What Men Want.

[In 2010, I wrote a blog segment entitled "What Women Want". I started by asking women what they wanted from men and the feedback in my inbox was crazy. A male friend of mine asked, "Can we get a chance to say what we want?" Of course I had to oblige and their responses were very insightful. Needless to say, I am doing it again. This time, I'm letting the men go first. I asked a few choice men what they looked for in women and here are their responses:]

Ryan, 22:

"I prefer a woman who loves God, keeps up her appearance, can socialize with many different types of people, encourages me, has drive, and just has an open mind. I like women that like to go out and be social ... without having a rep (if you know what I mean)."




Lance, 21: 

"My ideal potential mate is not one who completes me, or some cliché and romanticized idea. Since I’m tasked with describing her, my ideal mate is content in her ideal contentment, supportive, flexible, but certain of at least certain aspects of her personality. She is witty enough to appreciate varied humor and doesn’t trifle a great deal with foolish pursuits. She is a woman who can just as easily seriously discuss a political issue as she can satirize it into laughter. A character from the 2009 Woody Allen film Whatever Works says, “In the end, the romantic aspirations of our youth are reduced to whatever works.” I can ultimately try to create a prototype, but I’ll fail. I’m not perfect, so I’ll seek the woman that works for me."




Deonta', 21:
"- Natural Beauty (If we wake up in the morning, will you still be beautiful?)

- Confession: I'm at boob man..nice boobs won't hurt..haha. However, a really cute face can substitute for almost anything
- a girl on the slimmer side (just being real)..if you marry a woman who is thick and has your kids, she's going to be fat..just saying
- I love a woman who has REALISTIC goals for her future!
- Whats your track record? (I can't date a slut)
- I hate LOUD girls!! But don't be shy..find a happy medium
- smoking is cool for now..well not really..you can't smoke..not acceptable for wifey
- good hygiene (this is a must..I love my women to smell like fruit or something)
- I love women who can hold conversations (I hate being the only one talking)"



Mike, 23: 
"I love a woman who can make me laugh, not just a woman with a sense of humor. A woman with a job (cause just like women hate broke niggas, we have broke chicks too). She doesn't have to be super religious but have faith ... and a pretty smile gets me every time. And one whose goals are similar to mine, so intelligence is necessary."












Daren, 22:
"The older we get, the more mature we get. Two years ago when we had this discussion, I wanted nothing more than a relationship without being confined to the conditions of a relationship. I wanted consistent sex without having to allocate 70% of my time to a woman. Two years prior to that, I was in high school where having a girlfriend was just the cool thing to do, so I jumped into relationship after relationship knowing there was no real potential. Now that I’m approaching 23, I’ve realized that there’s really no point in committing unless I’m certain she’s the one. Meaning, if she doesn’t meet all of my qualifications, I won’t settle. Looks good, gets along with my guy friends (but doesn’t cross the line of getting too close), and has a great personality; However, if she has no career goals, no education, and wants to work retail at Forever 21 all her life? Ha. Why waste 6 months of my life leading someone on knowing all the while that she’s not the woman I want a future with? Hey, at least I’m honest. I’m very blunt with women about what my expectations are- whether it just be sex, companionship, or a pretty young thang to look good on my arm at company events."

Anier, 22 :

"She has to be attractive, fun, intelligent, cultured, and most importantly righteous. She also has to be loyal."

Wayne, 23: 
"Being nice to look at is nice and all, but it goes beyond that. Intelligence is first and foremost. If we can't converse ...then not in her dreams. A good sense of humor: I can't be the stand up comic in the relationship, she has to make me laugh too. She has to be a little gangsta- meaning she's not taking my BS along with anyone else's. She needs to be comfortable with herself. The norm: faithful, freak, nice to look at and can function with the homies."




Muhammad, 22:

"The first thing men look for in women regardless of any other attributes is beauty and outward appearance. Every man has his own conception of beauty but there has to be something that catches our eye physically first. My anthropology professor called it good symmetry, in which I totally agree. I think next comes personality. Is she down to earth? Is she stuck up? Is she the crazy type? Personally, I look for women who are down to earth, have a sense of humor, and overall compatible, less confrontation is key. Can she hold a conversation? Or is it get a few irrelevant sentences out, break out the awkward laugh and look down at my pocket to pull my phone out. Next, I look for music preferences. Having a women not only like the same music you like and also putting you on to new music and different genres and vise versa is considered a blessing in this day and age lol. I look for independence and interdependence, so that we both can trust and need each other. Men want a woman who is comfortable with her own sexuality. I look for a woman who knows her own mind, and stays true to herself. Finally yet importantly, she has to have faith in a higher power."


Steve, 22: 

"I'm looking for in a woman, what a woman looks at when she sees me. An old soul with youthful tendencies. Someone who loves living, yet respects life. A woman who listens before talking and seeks to understand before passing judgment. A woman of empathy and compassion. A woman strong enough to help me carry my cross, yet humble enough to let me help carry hers. Beautiful. Intelligent. Kind. It's seem like so much, yet I expect so little. I have found few who live up to what I want in a woman, but I know they are out there. I'm 22. I'm in NY. And I'm looking for you."

eraser burns.

We all have a narrative.

Some moments are written in lead, ink, or blood- but, nevertheless, we all have a story- the narrative we’d all love to tell about ourselves. In our own way.

If we could, we’d write chapters about our accolades and exaggerate the glamour. We’d paint ourselves in fluorescent lighting- unknowing of its faulty exposure.  It’s so easy to waltz your pen across paper- d r a g g i n g out the highlights and beauty of the story that is you. It is so easy to scribble the stable, wise moments of our lives in BOLD INK. We have no problem illustrating the “flat” characters in our lives- the people who played their roles and left on cue.

We try to hide the complex, round characters that enter on page 2 and cause havoc until page 200. We lighten the font on people who made an impact on our protagonist selves – the ones causing heartbreak and tears. We try our best not to admit that we can be impressionable … through naiveté, love, or pain. We use words like “impressionable” to avoid words like “vulnerable”.  We only allot a page or two to the things that haunt us and bind us. We award a paragraph to the pain and a sentence to the sin. Honestly, we’d rather be heroes than sidekicks. We'd rather display the strong moments instead of the weak lapses.

Then we have the unspoken narrative: we mull over the unsaid words that are left ‘pin balling’ in the dark and sharp corners of our minds. We mourn the death of worthy words that are drowned in waves of bed sheets. Or perhaps, some of these romantic whispers are muffled under fists ... fists that are clinching these same waves in an erotic swim. The things we wish we could say. The things we yearn to proclaim. The thoughts we’d love to birth into the air. How we would love to give up our fear for adoption. How we'd love to foster up our own narrative in love. 

With every day that passes, every emotion felt, and every word said…we write our narrative. So, speak. Speak your passionate, flawed, dark, and lovely story into existence.

mangled melodies .

prelude :

Shihan (the fellow below this post) said something that i can connect with, "my feelings are all cliche" . i'm so mad that i can relate to that because it's something that i have an immense fear of; having emotions just like every movie, song, slogan, poem & thought already expressed before me . we go through hard times in life and it's hard to express at times . writing isn't about finding something new to say (at least not for me); it's about expression and connection . if i say anything that you can connect with or feel, then mission accomplished .

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"i just wanna love somebody, like forreal . & it's like a constant thing on my mind because of my mom ... because of the fact that she's such a great woman and i don't think she was ever loved properly ." - aubrey 'drake' graham ♥

love is a hot commodity- no matter who you are : African American, cuban, caucasian, professional, athlete, artist, gangbanger . we are only concoctions of our experiences . drake wants to love someone because he plans to show men how it's done . he saw his mother's broken love life ... so he wants to make some 'great' woman happy . me ? i want to love someone because i have seen it's capabilities . i watched my mother and father nourish each other with the love they gave . i watched my friend nikkiey light up and smile when her husband walked into church yesterday ... i felt warmth inside like bed comforters- fresh out of the dryer . i watched my grandparents call each other 'baby' yesterday & after 51 years of marriage ... i can say i have faith in love . [and even though my papa refers to sex as 'popping toes', i take his devotion to my grandma seriously lol] . i have faith in love .

BUT, if there's anything i have learned it's this : [ONE] this is a new day in age & relationships aren't the same anymore . technology, media & mindsets are changing faster than ever . lasting love is a miracle all in itself, it takes complete & utter faith in God . with that said & with that faith ...i still believe its possible . [TWO] i have learned patience . peace of mind comes when you know how to take your time . all great things are worth waiting for & sometimes great things simply don't work because of timing . either way, when the time is right ... things will fall into place (:

i'd rather date michael myers .

thunder and lightening are piercing the sky roaring .
i hear something moving outside.
i run to the window to look & there is nothing but dark .
i shake my head at myself and lay back down .
...but i hear it again .
i pick up the phone & the line is dead .
i hear something creeping up the stairs , heavy boots it seems .
it's getting closer & closer .

my thoughts .
in my life, my mind is always the murderer . walking through my world with authority ... it kills the best of situations mercilessly . If something is going good with me , my mind creeps up and asks what will go wrong . All of the fruits sprouting from my life are eventually stomped on by my questions . my analyzing . my second, third, & fourth thoughts .

sure, you might say that "thoughts" dont kill positive situations . well who cares what you'd say ? i know the truth . doubtful thoughts cause you to walk differently . instead of walking through the fire with excitement and tenacity , thoughts can inject your mind with a saringe full of the "nevermind" . When you paralyze yourself from moving forward ... youre lack of faith and weak mind are to blame .

you have a job interview and you cancel . you assume that the boss wont be impressed with your qualifications . you think that you dont have enough experience under your belt . you simply sabotage your opportunity . you have a great thing going with your girlfriend . she's everything you asked for, but you dont "trust no b*tch" ...you just wanna "get money" . all of these generic "hood phrases" that you soaked your mind in are contradicting your love for this girl and you keep testing her stamina . you have been hurt time and time again by boys dancing in men's shoes . This time it seems right ... but it did last time, and the time before that . youre trying to learn from your past, but not hold it against your new man like a pistol to his neck . you could be missing out on a good man because your mind is ingurgitating any positive outcome .

the mind is more powerful than you think .