the difference starts with you .

This is Samantha Dancer (far left), one of my truest and closest friends . i call her my sister because she has been such an inspiration to me as well as a voice of wisdom . Samantha has sickle cell disease and it kills me to see her dealing with this . When i call and she's in the hospital or in pain, it ... tears me apart . Decades ago, sickle cell seemed like a hopeless cause, but these days (through donor registry and transplants) we can try to make a difference. of course, "a difference" is expensive and we are raising money for one of my best friends in the whole wide world . PLEASE DONATE ! any little bit helps ... and if you cant donate, spread her link :

About Samantha Dancer Samantha Dancer
http://cotaforsamanthad.com/

"With the cost of a transplant often exceeding $500,000, many transplant patients are unable to shoulder the financial burden of such a procedure. The Children’s Organ Transplant Association (COTA) is a national charity dedicated to organizing and guiding communities in raising funds for transplant-n..."

-- to donate, click "donate now" .

and please educate yourself about sickle cell disease :/

we live . we love . time to learn .

i often wondered if Jesus was the ultimate forgiver, or the ultimate pushover .
i sat in my room strumming my fingers against the many fine lines of the two possibilities
... creating acoustic sounds .
each time i struck the strings with my strumming, a cord of guilt would beam through my soul .
'who am i to ask that question?' i thought .

then i ran to go pee .
it may sound irrelevant, but it's not . you see, my heart had been so heavy lately, that it sunk from my chest and tumbled on top of my bladder . all i could do was pee .

"when is enough, enough ?" i asked . then the question morphed into a whale , a massive something that sprouted all of my answers and peace from its blowhole . forgiveness is not the act of being a door mat . forgiveness is letting go of animosity . digging through the mud to find the sparkling peace in a situation . taking your time . at it's peak, forgiveness is learning to love someone, but also learning how to put your integrity on the forefront .

Jesus was not a pushover . he loved, but never let it COMPROMISE what he believed in . he never let a situation bend his character like foil . about two weeks ago, i stopped the strumming of my questionnaire guitar & thanked God for his forgiveness . . .

a helping hand .

jesus called him forward .
peter hopped over the boat in the midst of the dangerous water. Yes, the dangerous water was eager to inhale his body at any moment . Peter kept his focus on Jesus and behold, he walked on water . Peter's nerves began to kick in and he looked down . The wind was strong and everything that [could] go wrong leaked into his mind like water from a busted pipe . He looked at his feet that were amputated by the ice water and slowly, the rest of his body began to sink as well . Suddenly, he felt a hand that pulled him above the waves .

It's pretty simple . When Jesus is not involved, things go wrong . When you have lost focus on God, things fall apart . See, you may say that things go wrong when he's in your life . But if you know anything, you know that adversity works itself out when Jesus in involved . When God is involved, you can sit back and watch things get better, as opposed to running around in a frantic state .the true faith in God is saying that he's awesome even before he solves your problems . God is Good .

s m h .

i take the risk right now of sounding "uncool" , but nevertheless my heart is heavy for the world around me & for myself, & for my fam (blood & un-related) . I often cringe at the things i hear or see that makes me uncomfortable, but nomore . Even worse, sometimes i condone it & ill be held accountable for that later .

The older i get, the more i begin to understand life in a rejuvinated way . I often brush off the things i do because i say, "im young" and i act as if my short-lived 19 years on earth is an excuse for some of the dumb things i condone or do . God has blessed me with the (somewhat) burden of having ethics and accountability . When i do something that is against my principles as a Christian, it itches my spirit. When i see my friends lost or hurting, i feel responsible. Salvation is something that is true bliss . Knowing God (which means having a relationship) is the epitome of contentment and unique characteristics ...being the salt to a tasteless world . Once a person has accepted God as their personal LORD and savior -alot of times people want God to save them, but not let him have rule over their lives-, they are saved forever . Sometimes we slip up and repent, but "theres a difference between sinning & living a lifestyle of sin".

The older i get, the quieter i get . Its an aquired skill ...the ability to listen . I am either quiet because i am thinking , because im observing, because i have nothing to add, or because i am disappointed . These days, it seems to be the latter . I am just worried for this generation. Who am i to condone a lifestyle of sin ? God sent his son to die for us so that we could have everlasting life ... and yet, i act like everything is all good & its not . We didnt create the heavens and the earth...we didnt have thorns thrust into our hands and feet ...& yet, we have this wack sense of entitlement like we can do anything we want, and expect God to bless us abundantly . We act as if our age in an excuse for our behavior ...but i know for sure that tomorrow isnt promised. And if we are old enough & arrogant enough to believe we can manipulate God with that weak excuse, then we are old enough to be held accountable for our actions .

just a thought . im not pointing fingers, because i am not perfect . but at the same time, i wont sugar-coat because God's salvation is not a "joke" . i say this with love, all of my love .

testimony timeeeeee :)

so .
i have been looking for a job for months . online applications, going to old town, going to the mall . blah blah blah . banana republic, juicy, random stores that i never even heard of before . never printed out so many resume's in my life .

then this week while i was travelin to UCLA and over there on la cienega to my cousin's... i went broke . no money, no gas, nada .

then, i go to church today . i walk out of the room and i run to see a friend of mine...kelinda .
now, kelinda is a saint on earth . seriously, its not like me to say something like that because im a very skeptical person . but seriously, God works through her and speaks to her . ill blog some more about her 'gift' some other time tho. but yeah, She takes me out to eat sometimes and we catch up, but i hadnt spoken with her for about 3 months . anywho...

i say "kelinda!" and she says "hey! you look gorgeous...(blah blah lol) ... Oh by the way, God spoke to me and told me that you need a job & that you're going to work for me this summer . so, come in on Monday to j.jill and you can start on tuesday."

i almost cried . God is too Good .