balancing on the tightrope

To my consistent readers, casual browsers, and first time onlookers, “my apologies”. I have picked up two new interests/projects and it is ... time consuming. I realized today that I have resorted to twitter rants to satisfy my thirst for writing and expression. Yes, it is a sad, sad day for Stevi (lol). So, I am back and so glad that my thoughts will not be confined to 140 characters!

There is something that has been burning in my mind and heart for a few days now. Oddly enough, it started when I saw that Evelyn Lozada and Chad “Ochocinco” finally tied the knot. I know this is strange (especially because VH1 has me on edge these days). However, it hit me that we (society) spend an immense amount of energy and time worrying about people who could care less about us. Sure, Evelyn cares if the viewers watch. However, at the end of the day –regardless of the scrutiny, criticism, and twitter bashing- she is going to do what makes her content and happy.

Our obsession with fame, however, has grown into an ugly beast. Our narcissism and perverse peeping tom lifestyles have turned into a cancerous, viral virus.  The last straw for me was this news about Frank Ocean. Of course, everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. However, why do we have to be entitled to our opinion so rudely, and at someone else’s expense? The slanderous, vile, hurtful things that people said were out of line. It made my stomach churn. It made me realize that society does not take human life seriously anymore. Frank opened up in a way that was very honest, vulnerable, and courageous. The soul and mind are delicate things and society often times fails to see the reality in celebrity. Can you imagine getting slurs, hate, and criticism from millions of people...all of the time? My friend Kamilah said something like, "social networks have developed a world of critics, not creators." Twitter has given everyone a voice. People get overwhelmed and arrogant. I wish people understood that their tongues can heal, not always harm.

I’m disappointed, to say the least.

--

thank God for nagging sisters.

I read a twitter post today that said, "Don't Wait. The time will never be just right. - Napoleon Hill". 

Now, I have no clue if Napoleon Hill really said those words (we love to treat twitter like a scholarly source) but I DO know that the tweet hit home for me. Just two days ago, one of my strongly-opinionated (but loving) friends berated me on the phone. She was telling me that i cannot wait for "perfect timing" because there is no such thing. I listened half way with my eyes rolling and then realized that I was definitely waiting for something that was not coming - a euphoric circumstance. That, my friends, is when your soul, mind, heart, circumstances, relationships, career, familial situation, and finances are all in the perfect place. This is when you have all of the answers, all of the time, and all of the security that you can possibly have in every aspect of your life - forever. Yeah, that doesn't exist. We are often times waiting for the "perfect circumstantial bus" to pick us up ...and well ... we'll be waiting at that bus stop all day.

It kind of reminds me of diving into a pool of cold water. You stand there, impatiently. You anticipate how cold it's going to be and you think that if you wait long enough then the water will "magically" become room temperature. You even go far enough to dip your toe in the water (and nine times out of ten, this makes things worse). The only solution is to jump in the pool and test things out. If it's freezing, then you will wade around in the pool and get adjusted. Our minds can be our biggest handicaps at times. 

So, while my friend is badgerring me about the things that i put off, I listen as humbly as I can without arguing back (lol). She was right, though (and loving). Waiting for the perfect circumstance will have you waiting forever. Besides, a lot of the time, success comes to us during the times when we are outside of our comfort zone. Sometimes, we simply have to dive in. 

kissing the mist .

A friend of mine tweeted me saying, "I'm trying to decipher if the search [for the one] is worth the reward."

Imagine:
Having someone you could tell everything to. EVERYTHING- your biggest inhibitions, funny stories, fears, secrets, and dreams being lifted up into the ears of a person who nourished those things like a newborn child. You'd have someone who cherished those facts and kept them locked in a secret vault behind their hearts. Just imagine finding someone who opens their soul to you with a "welcome" sign- a person offering you a hiding place ... in themselves.


“Love is like the sea. It's a moving thing, but still and all, it takes its shape from the shore it meets, and it's different with every shore. ”  ― Zora Neale Hurston

Imagine:
Having a person who tells you the truth, even when it hurts. That woman/man who tells you that: you can do better, you can be greater, your outfit is unflattering, you need to make amends, you stink, you're gaining weight. you need someone who will drive the get-a-way car. you find a person whose opinion- no matter how brash, bitter, loud, or abrasive- is given with soft, humble, and sweet love.


“When peoples care for you and cry for you, they can straighten out your soul.” - Langston Hughes


We just want somebody to hold us down. we just want someone who has an ounce of selflessness left in their veins. secretly, we look to the sky, praying for a drop of decency and honesty in mankind. we want the person who stops the chaotic wars surrounding us and a person that transcends the petty things. we want a peace of mind .. incarnate. to my friend, anything of true substance and eternal nature is worth fighting for, worth searching for. 

nothings sexier than a twitter stalk . lol

last but not least . im at universal city walk for bri's birthday dinner and we're about to leave . after a tummy full of water and numerous people askin for keke's autograph haha (lol) , me, ceiren, daren, guadi, and tyrone head for the car .

all of a sudden this dude yells out "STEVI !". i look around ... "STEVI !" im staring at this guy dead in the face & idk who he is . he starts talkin to me like im supposed to know him ?

...long story short, im thinking about deleting my twitter account -_-

[nervous laugh goes here] . when i say 'stalk me bby' on the side..its a 'joke' lol ---->