-the right thing-

"i still remember those cashmere eyes, that gaze so soft against my cheek . the gaze on nights when the moon would reflect off of your marble-like skin . yes, i still remember . Yet, i still remember how you put my joy in the state of intermission ."

i always said i wanted someone that had an actual connection with my soul . i wanted someone that "got me" : my sense of humor, my intelligence, my drive . it's crazy how you ask God for something, and when you get it ... you realize that you needed a bit more . there's this nauseating feeling when this happens, like you're being a brat at Christmas because your parents got you the wrong Cabbage Patch Kid -[even though you never told them which kind to get] -. Nevertheless, these instances are God's way of giving lessons . We think we know what we need SO BADLY and God shows us what's real .

A connection with my soul : what does that even mean ? well, i neglected a huge part of my soul ... and that would be the space occupying God . to connect and grow with me, means to connect and grow in God as well . I may stumble, but something is comforting about a strong presence to help me get up & back on track . A man who not only respects my lifestyle, but encourages it . support paints resilience in a person and that's a vital part of 'the connection' . something is sexy about a guy who is firm in his beliefs . similarly, my morals & values are not in play-dough form either .


& to be honest, i don't worry about "burning bridges" . there's no point worrying about bridges when they weren't going in the direction you wanted ... remember that .

#oow owwww .

excuse these little fellas & im mad they posted us lol . but hey, i guess it's goin' down :]
as jamila would say, "let's get jiggy with it" lmxo .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp_lwFkxQRM&feature=player_embedded

music mistress .

Isn't it crazy how music can make you feel ? the melodies of songs seem to melt in my ears and drip down into my soul . these chimes and tunes are made of wax and they always harden once they hit me . with my earphones on, i tune out the world & find a calm . isn't it crazy how problems can dissolve when you hear a good song ? a calming of a storm : rain . tears . thunder . screams . wind . circumstance ; a good song can be a fresh sun after a stale day .

It's crazy how a good song can make me dance without moving a single limb . when i press play on a Ryan Leslie song, i feel like my organs are having a party inside of my body . Kanye's "Say You Will" makes me feel like I'm plugged into the feelings of a heartbroken boy . "Melodies from Heaven" gives me a natural high that breaks the boundaries of logic . a good Prince song ...psh, you already know . From John Mayer, to Lupe Fiasco, to Miguel, to Luther Vandross, to Erykah & Lauryn, to Andre 3000, to Chester French, to Trey Songz ... a good song can make me melt .

Music is extraordinary because it mixes emotion, wit, thoughts, feelings, and art into a ribbon wrapped package . what's even more special is that each package means something new to everyone . when I'm blasting music in my car, bobbing my head, pretending to play the drums, and singing all the words ... don't judge lol . that feeling is simply the best :]

just a thought .

Say it, Sonia . [2 poems]

"Ballad"

(after the spanish)

forgive me if i laugh
you are so sure of love
you are so young
and i too old to learn of love.

the rain exploding
in the air is love
the grass excreting her
green wax is love
and stones remembering
past steps is love,
but you. you are too young
for love
and i too old.

once. what does it matter
when or who, i knew
of love.
i fixed my body
under his and went
to sleep in love
all trace of me
was wiped away

forgive me if i smile
young heiress of a naked dream
you are so young
and i too old to learn of love.


"Poem #3"

I gather up

each sound

you left behind

and stretch them

on our bed.

each nite

I breathe you

and become high.

these poems are by a lady named Sonia Sanchez . google her . your life might change .

If this is 'beauty' then you can keep it .

HOLLYWOOD WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP .

Many people across the country saw the season premier of "The Hills" tonight on MTV . [BTW, Before i lose all of my male readers, you might want to consider this topic as one to address with your little sisters, girlfriends, and/or future daughters]. For many years, we watched the sweet, confident, Colorado-native Heidi Montag transform under the spotlight of Hollywood. While this show has been a cultural phenomenon, no one ever stopped to ask how this public scrutiny and limelight could affect their stars . Heidi came into the spotlight of The Hills at the tender age of nineteen years old . Throughout a mere four years living in Hollywood, Heidi changed drastically.

bleaching of blond hair, overlooked . Nose job number one . overlooked . boob job number one . overlooked . nose job number two, boob job number two, eyebrow lift, ear pinning, jaw shaving, cheek injections, lip injections, back shaving, butt enhancement, and lipo in the legs . . . who created this monster ? What made Heidi Montag change from the spunky young girl in jean shorts into the busty barbie in louboutins ? People want to blame Heidi's own insecurities, and as "convenient" as that solution is, there is possibly a greater villain at large here .

There is a problem with the perception of beauty in America. Instead of a "come as you are" method of acceptance in our society, we are sucked in by a new slogan: "come as you are, but it's not good enough." Ever since the age of nineteen, Heidi has been criticized for her appearance by millions of people. To cope with the competitiveness of "sexy" in Hollywood as well as the demands of her viewers, the star felt compelled to mold her body into a new person.
When i saw her mother breakdown, i wanted to cry. FOREAL . She didn't even recognize her daughter anymore... externally or internally. Hearing your daughter say, "I wanted bigger boobs, but they said they [the silicon] wouldn't fit in" is traumatizing ... especially when they left your household with so much confidence. Hollywood is simply the criptonite to confidence . Other stars like Stephanie Pratt even admitted to battles with Bulimia. Unfortunately, California is not the only place that places these excruciatingly high standards of "beauty" on women. Music videos, magazines, reality shows, and advertisement are chopping into the souls of so many young girls . I ask women to reject these unhealthy, drastic notions of "beauty" and i ask men to have these perception discussions with young girls in their lives. Tell them that they are beautiful ... AS IS .

boo-lovin' in the books ♥

dating & college .

First off, every one's college experience is different depending on their location, personality, interests, beliefs and even appearance. For example, if you go to college in California as opposed to Atlanta, District of Columbia, Virginia, or New York, your experience is going to be completely different. If you are outgoing and heavily involved in college, your experience is different from the kid who is hidden behind a stack of books in the library every Friday night. If you are considered "physically attractive" to a majority of men and women [although i have some inhibitions about 'pretty' and ugly'], your experience is going to reflect that. I say all of this to explain that i cannot speak for everyone, but i can definitely speak on me.

To be plain, if your college is not changing you for the better, or at all ... then transfer. Living in Atlanta, i have seen and heard so many crazy, funny, life-changing, dynamic things and i wouldn't change my experiences for the world. More importantly, living 3,000 miles away from home has made me independent in so many ways: responsibility-wise, career-wise, and relationship-wise. Contrary to popular belief... hell, contrary to my OWN popular belief, there are a lot of attractive, ambitious, interesting Black men at "The House" and Clark Atlanta. It's kind of refreshing to see a guy with full tattoo sleeves in the library studying in the same room with a young man in his business suit, writing papers. Living in the AUC (Atlanta University Center) snaps your preconceived notions of Black men in half.

A lot of people feel a certain way about dating in college. I would definitely recommend it. It is truly a learning experience to find out how awesome and/or not-so-awesome people can be. Dating in high school is usually. . . a joke. People in high school are hardly fully developed -if you were as mature as you were gunna get at the age of 17 ... then that's problematic in itself lol- and dating in college opens your eyes to the kind of mate that you're looking for. Now don't get me wrong, college does not equate with maturity. I have met men that probably won't grasp the concept of a real relationship until they're sitting in a retirement home somewhere in Miami. Nevertheless, college (especially here) has some very interesting people that you never thought you could be attracted to.

A lot of people meet their soul mates while they're in college. That is not a coincidence. In high school, it is merely a melting pot of people who hardly have any common interests with you. As a matter of fact, the only reason why you're both there is because the state placed you in that school (for public school students). [Don't get me wrong, i met my sisters in HS and they're awesome]. In college, however, people have a lot of common interests such as career goals, majors, ideas about ethnicity,religion, etc. In my atmosphere, i meet people from New York, Jersey, Philly, Houston, LA, Miami, Baltimore, and Atlanta. Sure, some are very aggressive, some are arrogant, some are artistic, & some are straight up weirdos (cough cough DC, lol) ...but at the end of the day, these same people can alter your whole definition of 'chemistry' and 'connection'. I have to be honest, i don't know too much about 'fish', but i do know that there are PLENTY OF MEN in the sea of college :]

people have been giving me some topics, if you have one for me to address, comment it !

signed, your insomnia inamorata.

i love you, yet I'm deprived of your presence . still, my thoughts are tied up in you and like a hostage, they can't escape . i hear the whispers about you . i hear the screams . mm, i hope the rumors are true .

i hope you can hang with my eminence baby, cause your chick in that blue toga can't HOLD A LIGHT to me . you're a hot commodity & word is you've been askin' for me . like a lip gloss tint, you can make me shine & glow .

you're body is an art piece, tatted up and drenched in soul . i want you as my rococo lover . this fiance with five hearts , i want to know em all .
sometimes you can be cold, but the heat makes me forget . you're so complex . i don't even wanna scrape the glitter from the gravel . i just want all of you , someday .

i know YOU HAVE A KID, so what ... who wouldn't want to be a stepmom to Hip Hop ? turning my tables on in your chivalrous suggestion . that's what you are .
the belly of the beast and the sensual that satisfies .
dip me in and call me hooked , ill be your anything .

So, i had a talk with my professor about my future writing pursuits. She looked at me and said, "New York , Go. I can already see you there now, you would love it ." hmmmm ?

whaaaaaat ?

. . . LMFBO . did my man really just walk away ??

joy dipped in caramel .

Sometimes you have to kiss catastrophe, with tongue .
shock SHOOTS into the air and the options are h u n g
you try to smoke it in and swallow the taste
forgetting the damage to a body, the blackening of lungs .

I'm dirty dancing with disaster, lambada style
& try not to collapse on the cobblestone, complicated tile .
this dance is so complex, but ill be damned if it's a waste;
so ill plead in my partner's ear to stay for a while .

I'm scrubbing off the dirt to make the future pure
'cause that's the only action that I'm committed to for sure .
we cant dwell on the problems as if they make us mature .

"my sweet naive Stevi, if only the diagnosis was the cure." - Clyde .

stevi: a coming of age story

yes, i'm at peace .
sometimes we forget that this world is ours & we too often forget that . we stupidly lend ourselves to society and what it pushes on us . we have a choice, we have a say-so ...in so many ways .

i am four days facebook free . i am so tired of being "connected" all of the time. i am so tired of being addicted to a place that is so self-centered & nosey . people can see what i'm doing without even speaking a word to me . people can make judgements and assumptions about my personality based on a few "clicks" of a mouse . based on my status ? based on my "info"? it seems like people can only communicate through these networking devices , but who can blame us ? Ever since I entered high school, my generation has only known black planet, myspace, facebook, aim, twitter, formspring and BBM . We dont know any other ways to get to know one another . Well, i challenge you to communicate in more "personal" ways . when you see someone, speak in person . call someone ...hear their voice, duh . why Internet ? WE ARE NOT ROBOTS . you have a choice .

we are free to love . that is one of the most courageous things to me because you put your heart on the front line of battle for someone . i am free to love who i please with open arms and dust myself off when or if things fall apart . i mean honestly, isn't that what it's all about ? breathing in someone else's suffering ... trying to relieve them from pain because you care ? giving someone joy and a sense of security ? blessing someone with a taste of what God has for us ? society breeds cowards . small people, who dress their hearts in cheap armor and bubble wrap . a strong heart is only such after a testing & tedious work-out . i licked and swallowed any animosity i had towards people a while ago ... it had a faint taste of molded bread lol . now is the time for unwavering, brave, passionate love . society generally has no authority in this matter . for'real .

sometimes, life can get HARD . i mean, HARD . i always feel bad for atheist because they have nothing to believe in other than this world . they hold on to society . let me tell you, that's how your hands get frostbite . without faith in God, life loses it's purpose and emptiness consumes the spirit . Really, with a companion in Jesus, things don't seem as bad . We are often times scared when things change because we do not know what's next . I have recently started to embrace the concept of "possibility" ...instead of running from it like a coward, we need to be excited & waiting to see what happens next . emotions happens. tragedy happens. hurt happens. you cant get rid of it ...but you can definitely upgrade your outlook on things :]

it's earth week ♥

shouts out to the young men who were bored after school .

vacances heureuses =)

#yawn .

We could be reading books or magazines ? we could write stories . we could go shopping or we could cook . we could take up dancing lessons or go to bible study . perhaps we could go outside and sketch the scene . maybe we could juggle jobs and try to make some green, smoke green ? whatever . i could do my school work ? you could start a non-profit ? we could save the world . i could take up knitting or breed turtles in a huge bath tub in my backyard . PLEASE ! we can do anything but talk about boys .

I'm so tired of talking about men like they're the oxygen to life's lungs . i am officially done caring about who played who , what he said, where you saw him, who had sex with who, who he cheated with, the games he's playing, how wack his girl is, who he punched, or how he lost a good thing . AYE, whooooo cares ? lmbo . clearly not me . boys are only boys . Either way, whooooo cares ? there are so many other things to be concerned about ... not weak men who dont even deserve the energy .

the realest thing she ever wrote .

don't sleep on my friend's blog . she has some very insightful things to say . jamila from baltimore, Maryland . This post, "something you forgot" is real . read away !!

hit this link --> http://beautiful--vision.blogspot.com/

it all depends .

you gave me yellow tulips and the contrast was cool with your ink sleeves .

in between the swirls of images that sunk into your skin, their was room for me . i didn't want to press a needle to pierce flesh . instead, i just wanted to leave my maroon mark where it would last . where you would have me settle in .

pages of green make libraries in your high-priced pockets . i blushed when you asked, "do you want anything else ?" i loved how your jumpy laugh bounced off of your Nikes & rolled across to meet me half way . i scooped the joy from the air, tasted the sweet & saved some for later .

we bent the rules into origami and place them on the tables of 'have nots' . we crumbled limitations and threw it out of the window . we tried to avoid littering tickets . we tried not to let the reds and blues leak into the light on dashboards of cars . time does not apply for those who do not wait . space is non-existent to those who break the ceilings .

kiss kiss . ching ching . pow pow . cheating death to live ?

inspired by: you & erykah badu - other side of the game

i miss the theme song whistle :)

ahh , it's back !!
aaron mcgruder's the boondocks will be back for the final season & im ecstatic . in case you didn't know, the boondocks is really one of the smartest, funniest satire cartoons ...wait... the only funny, smart, cartoon satire around . it sucks that it's leaving for good , but i cant wait for the new season :]. go out and buy the seasons on DVD !

[thanks for the heads up morgan . much appreciated love] .

release .

and then . . .
the champagne-colored clouds parted & he stared at the gates of heaven . he smiled and tested his first foot forward ...he felt a tingle as his toes pressed the solid surface of salvation . taking a deep breath of the jasmine and Lincoln rose-stained air .

he smiled and took his second step forward ... another step towards the smooth, sweet pillars and opening . he looked at his hands and their was no skin nor shade; only an outline of what used to be his body . what would normally be melanin was filled with his childhood memories with Courtney, his mother . with her hair swinging past the back of her knees, she smiled that tangy, sweet smile that he could never abandon in his mind .

he smiled. he took another step towards the sun dipped gates, looking forward to seeing her again . he looked below his footsteps to the world underneath . his feet were muddy with the trails of trials, pain, hardship, stigma, and confusion . without a second moment for consideration, he lifted his feet one by one and blew as hard as he could ... flying the mud back into the abyss below .

none of that mattered now . . . he was home .

REST IN PEACE UNCLE AL . WE LOVE YOU .
-- and it would be nice if you, mom, and grandma could join together & watch over Dad . He's my heart .

ooo la la aubrey .

i had to do it :] the video is dope .

corpulent conduct .

Our bodies & our "spiritual bodies" are very similar when it comes to nutrition .

What you put into it will surely produce results .

Some lives are filled with "junk food" . all we stuff into our "spiritual bodies" are materialism, lies (either to others or ourselves), promiscuity, gossip, hating, over ambition, deceit and distractions . Our lives suffer the consequences because of what we feed it . before we know it, our lives are unhealthy and shutting down . it happens just like a body does ...one organ fails, then another, then ANOTHER: we lose focus in life, our mindset is negative, relationships fall apart, & people treat us differently, ...sooner or later, all the aspects of the bigger picture are destroyed and we wonder where we went wrong .

Some people want to take the quick approach and "liposuction their life" into the right place . instead of focusing their lives on God, we turn to quick fixes to solve our problems ... alcohol, drugs, & sex that create pleasure for the time being & a sense of hollowness afterward. We feel guilt . We let all of the junk in our life prohibit us from turning around and being healthy . Sometime we feel like it's too late . Then slowly but surely, that tummy-tuck life alter leaves us unhealthy again . &/Or we are left with excess skin & scars ...proclaiming to the world that something didn't work out like we originally planned .

Some people are in denial about their disintegrating "bodies" . On the outside, everything looks perfect and society tells us that we're "badddd" . so, we believe them . If we look healthy from the outer perspective, then everything on the inside has to be . Gorgeous, thin people have heart attacks, get diabetes, or liver failure too . Just because they have a slim body does not mean that they are taking care of themselves nutritionally. Similarly, SPIRITUAL BODIES are the same way. Kanye said, "the prettiest people do the ugliest things" . Just because we "seem" like our lives are beautiful and perfect on the outside, does not mean that the unhealthy things inside cannot do damage .

We need to be real with ourselves about how much societal junk we consume =/ .
It's never too late to insert God into our diet .

eager & elderly .

some may think me strange and a tad bit odd

so, feel free to uncomfortably smile and nod .

i cant wait until i blow out my birthday cake.

ill take a deep breath and exhale on the candles ... all 68 .

yeah that's right, that'll be my year

the one that's dreaded and provokes folk's fear .

people sleep on 68 'cause of bad hips and awkward stares

but you can say things to people that (before) you wouldn't dare !

i can be rude to adults and SCARE little kids,

& they can't say a word because i paid my bid .

my age and my 'wisdom' will make it all worth while .

ill call it seniority, & they'll call me senile .

but i don't care, cause ill be fly

on some random nude beach with SAGGY SKIN FRIED .

ill rock jogging suits with "HOT MAMA" on the back

with my cute running shoes and my shades to match .

ill bungee jump and dive from planes .

on my harley davidson, ill pass the old lames with their walkers and canes .

vitally, ill be at complete peace with life .

ill simply laugh at the pain, heartbreak and strife .

68 will be my year .

[... well as long as my kids dont try to put me into a home >:0]

three ring .

excuse me, where are my peanuts ?
every time i go to the circus, someone's selling peanuts . so, WHERE ARE THEY ?

am i not living in a circus ? if im not, sure could've fooled me .

sometimes i feel like im sitting in the stands and watching people dive through flaming hoops for one another's attention . "monkeys" acting like coons because they saw it on a music video . gang banging is no longer a claiming of hoods ... it's a vengeance bath . you killed my brother, so now i kill yours . it's destined to never end, and now some lame little boys are trying to get 'put on' to look like they 'belong' . some of these 'gang bangers' and 'dope dealers' don't even come from a background of poverty . some of them definitely have loving, well-off families sittin' at home lol . nonetheless, the monkeys take center stage and shove shxt in each other's face .

then we have the tightrope folks . these ones ride the fine line of reality and materialism . they focus strictly on trying to obtain "$$"so that others can see them shine . they claim, "f*ck b*tches, get money" to PRETEND that emotion is 'beneath them' . what's really beneath them , you ask ? the poverty stricken, violent, deteriorating, unglamorous, hurting world outside of their little 'bubble' . instead of enlightening themselves to the problems of people around them ... they turn their nose up on their tightrope and focus on themselves . they focus on the shallow . they're world consists of "bands, fashion week, shoes, sex, drugs, and the hype" . they're completely ignorant to the issues around them .

*sidebar attraction*: no one understands 'the elephants' . those HUGE things in the skimpy clothes . we always wonder why the 'doo doo's' need to try to make themselves as big as possible and wear the dumbest outfits . at hump Wednesday, i saw a girl with a belly top and her stomach hanging over . she paired that top with shorts that had her butt hanging out . i asked my friend, " Why did she have to do that ? I know she wants attention but it's finna be negative attention ." my friend, "'cause if she wore modest clothes, people would look right through her . i guess negative attention is better than no attention all all ." is it ?

ahh my favorite, the clowns . they're my favorite because they are the most complex . they'll catch their hair on fire, they'll strip their clothes, they'll kill themselves just go get a nod of approval from the crowd . they're constantly trying to find out what will make the crowd SMILE ... taking a picture that covers nothing but your nipples and posting it on facebook ? guys tryna be a 'player' because chivalry and virtue is taboo in society ? becoming 'bisexual' because it's a trend ? pretending to be eccentric & 'artsy' . we have seventeen year old girls smoking cigarettes and sayin, "i know . . . it's a nasty habit" . what are you, like 12 [lol] ? sixteen year olds messing with guys twenty year old men & having babies. the same girls who don't even know what a 'clitoris' is ? The sad part is, most of them don't even know that they're a joke . Everyday, they smear their facade on their face and walk out the door, praying to be popular . Unfortunately, they can't even see who's really in the stands ... people that simply shake their head and shed tears for their pitiful mentality .

i say all of this because ... i just want my damn peanuts .

♥ signed a giddy girl .

i peak through your blinds of phrases and metaphors to see you .
your words give me peace in my war of confusion & collision . you see, i admire you. so generous, giving me the present of hope in love ... gift wrapped in a bow and ribbon . i see the illusions in your eyes and the similes in your smile . i cant help but want to know more . your warm words comfort my cold . you're deep, hell . . . i just wanna swim in your contemplation .

my binoculars see past your outer design, believe me ! my lenses only see your thoughts, your enlightenment, your 'it factor' from afar . ha , couldn't say something like that with a straight face . your outer 'easy on the eye' glistens just as much as the beauty within . but what's wrong with that ? i don't care about diamonds and things gold-plated . i just wanna hold your thoughts, your ideals, debate it .

i don't know you like that , don't care if i do . my heart is still tied into knots & twisted like a maze ... out of order . but honestly, im crushing on your perspectives & im smitten by your romance-painted mind . i would have NO PLACE in your heart, for writing is your muse . . . i'd merely be a mistress . but i don't wanna take the risk of falling for your fairy tale words, so ill just peak through your blinds of phrases and metaphors to see you & blush .

honestly , who writes this stuff ? lmxo .

ureka .

"Why go to an HBCU [Historically Black College and University] ? it's not the 'real world' ."

i laughed . what is the real world ? is a suburb of Los Angeles not the "real world" ? is a small town in Kentucky not the "real world" ? what about the fast pace, materialistic cities of New York and Hollywood ? are those places not the "real world" ? What about Morman towns ? A village in Venezuela ? the real world is wherever people are eating, sleeping, thinking, praying, breathing, loving, stealing, lying, learning and living . In all actuality, Spelman is the realest place that i could be because i am forced to evaluate myself beyond my race and/or gender . i am forced to take an in depth look at my soul and spirit . i am forced to realize that when i enter a room, my race enters with me .

"HBCU's will make you into some black supremacist ."

i laughed . an activist for social equality and peace ? yes . a supremacist ... no . If loving where i come from is frowned upon then that's fine . frowning requires more energy than smiling anyway . At my HBCU, i am free to discuss race, gender, and class issues (PASSIONATELY) without being scrutinized for it . in the same breath, i am not CONSTANTLY worrying about 'proving my blackness'. Instead of having to join a BSU (black student union) on campus or naturally marginalize myself with all of the Blacks in my year, i am forced to choose friends strictly based on inner personality, values and interests .

"HBCU's lack diversity ."

i laughed . ATTENTION WORLD: i do not live in a snow globe . i don't hit a glass wall when i try to leave my historically Black college, smh . Georgia Tech, Georgia State and Emory are minutes away from my campus . i see other races all of the time, not to mention there are foreign exchange students from all corners of the world who come to study at my school . i am not handicapped by being around Black people . Professionalism is NOT about race ...it's about class and maturity . only an idiot would walk into a corporate meeting and ask the VP to 'dougie' in the board room lmbo . come onnnn "/ . I still have plenty of White, Latino, Armenian, and Asian friends ... and i haven't changed ... being myself doesn't take four years of "college training" to do .

"HBCU's hinder career opportunities ."

LAUGH . Corporations come from all over the country to find young, ambitious students at Spelman, Morehouse, Howard, Hampton and Clark Atlanta . Investment banks, Apple, Google, department Store executives, fashion agencies, businesses and many graduate schools come to HBCU's for their next executives. With Spelman and Howard constantly fighting for the number one HBCU spot in the nation . Legacy like Zora Neale Hurston, Martin Luther King Jr, and Spike Lee....there's a reason why people peep into the HBCU gates . . . we deliver .

"Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better. " - Martin Luther King Jr.

two poems on tuesday morning [:

WHAT THE MIRROR SAID

listen,
you a wonder,
you a city
of a woman.
you got a geography
of your own.
listen,
somebody need a map
to understand you.
somebody need directions
to move around you.
listen,
woman,
you not a noplace

anonymous
girl;
mister with his hands on you
he got his hands on
some
damn
body!

HOMAGE TO MY HIPS

these hips are big hips.

they need space to

move around in.

they don't fit into little

petty places. these hips

are free hips.

they don't like to be held back.

these hips have never been enslaved.

they go where they want to go

they do what they want to do.

these hips are mighty hips.

these hips are magic hips.

i have known them

to put a spell on a man and

spin him like a top!

the light .

"I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. " Psalms 34:1

i tried to count my blessings today and i lost count . God is too good to ignore, deny, or put on the back burner of our life . honestly . sometimes we are so consumed in our problems that we cannot allow ourselves to completely trust God . i think it's pretty arrogant for us to believe that we "know" best about our situations . God knows all . I find it even more arrogant that we think it's ALL ABOUT US . in actuality, our priorities should be of GOD .

i just think that we are so worried about what the world thinks, when it has done absolutely nothing for us . the world is a cold place and you will learn that it's acceptance is worth less than nothing . SMH . i get down with erykah badu's video because of her speech at the end . we all think that we are so "unique" and "different" ... but the truth is, we spend our lives searching for groups to camouflage into because being an individual is way too uncomfortable for us .

the ultimate individual ... (before the Erykah Badu's, Amber Rose's, Andre 3000's, and supposed "trendsetters"at your school) ... was Jesus . He was ridiculed and persecuted for being an individual ... he was ridiculed and persecuted for us . Yet and still we procrastinate when it comes to making God a priority . we're self-centered enough to believe that we'll live to see age 80 ...when plenty of folks my age are dying everyday .

I just wanna thank God for everything ... I'm truly overflowing with gratefulness :)

i can dig a good action movie :]

throw your hands in the air .

1. who are these geeks pumping out all the facebook fan pages ... that know EXACTLY where im coming from all the time ? lol .

2. where do all of the missing socks go ?

3. did anyone else want to cry when they saw how terrible Heidi [from "the hills"] looked in that MTV commercial ? =(

4. is it REALLY better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission ?

5. what is ryan leslie saying in "gibberish" ? he's sayin something, i can tell !! lol .

6. movies like love&basketball, the notebook, dear john ... is that really possible ?

7. what came first, the chicken or the egg ? [no, seriously]

8. who's really awesome-er ? kobe or lebron ?

9. what is more important ? national security or civil rights ?

10. does anyone SERIOUSLY think that gucci, souljah boy, or gudda gudda are exceptional rappers ? anyone ?

11. does real love withstand over time or can it evaporate ?

12. when is someone gunna tell Genuwine to stop dancing in his music videos ? ... finna knock his hip outta socket , smh .

13. Why does everyone sleep on Chrisette Michelle, J.Cole, Miguel and Jazmine sullivan ?

14. if Obama had a white wife, would he be president ? if he was dark skinned, would he be president ? [2 for 1 question lol]

15. who shot 2PAC & JFK ?

16. why are girls so jealous ? why waste time being intimidated ? psh . embrace your glamorous . forrrreal ;)

17. what was the right thing in "do the right thing" ? huh spike ?!

18. how awkward is it too walk into a bathroom while someone is pooping and you know they're done but they're waiting on you to leave so they wont be embarrassed when they come out of the stall ? lmfbo .

19. how is my generation gunna turn out ? will we be wrinkly and tatted, jerkin & dougie'n ? =X

20. how different would things be if we HONESTLY didn't care what people thought or had to say about us ? [dont lie, we all care to a certain extent]

21. God, can you bring some peace soon please ? im bored with the drama ...

i ♥ him .

when i looked up the word "anxiety", i got three results:

anx·i·e·ty [ang-zahy-i-tee]
–noun, plural-ties.
1.distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune: He felt anxiety about the possible loss of his job.

2.earnest but tense desire; eagerness: He had a keen anxiety to succeed in his work.

3.Psychiatry. a state of apprehension and psychic tension occurring in some forms of mental disorder.

my definition ?

anxiety (n.) - the emotion you have before you learn to give it all to God .

trailer . [uhm, here we go]

to whom it may concern ,

you . yes you ,
i want to breathe you in like christmas morning air . i want your 'you' to sink into my skin like ink . pierce my eyes with your soul and hold a mirror to mine . my window will reflect yours . there's only room for three in my heart's lover lounge ... me, you & the creator .

baby, four's company .

you are free to dream with me . im not a killer, so never fear . i want to nurture your ambition, my dear . ill feed & nourish until it crawls, walks, runs & then flies into the life that we will make for ourselves . ill saturate you with support until it pours out of your pores . you just have to dive into my math . two minus one equals nothing, one plus one equals everything . you just have to reciprocate what i give to you : honesty, love, respect & spirit .

i need you to unchain your mind from the bike rack bondage of limitations and ride with me into the world of individualism . give a peace sign up [with your index finger down] to what people have to say about us . the real winner of a game, is the one who doesn't need games altogether . yes, im nineteen, but my mind is bored with the insecurities of the public . im tired of being told what's "realistic" out of love . that "men are only capable of X.Y &Z" . that persistence and hope doesn't pay off . that my standards are "not practical". who ever aspired for 'practical love' anyway ? im tired of being told that my age is the handicap of my ability to love & be loved . clearly, my heart went over my head some time ago .

i don't know if i have already met you, dated you, passed you on the street, or let you borrow my pencils . maybe we have yet to meet . i lend myself to the opportunities of the world around me . but im peaking behind blinds of 'what if's' and sighs to see you from afar . i'm your hypothetical, hopeful, secret admirer . . .

quote , end quote .

we miss you lauryn :/

"Why every Indian wanna be the chief?
Feed a man 'til he's full and he still want beef
Give me grief, try to tief off my piece
Why for you to increase, I must decrease ?"


- Lauryn Hill , singer/emcee/poet/philosopher/artist