the record was crooked .

sooo . basically , toni & trey kissed . . . for 2.5 seconds . ladies, dont fret . that was just for the performance . toni braxton is 41 years old and trey trey is 25 , that's just gross lol . i like their song in all seriousness though , (not being biased) i like trey's part better lol . so ladies , dont feel threatened by toni ...
after all, it seems as if "just right" from 'for the love of ray j' is the real threat . lmbo i knowwww right ? ew . supposedly, Ray J was reeeeally feeling 'just right' & the real reason she was released from ray's show was because she was feeling trey songz and talking about him constantly while in the house . COME ON , i dont even have to say it . it seems like pigs are flying above my head . how about you? lol im just saying . . . if she has a chance, then you ALL have a chance =)


. . . if only

jayde has not looked in a mirror in five months . She cant seem to get a handle on the girl that calls herself 'reflection'. miss reflection, the girl that stumbled into that party in her american apparel dress . the girl who found herself with hands cuffed to her mouth while she screamed for help . she screamed for liberation . she screamed for help , for it all to end . but the music, the party, his cold eyes filled her mouth, nostrils, ears & drowned her in a crime that burned her body to ash .

Jayde isn't the same . she wants control over her mind because the leash has been snapped . A bottle of vodka can make her cringe . A flannel shirt causes her eyes to water . A fitted cap, a song, the dark . . . all a trigger being pulled to push out the repulsion she feels for herself . she thinks it was her fault for that dress . she thinks she is disgusting .

Jayde has not looked in a mirror in five months . & you would never know .

[In 2007, there were 248,300 victims of rape, attempted rape, and sexual assault .]
* So many people have been sexually abused in their lifetime and you would never even guess it . I have had some girls tell me stories that make my stomach churn , really . Those vivid, horrible, sick experiences that people deal with . . . change them over the years . Please be sensitive to that idea when you make someone feel small . you never know how small theyre feeling already o_O .


the 'will work for food' generation .

let me tell a very important story:

once upon a time, my dad was
at luke's barber shop on orange grove and fair oaks . [Luke has been a barber
since my dad was a little boy, he has always looked out for the kids in Pasadena
.] My dad sits in the chair talking to the other barbers about football when
this lady walks in . She has on dirty clothes, her hair is tangled and matted, a
stench filled the barber shop air, and some of her teeth were missing . the ones
that were intact were rotten .

my dad minded his own business . Luke looked at the woman. "Lisa, you need to get it together and you cant be beggin' in here," he said in a low voice . The woman scratched a bit, twitched and began to head for the door and saw my dad . STEVE !" she yelled , "Look at youuuuu ...how you doin baby?"

My dad said the only thing he could recognize were her eyes,
"Lisa?" he said , eyes wide.

Lisa was 'that girl' in highschool . She was gorgeous and had a great body and all the guys wanted to date her (My dad said she was, "bad in highschool" and i almost threw up , but i digress).

He said she was Miss Popular , and look now look at her . . .

EVERYONE, EVERYONE, EVERYONE thinks that theyre going to make ends meet . Either we see that our parents did it, or we are so comfortable in our lifestyle that we think it'll be 'easy' . PLEASE wake up . My mom and dad both didnt finish college (my dad just recently) and my dad was able to run branches of a business across the country, my mom made a name for herself at disney . BUT PEOPLE, this was 20 years ago . These days, people arent 'handing out' jobs . in today's economy, people arent handing out jobs !

People think the recession will be 'over' soon ? The great depression lasted for 10 years . That seems small in history terms, but imagine being broke and homeless at the age of 28, 30? ill be blunt: f*ck that . The class of 2008 graduated the most students in the history of the US . DO YOU KNOW HOW COMPETITIVE THAT MAKES AMERICA'S JOB INDUSTRY ? from journalists, to doctors, to business starters, clothing line starters, apparel buyers, lawyers, hell . . . burger king .

soooo, im calling out to these DUMB YOUNG girls in highschool ... get smart soon . cause, chasing around boys who are already 19 and 20 . . . not doing anything wont do a damn thing for you when you graduate and work for UPS or TSA . Being popular is NOT COOL lol . No one wants to listen though, ask "lisa" or any other one of my dad's friends from HS and Muir who were found behind buildings killed or strung out . It happens in Cali, it happens in DC, it happens in New York, it happens in New Mexico . . . WAKE UP .


over your head .

as of lately :
les règles de nature ne s'appliquent pas .

my veins are no longer the vessel for blood . they are simply the tubes . the tubes used to transfer the love to my finger tips . the tips that type on these keys in a scared, light tapping of dance . but what are veins anyway ? simply what the mind tells us they are, and my mind stopped functioning in a typical way . . . about six months ago on that car ride home .

my palms are facing the sky in a hopeful stance and cold désir illégal is brushed in maroon across my hands . rather than let it dry, i press them against fear . ill let that aspect of my life deal with the passionate burden that used to be my own . i just wanna sit in whatever this is . whatever it is that im feeling, i want to stay here where the air is clear and simple is near . This may all seem very complex and puzzle like . at it's it core, however, it could never be more plain .

if the heart beats approximately 100,000 every 24 hours ,
then i'd like to know where my other 50,000 have been hiding everyday .

see, ever since i you. . . my heart has skipped a beat everytime, without failure . not that i needs those beats anyway . i'm more than content to have you fill the gaps of what used to be a mundane, typical b e a t . i find it more mystical than anything, my heart can still pump blood to my feet . my heart can still send blood to my face, to my stomach . amazing . it's so cliche to think that you could be a part of her heart . i've never been the 'mushy' type & but the solid has been deteriated .

This is for my friend . wake up and realize you're in love . . . as scary as it may seem, people wait a lifetime to feel what you do. Until you can say it, ill just say what you cant . . .

sweating in the theatre .

so, i saw new moon lastnight . first of all , this movie made like 140 million dollars !? and i can see why . For all of you non-twilighters out there, you honestly dont know what youre missing . It has action for you meatheads out there and it has a great story line . Although , the romance is definitely the most intriguing part in the movie. i need to break this down :

"Edward is a vampire (and reluctant to be one) . His group of vampires are
vegitarians in a sense . They work very hard not to hurt humans and to keep
their identity a secret, even though everyone in town knows theyre a little
'strange' (given their pale faces, their distance from everyone at
school and failure to look much older over the years).

Bella (relucantly) moves to town . She is intrigued by Edward ,
and he is trying his best to stay away because her particular blood makes him go
and unlike every other human, Edward cannot read Bella's thoughts . He has
an instict to protect her at all times and she is falling for him . He yearns
for her, but is scared by his complicated attraction as well ."

Psh, that's just A PART of the first movie lol . The reason why these movies/books appeal to so many people is because we are left emotionally naked in the movie theatre . S E R I O U S L Y . The passion displayed on screen is kind of unexplainable . Edward cant even kiss her for too long because he has to fight off the yearning of her blood . But, he does because of his love for her . . . It's a very twisted love, but it's so deep . it's a very complicated romance story, but i think it's one of the best of our time !


this guy is an extraordinary actor . He makes us feel his pain, his soul, his everything ! He was good in Harry Potter, but he's killing the game now lol .he's going to be an awesome name someday, mark my words .


blam .

screw college !
let me explain ...

for these past 3 and a half months, i have been working my patootie off . i have been writing essays, research papers, doing weekly journals, computer assignments, taking tests, going to the library, and missing numerous parties .

at first, i didnt resent school . i honestly feel like my brain is at capacity, and i like bein on my nerd tip at times lol . i enjoy learning new things and i feel proud of myself when i have my priorities in order .

BUT NOW, i finished all of my assignments, papers, projects, journals, and essays . . . & i cant relax for shxt . ahhhhh ! everytime i try to relax and watch tv, or facebook cruise . . . i have this horrible guilt in the pit of my stomach like im not being productive . i know, "spoken like a true nerd, right?" i know, i know (shameful face aha) . Eff spelman for making me feel like i need to do more .and eff Spelman for breeding these robotic, over achieving, 'facade' dependent women day after day lol . man , eff this anxiety .

. . . who knew a nineteen year old girl like myself would have to program myself to unwind ?

oh robin [blush]

If there was ever a cool white boy, Robin Thicke is that guy . I loved 'the evolution of robin thicke' ! that CD was so smooth and sexy i tell ya lol . unfortunately, his next album was a miss for me . BUT, this album is supposed to have appearances from names like Jay-z and nicki minaj :)

not to mention his new single is bomb !


noisettes .

how many times do i have to do this ? lol . i already posted this band on my blog and they havent blown up like that yet lol . theyre also ! and i love their sound .

ladies & gentlemen : Noisettes


10:50pm eastern time

today on twitter:
RT @SongzYuuup :Just got to San Bernadino...what's happening Cali?!

i wanna go home . lmfbo

one thousand shades of middle .

i was asked to address: 'black men & women dating outside their race' .

so, is it right for Black men to date white women, latina women, asian women ? Is it right for Black women to do the same ? My answer is simply: mind your own business aha .

It's okay to have a preference when it comes to what youre attracted to. However, it is not okay for people to simply generalize one race over another. For example, i absolutely hate when Black guys say, "I'm done with Black women, all they do is nag and roll theyre eyes and try to rip apart my masculinity." First off, all Black women do not have overbearing attitudes . Secondly, if your 'masculinity' can be so easily ripped to pieces, then perhaps youre not strong enough for that woman anyway . It makes me wonder if there is some self-hatred in affect . Why do some men hate Black women so much ? There mother is Black , there sisters are Black ..can they see no beauty in them ? Is it so wrong for Black women to push their Black men and hold them accountable for their actions ? Honestly, relationships are about a union . . . not a tyrant and a push-over . Black women are strong , no doubt about it . dont down play their worth . BUT , if a man finds a woman that he has a genuine connection with, that makes him feel like he's on top of the world ...and she's white, then SO WHAT . let him be happy, and mind your business .

I hate when Black women complain about Black men, but will not date outside of their race . "Black men do not know how to respect me. They have no ambition. Theyre unfaithful." First of all, that can be said of any ethnicity, so stop contributing to wack racial stereotypes. Secondly, stop limiting yourself to the same men . . . go out and find a man who can give you everything you need and if he happens to be Irish then so be it . Stop pushing back God's blessing because his family likes to eat sheep intestines , you better gobble up ! Skin color is not the determining factor of love. Nevertheless, i cant be mad at a woman who can appreciate the beauty in Black men .

Me ? I think there's nothing more attractive than a Black man . I love their style, their walk, charisma, their confidence and demeanor . Strength and Black man are synonymous to me . I also know what a responsible Black man looks like and i thank my Dad for that love, support, and courage. A lot of Black men have so much going for themselves EXCEPT ambition and accountability. I know way too many low lifes and dead beat dads. Hell, my dad never met his own dad . Im just saying ladies, good Black men are out there ... but dont knock down another good one just because he has a different ethnic background . Dont love by color, love by soul .


beauty and loony :)

beyonce's been in a lotta talk these days . and she does an awesome job of being private . sometimes i wonder why Jay-Z fell for her, besides the fact that she's one of the greatest singers of our time ...GET EM B ! lol .

but i guess this is why Jay fell for her, she's goofy as hell and talented and gorgeous ?! :) good for her !!


peeking through . . .

you ever have a moment in your life when you knew things were going to change in your life ?

sometimes it can be the simplest thing like a new hairstyle . that new cut is going to change the way people perceive you .
maybe you're buying the new car that you've been wanting for a minute and you know you're gunna get more girls than you ever have before lol .
perhaps, someone close to you has moved away . the way you look at happiness will have to be in gaps, rather than fluid bliss .
sometimes it can be a career decision or a school choice or a bad choice that will spin your life in a whole new direction with all new circumstances .

but the most subtle of realizations are the ones when you meet someone that you know is going to change things for you . sometimes, its a person that is going to end up an awesome friend along the way . the godmother of your children, maid of honor type of friend that you have been searching for . The kind that will take off her heels in front of a club and hop in a girlfight for you . The kind of friends that will bring you snickers candy bars when your mother passes cause they know it's your favorite. Those kind .

sometimes it's a person that you know is in low supply around the rest of the world . what do i mean by that ? well, you meet many 'types' of people throughout the years ... and it seems like they can all fall into a certain category. once and a while, you meet people that will never fit into the boundaries that our minds try to put them in . they're different, they challenge you in new ways, they make you feel new . i just think that moment when you think, "wait, this is where it changes" only comes a few times in your life . pick it out of circumstance when you can notice ... it's worth it .

so you think you can dance .

just a beautiful dance about two lovers seeing each other again after ten years . the guy realizes he made a mistake, but the woman is finally happy on her own ...

the choreographer Travis is awesome .

"a multi-mulinial outfit" lol .

okay, i have a very weird sense of humor. "my bad" in advance .
this is Max from the band Chester French . First of all, Chester French is frickin' ah-mazing ... lol . i like their music and i got put on like a year and a half ago by noah i think ? lol . anywhooo, MTV's "styl'd" is about designers competing for a top position at some 'yadayada' who cares .
check out Max . he's a frickin idiot . lol

and check out their music !!


procrast.. brb .

[7:12pm Eastern time]

you wanna have a true outer-body experience ?

. . . procrastinate .

i swear, when im sitting in my room and i have work to do ... i find anything to do other than the task at hand . id rather do laundry, paint my nails, eat, facebook, twitter, or watch tv -_- . i say procrastination is an outer body experience because it seems like youre watching yourself push off things and you cant take control of your body. its quite scary and . . .

hold on please .

[10:58 am Eastern time]

i realized i was procrastinating by blogging instead of doing my term paper .

ahem ... like i was saying,

...procrastination is no jokeeee . it's the laziest denial a person can have , trust me . you keep telling yourself that youre going to do your homework ...that youre going to call the bank like your dad asked ... like youre going to be productive. on the outside youre thinking, "ill start riiiiight after this episode", but deeeeeeeep down inside, youre thinkin' "psh. yeauh right" .

but doesnt it feel great ? just to find absolutely anything and everything to do besides the thing you hate ? who knew you could re-organize your closet by color and size until you procrastinated ? who knew there were actually deleted scenes of the titanic ? who knew you could beat your record of stayin on facebook for five hours . man, you learn so much through procrastinating .
as Ellen Degeneres eloquently stated, "procrastinate now ! dont put it off" :)

l m f b o .

iman . i love that girl, plain and simple . check out her blog & her lastest post 'video phone? i dont think i want one anymore' . lol see people, im not crazy !!



beyonce !

B ! youre making it so hard for us to compete these days ! lol . know one can deny that Beyonce is an amazing artist . She has a gorgeous voice and can sing in like a thousand, different languages lol . she can dance, pop, swing and probably kick box while singing ! She knows how to keep her business . . . her business ! & i always looked at Beyonce as classy ! even when she had some 'riskay' videos , she left something to the imagination :)

but ummm ...erra, this one is a lot Beyonce . i think she looks great like always in the beginning ! and i always liked this song . but whats up with the raunchy-ness B ? The boobs, the nude shiny bra, the doo doo mama booty rollin ? Beyonce, you have always been the woman who had sex appeal, but it was always 'natural'... never pressed -_- . you dont gotta compete with the little girls, youre a grown woman and you already got it ! Even your added on lyrics at the end were "ms.jackson if ya nasty"-like. lol . I dont know, maybe it's just me . Im still a huge fan though and she looked awesome , but just paying attention .

PS. lady gaga ... shuuuuuuuuuut upppppppp . lol (in case you didnt know, she's a joke)


Tonight is said to produce the most beautiful meteor show ever !!
Even though they say it'll be the most impressive in Asia, they said North America will be pretty cool too . Go outside between the hours of 1am and dawn and see the show (no matter where in North America you reside) . check it ouuuut :)

for more info, go to msn : http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33891078/ns/technology_and_science-space/?GT1=43001

love note .

no hinted hints of things i mean .
no wondering what my mind is insinuating .
no wondering what my heart is whispering .
no guessing if im still around, here .
no second thought about us .
no metaphors .
no symbolism .
no ambiguity .
no puzzle .
no vague .
none .

have no worry . not for a second . i spin my words into complexity because . . .

"i love you"

. . . would just be too simple ?


spotlight where it's needed .

welp, i realized that im completely oblivious to a certain demographic on my posts these days . i feel bad for em and i know they are probably thinking , "aye . what about me?" well , here's a post in your honor ... 'the good guys'. .

i can see where you guys are comming from . Girl's claim that they want you and they can't 'find you' . it must drive you insane huh ? "Men are all the same . There aint no good men left" blah, blah, B L A H . when they get you, they stray off with some guy in a leather jacket and motorcycle (symbolically speaking lol) . I'll let you in on a little secret: women rarely know what they want . Youre a great guy and they find little things to nitpick about, leave you hangin & then start crying when their new man is doin them dirt . there will be a girl who appreciates you ! Dont change because a girl with confused values cannot ...value you .

quick PSA: i bet some of you out there think im talking
to you . aha . please . i bet youre saying to yourself, "hell, i smell good .
i aint a woman-beater . uhh , yeaaa ...this is meant for me"
im sorry champ, you'll get em next time . "good guys'' are such for a reason .
These men are in an elite club because they have reached manhood .

ill be honest and say idea's of a 'real man' are completely subjective . some
people think a Man means he pays his child support payments on time . some
think people think a man is a guy with a lot of money, a successful job . WELL ,
i think being a man is all about maturity, responsibility and accountability.

A real man knows that if he makes a commitment, he is going to stand by it ...because he is strong enough to be held accountable . If he has a baby, he is going to be in the childs life ...financially and emotionally, because he knows that he was half of the reason for this life being brought into the world . If he has a wife or commited relationship, he is courageous enough to be held accountable for his actions . He has enough integrity to realize that cheating is a scar on his credibility as a man . When a husband and father, he takes the role to protect his family (and loves ones) by all means ... that one is the most important because it takes the most responsibility, accountability, and maturity.

Now, that does not mean a 'real man' has never cheated on his girl or made mistakes . Real men dont even have to be in commited relationships ...some just want to play the field . But see, he knows the difference between the past and his matured self now . He knows the difference between 'playing games' and a commitment . He knows that one takes responsibility and one does not . He knows that with the latter, fidelity is expected of him . The 'good guy' is on his way swiftly to manhood . Shouts out to you guys ! You'll make a girl very happy some day, and you wont be perfect ... but your integrity will be a light for others to see ... promise !


remember this ? lmfbo .

floating on cloud 8 inch .

i was a reluctant, little she . . . in big girl's shoes .
so sure that i retired the typical 'tango of love' . as a matter of fact, i put my red flashy dance stilettos in storage . i wasn't ready yet; i figured my taupe, cotton flats needed some use .

then, my friends said maybe i should 'play the field' ? so, i borrowed some cleats and walked onto the grass . my 'bro's' had plenty of cleats to spare, all they did was play ...games . those shoes were never too comfy, but i shrugged and pushed a long . i went to clubs in those cleats, parties in those cleats, i went to eat in those cleats . little did i know , other people were wearing cleats too . they were on the field for the same reason as me: to play . needless to say, i was awesome in that arena ...dodging a tackle here and there . moving just enough to get a first down ...but i never wanted a touchdown . but what's a hollow victory anyway ?

so, i retired . i put on my brown boots and took a deep breath . i thought, "ill just live , as long as i dont have to wear those red stilettos ." the thought of those 8 inch heels and falling on my ass again was not an option .

so , me and my friends went to a party, and i saw you and your shoes :

" i like your shoes !" i said .
"aye, i like you ." he laughed . i smiled ...

& needless to say . . . i now know how to rock these red stilettos .

carnival claws .

this post is for my friend . she knows who she is . do NOT feel inadequate just because he thought with his 'little head' . youre a queen and you need a man who looks at you like the eighth wonder of the world . i know how it goes, and you will bounce back .

"she had long blue nails and her skin was bad ."
that's all a girl can think about when it happens to her .
all she can think is, ". . . but her streaks make her hair look dirty" . . . at least, that's all she can think at first . by the third hour, however, she wishes that was the only thought that replayed in her mind . like a tsunami, other thoughts & feelings crash onto the shores of her mind & heart , causing devastation .

girls replay the face in their head ... over and over . wondering: why ? what happened ? and the bullet that should never be in her brain, "is it me?" it feels like her heart is being punched over and over . normally, she could move to avoid the punches, but how does she stop something that's happening inside her skin ? all of a sudden, it seems as if those blue acrylic nails were the scratches and blemishes in her relationship . those blue acrylic nails are scraping her heart .

then the burns begin . that is all a girl can feel on day 2 . a hot , third degree burn of humiliation . calling herself, "stupid" over and over in her head until it numbs the presence of her confidence . She looks in the mirror and sees the "stupid girl" that people gossip about . The last thing a girl wants to be is the "stupid girl" . she wore her heart on her sleeve and everyone [but her] saw him use her heart as a stepping stool . a stepping stool to reach the 'dirty haired girls' window ...

that damn skin . those damn nails . that damn skin . mm, those damn streaks . replay, replay .
hurt . hurt . pain . hurt . a russion roulette with large & bitesize bullets
to my friend, you'll be okay... i promise i have been there: http://steviwonderwoman.blogspot.com/2009/05/contentment.html


crossroads .

im often accused of being insensitive at times .
& i agree . there are times when i am cold . However, i believe i am justified in my attitude (most of the time) .

i have very little to no sympathy for people who will not take control of their lives . A lot of the times, we want to just ... see how things work out . Make a choice and see where it takes us, but thats my point . WE ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE ...even if it's only one . Who we date, who we spend our time with, what we spend our time doing, what we pursue in life is (for the most part) up to us . It may seem too simple, but i really believe some people want their lives to be more complicated, some kind of urban soap opera they can brag about to their friends .

well im not the one to call on with these moments . If you went on a date with a guy and he didnt call you back after a month, find a new guy . If your mom is pressuring you about something that you dont want to do , talk to her about it and come to a solution . If you hate being an engineering major, stick it out or change it . two choices . Im not saying that there are always "clear" answers, but im saying that you have choices . Sometimes there are not right and wrong, but simply paths that lead you to different outcomes ... take control of your life and CHOOSE one . dwelling for weeks on a subject does not make you any less stressed ... make a choice . If it's the wrong one, you have become that much wiser .

life is too short to worry about dumb stuff . make choices so you can continue to live life . make choices so you can love one another . if you spend all your time ...rattling your mind about miniscule decisions, you never have time to appreciate the place in your life that you reside. life is simply too short .

THEE turkey tussle .

let me enlighten you all to the biggest homecoming game in California . i dont care if people claim its dorsey & crenshaw, or....WHATEVER . The Pasadena High School VS. muir football game is thee most competitive homecoming game EVER !! We been playin each other since 1954 at the Rose Bowl. our rivalry is NO JOKE . hell, my DAD still talks about his turkey tussle at the rosebowl (they won lol). we compete in football, basketball (which we murder them), track, water polo, golf, academics, ....EVERYTHING lmbo . My senior year ... sigh ...but it was cool cause i was on homecomin court lmbo ... but i digress =)

So, tonight is the Tussle and im routin' for my alma mater PHS :) go get em dawgs ! i wish i was there , ugh lol .
[even though my significant other is a mustang, dont hold it against him ...nobody's perfect =X lol]
STANG KILLAH ;) thanks .

so anywho... my junior year, FSN came to our schools to film . Here was the trailer:


you'll get 'em next time . . .

if i cant be honest on my blog, then where can i be honest ? lol .
im sorry "O" . i was really rooting for you, but im gunna have to call this one a FAIL . were you singing on the track or rapping ? either way, it wasnt very appealing to listen to . & uhh, we know you can dance ...but this video has a $200 budget feel to me =/ . you'll get em next time buddy !! (maybe it'll grow on me ?)

ouch .

you know what the worst feeling is ?
hating on somebody who doesnt even know your name .

(shake my head) .

just something to think about .


the 'bougie bar' response .

bougie romance & gold-digger have very fine line distinctions .

but ... i dont think my friends suggestion was "bougie" . i think she has standards and she is entitled to those . every girl wants to be wined and dined a little bit and most girls want guys with some ambitions, some goals, some drive . nothing is wrong with wanting a spouse (loosely speaking) who has some of the same IMPORTANT interests . i say important because i dont think it's healthy to dismiss a guy because he doesnt enjoy intricate basket weaving like you do , smh . im just saying, some things in life are standards, and some things are just picky . sometimes, we have to decide what is on the bougie bar, and what is simply an important standard .

Now, the second person said she didnt mind if her guy was broke and was not in school ... she just cared that he loved her & that he wanted her to be his "wife someday". aww, now isnt that cute ? and N A I V E . it's one thing to date someone who wants to work (but has no money), but it's another thing to marry someone who cannot provide like you need . Im not speaking from some 1950's pregnant and barefoot feminine mentality. Im simply saying that most women find it attractive if their man is a hard worker . It's nice to know that if times got hard, he would grind hard and protect. If he has the ability to provide for his family by any means necessary, it's a sign of strength and determination .

---> most guys who say that a girl's standards are unrealistic are usually the ones who are intimidated . It's not about money or status, i think it's more about state of mind .
p.s. if you missed the first part of this topic: http://steviwonderwoman.blogspot.com/2009/11/bougie-bar.html


staple thy mouth .

i hope this gets into the right hands .

can anyone tell me why some women gossip like they do ? you know the kind . the ones who know everyone else's business : who's messing with who . who cheated on who . who's pregnant . who's having an abortion . any drama thats happening in the neighborhood , she is the first to know . She doesnt even wait for it to come to her. Instead, she's asking questions and being manipulative . she snoops in people's business to find out what the "scoop is" . Little does she know, if she keeps running her mouth, someone's gunna have to scoop her off the floor .

She has absolutely no loyalty to anyone . if you tell her about your financial problems, she's spray painting the side of the 405 freeway with your business . She does not understand the quality in silence and because of it, she'll probably end up alone. Most people say that gossipers are just people that do not have lives . I beg to differ . They have lives, their lives ...(however) are just extremely inadequate . their romantic lives are in disarray, their family life is in a mess and they would rather put other people's problems out into the world than recognize their own .

What's worse is the fact that she doesnt even wait for you to ask !! Instead, she's calling you ! all on your phone about somebody else's life and you dont even care .

If your listening out their gossiper, get a life . The fact that your life is validated by someone else's turmoil is pathetic . Instead of working on your own life, you hide from it and you patch up the wounds with other people's problems . Maybe it's your lack of compassion, or low self-esteem ? who can really say ? I just know that if this is you, take a good look in the mirror and re-evaluate . No man wants a girl who revolves their life around negativity . No man wants a woman who cant shut their mouth ... and if they do, theyre probably still too young & immature to know the difference .

Psalms 13 : A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.

LEV 19:16 "'Do not go about spreading slander among your people. "'Do not
do anything that endangers your neighbor's life. I am the LORD.'

1 TIM 3:11 In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect,
not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.


drizzy & rihaaaaana <3

how come nobody saw this video ? it came out like 5 months ago ! lol .
but yesssss , this is Drake shouting out Rihanna (who are supposedly dating ?)


Dear Andre ,

Andre benjamin, three-thou, 'dre ... or whatever surname you prefer . where art thou ? im thinking about reporting you missing . i mean , isn't the rule ... twenty-four hours missing in action ? well has it been twenty-four hours since 'the love below' ? it feels like a lifetime my friend . you dont seem to understand the urgency of this situation :

"she lives in my lap" shook my soul . i went into a musical coma & when i heard the ice cube sample "in my lap at all times" in the background, i almost died . and seeing how you almost killed me with that song Andre, i think the least you could do is make another album . I still remember the 'prototype' video . it spoke to me , i never equated myself to an alien until the tent scene :) . "we'll tip toe to the sun ...and do thangs , i know ya like?" you dont seem to understand 'dre ! that line made me cover my mouth and blush . i covered my mouth imagining two grown, black people tip-toe'n and it made me grin .

"a day in the life of andre benjamin" made me look at lyrics in a whole new way . it gave me the audacity to write this letter:

"...now you know her, as Erykah -on and on- badu , call tyrone on
the phone why you- do that girl like that boy, you outta be ashamed . that song
wasnt about me, and that aint my name ..."

"take off your cool" introduced me to nora jones . see ! you even gave me friends ! ... even when you featured with the "so, i typed a text to this girl i used to see..." ...i then realized what kinda man i want ! see ! you changed my love life 'dre ! please 3 thou come back . & dont think for a second that im one of those 'last minute lovers' ! i swear i'm not ! i loved your outkast days too , from aquemini to roses !
my favorite rhyme of yours made me sit in my room for 30 minutes in silence ...after the song was over !! :

"so im watchin her fine ass
walk to my bedroom and thought to myself: thats
the shape of things to "come" .
she said, "why in the club, you dont make it
precipitate? you know make it rain when u can make it thunderstorm?"
im like
why? the world needs sun. the hood needs fun.
and theres a war goin on and
half the battle is guns
how dare i throw it on the floor, when people are
so i write like edgar allen to restore ...."

look, nobody had swag like you ! you were so modest and fly at the same time 'dre ! and now you got people out here tryna bite your style ? i know right, what the hell is a lady 'gaga' ? things in Hip Hop have changed ...and to be quite frank (or bob or hank or whoever you want me to be lol) it aint the same without you !


A pissed off fan , but loyal nonetheless .

let there be dark ?

can someone please tell me : what is it about the darkness that makes us ...change ?
contrary to whodini's profound words , it's not only the freaks that slip out of the corners when the sun comes down . emotions are released when their is not much sunlight to expose it . truths tend to come out when the clocks strike twelve . people sip their martini's, dance, and exchange flirty eyes from across the room ... in the dark . it seems like something about the moonlight makes us ...courageous ?

you ever been to a house party in highschool ? when the lights are on, everyone is walking around ... talking, awkward and strange . However, as soon as someone hits the light switch, legs are in the air, people are dry humpin' on the floor (aha) ...a complete "180" !

is our "real" personality ...the one we expose in the darkness ? in the night, we can cry in our pillows . in the night, we can confront our demons . in the night time, we can be our 'mushy-but-not-mushy' self with our sweetie . it seems as though the darkness is a skeleton key that unleashes everything that we are too scared to be under the sunlight . the same girls i see on campus , so composed and classy and 'greater than thou' in the daytime ... are the same girls i see in the most compromising of situations around 2am . they know that we see them, but they think the darkness is some kind of masquerade ball mask with glitter and feathers. hiding their identity .

maybe it's because we want to relax and get loose after a long day ? maybe its because no one could clearly identify you in the dark ? maybe it's because society creates an excuse for the dark ? perhaps you simply feel more comfortable when the sun is gone ? who knows ... do you ?


trust me or hate me .

when it comes to people , is it better to trust ? or ... is it better to put nothing past anyone ?

First off, i dont believe that you can trust anybody"half way" . there was a time when i did believe that you can trust someone only as far as you could see . however, even our vision can be misconstrued at times . We want to trust them halfway, assuming that somethings they say or do will make us suspicious and everything else will be trustworthy. That isn't trust .

people dont understand what trust is all about , and how much courage is a vital ingredient . In order to trust someone, a friend, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a relative, whomever ... you have to invest your faith in them one hundred percent . When i think about my brother and my dad , i know that i trust them with all of my heart to want the best for me . Sometimes we may not see eye to eye on things, but i know that they have a genuine interest in my well being . If my brother says bacon is falling from the sky, im simply going to trust in him whole-heartedly and bring my plate outside lol .

I would never advise that you trust somebody from the very beginning . People need to earn your trust and they need to prove that they want the best for you . Look at your trust as a case of five million dollars . Would you give your case to just anybody to hold on to and keep safe ? NO . they need to earn trustworthiness . make you feel secure . have your back . never want to hurt you . & most importantly, make you a priority . . .

if youre a good friend , you may be approached with a situation when you can do something, but it will ultimately cause a rift in your friendship ...you have to decide if it's worth it . if youre a good girlfriend, you have to decide if his trust is worth more than having lunch with an ex boyfriend . if youre a good boyfriend, you have to wonder if you can sacrifice your borderline "shady" behavior to keep your girlfriend secure. being trustworthy is not easy, however you have to decide if the other person is worth it .

I, like so many other people have a problem with the idea of trust . At the end of the day, people can be so selfish. Putting all your trust in somebody just to be let down is SCARY ! its scary to think that someone can manipulate, lie, or deceive you .

but ... no one says you have to dive into this rabbit hole of trust , you can simply decide not to trust at all ?


give me a break .

you know what .
i never really addressed this whole Rihanna and Chris thing in depth . I thought that the story spoke for itself and that the world would just "get it" . I guess i thought wrong . Another rare occasion on my blog ... is the fact that i am extremely livid .

are you serious ? How in the world would this incident be Rihanna's fault ? The world doesnt like when a person plays the "victim role" ... but what happens when the person is a damn VICTIM ? I dont care how much i liked Chris Brown's music ... some things have a moral red flag . What could Rihanna have done that would make Chris Brown choke her , punch her in the eye, bash her head into a window, bite her and then say, "imma beat the sh*t outta you when we get home" ? Did you see the TMZ picture ? how cold hearted are you that you can brush that off and still blame Rihanna ?

are you serious ? i dont care if she cussed at him , or shoved him, or even hit him ... it gives him NO RIGHT to do what he did . i think its very brave of Rihanna to tell her side of the story and be real about going back to him (for that short, confused period of time) & be real about how she feels . It had to be traumatizing to re-live the blood in her mouth and the punches to the face . Who are we to tell her to "suck it up" ? She had a social responsibility to tell young girls her struggle . There were so many adolescent girls who were in abusive relationships & writing to her & Rihanna couldnt bear to have their blood on her hands . could you ?

She said what we all said about Chris' apology, "It looks like he was reading from a telepromter" . Is she not entitled to say that because she is the one who was beat ? GET OUTTA HERE . she said what we ALL said and she had more of a right to say it .

She handled this like a classy, strong, wise woman who is not perfect, but is at peace with the situation and her decision . True, Chris Brown had to see some horrible abuse to his mother and it seems as though he needs to get help . However, Rihanna ALSO dealt with the abuse of her mother and no one seems to confront her trauma . Some things are just wrong and our society will think of any excuse for a scapegoat . Now, i DO believe that she should have gotten out when she saw the signs & she never should have saw him afterwards , however love IS blind and abused women are often confused .

Diane Sawyer said, "People said, I thought she was so
strong?" Rihanna said, "I AM strong . This happened to ME . I didnt cause
this , I didnt do it . This happened to me and it can happen to anybody . Im
Glad it happened to me because now i can help young girls when they go through
it ."

If this was your daughter, mother or sister who was bleeding and swolen ...would it be her fault too ? Should she have not "provoked" it too ? provoked? miss me with that . If you saw a text from your boyfriend/girlfriend's ex ...would you not go off ? So ... to the people out there who think it's "cool" to say Rihanna got what she deserved and a bunch of other ignorant nonsense , let me just suggest that you shut the hell up :) thanks .


what you know .

i received a text from a once-upon-a-time "interest" .
i opened my phone . i saw his message . i laughed .
i deleted the message , created a new one and texted you instead

that's just how things work out sometimes .

the idea of the future has always been one that caught my attention . the person you meet today ...will they mean anything to you in 3 years ? that new friend of yours . you have absolutely no idea about the baby that you'll name after her . we do not know how we'll die , we do not know when we will marry . we dont even know what shoes we'll be wearing next month .

all we can do is follow our hearts , our intuition, have hope . we may not know when we'll die, but we know we're living now . make the best of it . we may not know who we will marry , but we know how we feel about the person we're seeing now . we know if we want to spend tomorrow with them . we may not know what's in store for the future ...but we need to embrace every breath NOW like it's our last .

follow your feelings . stop being scary and go for what cha know lol .

ovary lust .

"have a baby by me baby ...be a millionaire" - 50 cent ft . ne-yo
"girl you make me wanna get chu pregnant ..." R kelly ft. Tyrese

so , ummm . is baby-making the new trend ?

you may think that question is a little exxagerated , but why ? plenty of radical trends have taken over our generation . a majority of the people our age have tried or smoke weed . tattoos have engulfed the nation !! everybody has tatts these days and not just a little tattoo on the back, but i mean tattoo sleeves and murals are as common as ear piercings . another trend in cali is thizz pills and ecstasy pills . you may say, "nawwww, black folks dont mess with that" . well, best believe it .
[now im not passing judgement on these things ...except thizzin cause thats just crazy lol]


we may not want to acknowledge it, but so many people have babies (out of wedlock) . Reagan called Black women "welfare queens" and sparked controversy during his presidency . Now, i completely resent this stereotype that he imprinted on African American women's forehead . Nevertheless, it's becoming more and more popular to have a baby by a boyfriend than a husband . it's becoming way more common to have a baby when we are NOT READY .

why ?

is it because we (women) feel as though our boyfriends can provide financially for our child and that's all that matters ? is it because we want to keep our boyfriends around and a baby is the smartest solution ? perhaps we feel as though our kids dont need a male influence, that we can do it all ? maybe it's because we equate boyfriends to husbands ?

to be honest, i wish people would stop down playing babies like its some kind of cheetah print culture phase . bringing another helpless life into the world and worse, into your DRAMA is not fair . if you dont have a job, dont have a baby . if you dont have a drop of maturity, dont have a baby . boyfriends ARE NOT HUSBANDS . true, the divorce rate has sky-rocketed in America, but at least people who get married do so with the intension of being with that person for the rest of their lives . so if you dont have a stable, loving, responsible father figure for your child ...dont have a frickin baby . why cripple your child with one loving parent if they can have two ? dont they deserve that ?

what you do can affect a child for the rest of their lives . day care, food choices, environment, and all other aspects play into who they will be in 20 years ... happy, depressed, resentful, broke, educated, or ignorant . it's simply arrogant to have another life in your hand and act like it's not a big deal .



viewer discretion is ADVISED . lol

trey songz "invented sex" video . im trying to keep my composure because i have a wonderful boyfriend that i love and adore , "shouts out to hen hen !" lol .




the 'bougie bar'

when most women were younger, their qualifications for a guy were pretty simple :

1. he has to be "fine" ...we used to always say "fine" :)
2. funny
3. nice

my friend said that she thinks she's bougie when it comes to romance . she blames this on her qualifications for a boyfriend . she said he has to be in school, and the thought of him spending his 'last ten dollars' on her is not cute ... but unattractive . she then went on to say that it would be okay if he was broke and in school, but since he is working and broke ... it was apparent that he needed to be in a classroom . she explained that she thinks it's sexy when a guy can take care of her sometimes: pick her up, pay for food and/or going out on dates .

but is that bougie ?
[bougie. stemming from the word "bourgeois" which is the upper, snobby-er class in society]

another perspective is a girl who feels like a guy spending his last couple of bucks on her is sweet . she does not care about how much money he has, and she does not care about his future goals and ambition ...she is more concerned the thought of their relationship . she said that he calls her his "future wife" and that makes her feel like she's on top of the world ... and that's all that matters .

to be completely honest, im not sure if i want to include my opinion . i think i will in a couple of days if i do . in the meantime , do you guys (women & men) think there is a 'bougie bar' ? standards that are ridiculous ? what is acceptable ? what standards are too low when it comes to status, money, goals, etc ? hmm .

wutta shame , smh .

here's a feeling hurter .

i hate lowlife enablers .
if you dont know what im talking about, then just look around . Regardless of the city, town, county or country ...there are always low life enablers . let me explain : now , when i say enablers ... i mean they enable you. they enable you to do absolutely N0THING . they make excuses for you to be a bum . this term is used for people who have nothing going for themselves & want to hold you down as well . they hate on you for having dreams and ambition . they tear down your efforts to get ahead in life . they pretend like they have your best interest in mind, but in all actuality ... you BOTH know that their suggestions are tainted .

you know you can hear it in their voice . they make little snide remarks to make you feel less inadequate . in their voice, you can see the jealousy in the air . you can taste it . you want to brush it off as their insecurities and you feel for them ...but at the same time , we are adults . when is enough ...enough ? we're too old not to know how to be good friends . we're too old not to take responsibility for our laziness and situation . you want to go off to college and your friends criticize you for it . you want to settle down with someone you care about and your friends tell you youre wack ? you want to pursue modeling on the side and your friends tear down your appearance ... "only joking of course" . you want to get ahead & they want you to stay behind , with them . Thats the thing about "enabler lowlifes" ... they dont want to pass you up in life , they just want you to be on the same ...low ... playing field .

dont get me too wrong . we have friends that genuinely want the best for us . we have friends who love us and want to see us happy . however, if your friend's suggestion makes absolutely no sense . Or if their suggestion only benefits them ... look a little deeper , analyze that friendship .

yup ! clips

in all seriousness , im going to keep posting these clips until the whole world watches this show . lmfbo . "modern family" , i love it !


green-eyed monster =X

you ever had a friend who is all in your ear about YOUR relationship ?
constantly talking about how "all men are the same" ?
using that tone that seems like theyre trying to help but theyre really just planting a seed of mistrust and doubt ?
just because their boyfriend is hitting her in the face, she thinks your man is too ?
just because their girlfriend is "smashin all the homies", he sayin that your girl is too ?

ever had a friend who is just a litttttle too comfortable with your girlfriend or boyfriend ?
hugging YOUR boyfriend a little long ? hmm .
hitting them up on aim, facebook, & texting, "i miss you" ?
mentioning your boyfriend/girlfriend's name more than you are ?

ive heard of way too many instances & im asking, "what's up with that ? really ?"

when we were little kids, i felt like we were BETTER at hiding our leaks of jealousy and competitiveness. we used to snarl a little when our friends had the jordans before you . we used to cut our eyes when someone had a snack at recess and we didnt . BUT now ...it's almost as if we are less and less discrete to test the boundaries of our friendships ... to see how far we can go before we are accused . to see how far we can push the limit until our friends ask, "what the hell is wrong with you?" have we seen too many movies about infidelity ? perhaps we've seen too many movies & we think its sexy to steal the guy/girl away .

*sidebar : i know guys supposedly operate "differently". it's "bros before hos" lol . suuuure . i have seen a guy brush it off when his friend swoops on him . however, i have also seen plenty of guys be passive aggressive with their friend as a result of it .

you know what the sad part is ? half the time, these triflin' friends dont even want your boyfriend or girlfriend . they just want to prove that they could steal them if they wanted . theyre so insecure with themselves and so jealous of YOU that they want whatever you have . if you have chocolate, they want it . you have chicken, they put down their fish . you speak spanish & they download a new "foreign language" app on their phone (the phone they bought after they saw yours lol) .

people really .
GOOD friendships are too hard to come by & dont jeopardize one because of low self esteem .

... and he gets the girl

shouts out to director antoine and leading lady ashley ! (my VIPS family) :)
antoine is doing big things with his film making skills and i hope i dont get a law suit for posting this ? lol . but check it out !! ...not to mention i love this song to death :)


yes-s-s-s-s i are .

when she thought of him, her mind became mute .

but she wished her heart would shut the hell up . it whispered about the memories it holds in a quiet little box in a secret little room with a cute little lock . when she thought of him, she smirked & pulled the collar of her tank from her neck . "is it hot in here" she thought ? when she was with him, she felt as if the ground was fighting to touch their feet . she hovered above the pavement, and yet ... the center of the earth felt their presence . it wanted to be as close to them as possible . it wanted to touch the making of greatness .

maybe im putting too much on it . (smile) maybe im not putting on enough .

what she wouldnt do for permanent, red lipstick to put on . she wouldve loved to leave her mark for others to see , for others to stay away . those red marks would be just the caution tape she needed . the "beware of me" sign she needed . slip into her black & leather "fallen" and zip it up to her cleavage . she would wear it like there was no tomorrow , like skin . like paint . bend her head over her heels and lace them up tight .