the 'turnt up' rules .

After a year and a half of staying in the Dirty South and about 18 in Cali, i think i have some insight about Partying lol . Here are the rules:

1. do NOT drink & drive . Do you really start 2010 with a DUI charge ? boooooo .

2. DON'T shoot pistols into the air, dummy . lol you don't know where that bullets gunna go .

3. No drunken phone calls to Ex's (pahaha, you know who you are) .

4. Watch your drinks !! People slip ruffies ! [have we learned nothing from 'The Hangover'?] lol .

5. Wearing high heels and tight dresses does NOT guarantee a fun night ! [i posted it Hen lol] Therefore, don't turn down a good time just because it's not 'Hollywood enough' for you .

6. No fighting . contrary to popular belief, the guy starting a fight in the party is considered a 'douche bag' not the sexy bad guy lol .

7. Girls, don't mean mug in the club . . . it's not right to come into 2010 jealous . Just make sure to dress better next time & maybe you wont feel so intimidated next time :)

8. If you're single, i repeat IF YOU'RE SINGLE lol . . . make sure to shimmy near someone really cute during the countdown . Even if you're not into the random kissing of guys, i'd hate to be yanked by some random boogawolf in the corner . GROSS ! lol .

*ps. to you relationship-ees . getting snapped and posted on fb sucking face with someone other than your gf or bf might be a weird way to enter 2010 , just maybe ? lol .

9. If Gucci, Travis Porter, Snoop, or PDiddy is played . . . you are officially allowed to act a fool (its true, i checked the party handbook) lol .

10 . PLEASE HAVE FUN !! Don't be so hung up on where you are as much as who you are with . Enjoy your friends (if they're anything like mine, you should have fun anyway) =DD . PARTY HARDY !! :)

HOT

hello there.

i hate waking up this early . it's 4am like always and here i am , rising from the horizon . my yellow breaking the faded blue sky everyday , that's truly when i feel my prettiest . yuup, that horizon break . no one ever really sees that part though, they can barely look at me around noon . Do you know how much it hurts to know that people say ... i hurt THEIR eyes ? ugh . They wear their shades and try to pretend like i dont exist when in all actuality, their lives revolve around me . so annoying . let me tell you, this gets pretty annoying .

Dont get me wrong people, there are some perks to this high esteemed job . i get to travel . i love seeing the most beautiful landscapes all over the world . I've seen the Paris, The Middle East, the Great Wall of China, the Pyramids, Alaska's backwards ice caps, the statue of Liberty, South Beach, the Staple Center and Rodeo Drive (now that's a sight).

BUT ONE DAY, i was drifting over this little beach in Malibu this past summer . This couple was laying on a blanket facing the water , exchanging letters that they wrote one another . They smiled bashfully and looked at each other like they understood one another . I mean, i see couples all of the time in my line of work , ALL THE TIME . but these two were different . In case you didnt know, i live pretty far away from everyone else . . . and i can see when heat is radiating off of another surface . These two were on fire , and it was only a mere fifty degrees on that beach in Malibu . I have been around for millions of years and it had been such a long time since i saw this . Too long that i thought that this heat was a mix-up .

I followed them around for the rest of the summer , eyes glued to them . I assumed that the heat thing was a minor glitch, but i was wrong . The heat that these two created broke all the bounds of science . I realized that i was looking at genuine love . When these two came together, they created this heat & it was beauty at it's rawest, realest form . I thought this kind of love died years ago, but they gave me hope, hot hope . love like that makes my job worth while . In case youre out there, thanks kids . . . you kept me going .

Sincerely Yours,
THE SUN

re-post from july : "keep the ripe"

Elie Wiesel said it best, "you can get used to anything."
someone in his circumstances had everyright to make that statement , and i invest a section of my beliefs to that declaration .

Time and time again, that statement re-proves itself in my life . Somethings happened to me in my life that i thought would crush me, physically and mentally . However, As cruel and blunt as it sounds, my mind and heart get used to anything . That doesnt mean the "anythings" become pleasant or easy over time ...it just means that you become accustomed to it .

unfortunately, i become accustomed to as well . Things that took your breath away become mundane with time . my unique characteristics become the norm with time . the things i said that pierced your mind has numbed it all the same ... with time . as "different" as i seem to most, you can get used to it . i think thats secretely everygirl's biggest fear with a man ... becoming "used to" . Having him look at you like seven-year-old bed sheets . I think that's why girls do the things they do for men ...at any cost , because theyre scared of becoming the "been there, done that". theyre so desperate to keep things fresh .

i honestly dont have the answer to the posed problem . however, i can imagine times when i have woken up to the sun & appreciated it like it was the third time i met him . & perhaps thats what love is ? Getting used to your love but still appreciative of the joy they bring in your life . rolling over to your spouse and feeling blessed to have them for another day . i can only imagine what it would be like to wake up to bliss every morning . not necessarily waking up to a perfect person...cause everyone sucks once and a while lol . but waking up to think, "wow ...theyre still here. how lucky am i? " hmm, i dont know ? i guess anythings possible ?

song: teedra moses - take me .

lessons learned .

You know, my mom always told me not to be a 'typical teenager' . She said , "Please dont grow up and be like those white kids on TV who yell 'i hate you' and run to their room." lol . She told me not to trust little boys until they earned that right . She told me she loved me so much, that i began to love myself . She taught me that tears do not compromise a person's strength and to use your circumstances to enlighten and inspire people .

She taught me what to say when people made fun of my name as a little girl lol . She taught me (without knowing it) that you can't trust everyone all the time, but you have to be strong enough to find out who's worthy . She showed me that a small knit group of GOOD friends is better than a plethora of fake ones . She taught me to be 'special' and embrace it . So many people want to blend into the background of everyone else, and im so grateful to be myself . My mom showed me the importance of a relationship with God . I believe God gave my mom the courage to pray in the face of adversity and she passed it down to me.

I think one of the most important things my mother ever taught me was to know my own worth . To know what i deserve and what i dont . I remember when i was in elementary school and i told someone that i was happy with the way i looked & they made fun of me . i came home and cried to my mom, "someone called me stuck up" . She laughed, and ever since then . . . i laughed too . I laugh at anybody who thinks that they can tell ME what i deserve , who i am, or what i am capable of . She taught me these things . . .

During the holidays, we need to remember our family . The ones with us, the ones we miss, and the ones that we need to be thankful for . As the 2009 year ends, its important to hold onto what you have learned previously so you do not digress . It's also important to acknowledge the people who taught you .

realist rain .

utopias never last for too long .
adam and eve had a good thing going until the third
party of the snake was dropped into the equation .
a garden of numerous , healthy greens sprouted in a
healthy frenzy .
flowers of magenta, violet, and reds inhaled the
precious air of earth .
vegetation swelled the expanse of the earth in a
wet growth .

then a snake .

at the age of nineteen, i honestly can't know everything . i havent lived long enough to know everything . one thing i do know is a common misconception among people about life . People seem to think that there is always one solution to problems that life throws your way. i said in a previous post that there are merely paths , not answers . This concept scares the life out of people because we love SOLUTIONS, not choices .

we ask ourselves why a girl is promiscuous and we want to assume its because she is 'thirsty' . it's too complex for us to consider her father's abandonment or her sexual molestation or the things her mother taught her about never 'falling in love' . we ask ourselves why your guy would cheat and we want to say he's a bad guy . it'd be way too difficult to include the fact that he's never seen a successful relationship or that he genuinely has feelings for two women and doesnt know what to do . That does not justify either of the behaviors, but it makes things just a little more complicated than we would hope for . we wonder: is it better to not trust ANYONE or is it better to give everyone the benefit of the doubt until they prove you wrong . The problem is , there is no right answer . one answer is bound to fail you eventually . that's the scary part .

so maybe Utopia's do not exist . maybe they do . In the beginning of my post i said they can "never" work . That's just my way of trying to write the rules . Uncertainty makes the cleanest house a messy one . the concept of a utopia is simply an unfinished fairy tale . problems and snakes are going to appear, the idea is to simply understand which path youre going to take .

happy holidays

i love family . please cherish people that you can trust during the holiday season . it's rare to come by and we should all be grateful ! :)

soul sold to satan ?

^ welp, this dude did say he sold his soul to the devil ? i mean , it can be interpreted as a figure of speech OR this dude has been messin with some satan , demonic-type stuff . I mean, how stupid would we look if this foo TOLD us he worships satan and we brushed us off ? hmm . I was always a Kanye West fan , but . . . im thinkin' he needs to get some help . Especially with all of this "illuminati" stuff floating around(youtube it if youre curious) . im tryna wrap my mind around all of this to be honest .

bridezilla .

the boobie-trap .
the wammy .
the ambition that blinds us to the full extent of ignorance .

the idea of 'bride' .

little girls staring at their mother's wedding pictures . little girls talking about the themes they want for their big day . most of the time they were tacky little ideas that never made any sense . BUT , these initial hopes of a happily ever after were only pitch black glasses that we wore while driving through life .

women idolize the idea of a wedding more than the idea of being married to another human being . A wedding should never overshadow the union between two people . Girls look forward to the 'display' of happiness that they dont focus their energy on finding the right person . Wedding gowns , brides maids, venues, the perfect shoes, and color schemes . . . i honestly feel like 80% of women would say yes to a marriage proposal because of their wedding ambitions (as opposed to being in unconditional love). Nothings wrong with having a dream wedding and finally living out the dream of your childhood . Nothing is wrong with wanting a marriage . Theyre both beautiful things . I just wish that people held both the wedding and marriage in the same esteem .

ME, im more excited about my cake than i am about my wedding lol . (dont judge me, im working on it lol ). My friends say that ive never been a person who believed in the "L" word or the "M" word . nonsense . i believe in both , maybe even more than them lol . However, i like to include the variable that everyone else is too scared to . TIME . over time, the concepts of love and marriage have changed . I know people who say, "yea, i'll probably be married twice" . WTF ? who aspires to divorce ? With that being said, i just think REAL Marriage and Love are two rare commodities & they deserve to be approached with care and patience ?

dont shoot the messenger . she's just a nostalgic romantic ?

'subway in harlem' hearts .

yes, love is graffiti of the heart .

it leaves it real, rococo impression on your vessel of emotion and vulnerability . love sprays calm blues, passionate reds, and mournful blacks on your heart . The person who has your heart does not keep it in their pocket . NO. They unknowingly leave their mark . When they kiss you and your knees buckle, a stroke of spray paint has been left on your heart . Every time they are honest and open with you, a stroke of spray paint is ran across your heart . When they count what's theirs as YOURS , wrists spray on your heart . If they lie , cheat, deceive, or manipulate . . . i like to think an ugly black blob is spilled .

when a girl has too many black blobs on her heart , the gentleman with the yellow paint . . . ready to spray cheer & joy cannot be seen beyond the dark . if you spray enough, it will come through . . . but it takes time . The truth is, if a guy cares enough . . . he'll invest the time, the paint . The rules would be fair if only a 'true love' were allowed to mark up our hearts . Unfortunately, anyone we give our heart to ... leaves their own legacy on our lives .

It's all about the paint perspective . How do we perceive graffiti ? is it beautiful because it doesn't sugar coat ? is it beautiful because it is found on the most unorthodox of surfaces ? Do we find it ugly because it isn't in our art textbooks ? Maybe you perceive your love as a Picasso piece ... admired, analyzed, found in the canon of 'typical' .

Me ? I'll take my chances on graffiti . The kind of love that tells a story worth listening to .

"this is embarassing" .

the redskins made me and my brother crack UP . a trick play that went so dumb wrong in lastnight's game , smh . lol What in the world were they tryna do ? When the ball was snapped, i already knew it was all bad .

fight back .

"live through this, and you won't look back" - stars .

motivate yourself . life can make you its personal punching bag . it wraps its fingers around your neck and presses in the center . it presses and presses until you're so close to suffocation . it feels like you won't make it through the day . the idea of tomorrow makes you sick because you can't see a light ahead . it seems like, the more you invest in, the bigger the risk in the end . sometimes you can feel like you're crawling through life instead of soaring like you should . you know those times when something weighs heavy on your mind . . . so heavy that it almost seems to be a REAL weight ?

it's imperative that i tell you . PUSH forward . you can be going through one of the toughest times of your life , but maybe the point is for you to overcome it . maybe the point is for you to be able to say, "i got through it." The hardest times in my life have given me the greatest sense of accomplishment and wisdom . It can do the same for you . The most interesting people are only that because of their perspectives and experiences . If life was a mere walk in the park, that would be the only story we had to tell to the world . a damn walk . The most interesting people fought life back because of their strength . Ghandi has a story to tell . Mandela has a story to tell . 2pac had a story to tell . Lauryn Hill has a story . Kanye has a story to tell . Make your story . I'm not saying to look for trials , but don't stop living because they might arrive .

The question is not whether you'll pick yourself up from life's abuse . The question is "what will you be able to tell your grand kids about your triumph over life's adversity?"

plant & grow

one of the scariest concepts in life is the one of change . at the same time, it is one of the most needed too .The idea that nothing is ever 'permanent' scares the hell out of people . I can't even lie, it makes me feel uncomfortable too . We take comfort in the idea that rainy days will not last forever. If we are broke today, we will eventually stumble across some type of money . If we have a little cold, we know that it'll go away with time. If we are having a bad day, we can rest assured that tomorrow is a fresh start .

On the other hand, we have a very hard time accepting the idea that all good things have to come to an end sometime . Good weather is nice while it lasts . You just bought a new car but something will happen to it eventually... tires, brakes, something . Relationships can only be good until one person messes things up ? Is that true ?

Remember that scene in Sex and the City when Charlotte is terrified to have a baby after years of being barren ? She sees how her friends' marriages and relationships have fallen apart and thinks that her life is going too good . It may sound crazy, but a lot of girls have that feeling . They only believe that things can go downhill after a certain amount of time. The thing about relationships are the fact that we have a smidge more control than you would think. relationships or even marriages do not go smoothly just because people are compatible. silly people lol . Little nuances and details will alternate . Things will not always go according to plan, but the point is to look at the bigger picture.

If you want the relationship to work, then you have to work at it. You have to feed it and nurse it just like you would a baby . The food = honesty, respect, communication. Nursing = spontaneity, romance, and honestly, a foundation in God . I know that makes people move in their seat uncomfortably , but the reason why is because it's true. Someone praying for you and being on the same spiritual accord is important when you expect someone to love you and be real with you . If you change , if your boyfriend/girlfriend changes ... the one thing that doesn't have to be is that spiritual foundation .

quote , end quote .

"express yourself today so that those who are left to remember you tomorrow feel like you never left." - HRJ .

happy 20th .

no time like the present .

so , I'm actually doing it .

i started writing my book . What better time then my Sophomore year in college when I'm surrounded by so many new concepts, ideas, peoples, and perspectives ? It takes years to finish a novel and i figure there is no time like the present ? I have so much bundled inside, and I'm not even sure what i want from my first attempt at book writing .

...In all actuality, nothing should be holding me back . Fear, age, incompetence, haters and ego are only barriers constructed by ourselves to keep us down . If i relied on other people's thoughts and approval then that would (quite frankly) be a pretty BORING life .

So, i started and I'm going to let my mind dance around the pages until i have something that i can be proud of :) [ugh, and i hate when i end my sentences with 'of' or 'with'] lol . Anywhooo, keep me in your prayers !

All my love,

Stevi Renee .

quote , end quote .

"As a teenager, I rebelled and wanted to break out of the confines of my strict upbringing. I'm not bragging, but i was in situations as a teenager where i could have easily ended up doing a lot of time ... My mother ... would come out in the street and embarrass me ... She would come and get me. My partners would be laughing ... These are the same partners that are doing life now."
- Denzel Washington , actor.

...sooooooooooo ?

just because ? lmbo

robin does it again :)

robin thicke's album is gunna be the shiz-i-nit . lol .

he has these songs with jay-z, nicki minaj, estelle, the game, snoop,

... its just gunna be a big party in your ears !! lmfbo .

check it ouuuuut [if you know whats good for you lol] :)

once upon a time

can we make a love story ?

can we hold hands and embrace the way our fingers press inappropriately ?

i mean, if our fingers were legs . . . it wouldn't be a love story .

can we trap our happiness in the space between our lips in that first second that they part from a kiss ?

those breaths between kisses make neon bliss in my soul ;

bright, vibrant , embarrassingly noticeable .

inhale, exhale, exhibit, inhabit . . . life like love .

can we make a love story ?

whispering to one another even though no one else is around to hear .

history of headache, heartbreak and hell lift from our bodies to fog up the windows .

can we smirk at one another?

smirks that are so sweet & silent that they deafen our ears ?

lets break the rules of sound and sight ...lets rearrange it .

i want you to hear my beauty & i want to see your sighs .

we never tip toe'd around everyone else's perception .

i dont ever want to start .

we owe each other the right to happiness .

& ive never been more joyful to have that debt .

play with my fire .

ever thought you could stab someone with another human being ?
weaves . nails . belly button rings & shiny things .
past late night creeps used as an edge to carve it into a shank .

ever thought someone could be the ammunition for a disaster ?

a grenade filled with fitted hats, cologne, and basketball shorts . . .

the handle pulled and landing in your lap .

yea, where im from ... we call that baggage .

we try to move on in life and these dangerous shanks & grenades tip toe there way into your new relationship . They send a text . They aim us . They see you at a party, a kickback, walking to the store . Then that shxt blows up . It scrapes our necks . . . reminds us of the pain , the turmoil, where you don't wanna be ... or where you do . That's the funny thing about baggage . We like to pretend like everything in that bag was bad , we like to be in denial .

Little do we know, messing with baggage is like playing with fire ... sooner or later, you'll have third degree burns on your fingertips . I know plenty of girls who think they can tamper with their past just a little and that grenade blows up . They start texting cordially , then everyday, then they forget about all the lies, and cheating, and screaming . I know plenty of guys who dip their toes in baggage and pull em back out with bloody nubs instead lol . I equate baggage with dangerous weapons 'cause half the time they know what they're doing . THEY WANT YOU BACK , duh .

hey, sometimes it's worth it to resolve what you think is worth resolving . other times, you're left bruised, scarred & without the person who mattered most . . .

travis B .

travis barker is one of the baddest white guys i know lol . he's ignored so much, wish he wasnt =/

endorse WEST WEST.

whoa . i dont think ive ever pumped up a whole album but i dont care ... this deserves it . Snoop's Malice in Wonderland is [C]razy lol . With featured guests like brandy, the dream, pharrell, jazmine sullivan ? come on now . Snoop is pretty consistent with his CD's & pleaseeeee check it out .

songs :
snoop ft. brandy & pharrell - special :)
snoop ft. the dream - luv drunk

sous-estimer .

take my intelligence , strangle it with both hands and bury it near the rest of your bull .

underestimating my intelligence can be equated with scraping a chalkboard in my ear while watching a marathon of George Bush's speeches . don't you hate when people think THEY'RE over your head ? i do . trying to run things past me like i cant tell . sly remarks . thinking that riding the borderline of right & wrong does not make me pay attention .

i read a book when i was seventeen called 'invisible man' . One of the characters believed strongly that you can cripple an oppressor by acting like everything is okay . He said, "undermine them with 'yessuhs' and 'okays' ". Now, this is either a cowardly approach for not standing up for yourself OR a smart one . A lot of the time, people pick the wrong battles with people . Me, for example, i am an observant person . If a person is knowingly doing me dirt, i like to watch . plain and simple . i can tell a lot about a person if they still continue to do wrong to me JUST because they 'think' i cant tell .

friends who steal from you . lmfbo
"relatives" who flirt with your significant other .
boyfriends/girlfriends that cant let go of baggage .
friends who lie to you constantly .
friends that compete with you and never wish you well .

Now, sometimes . . . people don't know that they are wrong & that's when a situation is worth addressing . Other times, however, i am that man from the story . i observe until i am ready to speak about it . . . and by then, it's all bad . someone like me who hates to feel manipulated . someone like me who is prideful . someone like me, or you or you or you ... should consider undermining by observation ?

sowwwwy .

ive been a little missing in action these past couple of days -_- .

well, im back in beautiful southern california . i missed home like crazy . ive been making rounds and trying to get my time difference jetlagg together . finally, im settled in . ill be a lot more reliable and trust me . . . i have a lot to say & express as a result of these past couple of days . hell, these past couple of minutes lol .

just you wait & see ;)


music that's been making me smile :

snoop dogg ft. jazmine sullivan -different languages (I PUT MY BODY BEHIND THIS ONE lol)
50 cent -do you think about me (& im the furthest thing from a 50 fan)
an aquired taste song:
robin thicke ft. nicki minaj - shakin it for daddy . [see what you think for yourself ?]

timbaland ft. drake -say something

ahhh , i love this video !! drake looks fricking amazing & no homo but the main girl in this video is gorgeous :) ! her hair reminds me of my sister (shout outs to cort breezy lol) . Anywhoo, the song is NICE,the video is nicer . i present: say something -timbaland ft. drake .

Pleasure P.edifile "( ?

There have been some allegations about Pleasure P that he is a child molester (young boys & girls) . These pedifile accusations have had everybody turning their nose up at his music as a result of the leaked information . Supposedly, Pleasure P had been paying an attorney to keep his 'pedifile secrets' & once he screwed him over, his attorney told the public . EVERYBODY was sickened by Pleasure P (and him being on tour with R.Kelly didnt help nothing lol) . But, finally Pleasure P speaks out about it :

slept on .

what is music about really ?

e x p r e s s i o n .

The music i like the most has gotten across a feeling in a way that i can i sympathize . . . empathize . One of the most slept on artist of this generation is Chrisette Michele . Believe me when i say this, because i say it with conviction .

Her songs embody the concepts of 'love' so eloquently . Her voice is gorgeous . Im not sure why she has not become more popular , but she is definitely an amazing artist . Maybe it's because she isn't your 'typical r&b' artist ... but that should be all the more reason to check her out . You may recognize her from Nas and Jay-z's tracks, she kills it everytime . She has been around forever and people need to check her out !! please ? lol .

chrisette michele -if i have my way.

chrisette michele - epiphany .

chrisette michele - love is you .

some things just dont go together ?

but you see , he's just a man at the end of the day .
men .
the simplicity of a man is what complicates women the most . we cannot differentiate their logic from retardation & that makes us the fool . Men's moral compass aims towards the north while a woman's moral thermometer is lacking the needed mercury .

in a man's mind, right and wrong are kept in separate hefty bags . Women's sense of these concepts are bound together by yarn and ribbon . Emotions are so slippery and we can rarely hold on tight to some stability . Men, on the other hand, keep theirs in a safe that is unlocked only when angry or in love .

Oh, but the latter . It seems as if men and women are puzzle pieces with a glitch . We were made to fit with each other , but a lot of the times ... it's like an OJ glove . Maybe, just maybe . . . the surface of materialism and network have blinded us to the real reason people fit . I never hear that people 'have chemistry' anymore . I hear about a girl being 'bad' . I hear about a guy 'being sweet'. However, our personalities are like strands of DNA . . . different for everyone . Even fake people have a life that no one else can say they've had . Just because a person dresses nice like you do does not make you compatible . The basics are all fine and dandy, but a lot of the time ... people dont know what went wrong . your puzzle pieces dont fit -_-

Guys, when is the last time you chilled with a girl who made YOU have butterflies ? Girls, when is the last time a guy made you feel completely secure about your relationship ? Like no other girl could possibly offer what you can ? Have you guys ever laughed together [not you saying jokes and the other laughing but laughing together in unison] ? Chemistry is a vital entity . A connection is the key ingredient & foundation for the future bricks to come . Just keep that in mind before you settle for a person's resume , make sure you go well togehter . Everyone's ingredients arent meant to mix :)

bedrock - young money (high quality)

young money has done it pretty big . i cant really throw salt because , well ... i dont wanna ! lol . the video is fun, lively, and smart . Wayne knew what he was doing to add such a diverse group of rappers to his empire . From Queens, to New orleans, to LA to Canada !! cheggitouuuut .

Barbie

Besides the fact that Nicki Minaj is probably the anti-christ , she is alright in my book . lmfbo, naw furreal Nicki's confidence and swagg is definitely one to be admired . She has the whole 'oochie wallie' demographic of the US calling themselves "barbies". Look, Nicki minaj still wears full out valour suits and cheap, metallic belts ... but she does it with a badddd confidence . i love that . although she's bisexual & makes some of the weirdest faces ive ever seen on a rapper , she is definitely a force to be wreckoned with in the female rap game .

But fellas, you need to be real with yourselves . If you wanna 'wife' nicki minaj, you have a thing for hoodrats . lmbo . when Nicki first came out, omg ...she was rough . However, she has come a long way ...just look it up . And LADIES , stop biting her style !! im so tired of every girl callin themselves a barbie ... ugh . Find your own individuality and let the Queens native-harajuku barbie be the Queens native harajuku barbie !! lol How can girls feel comfortable pressin' a another girls' swag ?




the young money 'bedrock' music video premiered today and i love it :) . ill post it later !!

muah !! <3

twitfaceaimspace .

twitter post: out with my girls .
twitter post: @friend said the funniest thing .
twitter post: i love my boyfriend .
facebook status: i hate work .
facebook status: going to Malibu .

we are so busy trying to 'post' our lives that we barely live them . i decided that I'm going to cut down on my facebook, twitter, & aim usage . i just believe that the hours i spend on these networking sites could be used for better things .

People rely so heavily on facebook, myspace, twitter & aim to display their lives to the world . They re so eager to prove to everyone that they have a life that they forget to have one. we post pictures of the dinner party we went to . we upload photos of our times at the beach . we take pics at the mall, at kickbacks, ALL the time . it seems like we're more concerned with everyone else's perception of our lives , instead of taking in the memories for ourselves ! A lot of the time, wall posts, 'likes' & comments cause more harm than good .

You can't upload love at first sight. You can't put an away message of the feeling you get when you jump into a swimming pool at 3am . . . naked . You cant post your ambition , your shame, your success, your emotions . You can try as much as you want, but life is to be lived . . . not tagged . So, im giving it a rest .

the extended metaphor .

extended metaphor (n) : An extended metaphor, also called a conceit, is a metaphor that continues into the sentences that follow. It is often developed at great length, occurring frequently in or throughout a work,especially effective in poems and fiction [& Hip Hop].

man . people don't understand my love for music . my understanding . my frustration . i think people underestimate the capabilities of it all . do you know how many hip hop artists use extended metaphor in their songs ? did you even know what an extended metaphor was until right now ? lol its cool . . . imma nerd & i love english . I'm just saying that it's applicable to hip hop . The greatest emcees are smart men . they know what they do to our ears and minds . Although Gucci is one of the most eloquently spoken, brilliant, deep artists of our time [psh please face] ... these artists MIGHT just hold a candle .

extended metaphor:

'I used to love H.E.R' by common: throughout the entire song , common refers to a lady who he used to love . she became more mainstream and left him hanging (even though he loved her when she was nobody) . but he's referring to Hip Hop all along .

'Homecoming' by Kanye: He talks about this girl named "wendy/WINDY" and all about her tough spirit. Kanye talks about his love for this girl and how she made him who he is today . . . turns out, the girl is Chicago .

'Gangsta Lean' by Clipse & Pharrell: They address a girl that they say is 'from Jamaica' ...'make em wanna roll her up and then she make their body slump . ' they say their in love . . . but little do you know ... it's marijuana -_- lol .

hip hop is bigger, smarter, crazier, hotter, really, cleverer . . . thank you think .


xoxo, the nerdy music loving girl .

giving life in a whole new way .

A friend of mine is going through some serious pre-marital baby fever . she's super excited to have a kid one day . the cuddling of the infant in her arms . holding the toddler's hand as they walk through the mall . the first time their kid says, "mama" . you know, the typical stuff . But then we got to wondering, why do we want kids ?

I'm not asking in a, "i don't like kids, don't wanna have some" type of a way. i mean, why does society need to want to have kids ? my friend suggested that it's strictly for selfish reasons , "we don't HAVE to make babies . there are plenty of babies out there without family's that need a good home ..." and she's right . we make babies because we want to create a life that was once a part of us . A father wants to continue his legacy . A mother wants to be able to say, "that is my blood ... i did that" . Bringing a life into the world is a huge deal, and although some people take it lightly, we all have an instinct to make more of ourselves .

But why not adopt ?
There are so many babies that have no home, food, shelter, livelihood . They have no one to call family , and as much as i can appreciate all the white actors going over to save the 'savage' babies in Africa and Asia [and make it look like a pity, exotic trend] , their are plenty needy children here . If we can (hypothetically speaking) afford to take care of the six kids we want in the future . . . why not adopt one and put he or she in the equation ?

I always admired my grandparents for having foster children . Ever since i can remember, two or three teenage girls have been living in my nana's house . Some were troubled, looking for some guidance . Some would cause problems and fight with my grandparents .Some were great, so thankful to be a part of a big family that embraced them (i always called them my cousins... if they were black, Latina, whatever . and i'd look at someone crazy of they told me otherwise .) I think it's even more courageous to take a person in when they're in the most confused part of their life (adolescence) . It's a big job, but my grandparents are generous & kind & caring .

I say all of this to open a window . In the Black community especially, adoption is such a foreign option when it comes to parenthood . I think it's perfectly normal to want to make a life with your spouse . i would also suggest that we start to consider the less fortunate lives who had no choice about the life they were given . Babies cant help it that their parents died, or are in jail, or strung out somewhere . They are simply living, breathing innocence . They deserve warmth, love, wisdom & they deserve YOU too .

untitled .

sometimes, a picture says more than my words can .

&

the phrase 'words can't express' says more than you would think .

forty-one 'who cares' facts :)

1. i have to sleep with socks .


2. sometimes, i say a 'grateful prayer' in the middle of my meal cause it's so good .


3. i am wise . [not a cocky statement, an obvious one]


4. I'm determined to get beyonce's booty . one day, one day .


5. i want another 'college dropout' type album from Kanye .


6. sigh, yes . i have a lot of feminist tendencies .


7. i hate braids on everyone . . . EXCEPT omarion . <--- that went to hell .


8. me and God go way back . God is really one of my best friends .


9. believe it or not, i am a very private person .


10. snuggling, embracing & biting are beautiful things . lol


11. i used to love keri hilson , until her arrogance & hen's infatuation got in the way .


12. i can count the number of times that me and my bro have fought on one hand lol .


13. i love DIDDY . i think he's frickin hilarious & obnoxious at the same time (:


14. michael kors is one of the most slept on watch makers EVER .


15. my friends say I'm mean to boys .


16. i have an extraordinary ability to read people by their eyes . crazy .


17. i have yet to like one of my close friend's boyfriends =/


18. i love clothes . i love shoes . i love jewelry . & i love make-up .


19. . . . i was a tomboy when i was young .


20. when i was 6, my long individuals got caught in a gate and it flung me 3 feet into the air .


21. fuchsia is my color .


22. i hate when people try to label me . suck my toe .


23. its very hard for me to trust . but once i do, I'm very trustworthy :)


24. my mom is the prototype for the woman i wanna be .


25. i believe blood is thicker than water . . .


26. but blood stains, water doesn't . sometimes relatives can be haters too, smh .


27. i love open and honest people , those are the most courageous .


28. i use to own a dog, cat, guinea pig, hamster, fish, and a tortoise . =X


29. my parents and grandparents had a marriage that i want one day .


30. YAMS are my favorite food . yumm


31. grey's anatomy is the best show on television .


32. my favorite types of movie: heist movies, love movies, action flicks :)


33. ill never be anybody but myself .


34. 'fresh scent' air freshener is thee best man .


35. i feel like money is equated to rain because it slips right through my fingers =(


36. wigs make me sad . don't ask


37. no matter what group of friends i have, I'm always the 'cool mom' .


38. i seriously feel like weed should be legalized . if deadly cigarettes can be used to make a profit, then it's hypocritical to discuss the ethics of legalizing marijuana .


39. love jones always makes me blush .


40. i wont allow myself to be intimidated by other girl's appearance . that's just dumb lol .
41. torin said he thinks i have criptonite in my vagina . i still giggle when i think about it lol !

leather gloves

strength is a blessing and a burden .
strength builds you up ,
but sometimes it makes you press your thumb on people .

it makes you stern in your presence ,
however, strength can also make you stubborn in your stance .
you stand for a lot & compromise little .
often misinterpreted as full of limit . boundary .

people are often afraid of strength and they pretend like they want to be more 'flexible' .but clay-type people will only be who they are until the air decides for them to dry . then they are simply stuck with the result, with no say so of their own . it's kind of like the 'Riddler' ride at six flags . you shift up and down when you get in your seat & when it locks . . . you're stuck .

it's foolish to assume the world will go 'easy' on you .
it's foolish to believe that one drop of adversity will give you a pass for the rest of life's tribulations .
true, blessings come everyday and so often, but a lot of the time . . . those blessings come disguised in a mask of pain and growth .

tough skin .

these 3 words .

then he said it .
and that word is a Marry Poppins bag .
the contents and capabilities are of infinite possibility .

just when i ran out of words to say,
he gave me three .
a phrase that crunched the plans, and rules, and s t r u c t u r e .
those words took to body like nylon stockings .

hot like fire in winter frost .
soft. sweet. & why it makes us feel secure, unexplainable .
that word makes every bit of life transform into sepia .
so classic, so simple, so surreal .

those words .
so rough and so soft at the same, precise time .
that word .
wrapped around my neck and pulled me close ,
passion and concern braided together by a word .

words are only letters . letters constructed to communicate .
God , however . . . put something special into the construction of that word .

الحب
Szerelem
αγάπη
amour

no matter what the tongue, God picked "it" and "it" engulfs us whenever it's thrown off of our hearts . It's often used in vain. oh, but when it is genuine . . . when he said it . . .
that was an act of God .

baby, you parched !

today on facebook (fb). . . lmfbo ,

a couple broke up . it was sad , and i don't even know em like that ... i just felt bad for them . she was sad and he was sad too . a break up is never really easy , especially when your dealing with fb . it's just a messy, public, weird situation if i must say so myself .

so, the guy's post says '____ went from married to single' .

AND WHEN I TELL YOU THAT BROADS WERE FLOCKIN' TO COMMENT , i mean gross . girls had something to say left and right from 'so, how have you been?' to 'imma have to text you' to a smiley face of approval . lol . the girls who commented even saying 'ohhh no, i hope you're okay' were really saying 'call me, i wanna pick up the pieces' in girl talk . some girls simply said, "i miss you ." like . . . seriously ? smh . i find that highlyyyyy thirsty and desperate . the boy has been 'single' for one day and girls are already hopping on his life . i think it's dumb, ridiculous & hella oblivious to the relationship that was just in affect a day ago ahah . i personally dont trust females . . . they prowl like damn felines . especially in LA . girls dont need an invite from a guy to try and 'swoop' lol . it's like taking someone's boyfriend will validate who they are ? a shame ! lol


so, i have a question addressed to men :
is it attractive when women do stuff like that ? my position is apparent, but be real lol .

bring in december .

paha, just because i love the boondocks .

the record was crooked .

sooo . basically , toni & trey kissed . . . for 2.5 seconds . ladies, dont fret . that was just for the performance . toni braxton is 41 years old and trey trey is 25 , that's just gross lol . i like their song in all seriousness though , (not being biased) i like trey's part better lol . so ladies , dont feel threatened by toni ...
after all, it seems as if "just right" from 'for the love of ray j' is the real threat . lmbo i knowwww right ? ew . supposedly, Ray J was reeeeally feeling 'just right' & the real reason she was released from ray's show was because she was feeling trey songz and talking about him constantly while in the house . COME ON , i dont even have to say it . it seems like pigs are flying above my head . how about you? lol im just saying . . . if she has a chance, then you ALL have a chance =)

. . . if only

jayde has not looked in a mirror in five months . She cant seem to get a handle on the girl that calls herself 'reflection'. miss reflection, the girl that stumbled into that party in her american apparel dress . the girl who found herself with hands cuffed to her mouth while she screamed for help . she screamed for liberation . she screamed for help , for it all to end . but the music, the party, his cold eyes filled her mouth, nostrils, ears & drowned her in a crime that burned her body to ash .

Jayde isn't the same . she wants control over her mind because the leash has been snapped . A bottle of vodka can make her cringe . A flannel shirt causes her eyes to water . A fitted cap, a song, the dark . . . all a trigger being pulled to push out the repulsion she feels for herself . she thinks it was her fault for that dress . she thinks she is disgusting .

Jayde has not looked in a mirror in five months . & you would never know .

[In 2007, there were 248,300 victims of rape, attempted rape, and sexual assault .]

* So many people have been sexually abused in their lifetime and you would never even guess it . I have had some girls tell me stories that make my stomach churn , really . Those vivid, horrible, sick experiences that people deal with . . . change them over the years . Please be sensitive to that idea when you make someone feel small . you never know how small theyre feeling already o_O .

the 'will work for food' generation .

let me tell a very important story:

once upon a time, my dad was
at luke's barber shop on orange grove and fair oaks . [Luke has been a barber
since my dad was a little boy, he has always looked out for the kids in Pasadena
.] My dad sits in the chair talking to the other barbers about football when
this lady walks in . She has on dirty clothes, her hair is tangled and matted, a
stench filled the barber shop air, and some of her teeth were missing . the ones
that were intact were rotten .

my dad minded his own business . Luke looked at the woman. "Lisa, you need to get it together and you cant be beggin' in here," he said in a low voice . The woman scratched a bit, twitched and began to head for the door and saw my dad . STEVE !" she yelled , "Look at youuuuu ...how you doin baby?"

My dad said the only thing he could recognize were her eyes,
"Lisa?" he said , eyes wide.

Lisa was 'that girl' in highschool . She was gorgeous and had a great body and all the guys wanted to date her (My dad said she was, "bad in highschool" and i almost threw up , but i digress).

He said she was Miss Popular , and look now look at her . . .

EVERYONE, EVERYONE, EVERYONE thinks that theyre going to make ends meet . Either we see that our parents did it, or we are so comfortable in our lifestyle that we think it'll be 'easy' . PLEASE wake up . My mom and dad both didnt finish college (my dad just recently) and my dad was able to run branches of a business across the country, my mom made a name for herself at disney . BUT PEOPLE, this was 20 years ago . These days, people arent 'handing out' jobs . in today's economy, people arent handing out jobs !

People think the recession will be 'over' soon ? The great depression lasted for 10 years . That seems small in history terms, but imagine being broke and homeless at the age of 28, 30? ill be blunt: f*ck that . The class of 2008 graduated the most students in the history of the US . DO YOU KNOW HOW COMPETITIVE THAT MAKES AMERICA'S JOB INDUSTRY ? from journalists, to doctors, to business starters, clothing line starters, apparel buyers, lawyers, hell . . . burger king .

soooo, im calling out to these DUMB YOUNG girls in highschool ... get smart soon . cause, chasing around boys who are already 19 and 20 . . . not doing anything wont do a damn thing for you when you graduate and work for UPS or TSA . Being popular is NOT COOL lol . No one wants to listen though, ask "lisa" or any other one of my dad's friends from HS and Muir who were found behind buildings killed or strung out . It happens in Cali, it happens in DC, it happens in New York, it happens in New Mexico . . . WAKE UP .

over your head .

as of lately :
les règles de nature ne s'appliquent pas .

my veins are no longer the vessel for blood . they are simply the tubes . the tubes used to transfer the love to my finger tips . the tips that type on these keys in a scared, light tapping of dance . but what are veins anyway ? simply what the mind tells us they are, and my mind stopped functioning in a typical way . . . about six months ago on that car ride home .

my palms are facing the sky in a hopeful stance and cold désir illégal is brushed in maroon across my hands . rather than let it dry, i press them against fear . ill let that aspect of my life deal with the passionate burden that used to be my own . i just wanna sit in whatever this is . whatever it is that im feeling, i want to stay here where the air is clear and simple is near . This may all seem very complex and puzzle like . at it's it core, however, it could never be more plain .

if the heart beats approximately 100,000 every 24 hours ,
then i'd like to know where my other 50,000 have been hiding everyday .

see, ever since i you. . . my heart has skipped a beat everytime, without failure . not that i needs those beats anyway . i'm more than content to have you fill the gaps of what used to be a mundane, typical b e a t . i find it more mystical than anything, my heart can still pump blood to my feet . my heart can still send blood to my face, to my stomach . amazing . it's so cliche to think that you could be a part of her heart . i've never been the 'mushy' type & but the solid has been deteriated .

-----------

This is for my friend . wake up and realize you're in love . . . as scary as it may seem, people wait a lifetime to feel what you do. Until you can say it, ill just say what you cant . . .

sweating in the theatre .

so, i saw new moon lastnight . first of all , this movie made like 140 million dollars !? and i can see why . For all of you non-twilighters out there, you honestly dont know what youre missing . It has action for you meatheads out there and it has a great story line . Although , the romance is definitely the most intriguing part in the movie. i need to break this down :

"Edward is a vampire (and reluctant to be one) . His group of vampires are
vegitarians in a sense . They work very hard not to hurt humans and to keep
their identity a secret, even though everyone in town knows theyre a little
'strange' (given their pale faces, their distance from everyone at
school and failure to look much older over the years).

Bella (relucantly) moves to town . She is intrigued by Edward ,
and he is trying his best to stay away because her particular blood makes him go
crazy and unlike every other human, Edward cannot read Bella's thoughts . He has
an instict to protect her at all times and she is falling for him . He yearns
for her, but is scared by his complicated attraction as well ."

Psh, that's just A PART of the first movie lol . The reason why these movies/books appeal to so many people is because we are left emotionally naked in the movie theatre . S E R I O U S L Y . The passion displayed on screen is kind of unexplainable . Edward cant even kiss her for too long because he has to fight off the yearning of her blood . But, he does because of his love for her . . . It's a very twisted love, but it's so deep . it's a very complicated romance story, but i think it's one of the best of our time !

AND SHOUTS OUT TO ROBERT PATTERSON

this guy is an extraordinary actor . He makes us feel his pain, his soul, his everything ! He was good in Harry Potter, but he's killing the game now lol .he's going to be an awesome name someday, mark my words .

blam .

screw college !
let me explain ...

for these past 3 and a half months, i have been working my patootie off . i have been writing essays, research papers, doing weekly journals, computer assignments, taking tests, going to the library, and missing numerous parties .

at first, i didnt resent school . i honestly feel like my brain is at capacity, and i like bein on my nerd tip at times lol . i enjoy learning new things and i feel proud of myself when i have my priorities in order .

BUT NOW, i finished all of my assignments, papers, projects, journals, and essays . . . & i cant relax for shxt . ahhhhh ! everytime i try to relax and watch tv, or facebook cruise . . . i have this horrible guilt in the pit of my stomach like im not being productive . i know, "spoken like a true nerd, right?" i know, i know (shameful face aha) . Eff spelman for making me feel like i need to do more .and eff Spelman for breeding these robotic, over achieving, 'facade' dependent women day after day lol . man , eff this anxiety .

. . . who knew a nineteen year old girl like myself would have to program myself to unwind ?

oh robin [blush]

If there was ever a cool white boy, Robin Thicke is that guy . I loved 'the evolution of robin thicke' ! that CD was so smooth and sexy i tell ya lol . unfortunately, his next album was a miss for me . BUT, this album is supposed to have appearances from names like Jay-z and nicki minaj :)

not to mention his new single is bomb !

noisettes .

how many times do i have to do this ? lol . i already posted this band on my blog and they havent blown up like that yet lol . theyre also ! and i love their sound .

ladies & gentlemen : Noisettes

10:50pm eastern time

today on twitter:
RT @SongzYuuup :Just got to San Bernadino...what's happening Cali?!


i wanna go home . lmfbo

one thousand shades of middle .

i was asked to address: 'black men & women dating outside their race' .

so, is it right for Black men to date white women, latina women, asian women ? Is it right for Black women to do the same ? My answer is simply: mind your own business aha .

It's okay to have a preference when it comes to what youre attracted to. However, it is not okay for people to simply generalize one race over another. For example, i absolutely hate when Black guys say, "I'm done with Black women, all they do is nag and roll theyre eyes and try to rip apart my masculinity." First off, all Black women do not have overbearing attitudes . Secondly, if your 'masculinity' can be so easily ripped to pieces, then perhaps youre not strong enough for that woman anyway . It makes me wonder if there is some self-hatred in affect . Why do some men hate Black women so much ? There mother is Black , there sisters are Black ..can they see no beauty in them ? Is it so wrong for Black women to push their Black men and hold them accountable for their actions ? Honestly, relationships are about a union . . . not a tyrant and a push-over . Black women are strong , no doubt about it . dont down play their worth . BUT , if a man finds a woman that he has a genuine connection with, that makes him feel like he's on top of the world ...and she's white, then SO WHAT . let him be happy, and mind your business .

I hate when Black women complain about Black men, but will not date outside of their race . "Black men do not know how to respect me. They have no ambition. Theyre unfaithful." First of all, that can be said of any ethnicity, so stop contributing to wack racial stereotypes. Secondly, stop limiting yourself to the same men . . . go out and find a man who can give you everything you need and if he happens to be Irish then so be it . Stop pushing back God's blessing because his family likes to eat sheep intestines , you better gobble up ! Skin color is not the determining factor of love. Nevertheless, i cant be mad at a woman who can appreciate the beauty in Black men .

Me ? I think there's nothing more attractive than a Black man . I love their style, their walk, charisma, their confidence and demeanor . Strength and Black man are synonymous to me . I also know what a responsible Black man looks like and i thank my Dad for that love, support, and courage. A lot of Black men have so much going for themselves EXCEPT ambition and accountability. I know way too many low lifes and dead beat dads. Hell, my dad never met his own dad . Im just saying ladies, good Black men are out there ... but dont knock down another good one just because he has a different ethnic background . Dont love by color, love by soul .

beauty and loony :)

beyonce's been in a lotta talk these days . and she does an awesome job of being private . sometimes i wonder why Jay-Z fell for her, besides the fact that she's one of the greatest singers of our time ...GET EM B ! lol .

but i guess this is why Jay fell for her, she's goofy as hell and talented and gorgeous ?! :) good for her !!

peeking through . . .

you ever have a moment in your life when you knew things were going to change in your life ?

sometimes it can be the simplest thing like a new hairstyle . that new cut is going to change the way people perceive you .
maybe you're buying the new car that you've been wanting for a minute and you know you're gunna get more girls than you ever have before lol .
perhaps, someone close to you has moved away . the way you look at happiness will have to be in gaps, rather than fluid bliss .
sometimes it can be a career decision or a school choice or a bad choice that will spin your life in a whole new direction with all new circumstances .

but the most subtle of realizations are the ones when you meet someone that you know is going to change things for you . sometimes, its a person that is going to end up an awesome friend along the way . the godmother of your children, maid of honor type of friend that you have been searching for . The kind that will take off her heels in front of a club and hop in a girlfight for you . The kind of friends that will bring you snickers candy bars when your mother passes cause they know it's your favorite. Those kind .

sometimes it's a person that you know is in low supply around the rest of the world . what do i mean by that ? well, you meet many 'types' of people throughout the years ... and it seems like they can all fall into a certain category. once and a while, you meet people that will never fit into the boundaries that our minds try to put them in . they're different, they challenge you in new ways, they make you feel new . i just think that moment when you think, "wait, this is where it changes" only comes a few times in your life . pick it out of circumstance when you can notice ... it's worth it .

so you think you can dance .

just a beautiful dance about two lovers seeing each other again after ten years . the guy realizes he made a mistake, but the woman is finally happy on her own ...

the choreographer Travis is awesome .