. . . if only

jayde has not looked in a mirror in five months . She cant seem to get a handle on the girl that calls herself 'reflection'. miss reflection, the girl that stumbled into that party in her american apparel dress . the girl who found herself with hands cuffed to her mouth while she screamed for help . she screamed for liberation . she screamed for help , for it all to end . but the music, the party, his cold eyes filled her mouth, nostrils, ears & drowned her in a crime that burned her body to ash .

Jayde isn't the same . she wants control over her mind because the leash has been snapped . A bottle of vodka can make her cringe . A flannel shirt causes her eyes to water . A fitted cap, a song, the dark . . . all a trigger being pulled to push out the repulsion she feels for herself . she thinks it was her fault for that dress . she thinks she is disgusting .

Jayde has not looked in a mirror in five months . & you would never know .

[In 2007, there were 248,300 victims of rape, attempted rape, and sexual assault .]
* So many people have been sexually abused in their lifetime and you would never even guess it . I have had some girls tell me stories that make my stomach churn , really . Those vivid, horrible, sick experiences that people deal with . . . change them over the years . Please be sensitive to that idea when you make someone feel small . you never know how small theyre feeling already o_O .

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