1.30.2012

i don't even have words anymore.



a glimpse of thoughts?

perhaps i'm in the wrong era-
a slave bound within the lines of calendar squares.
i am chained down to a cowardly age of stomachs too afraid to carry butterflies and hearts that keep their pitter-patters on a leash.

an era of inhibition,

girls are hiding blushes and warmth in efforts to keep the cool.
all she wants is a romance that tugs on the corners of her lips - stretching grins.
she'd love to plead guilty to having hopes stacked as high as a pile of love poems.
but she won't because we don't. here.

an era of shoe-tied tongues,

boys smearing cold winds of bitterness on their faces-
preparing themselves for the guerrilla warfare between vulnerability and sanctioned apprehension.
fighting a war that doesn't exist. swinging at the air until contact is made ...
against embraces, truth, and hearts.

i'm playing hopscotch on a sidewalk full of landmines.
i'm swimming in a bittersweet sea of insincere saliva - men spitting and spitting and spitting "game".
but it's weak.
and if i never find eyes that cuddle in mine,
i will gather those counterfeit claims of love as a collection for someone else's daughter ...

in another hopeless era.

1.29.2012

it's everything.


a lot of people don't know that Frank Ocean wrote "I Miss You" on Beyonce's album. a lot of people don't know that Frank is "that guy" lol. anyways, enjoy. I DID.



1.28.2012

leaving a legacy.

Okay, so when my Professor assigned this book, I was about to lose it. I thought, “really? You want me to read 950 pages? Boo.” Nevertheless, I should have trusted her judgment because she is my favorite professor at Spelman.
We are reading a book called, “Gone with the Wind”. I know you probably heard about it – filled with lots of racist undertones and distorted depictions of history.  That’s beside the point; I encourage all of you to read it.

Back to my point that I never reached:

I was reflecting on the novel (based in Georgia) and my matriculation throughout Spelman. The AUC and Howard are known to be the cream of the Historically Black College and University crop. Historically, the locations of these two institutions have contributed so much to who I am as a black woman. 
Georgia was not the “golden state”- full of luxurious architecture and promised opportunities. In Georgia, the streets were paved with blood. “Hang em’ up Georgia” was a place full of lynchings, sit-ins, shootings, burning bodies, protests, hooded ghosts, rapists and “tragic” mulatto girls. Georgia is not glamorous – it is a place seeping with a past that should not be forgotten. Martin Luther King Jr. sat in the classrooms of Morehouse. His dead body was brought to Spelman’s chapel for folks to pay respect. The AUC is a constant reminder of the sacrifices of my ancestors. My family is from Georgia. My grandmother is still sensitive about certain places in her hometown. It was real.  It still is- confederate flags still hang and black men are killed just because. The south is a place that nourishes the mind with a consciousness of where it has come and how far we have to go.

Howard University, placed in the most beautiful and ugly city in America- Washington D.C. It’s like a huge symbol of progression for black people. From the back roads of Alabama to the White House, we have pushed and pushed- Legislation and conceptualization of justice in the air. My friends and I drove up to D.C. for a football game and I was honestly taken aback. I felt like I placed myself in the skin of a Zora Neale Hurston or Dubois. I imagined what it could have been like to travel up north. I imagined what it must’ve been like to consider a new tomorrow- a new, loud voice. I considered the late night meetings with Langston Hughes and Ralph Ellison, shaping the culture that we have today in literature, poetry, music, and overall expression.

I know I am a nerd, but I am blessed to be a part of a continuing legacy. When I was in high school, the brief history of African Americans felt too fantastical for me to relate. It was almost like reading a comic book or hearing a tall tale- so far removed. But, when I see Martin Luther King Jr’s sister on campus or hear Nikki Giovanni speak … it is almost like watching my race climb out of the dusty old pages of my textbooks and smile. How many people can claim these experiences? I am Honored.

1.25.2012

OH MY GOD.



LISTEN, do not press play until you have 6 minutes and 42 seconds of free time. it's worth it.




1.23.2012

"Mother to Son" by Langston Hughes

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor --
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now --
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

quote, end quote.


"experience is a cruel teacher; it gives the exam first and then the lesson." 


[ ... everyone needs to see Red Tails. ]

1.19.2012

so i know it's real.


ahem ahem. You don’t have to tat my name on it. It makes no difference, really.
I know so many people who got it “tatted” and it has absolutely NO significance now. The tattoo could just as easily say, “Kung Pao Chicken”. You can keep that. If it’s “real”, you could try this:

Men, if it’s real, treat a lady with respect ... in all venues and circumstance. There is no use in “treating me like a lady” in person if you’re going to speak reckless of me to your friends. It’s pointless to be respectful on campus and then a douche bag in the club. There is no use in “watching your language around me” if you are calling me out of my name behind closed doors. Real gentlemen would approach a lady with consistent respect, even when she was nowhere to be found. That’s “REAL”.


Ladies, accept that a man has flaws so he knows it’s real. NO man will be equipped with everything you want. A lot of women want a guy who has a beautiful smile, buff arms, extremely keen mind, great sense of humor, poet, skateboarder, athlete, astronaut, left-handed, 6’2, money, with a pet lama. The crazy part is if women actually got "the perfect man", they would probably be too insecure to even be happy. Ladies, we have flaws too. If he can accept that you’re not a beauty queen in the morning, the way you always call during the Cowboys game, or the way you gossip, then you should accept him for him.

Leave the games at home SO I KNOW it’s real. Consider the last conversation you had with someone you’re dating. Why did you say the things you said? Was your friends’ advice clouding your thoughts? Were you afraid of saying too much? Did you wait to send the text or call so you wouldn’t seem “thirsty”? Did you lie about what you were doing or whom you were with? A wise soul recently told me, “If your first move is fake, don’t expect a real reaction.” Even if the other person's response is genuine, it’s only based on something that’s initially false from your end. Take off your cool, so I know it’s real.

You don’t have to tat it. BE REAL so i know it's real.

1.18.2012

Lord, be with us.


look, i am not the MOST savvy person when it comes to politics. I watch here and there but i know this: the GOP candidates scare me. Giving them this country is like giving a rifle to a toddler -_-

speak now or be silenced later.

This Piracy act will be a burden on everyone involved. The internet is a beautiful resource and allowing the government to decide what we can and cannot access is problematic for me. One, i don't trust the government enough to blindfold me and decide what i can and cannot have access to (the tried that numerous times in the past to hide things). Two, this act is too stringent- affecting websites, companies, advertisers. To my young students, this can potentially hinder your job opportunities in the future. For more information about Company backlash:

The Daily Beast's article about SOPA

1.17.2012

support something substantial.


George Lucas, the infamous creator of Star Wars, explains how he was not supported with this movie because of his all-black cast. This is unbelievable to me. He was forced to fund the movie on his own and production has been held up for decades! The studios excuse of "marketability" is nonsense. George Lucas created a cinematic dynasty with Star Wars and his seniority in the business should have been enough to green-light the movie. Because of this Hollywood Studio injustice, approximately 30 of the remaining Tuskegee Airmen have died without seeing this movie on the big screen. Red Tails airs this Friday, January 20th. Please go support and prove the nay-sayers wrong. Like George Lucas said, Their story deserves to be told because they helped to shape America as we know it today:

 

beating down adversity.


I got a call last night that really tore me up. The person on the other end of the phone sounded so broken and weak. I use that last adjective with caution, but it's accurate nonetheless. See, i can sympathize with tears, frustration, or anger. I cannot, however, understand how you decide to stop pushing. I have seen too many people that I love fight for their livelihood to understand the justification of “giving up”. Weakness is a luxury reserved for people who have nothing left to lose. Weakness is not something that you can shake off like a common cold. It sits in your pores and infects the mind and soul. Weakness is a disease.

[I was talking to a friend of mine and she told me about a guy she’s dating. She said one of the most attractive things about him is that he’s a provider & protector. She said that she could see him being an amazing father and husband because he is too driven and strong to let his loved ones starve. He had a hunger to keep pushing and that made her feel "safe".]

I think a lot of women still want that out of a man- and rightfully so. Strength means so much more than lifting weights or a fist. Strength means getting back up again, because you have mouths to feed and dreams to nourish. Strength means standing firm in the belief of God’s grace. Personally, life has tried me and this has caused me to acquire a thirst for survival.  Subsequently, I look for that same quality in a guy. Because quite frankly, there are too many men trying to lead a household and relationship when they’re lost in the dark themselves.

Look, life will try to beat on you. From school, careers, funny money, family, disease and death. That’s not going to change.  You have to adapt. There are only two options when approaching adversity: One, you submit to the beating and adopt the role of “victim” -freezing up like a deer caught in headlights and hoping for the best in a trying situation. Two, you can learn from life’s tactics and…become stronger. Like any basketball team or professional fighter, you need to study your opponents before you can truly know how to beat them. Learn how to maneuver throughout life instead of letting it toss you around like a rag doll.

If you are “fortunate” to never experience real hardship, then I tip my hat to you. Nevertheless, to the other ninety-nine percent of us … align yourself with God and keep pushing. We are not strong enough to do it on our own. Yet, if we remain hopeful in God's ability then things will happen.

1.14.2012

5 cliches & idioms to live by:

When I'm on twitter, I feel like i'm seeing the same tweets over and over. However, the life lessons that we dismiss as "cliche" are more valuable than we think. After all, they have to be cliche for a reason, right? They must've worked for someone. Well, these are my top 5 favorite ones. They are cliche because they are brilliant codes to live by:

#5: All that Glitters is not Gold:
I don't know how many times I have learned this lesson the hard way. It applies in so many aspects of life. Sometimes, it is really not worth it to pay for the glitz, when the benefit is too short lived. What you think is beautiful can easily be "smoke and mirrors".

#4: No Use Crying over Spilled Milk:
When I was in the high school, I was in this UCLA program called VIPS scholars. Early on in my scholastic career (lol), I was a worrisome student- like, knots in my stomach ..can't eat kind of worrisome. It was bad. Then I met one of the mentors and he said something that (in all honesty wasn't even that profound) stuck with me forever. "If you change something, f*ck it. You cant bring yesterday back, all you can do is BETTER." This does not mean that you need to accept defeat. However, there are some things that are beyond your control. If you dwell on the woulda coulda shoulda ... you will miss the opportunity to succeed. After all, rejection is God's protection.

#3: Idle hands are the Devils tools:
My friend told me this and I didn't even know what it meant lol. This idiom implies that nothing good can really come out of boredom and complacency. This is real. When we are stuck in neutral, we often times get ourselves into trouble. In high school, me and my friends were the prime example - when we had nothing to do, we raised hell. This also applies to the 20-somethings. Sitting in yourself is not okay if you plan to take over the world. just saying.

#2: A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned:
Since i was a little girl, my Dad has tried to lecture me about the importance of saving. I can't pretend like i have figured it out. Nevertheless, if we learned how to save money (as little as every paycheck - 20%) ... we'd surprise ourselves. I know a woman who bought her first house in her twenties, simply because she saved religiously. think about it.

#1: What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger:
This is my favorite. If you accept it, it will be one of the most beneficial phrases to live by. Some people really do crumble when dealing with adversity. I, however, can attest to the strength that comes out of hardship. With God and perseverance, anything is possible.


1.11.2012

mmhmm.


the gender see-saw .


While I was in Los Angeles with one of my friends, he confessed he had a bone to pick with me. He told me that one of my blog posts went a little too hard on men. I was impressed. I can appreciate when someone expresses an opinion that differs from my own. & even though we didn’t get to discuss the post specifically, we spoke about my outlook on manhood.

Although I do not have any apologies about my recent stance, I'll admit that I probably needed to write a disclaimer before i started to express such bold sentiments:

People that really know me know that I like to approach dating from a common-sense standpoint. Fortunately or unfortunately, my mindset can mirror my male friends from time to time.

I used to scold women about being "stupid" in relationships. I saw them doing the most desperate, pathetic things growing up and I couldn't stand it. I still can’t stand it.  I can’t stand women who think sex will keep a man faithful. I can’t stand women who are stupid enough to think a baby will keep a relationship strong. I still can’t stand girls who are willing to put their self-respect on the back–burner for disrespectful douche bags. Nothing has changed in that regard. 

However, I think I need to hold men more accountable for their actions. I still can’t stand men who need to call women “bitches and whores” in order to validate their manhood. I still can’t stand men who emotionally and physically abuse their girlfriends. I can’t stand rape. I can't stand cheating. I still cannot believe that there are “men” at the age of 21 who still gossip and lie on females.

Simply put, I do not mind being a conscience for either party. We need to love ourselves and love others. Although i usually level my writing field, I’ll admit I have been a little hard on men lately. It just scares me that men my age are going into the world with a briefcase full of double standards and chauvinistic views. These men are going to marry women. These men are going to raise sons and daughters. I’m concerned. I’m concerned that the next generation will not know what a self-respecting, honest man looks like. 

1.10.2012

yummy .


How could you NOT dig Givenchy's 2012 pre-fall line ? i mean honestly. i love the how the looks are so cohesive, but present variety at the same time! bravo. watch out for those boots & jockey caps man... just you watch.





to see more: fashionbombdaily

1.09.2012

kevin hart is ridiculous lol.


repost: 4/2010


WHAT THE MIRROR SAID

listen,
you a wonder,
you a city
of a woman.
you got a geography
of your own.
listen,
somebody need a map
to understand you.
somebody need directions
to move around you.
listen,
woman,
you not a noplace

anonymous
girl;
mister with his hands on you
he got his hands on
some
damn
body!



HOMAGE TO MY HIPS


these hips are big hips.
they need space to
move around in.
they don't fit into little
petty places. these hips
are free hips.
they don't like to be held back.
these hips have never been enslaved.
they go where they want to go
they do what they want to do.
these hips are mighty hips.
these hips are magic hips.
i have known them
to put a spell on a man and
spin him like a top!

mmphh !









I really bang with Strivers Row. From cinematography, sound, and impression- they really understand the importance of aesthetics. 

platformed expectations.


I have a friend back home who broke up with her boyfriend. She felt like the relationship wasn’t healthy anymore- a union filled with resentment and complacency. She asked my opinion. I told her that I’m single and I don’t want to be “that single friend” (lol).  Her other friends were giving her a hard time… implying that her reasons for the break-up were not legitimate enough. Nevertheless, I told her that I was behind her one hundred percent… regardless of her decision. I also told her that I could understand where she was coming from…

Look. Some things in life are really beyond our control. We cannot control disease. We have little to no control over the well being of our families' health and their lives. No control over the stock market, the weather, or time. We lend ourselves to so much chance and probability. The ONE thing we can control, however, is with whom we choose to cuff. 

We have to “make lemonade” out of so many situations in life that are beyond our control. Why should we have to do the same with our relationships? Now, i am an advocate for trying to work on a relationship before completely throwing it to the birds. However, i also think that we are too young to simply be "content" in our relationships. Just because a girlfriend/boyfriend doesn’t cheat on you, does not mean he’s the one for you. Just because a guy doesn’t stick his fist in your eye, does not mean he’s your soul mate. Relationships are complex; but one thing is simple. We deserve to be happy. Unless you’re married, you should not have to sacrifice your well being because of an optional obligation. All in all, we’re too young to be tied down in a place that’s unpleasant. Be happy.

1.06.2012

what girls like me neglect to say.

i wish you'd stop begging me to dive into the "depths" of your mind.
i'm pretty sure that i'd crash into the concrete floor and break my neck.
it's not as deep as you think.

i live in the valleys of love and language.
you reside under the train tracks of greed and manipulation.
i love life. you love how they painted it for you.
& i'm not mad-

but i wish you'd stop trying to mend our hearts like heated steel - 
you cannot melt me into love.
you cannot scold my mind into submission ... you knew that when you met me.
you knew that my thoughts were little bee hummingbirds, dipped in grease.

we told you not to try and clip the wings.

1.04.2012

artista .







RITA ORA - EPK from A.V. Rockwell on Vimeo.

a thought.


holy crap, it's 2012. it just hit me (i guess i do things on my own time) and all i can say is, "WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING?"

we have cellphones now that severely mimic things from the movie "irobot" and that cheesy disney channel movie with the talking, computer house. smart house? yeah. anyway, i read this article and i can't help but realize how "enhanced" society has become. bigger cars. taller high heels. high heels with no heel. smarter technology. larger breasts. less pages, more "kindles". less neighborhood football games, more wii nights. dumber kids. fatter kids. poor kids. higher gas prices. lower self-respect. more babies. less parents. a disgustingly crazy obsession with "reality" shows. & an even grosser fascination with ourselves.

In a random article that i read (it's posted at the bottom), the author proposes, "Tell someone who you love that you love them on a more regular basis. To their face, not in a text." I had to stop myself. I didn't even CONSIDER telling someone face-to-face. 

Have you ever looked at someone while they're passionately talking? like, really looked? laugh lines. those little wrinkles at the corner of a person's eyes? cutting of eyes. a nervous twitch. uncomfortable eyes. an endearing gaze. wide smiles ... not emoticons. if you pay enough attention, you can see huge red hearts in the eyes of another, you don't need to send it digitally. I talk. A lot. I love conversation and thinking and listening to people's opinions. We have to get back to that ... before we're born with "batteries sold separately".

1.03.2012

tequila x testimonies.


I sat across from my dad at El Torito and we ordered margaritas. After drinks were poured, stories were spilled onto the festive, wooden table as well. 

I have always found my mother and father’s relationship fascinating. As a girl, it was almost told in the fashion of a fairy tale. A wistful, romantic story that somehow ends in a beautiful marriage of twenty-one years. The logistics never mattered much-until now. The crossed T’s and dotted I’s were insignificant until recently, when loose tongues and curiosity got the best of us. anyways, my dad told me a story:

“You know, me and your mother almost broke up once while we were dating,” said my dad while tossing a tortilla chip in his mouth.
“Yeah?” I responded casually, “What happened?” I wanted to remain as calm as possible. I felt like a lion, afraid to scare away its prey.

The story was pretty simple.  There was a guy. He was a friend of my mothers, but my dad never cared for him because he knew the guy had feelings for her. My mother knew how my dad felt but completely dismissed the notion.  One weekend, my mother and her sister went to a party that the guy was throwing … and she neglected to tell my dad. I guess the friend tried to rub it in my dad's face. It drove my dad insane. “My pride and my ego were hurt. I didn’t like another guy being able to smirk at me about my girlfriend.”

I mulled this situation over in my head and sipped the last bit of my margarita. Although it's common knowledge that pride can be a cancerous tumor in a relationship, i could see where he was coming from. Too often we are afraid to be real with our boyfriends and girlfriends and say, "i don't want to feel or look stupid." I have wrote about the fact that a couple is a "brand"- when one is apart from the other, they still represent each other. If we were honest with one another and admitted the fear of "looking stupid", then things would go over more smoothly. No one wants to hear about their boyfriend flirting with another girl ... let alone in a public space. Similarly, no guy wants to hear about his girlfriend hanging out with his arch nemesis. Although it may seem stupid initially, it's something worth considering. 

Personally, i am not a jealous person. Ironically enough, this has caused some of the problems in my previous relationships. I am, however, prideful. As i ate the last bit of my chicken taco (because red meat is the devil lol), i saw a little more of myself in my dad... one trait i inherited from my father.