: "well... what do ugly people say when they try ?"

stevi: " aye, you're definitely an ahole "

...aahaha ;

what am i talking about ? :)

i feel obligated to write a blog today .
but i dont know what there is to really say .
i just know that i feel good & calm .
its just too hot for words, & there's sweat in my palms . (lol)
i think im over the party scene until next week .
chillin sounds so peaceful & im reaching my peak ;

so instead of dancing , hands in the air .
we'll go to the movies, talk, and have no cares .
time is irrelevant . homework dont exist .
living in the moment, undeniable bliss .

i dont know what im talking about
and i really wish i knew
but im tired.
went to bed at six, woke up at two '.

lol adios :]


my vagina says ...

today in African Diaspora and World class ... we discussed the liberation of women and the use of the word vagina . the word is so taboo in today's society . we saw some dance hall videos of jamaican women who sed that they danced provocatively because it was an opportunity to express themselves, blah blah . that's easily up for debate .

what i wonder is this .
why do we have such a hard time referring to our private parts as what they actually are ? instead, people say words like, "pussy, va-jayjay, dick, cock, etc" . (PS, dont act all shy now because you say it all of the time, no ?) . are we so uncomfortable with that concept of sexuality that we cant talk about it ? (btw, being comfortable doesnt mean having sex...it means accepting that its out there and making a decision to be involved or not.) sure, guys talk about their 'dick' alot .... to identify with their manhood probably. but why dont they use the biological term "penis"? does that make sexuality too serious ? does a sense of responsibility set in that they subconsciously repress ? i know it sounds too deep to be real, but everything has a meaning behind it .

i was always taught to say 'vagina'. hell, its what i have . my mother wanted me to get all the information from her rather than the playground. liberation is completely subjective & depends on who the person is. sex is a tricky business that causes more consequences than people bargain for. people often call sex 'liberating', but end up a prisoner in all of the psychological boobie traps that it entails . with all of my personal views aside, lemme say ... be careful people .

just a thought or three :)


"spelhouse" my anus .

so .

basically .

i have come to realize that spelman and morehouse are full of bullshiznit . How come people dont know how to interact with one another? When i walk over to morehouse, there is this subliminal "omg a girl is here" poison in the atmosphere. I have never ecountered so much cucakin' in all of my days . thirst is at an all time high . <-- [spelman girls be on the prowl for their morehouse husband haha, psh hella eager]. i mean, nothing is wrong with meeting someone who makes you wanna nibble on them (hehe). nothing is wrong with finding a person who you click with, who you wanna be intimate with...get to know more & more .

but nonetheless, what happened to the female and male friendship ? if im chillin with my morehouse brother in the grill, it has to 'look like' something else. if a guy and girl chill at jazzmans, they gotta be talkin ? if a chick has numerous guy friends (which i prefer anyway)...she has to be a slut ? miss me with that bullshxt . where do these people come from anyway ? guys and girls can co-exist in harmony i swear . just try it out . man, it has to be this deprivation of male & female interaction that makes people into minddrones who dont know how to casually be . just be .

so many people who came to the AUC were lames in highschool and are trying to make up for lost times by being 'mr' & 'ms' AUC in college. muaha , get that nonsense outta here . who wants to be popular in college anyway ? worry about a career path or somethin, not about who knows you around campus. s q u a r e ? lol . i feel like im in highschool all over again . little boys dont know how to ask you to chill without making it a big deal...girls feel threatened if they see you givin daps & hugs to their dude. everything is sucha big deal at spelman and morehouse. sheesh , when does the growing up start ?

earth day . go green before we go black .

the earth is our global body .
we're tatooing our earth's skin with massive pollution and consumption .
we suffocate our body's atmosphere with our vehicle gasses, industrial plants, and deforestation. we wear a global warming blanket of selfishness and naivete too thick to relieve our body of the heat . so instead, we burn .

our glaciers burn & melt.
water levels rising . people dying . we turn our backs, because it is not us ... yet.
we're expected to finally peel our eyes when the coasts of cali and new york sink like fat women in swimming pools ?

can you imagine a world with no plants ? no animals ? tornadoes in LA and drought in seattle ? another katrina catastrophe ? storms and fires and chaos galour . fire and ice twisted up together to burn us to death , then freeze us to say "i told you so" .

Americans are the anorexic, cutting, suicidal component of the earth's mind . why we consume so much ? i dont know exactly . but we are so arrogant, we use up everyone elses things . people are starving and suffering . we muffle their cries by running the water when we leave the room . we ease our ears by leaving all the lights on in the house when we go to the mall ... to buy up everything and toss it in 3 months .

God . help us .


bug flies in reporter's mouth

when i was home, we went to ihop and talked and laughed for 5 hourssss ! this came up lmxo . notice this nigguhs change of personality. omgeeeeee :D

haha . i normally dont do this but ...

hehe , whoooopsie is a funny word, admitted lmxo .

so , last night while i ate theeeee biggest bucket of curly fries, chocolate chip mint icecream, and an almond snickers bar ... i needed something to make me laugh hard . i mean hard . so, i was browsing my bloggers & i came across my main apple scrapple iman's post. lmxo (to say the least) ! i usually dont do this, but ilher so much and when she's high, haha ..i love her like 2 lbs more . enjoy :)

imans post:
" its 1o2 degrees in riverside, so i dont really NEED a light.
i choose to have one , just like i choose to celebrate this holiday.
its like christmas .

nd when i was a kid i would say, " theres fathers day and mothers day. wut about teenagers day? >:o"this IS Teenagers Day . lol.
and a high school 4.2o is soo much more different than a college 4.2o.at college , it seems like ERYBODYS high !erybodys happy and euphoric .. and hungry and slow-paced .lol .

ive been goooood since 10 this morning .
i plan to be good till 12 midnight .some may think its crazy , but its true .

and some are gunna talk shit about me and all the other celebraters on this day ;
just remember to floss. :) haha that was kinda tightt ! shooottt .
im on a roll here ! get it? ROLL ? lol .
here i go tlkn to myself again , whoopsie .haha "whoopsie" . thts a funny ass word nigga !

...for the past 3o minutes i've been searching my room for something ..and for the last 28 minutes ive been tryna figure out what it was .

lol , all in the name of enlightenment. =D* happy 4.2o sukcaaaassss . "

a ballerina with a pistol .

omg . can everyone stop sleeping on lily allen ? who can have such a soft, sweet voice & say such cold, truthful things . i think thats talent . through her music, she makes things easier to say .

"i could say that ill always be here for you, but that would be a lie and quite a pointless thing to do." -(i could say)

with the melodic vocals & simplistic music, she's able rip the bandaid off and keeps it pushin' . we may not agree on every stance (beliefs and moral wise), but she is definitely a force to be reckoned with . completely enjoyable. she could insult me everyday , and somehow i would still probably feel like she's sucha sweet girl . lol
"how on earth could i ever be any more obvious? it never really did and its never gonna happen with the two of us. " -(never gonna happen)
with all off the sweet "la la la's" and "da dada's", she has the perfect breakup, dontgiveaf*ck, ruthless, hippie album . and even though she still rocks bamboo earrings, she is still pretty cool in my book aha . check her ouuuuut :)


just because i feel like it .

ummmm .
[turn on my ice cube voice]:
today was a good day . '(ooo ahhhh ooooo) bing bing, dum dum dududadum ...bun bun bun .
fatima says imma dummy for doing that ^ , but i know sumone will undersand me lol !!

but yeah, like i said.. today was a good day. i had a peaceful relaxation with no worries about anything . i went wherever the wind took me & people looked out for me and the girls :]
im kind of weird acting right now , but when im back logically ... i will write something spectacular i promise lol .

its gunna be a long night !

haha . im not like the rest of em .

IM SO OVER SUS BULLSHXT . BEEN THERE DONE THAT ... in middle school lol .
i always have my mind focused on what i want . but my pride only lets me do so much . so, screw it . you may be wondering why i wrote this , but sometimes i have to write things to set it in stone for myself .

[^] so now its set .


the grass is always greener :)

happy holidays everyone . aha , hakuna matata .

shouts out to:

samantha, who risks her life for weed lol .
iman, who told me she saw elephants in the bus windows on grad night haha .
moook meister aka toussaint , who philosophized his weed theory to me in old town . lol
jay, who was very good at hiding his high . bravo ex of mine .
davante, who had to eat his blunt when the malibu police hubb'd at senior ditch day ahaha .
viv, who thinks she's smiling wen she really isnt, wth ? lol
alice, the lil asian girl who tasssssted it at the top of that mountain senior year lol ..

have a ... day .

at the end of the day, nothing matters that much .
i was thinking [like always] & i realized that people care too much about things that will be irrelevant later . people are worried about having no money today, but they know theyre gunna get summore in a week or two . sure, its annoying ... but nothing to worry over . people worry about a F that they got on a test 3days ago . wth ? it already happened . all you can do is study for the next test . whats done is done . worrying about clothes that will be out of style in a month, or 'pimpin your ride' so you can find girls who like you for all the wrong reasons . yummy lol . girls worrying about a guy that hasnt called ... so what ? i mean it may suck, but if he isnt putting in the effort, apparently he isnt for you . keep it pushin ! sheeeeeesh ;

life is all about perspective. what may seem like the craziest circumstance is not really big when looked at from a different angle . just a thought :)

so, have a nice day ... but thats up to you .


wuhhh happened ?? lol

... i have been feeling uncomfortable today . it was difficult to articulate in words & then i saw this picture [^]. its the epitome of my feelings ... lost, confused, hot (double meaning lol), and tired !! lol . so, i thought i'd share my uncomfortable photo with the rest of the blogging world . hopefully, this strange feeling will leave me by the time i wake up in the morning .

my favorite posts :)

i wish i could say whats on my mind .
but nothing is on it .
rather than being a flat surface like a coffee table ,
my mind is shaped more so like a pyramid . many thoughts crowd the bottom clawing their way to the top & being pulled down by the other insignificant ones .
the top of my mind is the residence of one single thought at a time .
it might sound like a blessing, but it's more so a burden .
the thought racks my mind until it surrenders & then racks it more .
because of that ^ , i started blogging . which makes me aknowledge my favorite ones:

1. f*cked up color [january]
2. white oleanders [january]
3. spoiled lil LA girl [march]
4. b r e a t h i n g [april]
5. signed, your secret admirer [march]
6. my artist [march]
7. heroes in love [march]
8. =D [february]
9. mmm. californication [march]
10. titanium roses [january]


the everest guy . ahah ;

makes me giggle everytime . lol

raven's ashy feet + lea's remedial mind =

she takes her socks off and all the dogs start barkin ,
she takes her socks off and all the dogs start barkin ...

(her socks off, her socks off, her socks off, her socks off ...)


b r e a t h i n g .

she wants to stare directly at the sun for a while .
let the rays of bright sink into her pupils & drown her iris .
some things are blissful, but its damn near impossible to articulate the reasons why .
she doesnt fully understand my she walks into the post office room to smell the atmosphere of envelopes .
she cant justify her obsession with eccentric things .
between the rush of breeze on her neck & the trickle of sweat down her ankle, she cant explain.
the sensation of breaking in new eyeshadows of grand gold & metallic magenta .
fighting the urges of her divergent thinking .
fighting the urges of her thighs to hop on tables & dance for a while .
wanting to stop when she stops & explain herself to no one .

she wants to lick her wrists to soothe them of today's tense fighting of fists .
colors only build the stamina they do because she allows it . without her permission, reds and blues have no piercing pressence in her eyes .
sometimes, she feels as if she's in her own VIP dimension.
her body so exclusive that it selects which oxygen molecules enter her domain & which are forced to mingle outside .
head leaned back .
back arched .
eyes closed & arms to her side .

she decided to live ;


fatima's 4.20 conclusion .

too many assignments to count .
tuition payments are due all of a sudden.
my class schedule for next semester is gunna be gross;
housing prices went up for next year .
i have a friggin presentation tomorrow for ADW .
spelfolio is due .
& i thought my homegirl had a good dude ...but once again . nigguhs aint shxt but hos & tricks .

* after thee longest, stressiest, sus-est, hardest, roughest day of my college career so far , fatima gave me a pep talk (everything is word for word ..even the 'blah blahs') lol:

" lets just smoke . We are responsible young ladies. We don't just 'not' do something when there's a deadline. We are capable of ..blah blah...we neeeeeed a big ol pat on the back. We are miles and miles away from our parents...we stay out so late & still sleep in our own beds. we aren't receiving any C's and we wake up for class. To conclude my ...blah blah blah...lets jusssssst HIT THAT BLEEEEEEZY !! "

topic of the week continueeeed by stevi ...

so we have a 'topic of the week' on my group blog & i just had to continue the convo here :
"what is your philosophy on love?"

as i said in my other blog: 'love will getchu kill't!' lol .
i mean, im just not sure if true love exists anymore in todays society. so much has changed from the 'good ol days' . i know what real love looks like because i saw it in my grandparents and my parents. i am not looking from a naive scope, im looking from a skeptical one... trust me . my grandmother married my papa after she dropped out of college for him . hell, we all know thats not happenin these days . women are feminists and would never dare to stop their career for a man (good or bad, take it as you want) . they had a partnership and trust . they were faithful. i would be dishonoring my grandad to say he ever cheated on my nana . he's the epitome of a real man . however, if he did ... at least he loved her enough not to get caught .

these days, life is not the same . intimacy is not the same . dating is not the same . networking is way too easy . gender roles have changed . i mean, back in the day ... men met a couple of women in their lifetime and they fell in love . these days, men meet about 100 women a week (roughly) & are expected to stay faithful . slutty women, smart women, redheads, tatted women, fat women, women in art, women in business, blah blah . a set up for failure ... i dont put it past any guy to cheat with today's 'meet people' obsessed society . love used to mean something, now its an incentive to beat that meat . i have been in love . & someone has claimed to love me . but 'true love' to me ... implies that [selflessness, generosity, and trustworthiness] go both ways .

twitter, the coldhearted crack .

so, im scrollin around CNN.com (because im a loser from 2:25 to 3:40 on tuesdays and thursdays) . i come across this little article saying that sites like "Twitter" & "Facebook" have caused a discrepancy in adolescent's ability for compassion .

"New findings show that the streams of information provided by social networking sites are too fast for the brain's "moral compass" to process and could harm young people's emotional development. "

" Before the brain can fully digest the anguish and suffering of a story, it is being bombarded by the next news bulletin or the latest Twitter update, according to a University of Southern California study. "

so basically, all these frickin status updates are popping up too quickly for us to care about . for example, if Ivana Humpalot puts up a status that she is having the worst day of her life, we (the readers) will not be able to stir up compassion fast enough to avoid the other status' that distract us as they appear .

the article goes on to explain how brain scans showed that humans react quickly to stories about physical pain and violence. however, they took relatively longer to respond to emotional and turmoil of others. society has been slapped in the face with so much "reality" tv and technological updates that people grow indifferent to the concept of understanding. The story suggests that we need an adequate amount of time to let our minds digest & reflect on information. think about it .

cheggitouuuuuut: http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/ptech/04/14/twitter.study/index.html


african dance reflection , boooooyahhhh !

so ...
today i went to an African Dance Class (outside of my actual one at Spelman on tuesdays and thursdays) . i have never seen so many backs arched & knees jumping in my life. so many drums making so much noise and so much positive energy in the room . it was uplifting to say the least . i know i sound cheesy, but ironically that African dance class was one of the realest things i have seen so far since ive been in Atlanta . little girls doing the dances, mothers holding their newborns, and free movement . instead of hips and pelvis looking 'raunchy'...it looked graceful & strong .

i realized also that everyone is a rockstar in their own arena . when i see ladies and dudes with dreads and lappa wraps i think, "eh, chill thee hell out" lol . but in that 'arena'...they were the popular kids ...they were the hot shxt. & rightfully so . that's their sanctuary where they can be appreciated for their skills . even though i dont rock beads, sea shells and trailmix in my hair, i really did connect to something in that class . shooot, f*ck a ballet class, African dance is no joke . lol ...much respect .

by the way, i learned how to move my hips in a whole new way . ;] haha ! pau'pin lol
chow !!

true lies .


a dream f*ckin deferred ...

augmenter l'etendue d'humanite .


my motivation has been shot to hell these past couple of weeks and im not too sure why . i still handle the bare minimum of my business, and i walk into every situation with about 50% of my energy... sometimes 75% if i push myself hard enough .

some things like food, rest, writing, music, and 'ooo la las' keep my interest heavy ... but nonetheless, the latter of the group still cause me severe ambivalence . i dont know why, but i give what i am given so that often causes problems ?

if i could have it my way: i would just travel . i would go to spain, italy, south africa, fiji, greece and tokyo [of course] . i would try their foods & try to paint the landscapes . i would rock my hair in a soft, pulled back hippie doo & get tatted in every country . (preferably japan) :] i would ... smile in pictures . i would ... learn a new language ... i would have no inhibitions .

sheeeeesh ! but, im in country effin atlanta & ill be in superficial cali soon enough . lol too bad .

mr. williams will you marry me ? lol

technological taboo

i used to make sense before ... text messaging .
the audio sensations. the waves of your voice , keep ... lessening .
overwhelmed with 'LOL's,
im smackdab in impersonal hell .

we're distant, fake and made up of letters , even though my personality could get no better ...
texting makes my persona watered down . wetter .
"what you doing?", he casually says .
i text back, "im laying in bed" .
what i thought was an attempt to inform you of my day
turns into kinky, misinterpreted, sexy, four play .

we text because we have enough time to think of a witty reply.
instead, our own intellect & humor is on what we should rely .
we AIM because we can send those yellow, disconnected grins and a kiss .
(those "undecided faces" when we need a statement to dismiss) .
we're so afraid of seeing people eye to eye ,
that we hide behind the digital for a distant high .

myspace pictures & layouts galour,
create distorted ideas of what we're truly in for .
people can display a sense of glamour and fame
when in all actuality theyre prolly a facade. lame .

i just wanna to spend time face to face,
cause the IM and 'send' buttons have run their race .
this closeness-phobic world makes us emotionally deaf .
lets express our feelings when i see you , W.T.F .


burnt bacon & hippie hair

memorable things from this past week :

1. my outfit on the day of the freshman stepshow . i either got looks of understanding, or sus looks of haterism . either way, i can never go wrong with thee vintage sweater, short shorts, tights & boots . ha !

2. the alpha house party when a guy told me QUOTE: "aye dawg (talking to his friend) what school she go to? she cant go to Spelman , she too beautiful fuh that. she gotta have her own university [im just staring while he looks at me] ... can i get admitted baby?" lmxo . wuhhh ?

3. the lil dc bbq shindig when i spotted some eyecandy & shook my patootie to drizzy drake for a minute or two lol . & thee best papa johns of my life !

4. that o-so-hella-wth-sus party at that apartment when we started rapping outside . i hit the beat for tara & she killed it with no mercy haha . & the hippie guy who received thee coldest of shoulders from me . =/ lol .

5. thee jerk contest at clark when that guy apparently lost his rhythm somewhere along the strip before he started dancing . good times :]

6. sucky kappa probate . =/

7. alpha probate: i was impressed a smidge by the entrance of the crosseroverers lol . nice . then we peeped thee "yo' mama did that" police officer with the flashlight who had no real reason to be there lol. thee 'ooo la la's that caught our eyes . & the straight up gangsterrr approach from amirah before we left haha .

8. theeeee rudest waffle house bee-otch that i have ever met . 25 cents for some plastic silverware? did she N0T see the hepatitus in that luke warm water? grosssss cuhz . lol . i beat my waffle buttering record by 3.2 seconds . & i met a guy who almost persuaded me to smoke my life away ... lol, close but no blunt?

9. stranded at 6am, called a cab, bitter for the cab fee .

10. wack alpha party, wack suite party, bomb food, & recaps with the girlies before amirah left .

slipping through my vents .

i lick the top row of my teeth when i think of you .
i scrape my scalp & i rack my mind, trying to figure you out ;
my sweat dances down the curves of my spine with the hopes of maybe one day being in your presence .
my morals and pleasure fit in together like the gaps in fingers . super-glued to the point of nowhere . the distinction is in extinction . im chaining my thoughts . i hope and pray they do not stray in your direction because thats the area in which i have no control .
my heart may tell me to run for the hills , but i cant hear over all of its beating and drumming .
im on a collect call to my pride to balance things out .
i refuse to be out of control . unless i can control it ;


reflecting on spelman

i have a couple more weeks left until i head back home to california .
i think its only appropriate that i look back on the last couple of months & reflect ;

when i came to spelman college, i was excited but somewhat reluctant . i thought , "damn, i havent been here since my freshman year in highschool ... maybe i made the wrong choice." i suddenly had a thirst for LMU . but, i knew that i had to at least see if it was for me . i wished my mom was there to see me . man, she would be proud . but i digress .

i didnt know anyone when i got to spelman . except fatima & we were too busy being on our 'cool girl tip' to really kick it heavy. so i went through a heavy CALIFORNIA withdrawl . i missed beaches, good weather, mexicans, my fam & friends . i was so frickin depressed & i was so uncomfortable . everyone was talkin all this 'sisterhood and bonding' nonsense . i was skeptical to say the least ; & with good reason because a lot of girls are fake & phony . but no biggy ..

with more and more time, i grew to love spelman . the administration can suck my anus for all the bull they put us through ... but other than that , it was definitely a good fit for me . i found friends that didnt give into the "SPELMAN STUCK-UP" stereotype. friends who are too crazy to take themselves seriously. lmxo . the freedom to shape myself has definitely liberated me in a whole new way . i am comfortable in my skin , from chinese firedrills with the alphas, stepshows, late night missions, probates, to the hookah missions chillin, ... i have to admit i have made a new life in Atlanta .


i met emotion ;

my mind is twisted up in you .
knots and tangles and napps of you and life & school & friends & where you fit in .
thinking of you is like a psychological cardio work out .
my brain is exhausted, but nevertheless i keep focused on the outcome .
two big screws are tangling loose in my temporal lobe . who is gunna push them in ?
i wish you would . just tap it cause its leaning back and forth like a seesaw .
lingering on the borderline of insanity & brilliance .

emotion is the brains ecstasy. its the cerebral's break from ocean into the air .
you are emotion .
and ever since i met you, my mind cannot distinguish the two .
i wish i knew .


michelle obama loves the haters .

yahoo news seems to think it vital to bring up Michelle Obama's fashion sense . when has anyone ever seemed to care about a first lady's wardrobe besides Jacqueline Kennedy ? & even when someone did have an opinion, they praised and worshipped her classy and innovative style. somehow, people have been woofin about michelle obama's clothes. its soo vivid, its too groundbreaking ...they even get on her about showing her arms. have you seen her arms ?! amazing, no homo lol .

just because barbara bush had the style of a lame does not mean michelle should be penalized . get off her peener already and let her do her . sheeeeesh ! :]


worthy .

patrick martinez , eeeeek . i have to say that his shxt really makes me tingle .
lol i wanna thank mook for the enlightenment . oh, well ... "toussaint" if you know him as such .
check out toussaint's blogspot too: 100kgold.blogspot.com




screw you pasadena high school .

screw you pasadena high ;
sluts . "gangbangers" . gangbangers . black & brown riots . drama . liars . haters . long nails . weaves . high heels clacking . girls fighting, smacking . those annoying seaguls . rude administration . all up in my business . wishing me the worst . hatin on my progress . wanting me to stay cooped up doin nothin . screw you pasadena for keepin my friends there . locked up . stuck . nowhere driven .

from the time the armenians pulled out guns . the 'mexicans' pulled out the knifes . we ran ;
to the time i was walking across the rose bowl grass on the homecomming court .

from the time we got into an altercation at prom .
to the times we went to roscoes to eat .

from the lousiana chicken on LAKE ... to the horchata on los robles ...from the mexican corn, to the gumbo that tre's grandma sells . to that suspect drug dealin at all star liquor store. to george's liquor store. hell, to all 50,000 of them liquor stores .

from the funerals to the 15andahalf year old babyshowers . i kiss my city softly & pull the trigger .

he went to crenshaw

im not the 'typical catch' i presume .

im no martha stewart ; i can only cook tacos & breakfast . cause that's what i eat . i mean, they are some kick anus tacos & my breakfast sandwiches will make you exhale bliss . but at the same time, im no susie homemaker ...

when i was fifteen, i met a guy ... he went to crenshaw high. we chilled and listened to hip hop together . he told me it was sexy when i grooved to 'good' music . he said it was cool how i knew lyrics ...& then i blushed . now, blushing is an art . it's either shallow and insecure with a hint of lust . or, blushing is the spirit's embrace of someone understanding who you are. he understood . from that point , i knew that was my "susiehomemakergetthef*ckouttahere" catch .

the catch isn't my love for music, or my 'homegirl' tendencies . its my 'me' . i love to dress up and put on make-up, i love kanye like he's my left foot . i like to do my hair . i like to watch the dallas cowboys . i shop heavyyyy . but i like to egg people's houses back home ...imma jigzaw mess, but its my 'catch' .

the usual .

i smell like weed & vodka .
everyday is saturday night , but i cant wait for sunday mornin .



post-dated intelligence ;

i wanna be smart .
but dont expect it until the 31st of next month okay ?
i know you depend on my enlightenment to change the world ... but erra,
id rather soak my mind in some high calorie bullshxt .
im often torn between my conscious self and my eighteen year old self .
can i truly have both ? can i think with an abstract perspective without losing my sence of youth along the way ? i dont want a husband ... but then again, im thee furthest thing from promiscuity. i love goooood music . strings, drums, bass, piano, 808s...boom . but my hips move to the ignorant shxt (& not jay z) . lol ; i love to know about people's lifestories and journeys and beliefs. but if you aint fitted, we dont speak ? i watch CNN & tomandjerry . i listen to michael eric dyson ... & lil wayne ? i believe in embracing ones true self, but am i still true if i press my hair & wear eye shadow when i go out ? can i care about Darfur & vogue magazine ?

do you accept post-dated intelligence .?

c u t .

i susually dont steal from other blogspots , but its his fault for giving me his link hehe .
this is a very intense, vivid, abstract message from keira knightly about domestic abuse :


the 'good guy'

we just want them to take off their cool and put it on the coat hanger .
he can have it back when he leaves for the door .
he gives me manipulation, deceit, facade ,
but i just need some more;

why do girls play games? you have got to be kidding me. lol. but to be honest, i dont know. we need to stop assuming that all women and men are the same. there are some good girls and some upstanding boys. but the truth of the matter is, men & women are different. some guys claim to be the 'good guy'. However, every 'good guy' has a fine line that skims the idea of 'good and bad'. a good guy is good because he is sweet and caring and considerate. is he good when he wants sex and you dont wanna give it up until youre married...so he leaves? is he good if he breaks up with you for another girl?...is it only bad if he cheats? is he good as long as he doesnt 'hit you'? can he scream at you? curse at you? is there a book on the guidelines? sparknotes ?

...so please dont tell me that 'i dont know what a good man looks like'. until you can articulate it to me with clear, well thought out points, i dont want to hear it !

tHE 0NLy UNiVERSAl 'g00d guy' quality is h0nesty, start there . adios =)


UCSD fooled the hell outta ya'll .

omg haha . today, UC San Diego accidentally sent out 'congratulations' acceptance emails to ALL 46,3000 students who applied to their university. THIS includes the 28,889 students who were actually REJECTED . the email office of UCSD realized their mistake thirty minutes later and sent out another email appologizing. dayummm, APRIL FOOOOOOOOLS . lol =/