because lois lane & mary-jane watson deserved to know...

over dinner i had a conversation about the concept of "the good guy". i do not really believe in "the good guy" construction. i refuse to measure a man's virtue by word of mouth- a few googly-eyed girls raving about how sweet and nice a guy is. i wish it was that simple. unfortunately, there are plenty of guys that wake up in the morning and slip into their gentlemen facade, while simultaneously covering up the chauvinistic "player" that lies underneath. personally, i am less concerned with who a man is while he's walking me to class or showering ladies with flattery.

i like to know who a man is behind closed doors when he is with a group of male counterparts. how does he treat women when they aren't around? does he feel the need to prove his masculinity? does he name names? look, i have been in the midst of these male conversations and i know how these discussions sound. honestly, i just like to know who a man is when no one is looking.

i tend to see men in three different arenas : 

1. the man he portrays to the outside world & public. we all see him when he is on his way to work, the man who posts on facebook and twitter. we know the guy who texts you to see how you're holding up. now don't get me wrong, this can very well be a man's true character ... but there are other arenas to consider.

2. the man he portrays to his friends. i'll never understand the common pretense that men put on in front of their so called" friends". they constantly challenge each other's manhood and masculinity. a lot of the time, it would appear like they cannot be real with one another. often times, discussions of spirituality, emotion, or relationships (not sex) are left out of the equation. instead there is this constant beating of the chest. there is more to a man than sports and sex, right? unless of course, men are cavemen who are totally devoid of substance (which i refuse to believe).

3. the man in front of the mirror. i cannot truly see a man for who he is until i understand him within this arena. a man's true integrity can be measured by his actions when he thinks no one is looking. because of the numerous layers, this can only be seen with time. when the cool is removed and honesty blooms ... money, "social status", clothes, and macho-man become irrelevant. i do not believe in merely "good and bad" guys. i just think it's important to understand that people are complex. 
whoever said, "what you see is what you get" couldn't see very far.


  1. Agreed, completely.

    Somewhere underneath all the fabricated "macho" I'm confident emotional competence resides in men. The trouble is finding it. Le sigh.

    Great Post.

  2. LOL keep hope alive ! thanks denia :)