pack light. ohhh, oh!

Imagine taking a stroll down the street and seeing a beautiful Porsche for sale. All black everything, this car is stunning and breath-taking. The price is really reasonable… in fact, it’s practically a steal! You look inside the window to see that the car has 200,000+ miles on it. You, as the buyer, will probably do one of two things:

1.     You will decide that the car is not worth the trouble and leave it alone.

2.     You will buy the car (for little to nothing) and decide to use it while you can- expecting to toss it when it breaks down on you in the middle of the 205 freeway.

This could be similar to you- “breaking down” in the middle of Whole Foods on your significant other- making a huge scene because he/she said something that reminded you of a triflin’ ex lover. When you are traveling down the road of life, you acquire mileage. That is a given. Recently, I had conversations with people who are emotionally scarred- and it makes sense. People have a harder time seeing what real, healthy love looks like. Their parents barely say two words to one another. Their past relationships have literally shape shifted from gold to dog shxt. Basketball wives, football wives, baseball wives, housewives of Atlanta … and I cannot find one, legitimate wife on television. A lot of my friends are graduating from college believing that love is something that died in the 90s with the VHS and ducktail braids.

            So you “don’t believe in love”? cool. However, there is a problem: human beings are dependent on intimacy and innately search for someone to love them. Whether it is at the age of 19 or 60, eventually, we will level with ourselves and admit that we want someone to genuinely care-in a romantic sense- about who we are. A lot of my guy friends say, “I’m never getting married” or “Imma be a fifty year old bachelor”. Cute. The bible talks about roads commonly traveled being fruitless in its destination. However, the winding, narrow road always pays off in the end. Loving is hard and tedious. It calls for vulnerability, trust, and seeing yourself in its rawest form; But the reward is priceless. At my graduation dinner, my grandmother was in tears .. dying laughing because my grandfather was…well, being my grandfather. “Edgar!” she said panting, “You make me laugh, boy, you make me laugh.” It’s been fifty-two years and I swear, their love has sustained one another. That, my friends, is priceless. 

“you said you’re learning to trust men again. But this is love, made unselfish. Made for you to feel empowered, at the same time helpless.” – Common.

the difference starts with you .

This is Samantha Dancer (far left), one of my truest and closest friends . i call her my sister because she has been such an inspiration to me as well as a voice of wisdom . Samantha has sickle cell disease and it kills me to see her dealing with this . When i call and she's in the hospital or in pain, it ... tears me apart . Decades ago, sickle cell seemed like a hopeless cause, but these days (through donor registry and transplants) we can try to make a difference. of course, "a difference" is expensive and we are raising money for one of my best friends in the whole wide world . PLEASE DONATE ! any little bit helps ... and if you cant donate, spread her link :

About Samantha Dancer Samantha Dancer
http://cotaforsamanthad.com/

"With the cost of a transplant often exceeding $500,000, many transplant patients are unable to shoulder the financial burden of such a procedure. The Children’s Organ Transplant Association (COTA) is a national charity dedicated to organizing and guiding communities in raising funds for transplant-n..."

-- to donate, click "donate now" .

and please educate yourself about sickle cell disease :/

outstretched palms .

every year i blow out an extra candle on my birthday cake . for every flame that's extinguished on the wax, another morsel of warmth in the world is pushed away as well . "either you die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become a villain ." the more breaths you take in life, the more you see the wrong in the world . it's scary how it can take something out of you .

society wonders how people can do things like gangbang, steal, lie, or backstab each other . if a person is born into an environment that is selfish, full of deceit, negativity, and violence ... morality can seem like a fairytale . my friend asked me, "in school... how come its so easy to go from an A to a F, but so hard to go from an F to an A ?" the same thing applies to CHARACTER . some people are born in an "F" situation and its so hard to believe in things in the world that are genuine & real . others are born in an "A" upbringing, but encounter so many baleful people ... that they lose faith in the act of H U M A N I T Y .

im no idiot ... this summer, i have met & made some real friends . some others are called "friends" as a mere casualty . smiling in my face, but sneaking behind my back ... yet & still, i know everything smh . & that kind of stuff can grow a fungus of distrust in hearts . my friends getting their hearts broken, people using you, people starving, folks being killed, financial woes, corrupt governments, illness, and messed up circumstances . i just refuse to let the hardships of life to make me into a hard person . if 98 out of 100 people in the world fell into corruption, i would want person #99 to have some faith in me ...

wishful wanting .

i want to . . .

hug you . kiss you . walk together . hold hands and skip down the street together . do the 'diddy' dance together . eat lobster . eat yams . with macaroni & cheese . cook with you . tacos, pasta, pancakes, oh , eat grilled cheese sandwiches . or peanut butter & banana sandwiches . hell, eat . watch heist movies . comedy movies . chick flicks . wait, spike lee movies .

i want to . . .

read to you . WRITE WITH YOU . do homework with you . sing songs to you . musiq soulchild . no beyonce . wait, hum to you ? smile at you . laugh with you . . .with only jokes that we understand . jog in place because we laugh so hard that i have to pee , with you [well, not pee with you] . sleep with each other . stay up 'cause insomnia with each other .

i want to . . .

shop with you . pick out shoes with you . no, clothes . . .whatever . learn with you . talk with you ... life, politics, music, past, present, future, love, family, nothing, ethics, perspectives . travel: go to paris with you . and milan, africa, fiji, west indies, greece, brooklyn, miami, san fransisco, hell . . . orange grove . cry with you . open up with you . do absolutely nothing with you . learn with you . pray with you . feel beautiful with you . grow with you . be around you . be with you .

one realization to recently smack me in the face ... we do not always get what we want . we just have to wait for God to provide what we need ♥

change

Yes Barack ! Yessssssss :)


Look, everybody has an opinion about Mr. Barack Obama . Unfortunately, money seems to be the most vital and consistent topic in American dialogue . Money is one thing that's delicate and everyone has a different opinion . However, humanity is a concrete aspect of life . People can pretend like they dont care , but they feel it . Barack is lookin out for the well being of Africa ... finally :)

check it: http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/africa/07/11/obama.ghana/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

keep the ripe .

Elie Wiesel said it best, "you can get used to anything."
someone in his circumstances had everyright to make that statement , and i invest a section of my beliefs to that declaration .

Time and time again, that statement re-proves itself in my life . Somethings happened to me in my life that i thought would crush me, physically and mentally . However, As cruel and blunt as it sounds, my mind and heart get used to anything . That doesnt mean the "anythings" become pleasant or easy over time ...it just means that you become accustomed to it .

unfortunately, i become accustomed to as well . Things that took your breath away become mundane with time . my unique characteristics become the norm with time . the things i said that pierced your mind has numbed it all the same ... with time . as "different" as i seem to most, you can get used to it . i think thats secretely everygirl's biggest fear with a man ... becoming "used to" . Having him look at you like seven-year-old bed sheets . I think that's why girls do the things they do for men ...at any cost , because theyre scared of becoming the "been there, done that". theyre so desperate to keep things fresh .

i honestly dont have the answer to the posed problem . however, i can imagine times when i have woken up to the sun & appreciated it like it was the third time i met him . & perhaps thats what love is ? Getting used to your love but still appreciative of the joy they bring in your life . rolling over to your spouse and feeling blessed to have them for another day . i can only imagine what it would be like to wake up to bliss every morning . not necessarily waking up to a perfect person...cause everyone sucks once and a while lol . but waking up to think, "wow ...theyre still here. how lucky am i? " hmm, i dont know ? i guess anythings possible ?

song: teedra moses - take me .

s m h .

i take the risk right now of sounding "uncool" , but nevertheless my heart is heavy for the world around me & for myself, & for my fam (blood & un-related) . I often cringe at the things i hear or see that makes me uncomfortable, but nomore . Even worse, sometimes i condone it & ill be held accountable for that later .

The older i get, the more i begin to understand life in a rejuvinated way . I often brush off the things i do because i say, "im young" and i act as if my short-lived 19 years on earth is an excuse for some of the dumb things i condone or do . God has blessed me with the (somewhat) burden of having ethics and accountability . When i do something that is against my principles as a Christian, it itches my spirit. When i see my friends lost or hurting, i feel responsible. Salvation is something that is true bliss . Knowing God (which means having a relationship) is the epitome of contentment and unique characteristics ...being the salt to a tasteless world . Once a person has accepted God as their personal LORD and savior -alot of times people want God to save them, but not let him have rule over their lives-, they are saved forever . Sometimes we slip up and repent, but "theres a difference between sinning & living a lifestyle of sin".

The older i get, the quieter i get . Its an aquired skill ...the ability to listen . I am either quiet because i am thinking , because im observing, because i have nothing to add, or because i am disappointed . These days, it seems to be the latter . I am just worried for this generation. Who am i to condone a lifestyle of sin ? God sent his son to die for us so that we could have everlasting life ... and yet, i act like everything is all good & its not . We didnt create the heavens and the earth...we didnt have thorns thrust into our hands and feet ...& yet, we have this wack sense of entitlement like we can do anything we want, and expect God to bless us abundantly . We act as if our age in an excuse for our behavior ...but i know for sure that tomorrow isnt promised. And if we are old enough & arrogant enough to believe we can manipulate God with that weak excuse, then we are old enough to be held accountable for our actions .

just a thought . im not pointing fingers, because i am not perfect . but at the same time, i wont sugar-coat because God's salvation is not a "joke" . i say this with love, all of my love .

dancing ribbons .

sometimes when i stare at my tattoo , i wonder what i truly did to myself .
but then it hits me .

everytime my pupils gaze over my wrist, my mind is rushed to the hospital room .
my mind is rushed to radiation treatment rooms .
my mind is rushed to memories & thoughts .
my mind is rushed to that wednesday of 06 . the septembers of all septembers .

my mother always told me, "dont lose who you are" .
for years, i tried to remain exactly the same . but as my prom came and went . my boyfriend came and went . my brother got taller . my realities got bigger . as the seasons changed . . . so did i . change is inevitable . but my tattoo is permanent . my soul is permanent . the fundamentals are instilled . 'who i am' is planted & can never be lost .

my wrists are the same things that are raised with my fists .
my wrists, the skin that is inked with the constant reminder of embracing each day .
as i write my papers, im reminded .
when i get dressed, im reminded .
when i raise my hand in class, im reminded .

but more importantly, when i live ... people are enlightened . moving through my everyday, one more person gets to know that breast cancer is real . that early detection is real. that courage is real . if you pick nothing up from me, take my wrists as a parting gift .

redemption ;

i hurt my grandpa's feelings last january . He asked me about the presidential nomination and i told him, "i dont think theyre gunna give it to him." I said the statement with so much ease and charisma. I didnt blink twice, i didnt breathe too heavily. Nothing was too big for me in that moment. BUT i saw the disappointment in his eyes. He saw the loss of hope in mine. my disdain bled all on my grandmother's lace . He cringed at my statement. I tried to recant, "Well, its not like i dont want him to win the nomination, i just think America may not be ready..." His eyes eased from disappointment to understanding, but not because of my re-word-re-try-to-ease-his-heart statement . He was saddened by the loss of faith in the world. A tender age of seventeen is no age to lose hope . My neck wasnt raw with the burns of a noose . My flesh was not broken by the water of firehoses. My eyes did not burn from the sight of burning crosses. Who was i to lose hope if my grandfather of age 68 had not ? From that hot mending of ideas, i found a different perspective laying in the dark corners of my heart ... that perspective was hope .

Hope was the difference between the win and the loss of Barack Obama . The belief that things could change . Without this, nothing is possible . This is not only a "Black Victory", this is a humanity expanse .

'the man'

speechless ..