look out belowwww ..

oh yeah. so, about my previous post ... Laith and Christina broke up. 

... talk about happy endings


mmm hmmmm;

you should probably watch this video on full screen (the text is kind of small). this is a true story that britteny put me onto this semester. we all couldn't help but to smile lol. anywhooo ... enjoy.

the hype & the hate .

sometimes i tweet things that i feel are not simple enough for one hundred and forty characters. it makes me feel like a machine that spits out bumper sticker quotes and over-simplified phrases. After all, life is too complex to revolve around blurbs of one hundred and forty characters. 

"they'll either hype you or hate you. it shouldn't make you or break you."

within those seventy-two characters lie numerous thoughts, experiences, and resolutions.  Understand: Feeding into hype can be just as detrimental as feeding into the hate. I know SO many girls in high school who lived their lives trying to keep "popularity". It is important to know, however, that hype does not know loyalty. You're hot one day and old news the next. If your self-esteem is dependent upon hype ... then you're in for a rude awakening. I learned early on that flattery and hype will massage your ego, but it is nothing SUBSTANTIALit's amazing to me how much power we give to our peers. we "value" their opinion so much that we will shape-shift our souls, appearance, or self-esteem. Nevertheless, i challenge you to take a good look at your peers ... do they walk on water? have they given sight to the blind? oh. they have the new Concords. well, i guess that is more than enough reason to devote your life to their approval.

within the past few months, i have seen so many people torn down because of the hate of people around them. from the high schoolers that i teach to my colleagues in the AUC, i see an epidemic of choux pastry self esteems. people have been gossiped about, lied on, used, had, swindled lol; but honestly, you're going to let another normal ass person ...  construct ... you? somewhere, a little high school girl is sending naked pictures out to maintain her hype. don't act like that's a left field concept...and if you think it is ... welcome to Pasadena High School in 2008. 

Look, i'm not saying that you should NEVER listen to a person's compliment or criticism. Sometimes, it's nice to know that someone out there can understand you or vibe with what you're doing. Sometimes, people have the gift of wisdom- gently guiding your path in the right direction. That's love. Sometimes we need to hear something we don't want to ... because we're too stubborn to see. As for me, i take everything a person says with a grain of salt until i can be sure they have my best interest in mind. Because sometimes, our loved ones can even come from a place of spite, fraudulence or jealousy. When all else fails, i seek counsel from God and try to eat sparingly from the tree of vanity. If your foundation is solid, the hype nor hate can phase you. 


yessss andre.

thanks jihad !

my social experiment

I can confidently say that i am an honest person. 
I don't like lying and i feel like it's a big inconvenience. What i can be guilty of, however, is shimmying around uncomfortable predicaments and questions. I try not to harm people's feelings or pride. Nevertheless, i believe that can cause more harm than good. So, i am trying something new. For the next five days, i am going to do a trial run of being completely and blatantly honest. Whenever i am asked for advice, asked a question, or my opinion ... i am challenging myself to be as straightforward and honest as possible. Everyone feel free to hold me to it lol ! Here we go :)


since it's still christmas in cali, take this ...

Merry Christmas .

"And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins." Matthew 1:21

This is the time that we celebrate the birth of our Lord and savior. Open presents, eat lots of food, and drink spiked eggnog. Laugh with family and friends and watch basketball (seeing how i will be doing most of those things too lol). Just remember that this day is about the birth of our hope for salvation ... the birth of our escape from damnation. deep, right? This is the real thanksgiving if you ask me lol. MERRY CHRISTMAS & all honor and praise to Jesus Christ !


for that girl in the parking lot ...

Earlier this semester, I was leaving the library and ran into a new friend in the parking lot. I was in a rush to leave for dinner and asked, “Hey, how are you?” in an apathetic way. To my surprise, she had a lot to say. She told me about a guy she was dating. He created elaborate lies to ultimately use her for money, intimacy and most importantly … a lot of time. If that wasn’t bad enough, he spread lies about her around campus. She was clearly humiliated and heartbroken.
To be completely honest, my immediate thought during the story was, “Girl, that was naïve. You should have never took his words at face value.” And for that thought, I must apologize to the young lady if she’s reading. How could I patronize her for having the courage to trust and love whole-heartedly? After all, such trust is damn near impossible to stumble upon these days – like a four-leaf clover, or ... authentic Louis Vuitton. Anyway, this incident got me to thinking …
We live in a very peculiar time. This is a time when “men will be men”, but inversely, women should “know better” Women are constantly portrayed as a femme fatale- the woman who lurks in corners, waiting to bring a man down.  For example, if a woman musters up the courage to say she was raped, then she “wanted it” or she has to be “lying”. A girl gets pregnant, and she must've “trapped” him. If a girl is cheated on, society (especially women) chastise her because she should have “known better”. This is so backwards to me.
Yes, this is a peculiar time. This is a time that devalues the work of the mother… as if it is not a full time job to raise children in good health and faith (& Don’t even get me started with the businesswoman/mother – there should be a national holiday for these women). Leave a dad at home with the kids for five hours and he treats them like a grenade ... or rubik’s cubes. Yet, even after a woman commits years to wiping vomit off of her arms, pushing pounds of flesh out of her vagina, cooking meals, and instilling values in the kids, she is expected to turn a blind eye to cheating from her husband? AND if she decides to leave him and gets half, she is immediately deemed a “gold-digger” as if her contribution to the familial empire was non-existent. backwards. 
            Look, this is a post for that girl in the parking lot. Find a man who is honest. I say this with all sincerity. It may sound extremely simplistic but finding an honest man is one of the most complicated and difficult things to do. If a guy read this post and said, “that’s some bullshit” then he’s not ready to accept things truthfully. & What’s scarier than a man who lies to a girl is a man that lies to himself.  If he is real with himself, the ability to accept responsibility and accountability will come. Who he is, what he believes, and how he treats others should all be grounded in honesty. Find that and you have struck gold. 

"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces." - Matthew 7:6


the motto (remix)

couldn't help it. aha, and they really put mac dre's mom in the video? that's tight. the video's dope too. cheap & dope lol. enjoy :)


thoughts dipped in snow

The Holidays. 
[The word holiday: derived from the notion of "Holy Day", and gradually evolved to its current form.]

Since I was accepted to Spelman College in 2008, I have really grown to appreciate the holidays...

Initially, being away from home was tough but only because of the culture shock. While I missed my dad, brother, friends and boyfriend (at the time), I halfway chose Spelman to escape the constant, gruesome reminder of my mother’s death two years prior. My life felt closed in and cluttered. Honestly, I thought Atlanta would be my sweet escape into the oblivion.

Silly me. Although I didn’t have to walk past her bedroom or drive by the hospital, my mother resurrected in other ways. When I left for school, I realized that she was more remarkable than I ever could have realized. What my mother instilled in me was more valuable than any AP class I took or any scholarship money. She gave me intangible things that Spelman couldn’t even begin to teach me. And I’m still trying to learn her tricks of trade- how to light up rooms with an entrance, how to ease a person’s soul, how to remain true to oneself, how to be salt to a tasteless world. Atlanta was a sweet escape- but only because the seclusion created a better place for me to marvel at my mother’s legacy.

In May, Samantha died. Just when I stopped walking on eggshells in life, one of my best friends died from sickle cell disease. They say you cannot truly see a situation clearly until you’ve had some distance from it. I’m still too deep inside that pain to understand like I want to. Yet, One thing is clear: Life and death are more fluid than most people know… so every breath, smile, laugh, cry, triumph and failure is valuable.
While you may ask what my mother and Samantha have to do with the holidays or even YOUR holiday, remember that the holidays are Holy Days. They are meant to transcend the trivial nonsense and shine light on the importance of God, family and friends. Being away from California taught me that the people I love would always impact my life, heavily- whether I am in my living room or 3,000 miles away. They will travel with me in memory, love, life or death. Embrace and cherish the people you love. 

Happy Holy Days ..
Is there a Christmas song that always makes you think of your childhood? ... I have two:

1. Johnny Gill: "Give Love on Christmas Day". My parents always played this song around the house during the holidays. I didn't care for it too much as a kid, but now it goes. lol (and i am sorry if this picture of him gives you nightmares. Honestly, it's the creepiest christmas album cover i've seen in a while).

2. MY FAVORITE CHILDHOOD christmas song. TLC: "Sleigh Ride", hands down. can you picture me in my baggy 90's clothes dancing? i hope not -____- lol.



quote, end quote.

The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other, and children cling to us. The moment we cease to hold each other, the moment we break faith with one another, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out.

- James Baldwin.

saw this quote today on tumblr & i couldn't help but share. i believe life is about these connections. it's all about contact - even if it means crashing into one another or disturbing the peace. as humans, we either spend our lives wandering in search of love or wallowing in our misery because we gave up hope. 


hallelujah , it's raining ... apples?

Apples Rain Down from the Sky in Britain !!  -- check out this article !!

So... now apples just fall from the sky? This is WILD. Sidebar: I know so many chicks who would've preferred a shower of men instead. phooey. maybe next time? lol.


félicité: re-post from 2010

disclaimer: this is a dialogue. this post reflects a thought-process, but not necessarily my opinion. don't text or message me with questions lol. 
so, my friend asked "is it natural to love?"

are you kidding me ? who knew four words could make my face crunch up and my palms sweat ? she said, "we love our parents and we love our family and we love our friends (depending on who they are). But, romantically, is it natural to love people?"

that is a complex question . the love that we have for our family and friends is a completely different type of love than the one of our lovers . As opposed to talking to your friends and cousins every other day or week ,we drench ourselves in the people that we are in love with all the time . We make our world about them and they do the same for us . Is that healthy ? Is that natural ? Biologically speaking , we are made to reproduce . Our bodies attract to hormones in the opposite sex (subconsciously) to make babies . But all the extra: the yearning to talk to them everyday, the butterflies, the deep pit devotion . . . is it natural or societal constructed ?

the reality tv shows to find love , the love movies, the love songs, and the love poetry all tell us what we're missing or how to feel . the yoplait yogurt , special K, 24 hour fitness, weight watchers commercials that imply that eating healthy will make you attractive, hence ...help you find love . Has the media taught us that love is the ultimate thing to strive for in life ? maybe we hold on so tight to the people we are in love with because we know that they are hard to come by . Maybe we love so hard for the people we meet because they 'GET US' when no one else does .

when a girl tells a guy, "I love you, but more like a brother" . She means, "Psh. I could never revolve my world around you. I could never talk to you all the time. I could never imagine us kissing or fawning for each other." So, maybe someone can answer my question: Is romantic love a natural occurrence OR something that has been hyped up by the culture around us ? and if romantic love IS natural, why is it so different from other types (for example, the consequences of romantic love is heartbreak ) ?

The crazy part is: Even if we realized that romantic love isn't a "natural" thing , we would never give up on it because of our yearning to meet that special someone .


*head nod*

Shout out to Kreemo, this video promo is dope ... no other way to say it. Everyone check out their website and pink pullovers - they're bomb & feel like heaven on the inside lol.

“If I were a poor black boy.” really?

          I read the article, I listened to the feedback online, and I gave myself time to consider Gene Marks’ arguments. I have a hard time swallowing the fact that his article is extremely lazy when considering the aspects of black poverty and inequality. My second problem is that he contradicts himself throughout the article. On one hand, he claims that this is not an “inequality” issue, but an “ignorance” issue. The next minute, he’s “commiserating” the poor, black kids who do not have the same opportunities and have to work twice as hard.

          People are saying, “Cut him some slack. He’s one of the only white men trying to empathize with blacks.” No. The “slack” is too thick with surface explanation and fraudulent compassion to "cut".  Contrary to popular belief, the problem IS inequality. The problem IS injustice. College is competitive. Even if the “poor black kids” can get a used, older computer… rich kids will have better software and even better technical skills. Five years from now, I can imagine Little Jovan typing up an exceptional personal statement on his used IMB while Little Bip turns in his personal statement and an imovie video on his macbook, giving him a competitive advantage. It’s about lack of “quality” resources for all people, not about distributing bootleg ones to the poor.

          So Gene Marks claims that poor, black kids can succeed …they simply have to “work harder”. True, Little Jovan from Long Beach can walk to the library after school and use the computers. Nevertheless, if the Rollin 20s Crips are asking him “where you from?” everyday after school, he decides to go straight home or miss school all together. True, Little Jovan can go to a nice, shiny private school through a scholarship – but who cares about homework when your stomach is growling in the morning? Who cares about times tables when your mother is crying about the eviction notice on her door?

          Plain and simple, Marks is a bit confused. Having to work harder and hoping for some luck is not okay. Lack of resources and personal investment can deter a kid’s progress from Kindergarten – hindering the rest of their academic career.  "In the 2008 National Assessment of Educational Progress — the massive, federally mandated report card on student performance, measured in grades 4, 8, and 12 — the reading scores of African-American boys in eighth grade were barely higher than the scores of white girls in fourth grade." Marks’ “technical advantage” advice is for the minute percentage of  teenage “poor black kids” who aren’t reading at a fourth grade level. A nine-year- old is not concerned with their college applications and to be quite frank, they should not have to be. Marks did not fully consider the psychological, emotional, and safety complications associated with poverty. I’m not giving him the benefit of the doubt. If he wants to get critical acclaim from controversial suggestions about MY PEOPLE, the least he could do is be more thoughtful- straight up.

          As for my fellow black people: we are entitled to our different feelings. Nevertheless, I find it extremely disheartening to see people who look like me, being so short-sided. I DO believe that parents and guardians need to invest more in their child's wellbeing. However, this ‘pull thyself up from ye own bootstraps’ approach is really easy to say from the comforts of our beautiful, paid off homes. Upper middle class &/or Upper class blacks need to show some compassion and look deeper into these welfare woes.  Yes, there are exceptional people who overcome poverty and prosper. My dad is a prime example – single mother, the youngest of seven boys, working to provide since he was a teenager. Nevertheless, if you ask my dad how he reached his success, he would not say, “The tools are there.  The technology is there.  And the opportunities there.” Instead, knowing that he should have been in a gang, in prison, or dead, he would say, “…Only by the Grace of God.”

link of statistics: http://www.nationalaffairs.com/publications/detail/the-widest-achievement-gap


where we've come from.

<-- read the article first, my thoughts come later.

some twitter responses:

“I think the issue is that he fails to realize that being poor, being black, and being a child each come w/ their own set of circumstances.”

“If everyone was exposed to the same opportunities, who would run the world?”

“It bothers me when people who never had to struggle take authority over the ways to make it out of the struggle.”

“The Forbes article simplifies the factors which can contribute to success and reduces "poor black children" to one category of individuals.”

“Everyone's being so harsh on this man for this article. Why? Because he trying to help the "poor black child" the only way he knows how?”


mm hmm.

"no, i'm gonna change your life. i'm 'that' girl." -

mila kunis


i'm so sorry keyshia.

oh! my pet peeve..

Someone recently asked me, "What is YOUR dating pet peeve?". After much consideration, I realized that I have a few pet peeves. Jealous guys and liars are definitely at the top of the "peeving my pet" chart. However, there is one in particular that always seems drive me to the point of no return:
The one thing that really grinds my gears is a narcissistic man. I’m sitting across from you at the dinner and you’re telling me your entire life story – without displaying the slightest interest in me. So there I am ... hearing about where you were born, how many siblings you have, and your high school experiences, while simultaneously trying to digest my food and the information.

Selflessness and reciprocity are vital components to love and relationships. If a man does not have the capability to EVER put the focus on me, then that’s a red flag. When I say “focus”, I am not talking about superficial compliments. I mean a focus on knowing me as a human being- my passions, my values, and the things that are most important to me. I understand that some men want to lay their “everything” on the table to seem honest and trustworthy. Nevertheless, I’m a firm believer that a person cannot be faithful to a stranger. Hence, if a man does not truly know me, how could he be loyal and committed to me? He won't even know what he's committing to. Just a thought :)


and this is why the commercial is triflin'...

Americans have absolutely no problem centering themselves as the lynchpin for normalcy. We constantly look for conveniency, even though it can promote racism and ignorance. The lady says she loves Cabo because it was so "easy" and continues to explain how everyone spoke english ... "even the cab driver".

So the hell what. The point of traveling in the first place is to expand your perception of the world and create a larger sense of humanity for yourself. You may think that i am reading too much into the commercial, but let me ask you this. How many times have you heard someone belittle an immigrant for speaking their first language, "Speak English, you're in America." Nevertheless, how many times do Americans learn other people's languages when we go somewhere else? We're extremely narcissistic. Language is SO powerful and we need to realize that the things we say are a reflection of our minds.

my first vlog !

P.S. there is more to come :) if you want to give "dating life" input, please contact me via facebook, twitter, or cell ! hope you all enjoyed it ...


"in order to claim the beauty that is my heart; 
you must first battle the beast that is my mind." 

- Stevi Renee.



say what's real.

i look at my life like a huge jawbreaker ;
                                                            i suck at it.  
so i sucked at life,
i licked through the many layers trying to get to the core -pushing and weaving through. i licked through the 'trying to fit in' stage when i felt like an outsider and social deportee . contrary to popular misunderstanding, America's broken-record routine is to find the newest alternative lifestyle . the new trend is to flee as far as possible from tradition & 'boxes' . i found at a young age that morale, faith & self-actualization are 'boxes' that i wouldn't mind sitting in . SILLY me .

i licked through the layer of superficiality. they say money doesn't buy happiness, they lied . that's why people are so confused . they buy a Ferrari and feel this sensation in their bellies . they swipe their credit card to buy that watch and tingle inside . see, money can buy happiness ... but it can't buy Joy . they are two different things . happiness is a quick high that leaves you smiling until you're ... not. Joy is the emotional, physical, and psychological land of milk & honey . it's a peaceful state of calm & contentment ... money is simply theoretical paper.

ahh, i licked through the false sense of affection . we go through life with family and parents that care, however in the back of our minds we wonder: "they (our family) love us because they have to . will there ever be anyone who loves me on purpose? (lol) will there be someone who sees something special in me ?" therefore, we search life for someone who cares ... and we run smack dab into infatuation . it feels cool when you're in high school and someone is obsessed with you (and vice-versa) lol . unfortunately, that dynamic is not about the two of you ...it's about the one of you . one person is obsessed about being adored, and the other one is doing the exact same thing . people are simply using & using without being accountable for the catastrophe that comes later .

finally, i reached the core . i don't mean to sound cliche, but there's a reason why love is so popular. i need people to see love, not as a 90's R&B song, and not as a cheesy romance movie . those things are simply simulations of 'real love' ...those things are cheap, body spray scents, but hardly the real thing . Love, real love, is so selfless and unstable that it's rulebook only states, "one size fits all ." it's a scary thing, because it is so untamed & addictive, you become scared that you'll get lost somewhere between bliss & armageddon . But displaying love is all that matters; it is the only good, strong thing left in the world . IT IS OF GOD . Agape.

"Three things will last forever - faith, hope and love - and the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13


white people & the "N" word.

Tim Wise spoke at Spelman a few weeks ago and one of my bestfriend's attended. She told me that this white guy was really thought-provoking and approached race in an entirely new way. I thought that was cool but didn't give him a real chance until his name was brought up again in another class. I checked him out. You should too. Tim Wise:


"I think life is difficult and that's that. I am not at all-- absolutely not at all-- interested in the pursuit of happiness. I am not interested in the pursuit of positivity. I am interested in pursuing a truth, and the truth often seems to be not happiness but its opposite."

when speaking about her brother:

"His life was a passive event. It had no shape. His life was sort of waiting to happen. As he died, that seemed to be what was going to happen -- so one could only say that he never lived. He sort of died all the time. It was one of the frustrating things in taking care of him that I sometimes seemed to care more whether he lived. I didn't like that."

- excerpts from an interview with Jamaica Kincaid, an outstanding author from the West Indies .


words with strangers.

He noticed her for months. Living. Breathing. She was always smiling, but he suspected that there was something he couldn't see. Finally, he approached her and asked the first thing to come to mind. “Where's your boyfriend?" he asked. She looked at him, intrigued, and said,

“Dating is a smoke and mirrors game. We’re blindfolded, spun around in circles and expected to strike gold. No direction. No insight. We’re just adults, stuck in kiddy mindsets- swinging randomly until we reach contact. We don't even know we’re breaking each other.

This is a generation that romanticizes pain. Some of us have legitimate, heavy baggage and heartbreak stories that blister hands, making it to excruciating to hold another’s. Meanwhile, the others in our generation are pretending to be scarred because they’re scared of being "bland". They like to claim “trust issues” because they think it makes them real. I wish I could tell them that it’s okay not to lose a father, a mother, a lover, a brother, a sister. It’s okay to have a healthy ability to trust. It’s okay for your world not to crumble. Nothing’s cute about being cold. I'd tell them to give life some time. Yes, with time ... life will shake them beyond belief but until then ... trust with open hearts & soul."

He was taken aback. She blinked and took even breaths as if she merely told him the time was 2 o' clock. He spoke carefully, "So, you don't look for something ...more?"

She smiled, "I’ll never pretend to be what I’m not. I’ve seen too many real things to entertain a false projection of reality. And sometimes fraudulence isn’t intentional- just a lost boy taking his time to become a man. Dating, at times, can be an inadvertent sham. [One person telling another person what they think should be said.  The other person trying to overemphasize their life] … attempting to put make up and hair ties on a hog.

I’ll settle for nothing less than organic. I'm not "looking for something" because the something you speak of is too complex. I need pride put on shelves. I need facades roasted away in cabin fires. I live in a world that is drenched in fear and insecurity. Until I have something natural, stripped and raw, I will spread single across my lips and pucker up to life.”


my final words.

I took some time to sit back and think about my blog series.  I decided that I wanted to end with these last points: to fellow young women,

Women are often times so concerned with the term “sexual liberation” while they’re in college. Time and time again, I try to keep a straight face when women say, “I think having sex with no strings attached is sexual liberation.” It doesn’t bother me as much that women say they want to have sex lives; it bothers me that they equate casual sex with liberation. What do they think they’re being liberated from? What societal constructions are supposedly holding them captive?

Many women argue that society turns their noses up at the “promiscuous girls”. They go on to explain how white society wants them to date. get married. have kids and follow the 'normal pattern' (as if such a life sucks). Casual sex and promiscuity are practices seen on television, in movies, and social media sites. It’s more accepted and normalized to have kids out of wedlock than within the union of marriage. In fact, present day society marginalizes the abstinent girl more than the girls who participate in sex.

I say all of this to remind you that views on sex will ALWAYS change. Trying to keep up will only leave you feeling used, abused, and confused. Even more problematic is the fact that men are usually the trendsetters for the patterns found in women’s sexual behavior (look up marketing gender statistics). Isn’t that ironic? Instead of looking to pop culture for a tutorial on your body and sex life, take control for yourself. Sexuality is a huge part of a woman’s life (whether or not she is sexually active). It’s important to have autonomy over your body and the things you do. NEVER let a man decide what you are comfortable doing. Love yourself first. Things are clearer that way. Thanks so much for engaging in this series :)

All of my love,
Stevi Renee


to whom it may concern:

you. yes, you with the penis,
Over the years I have acquired a special discernment for recognizing manhood. I think the most essential sign of a boy becoming a man is his sense of accountability, responsibility, and his courage. It takes a big man to step outside of his comfort zone and acknowledge something like rape. Even more so, a real man does not walk around beating his chest.. he appreciates a woman's femininity and virtue. When you, as a "man", try to coerse a young lady into the bedroom, you should consider some things. You may think it's a completely normal, consensual action. Nevertheless, when you try to manipulate a girl, you should consider the idea that she may be emotionally, psychologically, or physically scarred by the effects of rape. 
But oh, the inconvenience of rape. How annoying it must be to have to consider the women you're boning. It's less tedious to brainwash yourself and think that a girl who has been raped puts it all behind her. Sometimes, that is the case. But numbers are showing that ...sexual assault victims are:
3 times more likely to suffer from depression.
6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.
13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.
26 times more likely to abuse drugs.
4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.
and then i bet you're thinking, "damn. that's unfortunate for them. but i don't f*ck with girls  who were rape victims." oh pumpkin, you are sadly mistaken. Consider for a moment how many sexual partners you have had. Or, consider for a moment how many girls you played to the left, cheated on, left heartbroken. Got the number? cool. Well, 1 in every 6 American women have been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. Does that change things? Baby, your humanity depends on your sense of compassion... i personally know that men can smell insecurity from a mile away. Next time, however, while you're sniffing through the club and library... consider what i said and ... be a man about it.