hello, -collision-, goodbye

"i wonder why i never learn my lesson . it's feeling like the second chance & it's the first impression ." - Aubrey "drake" Graham .

since i have your attention, here's a toast to you .

a toast to the boys with paprika smooched skin - a tone so sweet & rich that my teeth ache .
a toast to the wide smile guys that hatch cocoons in my stomach. smiles so stunning that red illuminates underneath my cheekbones .
glasses raised to the men with wit - causing the corner of my mouth to tip toe into a smirk . & for the ones who can muster up a laugh-so-hard-that-my-tummy-hurts ; make his a double .

a toast to the boys with a sense of style & silhouette of their hometown: Los Angeles, Atlanta, DMV, Houston, New York, and the islands .

this is a toast ,
to the activists
to the writers. mathematicians. singers. entrepreneurs & you .

a toast to the guys walking in suits that could cut through glass .
a raised glass to the athletes who choose crewneck hoods over Hugo Boss .
the guys who let you walk on the inside of the sidewalk .
the guys who open car doors -nursing chivalry back from it's DEATHBED .

a toast to the MEN who are honest, straightforward, courageous and classically secure in themselves .

but one too many drinks could be fatal, so ill just propose a toast to YOU .

uhh, duh .

I mean honestly ... such strength, poise, and elegance shouldn't even be allowed in the white house . Michelle Obama is a Princeton and Harvard Law School graduate & she still daps up her husband in front of millions of Americans . She is such a gracious, beautiful presence. Not to mention, she has no problem being a support system for her husband . So many women want to psychologically castrate their men and make them feel inadequate. Michelle uses teamwork as her tactic ... that selflessness and loyalty definitely contributes to her beauty as a woman .
P.S. clearly, men find her swag attractive as well . Who can blame them ? She's the epitome of "beauty & brains"


la belleza natural ♥

Zoe Saldana is a person that is an undeniable beauty . i always hear guys talk about how beautiful she is . I think Zoe's natural appeal makes her so attractive to so many men . The Jersey, New York & Dominican Republic native has no inhibitions about being articulate and well-spoken . No pink wigs, no butt implants, no lip injections, or sex tapes (yet =/). With Dominican and Puerto Rican heritage, Zoe just seems to be down to earth and in touch with who she is as a human soul . THAT'S BEAUTY ! [this video is behind the scenes of her recent calvin klein video]. PS, ifyou do not know why im tlking about zoe, refer to the post below ...

to be or not to be ... beautiful ?

What does it mean to be beautiful ?
i have been struggling with this concept for the past couple of weeks . i struggle with this "label" because it is so subjective, but never tackled . it seems like everyone is afraid to do so . this exploration actually started when i asked myself, "why do these guys like me?" is it because of my skin color (or lack there-of smh)? is it because of this Victoria's secret bra ? perhaps my curls ? the way i dress ? my mind ? - YES, i have been exploring this idea of beauty & elegance .

SO, i am sacrificing the posts on my blog as an Ode to the many different types of beauty out there . each day, i will attempt to provide a person/people who exemplify (to me) what it means to be attractive . ENJOY :)


to be beautiful "us" .

we are the kind kin to the beginning .
-the descendants of Adam and Eve . pre-peach .
we make the world ours .
it is our oyster and we are freely bare;
exposing our nude souls and spreading our emotions like butter on biscuits.

we throw our laughs into the air
we walk barefoot, this is our land .
with our hands
we create pictures and tell stories and bug our eyes .

skin with color pallets of melanin hues .
deep and dark waves of chocolate crashing into silky skin .
sand-paper mosaic skin that reflects off of the sun .
reddish tones crushed into smooth, adobe skin .
hair twisted up, heated and stirred, wrapped in resources,
braided bundles, colored, cut, dyed, and done .

hips swaying to the tunes of turmoil .
feet dancing despite disaster .
pelvis, chests, and thighs ... lifted to the skies .
Black people make life blush .
-a pinnacle of beauty .

wake up !!

Chrisette Michele's new CD comes out November 30th -pre order it . these two songs are from her last album if you slept on her talent (foolishly lol ) . my two favorite songs because theyre so beautiful & raw . she's awesome ... i just got to meet her lastweek so im pumped lol


"turning to stone"

SO . this runaway mini movie is getting so much buzz .
some people are saying that it is pure genius while others are claiming that his celebrity blinds the audience .

okay , ... kanye's acting sucks for the most part . However, he is doing something that a lot of people cannot see . In Runaway, Kanye is resurrecting the idea of "high art". Throughout history, there have always been forms of art that were suspected to transcend the limitations and stigmas of 'common folk' . Kanye is doing that here with his movie - The cinematography is gorgeous , the music is clearly amazing, and the themes of the movie are going above people's heads . just that scene alone with the phoenix & the little lamb on the green lawn had me on stuck lol . These concepts about perception, conformity, and internal death shift Kanye's film from a gimmick to a new age of artistic expression :)
p.s. if you dont like the movie, so what ... the truth of the matter is... kanye stopped caring a LONG time ago :/


we are so sorry for our behavior . lmxo

thank God for the free google sunglasses lol . homecoming was A BLAST ! shouts out to spelhouse !

burn baby burn .

at times .
i become nauseated by the human condition .

sometimes ..
i feel like i am at an "all you can eat" buffet of narcissism, insecurities and selfishness .
when chewed,
it sits at the top of my chest, slowly and painfully being digested -
my stomach churns at the thought of its thickness .
the rusting of humanity is hardly a thin concept to understand .

once & a while ..
balance refuses to happen .
the villains win, the heroes perish & the hard workers burn on the asphalt with roaches .
time does not heal all wounds, but merely acts as concealer for the scars .

something can be said about the rush you get from a VIP booth at the club, being behind the steering wheel of a Range Rover, or being tagged in a picture full of "important people". that diminishable, manipulative high that hides your priorities so you cannot find them ... you cannot see anything BIGGER .
inspired by:
kanye's runaway short film .


the birds & the bee stings .

topic number 2: "the main"

me and this guy got into a conversation he said, " ... stay single . every dude around my age is gunna cheat . girls always want relationships, it's just better to be a main ." now, i tend to only argue about things that i can take seriously . that comment was so backwards to me that i didnt even respond ... i laughed . however, when i saw the conviction behind his eyes, i felt compelled to say SOMETHING , anything .

now, i understood his argument . he said, "we start talkin to a girl and then a couple months in she askin 'whaaaaat areeee we ? blah blah blah' and then we're obligated to jump into a relationship ." i completely understand this . [GIRLS, never pressure a guy into a relationship . if he is not willing to commit on his own, the whole relationship becomes 'forced' .] He went on to explain that it is better to be a main , "i go to the club, get some numbers, meet some girls ... leave the club and call the main up ."

But, if im talking to a guy for numerous months and he cannot commit ... that's perfectly fine ... if i dont want a relationship . however, if i do want one then im probably headed for the door ...headed for someone who's goals are in line with mine. what worthy woman wants to be one of many females ? some females are girls that you date, others are girls that you wife . the key ingredient between the difference is 'SELF-RESPECT' . the thought of another girl kissing and/or having sex with a guy that i'm really feeling is some bullsh*t thats not worthy of my energy . not to mention, if the tables were turned ... a lot of guys would lose their mind if a girl they were feelin was treatin was messing with other guys . DOUBLE STANDARD . i can always respect a man who says he doesnt want a relationship, but dont condemn the girls who want to be treated exclusively .


they dont make em' like they use to .

Uggggh i cannot get enough of this show . a different world is still my fav . so much culture, and topics, and underlying themes ... gawlee, i dont know what it is lol .

red flags wavin'

* this weekend has promted a lot of things i need to discuss this week: 1st topic

ladies, people can change but you cannot CHANGE them . until you learn that fact, you will be in a continuous downward spiral in the dating realm . Men, a lot of the times, will show you who they are and we don't want to believe them ... then you end up 6 feet deep in ice cream watching four hour long lifetime movies .

God will show you what kind of guy you are dealing with through conversation . when i say 'what kind of guy', im not talking about a specific generalization of 'good versus bad'. i mean you will be able to assess a guys values, beliefs, strength of mind, and even confidence . For example, a guy tried to convince me that when he says, "im finna go hang with some bitches" that he doesn't see anything wrong with that . he attempted to explain to me that it's the same thing as calling his homeboys his 'niggas' .

* i asked him if he would ever call his grandpa a "nigga" . he said no . i asked if he would ever call his wife "his bitch" . he said no . those two people are not regarded as such because they are supposed to be respected . i think it's disrespectful and inconsiderate to decide what's okay to call me as a female . i would never call my grandpa "my nigga" because he's dealt with some painful memories regarding that word . in the same regard, men do not struggle with the connotations of the word "bitch", so who are they to give me that nickname ? the fact that i need to EXPLAIN this is pitiful to say the least ... people's minds have been molded & shaped into society's twisted perception .

in conclusion, i can respect a guy who has a strong enough mind to tell when he's being manipulated by the media . this "money over everything", "get b*tches", "imma cheat cause imma man", "dont trust no female" ... blah blah ... is so artificial it's ridiculous . transcend that .


i LAUGH everytime .

Everytime i see this episode i die lol . Martin is still halarious ...FASTFORWARD TO 2:05

10 little things you NEED to do ... soon

#1 . put aside 10 minutes to pray with God. Don't read off your lists of 'thankful fors' and 'forgive mes' . Instead, meditate with God ... communicate spiritually, not mentally.

#2. read "The Third Life of Grange Copeland" by Alice Walker (the author of the color purple) . Omgsh, one of the best books i have ever read in my life . it will change women's perspectives on Black men mentality 110%. It will also help Black men to understand what they could never put in words . READ IT !

#3. check out the three most poppinest 'slept on' LA artists in the game right now .

#4. refrain from buying the new trey songz CD . i love him & he is 'that dude' , but clearly he spread himself too thin & slacked on his album . smh - still love you tho trey trey lol .

#5. Tell FIVE people that you "genuinely love them" . i bet it will make their day =D

#6. follow me on re-furbished twitter @heartsNhandguns . (#shamelessadvertising) lol !

#7. Go to an HBCU homecoming (preferably Spelhouse, Howard, FAMU, Clark Atlanta or Hampton... i can only speak for those five lol). It will surely be a one of a kind experience ! fashion shows, celebrities, football games, comedy shows, parties/clubs, concerts, stepshows & TAILGATING :)

#8. JUST ONCE, say "yes" to the guy that you usually would have said, "no" to . they might turn out to be a pleasant surprise ;) ... or an axe murderer, be careful lol

#9. See "The Book of Eli" . that movie is impeccable and (if you allow yourself to think) will leave you speechless in contemplation .

#10. Think about something you're afraid of doing ... now, do it !


a bloody, blue & white sonnet .

i met a man on the MARTA today
i gave him a cracked, collapsed little grin
his skin sparkled in a gold-kissed sand way
and his voice rang like it sprang through tin,
"ever love someone who doesn't love you back?
stepping on the coat tails of your bent brain
so it does not run -into what life lacks .
you stray from your hope in love, from your pain ."

this fellow with - the broken, hurt windows .
his glass shears stabbed me, pleading with my pride.
"naw," i took the easy route- ten fold;
i swallowed hard and shifted my glossed eyes .

he sat back and smiled, "love wont weaken you"
it's natural, sweet; what God meant us to do .

preserve the punch line .

"red toupe on the coup, you've been fired ." ahhhh oookay!
you really just cant sleep on GOOD music . i meant to post this & then i was reminded today ... me and kanye went on "a relationship break", but we got back together :) ...how often does that happen ? lol . that man has a piece of my heart .
"fresh air, rollin down the windowwww . too many urkles on ya team, that's why ya winslow"

this cypher wasnt really a "cypher" to me, but nevertheless ... it was fly .


where we're headed ?

these days, good music is hard to come by . sure, the wakaflockas & gucci's are entertaining, but thoughtful, clever, melodic, genuinely good music doesnt fall from the sky anymore . well let me say that i am blessed to know the guys that i am about to share in this link . they are so musically inclined & share a love for the actual craft of writing music ...
blah blah blah (the song is bomb as hell lol)


hollyvalens - 'drunk dialin at one in the morn'


on the tips of tongues

i feel like this is worthy of a blog post because it hits home with me ... well let me see it hits 'the house' more than anything .

Vibe magazine, a prominent magazine in the African American community wrote an article about a couple of "out", flamboyant gay guys at Morehouse college. The piece intended to shed light on these young men & their adjusting to the new dress code implementations at Morehouse."The plastics", boys who like to cross dress, were glamorized throughout the magazine and (as a twitter trending topic) people are definitely talking about it . i have two things to say:

#1, i find it extremely disappointing that Morehouse College gets publicity for this nonsense. "The plastics" are made up of about six boys . SIX PEOPLE OUT OF 3,000? they aren't even a demographic to take seriously as far as stereotyping is concerned . Because these guys - dressed in hair weaves, foundation make-up, and "tote-bags"- get shine in the magazine, people like to make generalizations . this proves the ignorance & gullibility of so many people. the media is the devil lol .

#2, i do believe in tolerance . i do not believe in violence because of people's lifestyle . i like to stress the belief that people are humans before anything and beating a guy with a bat on campus because of his sexual preference is a disgusting thing to do . I think these men are entitled to do whatever we want , God gives us this option (although he holds us accountable for our choices).
#3, is it really thaaaaaaat outlandish to ban 'wearing dresses' at an all men's, private institution? Morehouse is strict about baggy pants and 'thug paraphernalia', so i believe they are within full rights to be strict about their students wearing "nicki minaj bangs" and 6-inch pumps? Ivy leagues such as Harvard and Yale are private institutions and base their rules on tradition. In the same respect, a prestigious school like Morehouse (with the legacy of Martin Luther King weighing heavy on their shoulders)would like to adhere to certain traditions.

just my opinion .
the article - http://www.vibe.com/content/mean-girls-morehouse (the article was removed because of the controversy lol)


we ARE our stories .

boobs . boobies . ta-tas . titties. who-hahs . melons . tig-oool-bitties . BREASTS .

my grandmother -
a woman with sandy light skin & hair that swung like anchors behind the backs of her knees .
her creole veins bled new orleans on our meals .
a stern woman - whose stone eyes would melt into carmel and fall into the face of my little brother . oh, how she adored dallas . she loved him enough to crown him her, 'pooty-wootie'.
she loved me too .
but not in the same way . she had disdain for 'fast teenage girls' & even though i was only eight, she had even more disdain for that possibility .
she, herself, gave birth to seven mischevious boys; they had different dads ...
yes, she had disdain for laying on backs with feet scraping the air.
she loved me too .
one of the strongest women i knew, raised seven kids alone & scooped us up with wide smiles .
took us to the park & showed me pictures that i was too small to understand, but too old not to pretend to care . laughs, naps, and black&white television nervana -

then she became sick .

and like a know-nothing child ... i was embarrassed . i was too scared for her bald head to be seen by my fellow foolish eight-year old companions . i hoped & prayed (to a God i knew too little about) that they could not see what was missing underneath her t-shirt . i wanted to handle that confusion, pain, & fear alone ... in that little blue house with the smells of cinnamon toast & strawberry cheesecake pie .

but oh how i miss her now - i'm just a 20 year old girl wanting to fill up the cavaties of her past . i'm just a girl affected by the devastation wrapped in pretty pink ribbons .

- breast cancer awareness month . get a breast examination - early detection saves lives .


fences & balancebeams

there is a fine line between compromise and settling .

& baby you're balancing on the tightrope .

you take your time ... waiting when you're nervous; you straddle on the point of distinction .

but that's fine, if your fine .

but im not, so now what ?

i've had "settling" before . it tastes like cold McDonald's french fries .

after the first thing, it'll be another ... then you'll wake up fat&lonely -

a heavy stomach full of the problems that you swallowed and internalized .

so why ? why go there again ?

and when

is the best time to settle for the dreams that are spoon fed ? instead

of waiting & fighting for whats right ?



see me OR leave me .

"I am an invisible man. No, i am not a spook like those who haunted Edgar Allen Poe; nor am i one of your Hollywood ectoplasms. I am a man of substance, of flesh and bone, fiber and liquids- and i might even be said to posess a mind. I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me ... when they approach me they see only my surroundings, themselves, or figments of their imagination- indeed everything and anything except me." - Excerpt from Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man .

Although he wrote this prologue ... extremely high off of weed, Ellison makes a complicated, but strong point . I always have trouble dealing with men who see me as they want to see me . they want to mold me into their convenient boxes - goody two shoes, Black girl, "red-bone", headstrong, skinny chick ...blah-zay-blah-zay-blah . They see everything around me: my car & school - then a mask is painted on me . My past relationships, devastation, and pain - a new mask is placed on my face. They see their insecurities, jealousy, strengths and weaknesses in me- and then my INNER MOST ME ... is disregarded . It seems that they want to put all of my traits into a blender and simplify who i am. It's impossible . the core of who we are is rarely seen - our ability to love, the things that make us tick, all of the moods we shift in and out of, our intellectual limitations, our morale, our God manicured souls ... that, my friends, is being seen .

Does anyone ever feel like Ellison? Or is it just me? Either way, read that book - it will change your life .

you better dance . lol

the girl in the first round went IN & lil' chang chang lol .thanks hen :)


breast cancer awareness month ; educate yourself .