We Can Handle the Truth.

Dear Men,

I know you probably envision women to be a species drowning in tears and cliché, emotional phrases like, “Do you really love me?” I get it; truly I do. However, there are just some things that you all do not understand about women. Contrary to popular belief, some women CAN handle the truth. So many times I hear you say that you lied to “spare a woman’s feelings”. You lie about who you were with, why you did what you did, or what you’ve done in the past.

Women want the truth.  At least, wise women want the truth. That’s the thing. If your woman cannot tolerate a man’s honesty, she’s not ready to be in a relationship. In due time, however, she’ll learn that she wants to trust that the words that escape your mouth are from an honest place. Please do not misunderstand. Telling the truth does not mean that everything will work out in your favor. If you tell a girl that you cheated on her, it does not mean that she will jump into your arms and forget. After all, your initial act of cheating was dishonest.  However, she will not feel like she’s been robbed of her right mind.

There are some hard truths out there that men avoid telling women:

1.     I’m only interested in sex, not a relationship

2.     I do not see you as “girlfriend” potential

3.     I cheated

4.     I cheated in past relationships

5.     Pretty much anything that causes them discomfort or inconvenience.

We do not expect you to be perfect. We expect you to be human and the first step toward proving your sense of humanity … is displaying your integrity and dignity. The first step is proving that you even have a heart. you shouldn't have to con yourself into a woman's good graces. Lying is not only an offense to the lady, but it's a disservice to yourself. That's just something to think about... 

All My Love,
Stevi

yasssssss.

investing in a diamond !

Taylor's story is extremely touching and she is a phenomenal student and person. Her circumstances are unfortunate, but this story will be inspirational. I LOVE MY SPELMAN sisters, Morehouse brothers, and AUC family ... we really come together to support one another. If you have any money to spare, please read her story in the link below and send prayers! xoxo.

Read Taylor's Story & Support!

What Women Want.

[Of course the women have to speak their minds. Like the men, these women come from all over the country - California, Washington D.C., Florida and beyond. Similarly, their interests vary from medical school pursuits and PR to Television and Psychology. I asked them what they wanted from a man and subsequently, their romantic relationships. Here are their responses:]

Kourtnie, 22: "Lets be real, what women want from men is infinite. I can go down my fairy tale list of my superman....i want him to be genuine, funny, faithful, supportive, emotional, loving, strong willed, give me good sex (-; ... You get the point. But if I were to chose ONNNNE single thing that I NEEDED from a guy that goes beyond the typical yet essential wants... I would say I truly need a guy who I can grow with. If he can help make me be a better woman, he's a keeper."

Taylor, 21: "I want a guy who appreciates me. I want a guy who is honest about what he wants. I want a guy who does nice things for me just because it's Tuesday.I also want a guy to be respectful. If he knows we talk he won't flirt with my friends ...it's disrespectful."

Kendall, 22: "I think guys forget the little things that count. Like telling her she is beautiful when she think she don't look like shit at that moment. Or dates! No matter how long you've been in a relationship. Take her on a damn date sometimes. Do for her what she does for you sometimes, stereotypical gender roles need not apply.

Every woman wants a man who is comfortable with himself, jealousy isn't a good look. Love and friendship should be the glue to the relationship. Avoid the unnecessary drama. In all, women want a MAN."











Haniyyah, 20: "What i want in a man is consistency, in a nutshell. lol I need a man who understands that what it took to get me is exactly what it takes to keep me. Consistency to me shows that the person is willing to put in the work to show that you are important to them. Consistency is key fellas!! :)"




Karen, 22: "I'd like a friend first, if we can't get along as friends we definitely can't be lovers. I'm a playful person, so he would have to be able to handle that and come back at me. He needs to be funny, not corny. Corny does not work for me, we'd never clique. Confidence is important to me, low self-esteem is a no go in a man. He needs to be sure of himself and stand his ground when need be. I certainly don't want a lap dog. I'm not even gonna go as far as saying that "looks don't matter" because to a certain extent, they do. I need to be attracted to my man. He should have goals he's working towards, not dreams he's sleeping on. He has to be intelligent. I want us to be able to learn from one another. He has to have good morals and should be able to adapt to different situations. I 'd like to be able to bring him around friends and family without having to second guess anything. He must be loyal and should be emotionally supportive. It would be ideal for him to share the same musical taste as I. Oh look! A unicorn..."

Lakin, 20: "In a mate, I appreciate an individual who is ambitious and passionate about cultivating their craft or pursuing their ultimate goal in life. I love a guy who is intellectual, into the arts, socially conscious and firm in his beliefs yet flexible and always seeking to learn new things. I’m a dreamer and I love for my significant other and I to fuel and believe in each other’s dreams. Along with someone who is selfless, compassionate and understanding, I want a guy to be fun and of course know how to adore me!" 

Vivian, 22: "Younger me would have said, 'he has to be FINE' but as I get older, I realize looks aren't everything. I find someone's personality can make an 'okay looking man' look better than the next. So with that being said, I look for a man with a five star personality. I also want a manly man who can also tap into his sensitive side at moments. He also has to have goals and aspirations. My ideal partner has to be "on my level" mentally and spiritually and if not, he has to be better so that he can push and motivate me to be better."

Lea, 22: "Boys. This topic comes up way more often than I’d like to admit; but since this has turned into what seems like a free dating ad service, I will happily oblige.

I am not sure if there’s such a thing as a PERFECT match, but there are indeed traits that I look for in a guy. Humor and positive energy is the first thing that captures my attention. If a guy can make me laugh (I mean a genuine, down to the stomach laugh) and has a warm vibe, I will remember them forever! I look for a guy that I can laugh at stupid Family Guy like scenarios with and switch over to debate about social/political issues.  That being said, I like a guy who is cultured, active, open to new experiences/adventures, yet is easy going and humble. I find this combo hard to come by. But I digress...  

Other than knee slapping jokes and cultured conversations, I look for guys who have a relationship with God and who are reliable/trustworthy. Other than that, I just need for a guy who accepts my dorkiness and love of animals/nature!" 

-- author's response:

Stevi, 22: "I have to be honest and say that I ultimately want the supernatural- a love that transcends the constant, trivial life surrounding me. I think we all look for something so eternal and so raw that all of our layers simply “peel off.” women look for honesty, appreciation and respect from men. A man who is not only honest with us about the beautiful truths, but also the sticky, complicated, ugly ones as well. A man who is honest about his faults, his fears, and his feelings for us. We need someone we can trust, but someone who trusts us as well. Personally, I need someone with tough skin. I need to know that I can depend on him to hold me down ... not only during the "sunny days", but the hard ones too. All of these things cannot be expected unless a man learns to get close to God. That's honestly the glue in any relationship. Look, women are strong creatures. Our hearts are usually heavy and we’d love to let men carry them for us … if they were not so constantly clumsy. I need something exceptional. I only get one life to live and I wouldn't dare waste it on a choux pastry romance.

What Men Want.

[In 2010, I wrote a blog segment entitled "What Women Want". I started by asking women what they wanted from men and the feedback in my inbox was crazy. A male friend of mine asked, "Can we get a chance to say what we want?" Of course I had to oblige and their responses were very insightful. Needless to say, I am doing it again. This time, I'm letting the men go first. I asked a few choice men what they looked for in women and here are their responses:]

Ryan, 22:

"I prefer a woman who loves God, keeps up her appearance, can socialize with many different types of people, encourages me, has drive, and just has an open mind. I like women that like to go out and be social ... without having a rep (if you know what I mean)."




Lance, 21: 

"My ideal potential mate is not one who completes me, or some cliché and romanticized idea. Since I’m tasked with describing her, my ideal mate is content in her ideal contentment, supportive, flexible, but certain of at least certain aspects of her personality. She is witty enough to appreciate varied humor and doesn’t trifle a great deal with foolish pursuits. She is a woman who can just as easily seriously discuss a political issue as she can satirize it into laughter. A character from the 2009 Woody Allen film Whatever Works says, “In the end, the romantic aspirations of our youth are reduced to whatever works.” I can ultimately try to create a prototype, but I’ll fail. I’m not perfect, so I’ll seek the woman that works for me."




Deonta', 21:
"- Natural Beauty (If we wake up in the morning, will you still be beautiful?)

- Confession: I'm at boob man..nice boobs won't hurt..haha. However, a really cute face can substitute for almost anything
- a girl on the slimmer side (just being real)..if you marry a woman who is thick and has your kids, she's going to be fat..just saying
- I love a woman who has REALISTIC goals for her future!
- Whats your track record? (I can't date a slut)
- I hate LOUD girls!! But don't be shy..find a happy medium
- smoking is cool for now..well not really..you can't smoke..not acceptable for wifey
- good hygiene (this is a must..I love my women to smell like fruit or something)
- I love women who can hold conversations (I hate being the only one talking)"



Mike, 23: 
"I love a woman who can make me laugh, not just a woman with a sense of humor. A woman with a job (cause just like women hate broke niggas, we have broke chicks too). She doesn't have to be super religious but have faith ... and a pretty smile gets me every time. And one whose goals are similar to mine, so intelligence is necessary."












Daren, 22:
"The older we get, the more mature we get. Two years ago when we had this discussion, I wanted nothing more than a relationship without being confined to the conditions of a relationship. I wanted consistent sex without having to allocate 70% of my time to a woman. Two years prior to that, I was in high school where having a girlfriend was just the cool thing to do, so I jumped into relationship after relationship knowing there was no real potential. Now that I’m approaching 23, I’ve realized that there’s really no point in committing unless I’m certain she’s the one. Meaning, if she doesn’t meet all of my qualifications, I won’t settle. Looks good, gets along with my guy friends (but doesn’t cross the line of getting too close), and has a great personality; However, if she has no career goals, no education, and wants to work retail at Forever 21 all her life? Ha. Why waste 6 months of my life leading someone on knowing all the while that she’s not the woman I want a future with? Hey, at least I’m honest. I’m very blunt with women about what my expectations are- whether it just be sex, companionship, or a pretty young thang to look good on my arm at company events."

Anier, 22 :

"She has to be attractive, fun, intelligent, cultured, and most importantly righteous. She also has to be loyal."

Wayne, 23: 
"Being nice to look at is nice and all, but it goes beyond that. Intelligence is first and foremost. If we can't converse ...then not in her dreams. A good sense of humor: I can't be the stand up comic in the relationship, she has to make me laugh too. She has to be a little gangsta- meaning she's not taking my BS along with anyone else's. She needs to be comfortable with herself. The norm: faithful, freak, nice to look at and can function with the homies."




Muhammad, 22:

"The first thing men look for in women regardless of any other attributes is beauty and outward appearance. Every man has his own conception of beauty but there has to be something that catches our eye physically first. My anthropology professor called it good symmetry, in which I totally agree. I think next comes personality. Is she down to earth? Is she stuck up? Is she the crazy type? Personally, I look for women who are down to earth, have a sense of humor, and overall compatible, less confrontation is key. Can she hold a conversation? Or is it get a few irrelevant sentences out, break out the awkward laugh and look down at my pocket to pull my phone out. Next, I look for music preferences. Having a women not only like the same music you like and also putting you on to new music and different genres and vise versa is considered a blessing in this day and age lol. I look for independence and interdependence, so that we both can trust and need each other. Men want a woman who is comfortable with her own sexuality. I look for a woman who knows her own mind, and stays true to herself. Finally yet importantly, she has to have faith in a higher power."


Steve, 22: 

"I'm looking for in a woman, what a woman looks at when she sees me. An old soul with youthful tendencies. Someone who loves living, yet respects life. A woman who listens before talking and seeks to understand before passing judgment. A woman of empathy and compassion. A woman strong enough to help me carry my cross, yet humble enough to let me help carry hers. Beautiful. Intelligent. Kind. It's seem like so much, yet I expect so little. I have found few who live up to what I want in a woman, but I know they are out there. I'm 22. I'm in NY. And I'm looking for you."

Colorado Theatre Massacre at a Batman Movie Opening

My prayers, thoughts, and condolences go out to the victims and families of the shooting. I am also sending prayers for the soul of James Holmes. I am not sure what kind of man could do this.

Bring Her Home to Mommy ..

[Yesterday, a friend of mine was schooling me on his Grocery Store Women Scouting Technique, "If she's buying frozen dinners, it's either for her boyfriend at home or she doesn't cook. Either way, I ain't interested." In between the laughs he asked where he could go to meet "nice girls". He suggested that I blog about it. First off, let me say that there is no fool-proof place to find the woman of your dreams. Hell, there are psychopaths leading the church's children's choir. The key, however, to finding a "worthy" companion is understanding yourself! Here are two tips to narrow down your search & spare yourself months of head-scratching confusion]:

1. Interests, Interests, Interests!
Use your interests as a compass to guide your dating pursuits. Do activities that are interest specific. If you like certain musical artists then you should attend those concerts (chances are, someone there will like the same ones). If you're passionate about animals, for example, shelters are a cool place to meet people. Art exhibits, comedy clubs, sporting events, beaches, beer festivals, cooking classes and even professional-based mixers are great meeting places. Be careful not to mix business with pleasure, but there is a chance that your business schedules and ambitions will sync up (depending on the career/passion).

**sidenote: i do not encourage clubs as a place to meet women. do not get me wrong, i attend parties and clubs from time to time. however, the mixture of loud music, excessive alcohol and skimpy clothes can send the wrong message. I do, however, suggest "kickbacks" [(n.) a gathering amongst friends in a house with slight music and mutual friends]. When surveying a kickback, you can see who is social, obnoxious, insane or sweet. Also, there are usually mutual friends in the facinity - making it easy to be introduced.

2. Decide what personal qualities you look for in your dream girl.
Most people say that finding a woman in the church is cliche. However, it is cliche for a reason. If you want a woman who takes her faith seriously, you should go to that place of worship to meet her. If she forgot her bible (or uses a bible app lol), let her share your tangible one. Ask her if she's a church member. What better place to find a woman than a building devoted to moral and spiritual strength.

Perhaps you like generous, selfless women. Volunteering programs and philanthropic-based activities are a great place to get involved and meet people at the same time. She may have a passion for teaching middle-aged immigrants or building homes for disaster-stricken communities. She may want to donate 65 cents a day to African kids...who knows lol. Let the qualities you want ... guide you to the places you go...

-- They key is to be genuine in your pursuits. Do not go to a Barnes and Noble if you hate reading books. Do not go to a senior citizens home if old people "creep you out". Some guys get caught up in "types"- they want the artsy type, the GLAMbot, the book worm- and are let down if they have nothing in common when the infatuation dimmers away. Follow your true interests and principles in order to find your "good girl". Bring her home to momma!

i. cannot. wait.

3 gowns that haunt me... in a good way :)

[We are only midway through 2012 and my eyes have been blessed. Award shows, tumblrs, and instagrams are fashion mediums that take your breath away. While I give the occasional "oo" and "ah" to certain ensembles, most people cringe at the common "style stinkers" that grace the red carpet. While I was reflecting on the fate of fashion, I couldn't help but wonder if younger girls understood grace and class. They are watching trashy, low budget depictions of beauty. While these three gowns exude what it means to be sultry and sexy, they also reach the epitome of stunning and classy. These three gowns in 2012 began to haunt me in my sleep. I want, I want, I want!]

1. Rihanna in black Giorgio Armani gown, Grammy Awards:

Rhi Rhi proves that she can give more than her "typical, teenage, tantrum" fashion. Her blonde, cascading curls and simple split are phenomenal.

2. Beyonce's Givenchy Lace Gown at the 2012 Met Gala

Queen Bey took a fortunate risk with this lace, feather gown. It is daring, classic, and really highlights her curves. She is not afraid to showcase her hips. I think that's why I love this gown!

3. Zoe Saldana in Prabal Gurung's Fall/ Winter 2012-2013 collection at the CDFA Fashion Awards

This dress is the perfect balance between sheer and elegant. As you can see, I have a thing for black. Honestly, I love black because it can be done in so many timeless, fabulous ways. No one could work this "swishy", sexy dress like Zoe. No one. 

your ears will thank you.

Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Tumblr, and blogs are covered in a bright, orange tint today. Frank Ocean's Channel Orange album made an incredible impact today, completely overshadowing his previous sexual orientation announcement (at least, it did to me). I know I am biased when it comes to Frank, but I have to say he outdid himself this time. He is truly a musical visionary with beautiful vocals and incredible songwriting skills. While I suggest that you listen to the entire album, I have to promote my favorite track:
"Pink Matter ft. Andre 3000". Show the man some love. Music is in a beautiful place this Tuesday.

On a more local level (but not for long, I'm sure), Alex Jacke just released his mixtape/EP "DFM" (Dorm F*cking Music) yesterday and I must say that it is delicious. D.F.M is truly that piece of pie that you know you shouldn't indulge in... but love every morsel. Hailing from the "recent music mecca" of Los Angeles, Jacke is giving you a sultry and sexy musical palette. The EP is composed of six full tracks and charming skits that will truly make you yearn for more! Check him out: http://alexjacke.com/ click the picture to download the EP.

balancing on the tightrope

To my consistent readers, casual browsers, and first time onlookers, “my apologies”. I have picked up two new interests/projects and it is ... time consuming. I realized today that I have resorted to twitter rants to satisfy my thirst for writing and expression. Yes, it is a sad, sad day for Stevi (lol). So, I am back and so glad that my thoughts will not be confined to 140 characters!

There is something that has been burning in my mind and heart for a few days now. Oddly enough, it started when I saw that Evelyn Lozada and Chad “Ochocinco” finally tied the knot. I know this is strange (especially because VH1 has me on edge these days). However, it hit me that we (society) spend an immense amount of energy and time worrying about people who could care less about us. Sure, Evelyn cares if the viewers watch. However, at the end of the day –regardless of the scrutiny, criticism, and twitter bashing- she is going to do what makes her content and happy.

Our obsession with fame, however, has grown into an ugly beast. Our narcissism and perverse peeping tom lifestyles have turned into a cancerous, viral virus.  The last straw for me was this news about Frank Ocean. Of course, everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. However, why do we have to be entitled to our opinion so rudely, and at someone else’s expense? The slanderous, vile, hurtful things that people said were out of line. It made my stomach churn. It made me realize that society does not take human life seriously anymore. Frank opened up in a way that was very honest, vulnerable, and courageous. The soul and mind are delicate things and society often times fails to see the reality in celebrity. Can you imagine getting slurs, hate, and criticism from millions of people...all of the time? My friend Kamilah said something like, "social networks have developed a world of critics, not creators." Twitter has given everyone a voice. People get overwhelmed and arrogant. I wish people understood that their tongues can heal, not always harm.

I’m disappointed, to say the least.

--

THREE videos that everyone ... should have seen already