Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts

8.21.2012

a battlefield of the mind


life is a mental and spiritual battlefield. Life is truly going to be what you make it.  You have the choice and power to shift your mind towards certain energy and thoughts. Some moments may be more of a struggle than others, but each moment counts.

Have you ever heard of the term “muscle memory”?  It is a second nature habit that is acquired through continual repetition.  If a person plays “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” on a piano over and over again, they will eventually be able to play the song without any thought at all. Now, if the pianist practices the song perfectly then it’s beneficial. Imagine, however, if the pianist practiced the song incorrectly, everyday, for three years. It’s a pretty hard habit to break. The same muscle memory works with your mind. When you continuously find the positivity in your life, it becomes easier to call on your inner joy. However, when you exercise a mindset of bitterness and negativity, your spirit will get accustomed.

When adversity strikes you, you have the choice to recognize that moment as the enemy’s attempt to steal your joy. You have the option to seek out the light in the darkest moments. When faced with hardship, you have to be resourceful with the thoughts you have. I’ll give a personal example. I lost my mother at the age of sixteen. It was by far, the hardest day of my entire life. Now, when I face adversity, I have two mental and spiritual options:

1.     I could stack the problems I have on top of one another and sit underneath the burden. I could say, “God, why this too?” I could gather the all my hardships and pile them until I feel overwhelmed and sit in that misery. Trust me, it has happened. When I lost one of my bestfriends, Samantha, I thought, “God, why am I losing another person close to me? My mother, now her?” I piled all of my frustration (my finances, my stress, my past heartbreaks, my past losses, and the deaths of my loved ones) and pitied myself for all of the things that hindered me. Honestly, that’s the worse thing you can do. It makes you self-deprecating and selfish.

2.     I also have the option to use my hardships as a litmus test for the next trial I encounter.  When God says that he will never give you more than you can bear, he isn’t lying. You simply do not know your own strength. When my mother died, I thought my mind would “snap” at any moment. I literally waited for the moment that I would go into a dark, mental place. Instead, I found strength in myself that I did not know existed. Now, when I come across adversity, I have to stop and think, “Stevi, you have endured worse. Through Christ, you have the means to get through anything.” Yes, you will cry at times and fall apart. Yet, you have to get back to joy. Even when you do not have the solution directly in front of you, put faith in God that things will work.

The mind and spirit are muscles that need to be exercised continuously. It is the little things. The key is to keep awareness about you. You need to remember that everything is not about you. things could be worse. things will get better.

“We will never enjoy life unless we make a quality decision to do so,” Says Joyce Meyers, “Joy and enlightenment are available just as misery is available. Righteousness and peace are available and so are condemnation and turmoil.”

6.05.2012

Dear Future Spelmanite,



Do not run for the hills. This atmosphere takes adjustment. I moved from the sunshine and comfort of California to the humidity and culture shock of Atlanta. The first month or so, I wanted to go home. Everyone calling me their "sister" seemed so disingenuous. Believe me, you will gain SISTERS here as long as you remain genuine. It may seem like a new world. Nevertheless, the most growth occurs when you are out of your comfort zone. Do not stay crammed in your room (unless you are studying). Go out. Meet people. Try new things. See the city.

Get Internships.
Apply for Scholarships.
Call your parents to confirm that you’re alive.
Call grandparents …they send money.
Pray.
Study Abroad.
Never accept “No”. The school has the money- find it. If they do not want to, make them. You deserve Spelman and make them know it.

Do not chase "hype". A lot of times, people come into the AUC looking for the popularity that they did not acquire in high school. This is college. If you thought high school was ruthless, you were only in the minor leagues. People have sharper tongues in college. People have more creative ways to hate on you in college. Hype is short-lived and disloyal. Instead, find friends who could care LESS about campus drama and "fame"(if you will). Find sisters who are too busy trying to save the world. Societal superheroes are cooler than “college prom queens”.

Go to a Beer Bash.
Go to a pageant.
Go to a park.
Go to Merkerson's. 
Go to Founder’s Day.
PRAY.
Go to a Chapel Service.
Go to Sporting Events.

You are the perfect coal. (lol) I know it does not sound that glamorous to be considered a coal, but don’t underestimate the power of coal. We all aspire to be diamonds, but that occurs after immense time and pressure. Before you reach such a high stature, you need to use your circumstances to light a fire in your community. Ignite passion amongst your fellow sisters. Whether it be through activism, politics, spirituality, dance, science, or mentorship – nothing is wrong with doing the niddy-griddy work of a coal. Before you know it, you will be a Diamond Girl (50+ year alumnae of Spelman College).


Mentor someone. Yes, you are of age.
Protect your name; people would love to throw it in the mud .
Engage yourself in dialogue.
You are beautiful.
Cause awkward, controversial silences in class.
Pray.

In college, your greatest asset will not be your AP classes, your interpersonal skills, your popular boyfriend, your big chest, your greek affiliation or even your parent’s influence. In college, your triple threat will be God, God, and God. Morehouse men and Spelman women tend to get their minds steadfast on being “renaissance men and women”. While that is admirable, some students treat “religion” as one thing on their resume to appear “well-rounded”. Your relationship with God is more than that. It will keep you grounded to your beginning and it will be the catalyst toward your future. Create and nourish a GENUINE bond and dependency on God. 

Class of ... 2016? (i felt so old saying that), Welcome to Spelman. Congratulations. 

All of My Love,
Stevi Renee

5.30.2012

ambivalence


“You do not deserve love regardless of the suffering you have endured. You do not deserve love because somebody did you wrong. You do not deserve love just because you want it. You can only earn- by practice and careful contemplation- the right to express it and you have to learn how to accept it. Which is to say you have to earn God… love is not a gift. It is a diploma. A diploma conferring certain privileges: the privilege of expressing love and the privilege of receiving it.” Paradise, Toni Morrison.

4.21.2012

The 100M Dash Generation



I have some great friends. Often times we (young adults) brag about the wrong kinds of things. We talk, text, tweet and scream to the mountain tops about our new Louis Vuitton bags, the girls/guys we bagged, the accolades we win, and the money we can spend. We hardly ever shout to the world about the kinds of company we keep. And, well, I keep some good company. And honestly, what makes them the most sound, confident, loyal and trustworthy friends is their relationship with God.

We all fall short. I used to express to one of my best friends about the guilt and frustration I would feel when my relationship with God was “lackluster”. It felt as though there was a blockage in the way of my spirituality and me. I was scared of the disconnect. Understand this: I have seen and felt things that no one my age should ever have to see and feel. During those dark moments, it literally felt like God took my hand and led me minute by minute, day by day. I owe EVERYTHING to God, even before I was dealt a complicated hand.

I say all of that to get to the point (lol). A relationship with God is just like any other relationship. It needs communication, trust, and priority.  Talk to God and LISTEN to what he tells you in return. Trust God with everything – academics, health, relationships, MONEY & ROMANCE (I capitalize the last two because those are the things that we think we can “handle” without God’s help .. wrong). Lastly, make God a priority. I used to be so hard on myself (and sometimes I still am). But contrary to popular belief, we are not made whole in one proclamation of God’s grace. We do not reach perfection after one church service or one day of good deeds. EVERYDAY is a battle between the person we are and the person God has called us to be.  It is a marathon race and only those with endurance will get what they truly want from a relationship with God.

12.21.2011

thoughts dipped in snow


The Holidays. 
[The word holiday: derived from the notion of "Holy Day", and gradually evolved to its current form.]

Since I was accepted to Spelman College in 2008, I have really grown to appreciate the holidays...

Initially, being away from home was tough but only because of the culture shock. While I missed my dad, brother, friends and boyfriend (at the time), I halfway chose Spelman to escape the constant, gruesome reminder of my mother’s death two years prior. My life felt closed in and cluttered. Honestly, I thought Atlanta would be my sweet escape into the oblivion.

Silly me. Although I didn’t have to walk past her bedroom or drive by the hospital, my mother resurrected in other ways. When I left for school, I realized that she was more remarkable than I ever could have realized. What my mother instilled in me was more valuable than any AP class I took or any scholarship money. She gave me intangible things that Spelman couldn’t even begin to teach me. And I’m still trying to learn her tricks of trade- how to light up rooms with an entrance, how to ease a person’s soul, how to remain true to oneself, how to be salt to a tasteless world. Atlanta was a sweet escape- but only because the seclusion created a better place for me to marvel at my mother’s legacy.

In May, Samantha died. Just when I stopped walking on eggshells in life, one of my best friends died from sickle cell disease. They say you cannot truly see a situation clearly until you’ve had some distance from it. I’m still too deep inside that pain to understand like I want to. Yet, One thing is clear: Life and death are more fluid than most people know… so every breath, smile, laugh, cry, triumph and failure is valuable.
While you may ask what my mother and Samantha have to do with the holidays or even YOUR holiday, remember that the holidays are Holy Days. They are meant to transcend the trivial nonsense and shine light on the importance of God, family and friends. Being away from California taught me that the people I love would always impact my life, heavily- whether I am in my living room or 3,000 miles away. They will travel with me in memory, love, life or death. Embrace and cherish the people you love. 


Happy Holy Days ..

3.17.2011

there's no such thing as halfway trust .

"we expect God to bless every aspect of our lives; yet, we wont trust God enough to let him TAKE OVER every aspect of our lives. hmm ..."

MONEY & HOES.

how many times have we had a housing bill that was due? how many times has your phone been cut off? how many times have you cried over financial aid woes? prayed for new shoes? prayed to get our hair done? prayed to get that parking ticket paid off? hell, how many times have we just hoped and prayed for some money to play with for fun?

in the same breath, how many times have you given ten percent to the place set aside to uplift God? how much money do we commit to giving back to God's efforts? Helping someone else, giving back to your church home, just being generous and loving ? I am definitely not above this contradiction. I love to pray for a financial blessing, but when i get it ... my stingy, ugly head rears itself.

Now, romance is a little more complicated. Between the misconstrued ideas of what "love" is and the Dr.Jekel and Mr.Hyde ways of our sexuality as humans, dating is a weird concept... especially in relation to God. We like to give all of our lives to God ... EXCEPT the aspect of our romantic relationships. So many of my friends feel like they let God handle everything .... oh,but their dating life is what they have "under control". Nevertheless, 90% of their problems in life stem from dating, relationships, and sex.

Girls are bleaching niggas clothes and keying their cars. Men are snatching up their girlfriend's in the club and getting girls pregnant like their tryna save the human race from extinction. People think this is love, but wonder why they are still so empty and unfulfilled. Love is everything, real Love is of God ... if they trusted their God to take over their dating lives, perhaps they would benefit ... just a thought.

8.22.2010

thee love note .



you give me ...
a love that chips away at the hard soul surfaces and renovates the damage .
your UNDYING hope in me that paints the black roses in my heart, red .
someone with a green thumb ... willing to pull the weeds of my past & plant potential .

I'd throw my hopes into the air for the sky to catch in the crevices of clouds .
and if my heart should smash against Pasadena palm trees or pavement of Brooklyn brownstones, I'd survive because you're good like that . el corazón duele en las manos de abusadores, pero las manos están hechas de rayos dulces de sol .

in a world that spins on the axis of narcissism, you crumble the spindle until the rules change . crack . smash . decomposing until LOGIC is melted in a steaming pot of miracles . a love that sows together the wings of butterflies & lifts me beyond the heights of fabrication .

you are where i start & where i will end . you see the constellations in my eyes, the symphonies in my heart beat, and feel the breezes from my eye lashes . it feels good to be appreciated . you stitched my wounds, fed my soul and love . me . unconditionally . when i stumble on my stubborn, when i TASTE TEMPTATION, and linger in lies, you love me still . all i ever wanted was someone who would stick by me, fight for me, and ride or die until the end ; mission accomplished .

P.S. God, i fell in love with you all over again today .

7.13.2010

cutting corners .



i told you this weeks ago .
when tears ran down my face like they raced for first place .
many, many weeks ago i told you that things were swept under our heavy, embroidered rug .
-the rug that mom bought ...when i was with her . when she said, "that's perfect ."
i tried to tell you weeks ago .
you said it was fine . but fine isn't strong .
now your voice is banging against walls & doors & lamps & shades & him .
im only an innocent bylistener, but guilty by association i presume .
every issue you neglected is throwing a temper tantrum in what was once my havana .
but i tried to tell you weeks ago .



mm ,
if a tree falls in the middle of the forest & no one is around to hear it ... does it make a sound ?

i guess not .



signed, a tree .

4.04.2010

the light .



"I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. " Psalms 34:1

i tried to count my blessings today and i lost count . God is too good to ignore, deny, or put on the back burner of our life . honestly . sometimes we are so consumed in our problems that we cannot allow ourselves to completely trust God . i think it's pretty arrogant for us to believe that we "know" best about our situations . God knows all . I find it even more arrogant that we think it's ALL ABOUT US . in actuality, our priorities should be of GOD .

i just think that we are so worried about what the world thinks, when it has done absolutely nothing for us . the world is a cold place and you will learn that it's acceptance is worth less than nothing . SMH . i get down with erykah badu's video because of her speech at the end . we all think that we are so "unique" and "different" ... but the truth is, we spend our lives searching for groups to camouflage into because being an individual is way too uncomfortable for us .

the ultimate individual ... (before the Erykah Badu's, Amber Rose's, Andre 3000's, and supposed "trendsetters"at your school) ... was Jesus . He was ridiculed and persecuted for being an individual ... he was ridiculed and persecuted for us . Yet and still we procrastinate when it comes to making God a priority . we're self-centered enough to believe that we'll live to see age 80 ...when plenty of folks my age are dying everyday .

I just wanna thank God for everything ... I'm truly overflowing with gratefulness :)

4.03.2010

i ♥ him .

when i looked up the word "anxiety", i got three results:

anx·i·e·ty [ang-zahy-i-tee]
–noun, plural-ties.
1.distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune: He felt anxiety about the possible loss of his job.

2.earnest but tense desire; eagerness: He had a keen anxiety to succeed in his work.

3.Psychiatry. a state of apprehension and psychic tension occurring in some forms of mental disorder.

my definition ?

anxiety (n.) - the emotion you have before you learn to give it all to God .

1.24.2010

letter to my unborn son .



my promise-wrapped potential ,

my son . i want you to come into the world with big hands . i want you to enter the world with people in your palms . nothing will be too big for you to grasp because i love you . prejudice and apprehension will be mere roaches on the ground for you to step on towards success . your skin color is not a burden son, but instead a metal of honor & a medal of honor . . . please wear it as such . Embrace Black because it's more valuable than you think . i want you to crush the fear of failure with your thumb . with the other four fingers, i want you to help others when they have fallen . you can do this because i love you .

my son . i don't care what your passion is in life . you can be a movie director, a doctor, a photographer, a writer, a garbage man, electrician, advertiser, artist, politician, chef, teacher, cure cancer, legalize marijuana, or start your own clothing line . the only thing you cannot be is a fool . know that knowledge is the key to wisdom, and wisdom is the key to contentment . sigh . i WILL give your first three girlfriends a hard time ... because by the forth, there is a chance that you JUST might get it right . no one will be good enough for my little boy up front . i will embarrass you with some childhood nickname , but i hope it will humble you lol . i'll probably scream terribly loud at any of your sport events & make you blush when i send your dad to talk to you about sex [the ins & outs & in betweens] . i want you to take the world by storm ... because i love you .

you will treat women with respect . you will remember that every girl is some one's daughter . me and your dad will show you how to treat women because that is the backbone to a man's compassion, a man's heart . i'm sure you will go through your 'player stage' and stick your chest out when you get facial hair . ill laugh . oh, i want you to lose your sense of time . chivalry is the undying element of the earth and no 'trends' or 'fads' will stop you from being an individual . mamma didnt raise no follower ! you wont be here until many MANY years from now (lol) but ultimately, i'll make sure that your soul is tattooed with a sense . . . of h u m a n i t y for the world. you will take responsibility for your place in the world as a Black man because i love you . because i love you already .

you will probably hear me and your father arguing when youre an infant, but we love each other . dont worry, it's just that neither one of us want to wake up at 4am to change your diaper :)

9.20.2009

melting mirrors .

mirror, mirror on the wall ... screw you .

your glass that slices the soul like ice cold box-cutters .
girls sheild their face from you to hide from the pain, the hurt, the disgust that looks back at them .
girls shield their mind from the torment that is ... mirrors .

mirrors , mirrors ...where for art thou compassion ?

your levi's and fitted caps .
you crotch-holdin, fresh line-up havin' soul sucker .
your lies . your manipulation . your cheating . your ruthlessness ;
you make a girl look at you and see dehumanization .
you make a girl cringe at her reflection .

mirror mirror , what i wouldnt do to destroy you ?

billboards promoting perfect , cutting the confidence of millions of girls .
music media murdering all of the effort that mom put in saying, "youre beautiful" .
reflecting inperfection with logos and love .
hoodrat glass, scraping against confidence until it bleeds .

God,
please remove the mirrors from my sisters .
cast all mirrors on me !
i'll take all the lashes and beating for them .
i love them with all of me and i can take whatever those mirrors dish out .
servings of discontentment, worthlessness, & deteriating heart ... ill consume it .

God,
please remove the mirrors from my sisters .
cast all mirrors on me !
let them see how beautiful they are .
let them see how brilliant they are and their self-worth .
give them peace of spirit .

turn all mirrors in my direction .
you have made me in your image and ill take the spear in my side for my sisters .
arms outstreched and head held high for my sisters .
please Lord, can we melt the mirrors ?


dedicated to everygirl who has ever felt unworthy of love .