8.21.2012
a battlefield of the mind
6.05.2012
Dear Future Spelmanite,
Go to Merkerson's.
Go to Sporting Events.
5.30.2012
ambivalence
4.21.2012
The 100M Dash Generation
12.21.2011
thoughts dipped in snow
Initially, being away from home was tough but only because of the culture shock. While I missed my dad, brother, friends and boyfriend (at the time), I halfway chose Spelman to escape the constant, gruesome reminder of my mother’s death two years prior. My life felt closed in and cluttered. Honestly, I thought Atlanta would be my sweet escape into the oblivion.Happy Holy Days ..
3.17.2011
there's no such thing as halfway trust .
"we expect God to bless every aspect of our lives; yet, we wont trust God enough to let him TAKE OVER every aspect of our lives. hmm ..."
MONEY & HOES.
how many times have we had a housing bill that was due? how many times has your phone been cut off? how many times have you cried over financial aid woes? prayed for new shoes? prayed to get our hair done? prayed to get that parking ticket paid off? hell, how many times have we just hoped and prayed for some money to play with for fun?
in the same breath, how many times have you given ten percent to the place set aside to uplift God? how much money do we commit to giving back to God's efforts? Helping someone else, giving back to your church home, just being generous and loving ? I am definitely not above this contradiction. I love to pray for a financial blessing, but when i get it ... my stingy, ugly head rears itself.
Now, romance is a little more complicated. Between the misconstrued ideas of what "love" is and the Dr.Jekel and Mr.Hyde ways of our sexuality as humans, dating is a weird concept... especially in relation to God. We like to give all of our lives to God ... EXCEPT the aspect of our romantic relationships. So many of my friends feel like they let God handle everything .... oh,but their dating life is what they have "under control". Nevertheless, 90% of their problems in life stem from dating, relationships, and sex.
Girls are bleaching niggas clothes and keying their cars. Men are snatching up their girlfriend's in the club and getting girls pregnant like their tryna save the human race from extinction. People think this is love, but wonder why they are still so empty and unfulfilled. Love is everything, real Love is of God ... if they trusted their God to take over their dating lives, perhaps they would benefit ... just a thought.
8.22.2010
thee love note .

you give me ...
a love that chips away at the hard soul surfaces and renovates the damage .
your UNDYING hope in me that paints the black roses in my heart, red .
someone with a green thumb ... willing to pull the weeds of my past & plant potential .
I'd throw my hopes into the air for the sky to catch in the crevices of clouds .
and if my heart should smash against Pasadena palm trees or pavement of Brooklyn brownstones, I'd survive because you're good like that . el corazón duele en las manos de abusadores, pero las manos están hechas de rayos dulces de sol .
in a world that spins on the axis of narcissism, you crumble the spindle until the rules change . crack . smash . decomposing until LOGIC is melted in a steaming pot of miracles . a love that sows together the wings of butterflies & lifts me beyond the heights of fabrication .
you are where i start & where i will end . you see the constellations in my eyes, the symphonies in my heart beat, and feel the breezes from my eye lashes . it feels good to be appreciated . you stitched my wounds, fed my soul and love . me . unconditionally . when i stumble on my stubborn, when i TASTE TEMPTATION, and linger in lies, you love me still . all i ever wanted was someone who would stick by me, fight for me, and ride or die until the end ; mission accomplished .P.S. God, i fell in love with you all over again today .
7.13.2010
cutting corners .

i told you this weeks ago .
when tears ran down my face like they raced for first place .
many, many weeks ago i told you that things were swept under our heavy, embroidered rug .
-the rug that mom bought ...when i was with her . when she said, "that's perfect ."
i tried to tell you weeks ago .
you said it was fine . but fine isn't strong .
now your voice is banging against walls & doors & lamps & shades & him .
im only an innocent bylistener, but guilty by association i presume .
every issue you neglected is throwing a temper tantrum in what was once my havana .
but i tried to tell you weeks ago .
mm ,
if a tree falls in the middle of the forest & no one is around to hear it ... does it make a sound ?
i guess not .
signed, a tree .
4.04.2010
the light .
"I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. " Psalms 34:1
i tried to count my blessings today and i lost count . God is too good to ignore, deny, or put on the back burner of our life . honestly . sometimes we are so consumed in our problems that we cannot allow ourselves to completely trust God . i think it's pretty arrogant for us to believe that we "know" best about our situations . God knows all . I find it even more arrogant that we think it's ALL ABOUT US . in actuality, our priorities should be of GOD .
i just think that we are so worried about what the world thinks, when it has done absolutely nothing for us . the world is a cold place and you will learn that it's acceptance is worth less than nothing . SMH . i get down with erykah badu's video because of her speech at the end . we all think that we are so "unique" and "different" ... but the truth is, we spend our lives searching for groups to camouflage into because being an individual is way too uncomfortable for us .
the ultimate individual ... (before the Erykah Badu's, Amber Rose's, Andre 3000's, and supposed "trendsetters"at your school) ... was Jesus . He was ridiculed and persecuted for being an individual ... he was ridiculed and persecuted for us . Yet and still we procrastinate when it comes to making God a priority . we're self-centered enough to believe that we'll live to see age 80 ...when plenty of folks my age are dying everyday .
I just wanna thank God for everything ... I'm truly overflowing with gratefulness :)
4.03.2010
i ♥ him .
anx·i·e·ty [ang-zahy-i-tee]
–noun, plural-ties.
1.distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune: He felt anxiety about the possible loss of his job.
2.earnest but tense desire; eagerness: He had a keen anxiety to succeed in his work.
3.Psychiatry. a state of apprehension and psychic tension occurring in some forms of mental disorder.
my definition ?
anxiety (n.) - the emotion you have before you learn to give it all to God .
1.24.2010
letter to my unborn son .

my son . i want you to come into the world with big hands . i want you to enter the world with people in your palms . nothing will be too big for you to grasp because i love you . prejudice and apprehension will be mere roaches on the ground for you to step on towards success . your skin color is not a burden son, but instead a metal of honor & a medal of honor . . . please wear it as such . Embrace Black because it's more valuable than you think . i want you to crush the fear of failure with your thumb . with the other four fingers, i want you to help others when they have fallen . you can do this because i love you .
my son . i don't care what your passion is in life . you can be a movie director, a doctor, a photographer, a writer, a garbage man, electrician, advertiser, artist, politician, chef, teacher, cure cancer, legalize marijuana, or start your own clothing line . the only thing you cannot be is a fool . know that knowledge is the key to wisdom, and wisdom is the key to contentment . sigh . i WILL give your first three girlfriends a hard time ... because by the forth, there is a chance that you JUST might get it right . no one will be good enough for my little boy up front . i will embarrass you with some childhood nickname , but i hope it will humble you lol . i'll probably scream terribly loud at any of your sport events & make you blush when i send your dad to talk to you about sex [the ins & outs & in betweens] . i want you to take the world by storm ... because i love you .
you will treat women with respect . you will remember that every girl is some one's daughter . me and your dad will show you how to treat women because that is the backbone to a man's compassion, a man's heart . i'm sure you will go through your 'player stage' and stick your chest out when you get facial hair . ill laugh . oh, i want you to lose your sense of time . chivalry is the undying element of the earth and no 'trends' or 'fads' will stop you from being an individual . mamma didnt raise no follower ! you wont be here until many MANY years from now (lol) but ultimately, i'll make sure that your soul is tattooed with a sense . . . of h u m a n i t y for the world. you will take responsibility for your place in the world as a Black man because i love you . because i love you already .you will probably hear me and your father arguing when youre an infant, but we love each other . dont worry, it's just that neither one of us want to wake up at 4am to change your diaper :)
9.20.2009
melting mirrors .
your glass that slices the soul like ice cold box-cutters .
girls sheild their face from you to hide from the pain, the hurt, the disgust that looks back at them .
girls shield their mind from the torment that is ... mirrors .
mirrors , mirrors ...where for art thou compassion ?
your levi's and fitted caps .
you crotch-holdin, fresh line-up havin' soul sucker .
your lies . your manipulation . your cheating . your ruthlessness ;
you make a girl look at you and see dehumanization .
you make a girl cringe at her reflection .
mirror mirror , what i wouldnt do to destroy you ?
billboards promoting perfect , cutting the confidence of millions of girls .
music media murdering all of the effort that mom put in saying, "youre beautiful" .
reflecting inperfection with logos and love .
hoodrat glass, scraping against confidence until it bleeds .
God,
please remove the mirrors from my sisters .
cast all mirrors on me !
i'll take all the lashes and beating for them .
i love them with all of me and i can take whatever those mirrors dish out .
servings of discontentment, worthlessness, & deteriating heart ... ill consume it .
God,
please remove the mirrors from my sisters .
cast all mirrors on me !
let them see how beautiful they are .
let them see how brilliant they are and their self-worth .
give them peace of spirit .
turn all mirrors in my direction .
you have made me in your image and ill take the spear in my side for my sisters .
arms outstreched and head held high for my sisters .
please Lord, can we melt the mirrors ?
dedicated to everygirl who has ever felt unworthy of love .


