brave new voices .

the matching game .

it's zora neale hurston week ! (i just decided this two minutes ago lol) she is such an astonishing, controversial person . her language, beliefs, lifestyle and confidence really shook her peers & honestly .... im still in awe . with that being said, im going to let her quotes inspire my writing this week :

"Nothing that God ever made is the same thing to more than one person. That is natural." - Zora Neale Hurston

i don't know if i believe in soulmates . this uncertainty and pessimism really makes my skin crawl because that statement sounds so ... defeated . i don't know if time, age, or circumstance has changed my view exactly; nevertheless, i do know that my perspective on "mates" has changed numerous times .

when i was a kid (about 7), i thought you could only fall in love ONCE . the concept of falling in love over & over did not resonate well with me at all . i mean, all of the Disney princesses met one guy and lived happily ever after . Princess Jasmine didn't date a bunch of boos & Princess Ariel only had eyes for Prince Eric ! In my mind, my mom only EVER had feelings for my dad & vice versa [clearly that was hardly the truth lol] .

BUT what is a "soulmate" anyway ? i think i believe in compatibility more than anything these days . i think certain people have the traits & chemistry to be GREAT , but i think a growing and lasting love is based majorly on three things: 1)God's influence in a bond 2) people's personal choices, and 3) the willingness to put in the effort . God can give you the all of the ingredients (chemistry, compatibility, love), but it's up to us to follow his directions . without that, you'll end up with hot pockets instead of the four course dinner you were hoping for . don't misunderstand me, i know God has a plan . i just think we as people need to stop focusing on fate and start taking charge & focusing on who we want & how we are going to love that person with all of our might .

PS. i know that i allude to food a lot in my writing (lmfbo) and i honestly cant help it . food is awesome & makes for great analogies =X

cain & abel

karma .
a manmade construction of what we expect the 'earth' to do when things are out of 'balance' .
karma .
a scare tactic composed by society to make us do right ...because we will inherit wrong . [as if doing right is not enough incentive in itself] .
karma , real karma -
society's way of hoping that people 'get what they deserve' :

this past week , i have found out some things that i probably shouldn't of heard . when i told my friend, she said, "that's what 'so-and-so' gets . karma is a b*tch . " my stomach turned . i don't like karma . i think it's quite pathetic because it causes us to wait around for negativity to strike the people that "wronged us" or the people who are out in the world living wrong . believing in karma makes us into ugly people ... sitting around and hoping for someone else's unhappiness . i DO believe that my God is a just and righteous God . i also believe that seeds that are planted in foul soil will only reap foul flowers . Nevertheless, i try to wish people the best . i try to hope that people can learn from mistakes as opposed to being hurt in the long run .

it takes A LOT not to put your energy into karma & vindictiveness . just remember, it's more beneficial to focus on your own happiness than another person's anguish . just something to think about ?

your love . #win .

-----

i'm not a big nicki fan , but i have to give props where they are due ! i saw this video two days ago & i love this music video man . number one, nicki minaj actually shows a toned-down side of her & she looks great . number two, its so artistic ! the ribbons and drapes are dope [even down to the bloody death] . number three, i like the story line ... (i watch a lot of kung fu movies & the ending was a typical, tragic martial arts romance one ) . i thought it was clever . but hey ? what do i know ? what do you think ????

mack'n & hang'n .

Part 1

this is a poem for the people who could crack open their chests and have emotions spill onto their shoes . these shoes- that have walked miles & miles in the land of contemplation and self-exploration .
this is a poem for the people who find a bite size piece of themselves ...while they're in the shower . wipe on the epiphanies . wash off the negativity . this is a neon poem that draws in the misfits, torn down, pessimists, heartbroken, & hell-of-life-crushed hearts . this poem transforms & massages the soul .
this is a poem for the girl who wants to smack her feelings over the head with an oversized frying pan . -better yet, she'd pour them into the skillet & let them burn to a crisp .
this poem sings like a choir .
this poem kisses on necks & ears .
this is a poem for the men who know what they're doing . -a poem that wants to explain, but won't .
this is a rough, abusive poem , filled to its lips with frustration and unspoken words .
this is a poem for the boys with regrets . unadulterated, raw, 'don't try this at home' regrets that cannot be hindered by the typical "i don't believe in regrets" socially-correct statement .
an outlandish poem that looks into the sky & cries to God for guidance .
this poem grins ... HARD , for no reason .
this poem will only make breakfast foods & tacos .
this is a bestfriend poem .
this is a lover's quarrel poem .
this poem wakes you out of your sleep with new ideas about life .
this poem is "the girl who got away" .
this poem is a tattoo that you plan to get covered .
this poem is a sea of grins, in a pool of frowns .

this is a poem that plans to work overtime until the world smiles one-unexpected-time .

inspired by oveous maximus .

the big 2-0 .

my bestfriend . you don't understand , my VERY BEST FRIEND . yesterday her mom said, "stevi, what is that ? meal #12 today ?" ...yes ! eat-her-family-out-of-house-and-home bestfriend . my sister, linked with ink - 'cause blood may be thicker ...but it stains as well . besides, i don't look at elysse like "water", but more so like a potent margarita that you have to take in slowly lol . -and i have taken her in slowly ... 14 years to be exact . through haters, boys, family screaming, family devastation, secrets, pasadena gossip, love, hate, and everything in between .

on friday, we talked about our futures . our families, husbands, careers and kids . so many things were uncertain, but one thing was undeniable . . . we would still be bestfriends - no questions asked . we have had our fall-outs [& roll your eyes-walk away-take a day apart moments lol] . nevertheless, she is my rideordie . i'm key'n cars & tazer-gunnin' niggas for my sister & she's not f*ckin with anybody that puts a single blemish on my happiness . lol that's just the way things go ... i guess we're a "2fer special" lol .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ELYSSE MARIE ELY . I LOVE YOU LIKE A HOG LOVES SLOP GIRL , LOL .

keep hope alive !

Dear USHER & CHILLI ,

"Ush" , (i hope you don't mind if i call you that) i know that you shimmied cracks into an exquisite vase . no, not her, the relationship . but that was years ago ... when white, net beanies & dancing silhouettes were all of that and lays potato chips . you cheated on a woman so hot that they had to name her chilli . you piled bricks onto a cotton ball love . you made millions off of a 'tell-all' album & blew up in fame while your life blew up in flames . -what a shame .

Chilli , you were fresh out of your divorce . those two, Texas cities left charred ,barbecue marks on your heart . you still had the faint smell of heartbreak in your clothes like bonfire smoke . then here comes this boy ... eight years younger, but whose gaps filled with eagerness, passion, and hope in love . he cheated - life shut down, and you now have a reality show where you can show the world your tattooed trust issues . lovely

to the readers- i watched "behind the music: usher raymond" & they interviewed both chilli & usher . they simply weren't ready for each other at the time ! but they still love each other lmfbo .... watch it . i wanna write them & tell em how dumb they are . maybe i should start a chili&ush fan club ! we'll get t-shirts ...aaha WHO'S WITH ME ?!

signed, may 2008 .

do heathens and heaven ever meet at juxtaposed crossroads ?
should his horns cut me like this ? passionately, like a feign .
causing my heart to race & pace - as they run across my wrists .
oppressed by his lies, they suppress my revolutionary fists .

ripped from the girl i used to be, introduced to the new me .
but the latter classic still puts in work;
slaving over this barren land we call 'us' . pulling heavy bricks & sinking sand .
mixing the cement like a savage that's hidden within me .
trying to guard myself before you set it FREE.

my wings are pierced and now i bleed you .
i cant fly alone now;
i hate how we're here, but love how you need me -
two handicapped doves that want to fly free ...
you became the air that pushes my arms up & away,
but the same gust that weakened me & led me astray .

- written my senior year of high school . my first sign that writing was made for me .

i will be back on the 19th :]

stroll through the old posts if you have time . there are plenty , & thanks for reading !

xoxo, stevi renee ♥

patience payroll .

high off of life .
equipped with a knife ,
& i just cut through my stagnation, pain & strife .

tasting the sun, sucking on wind , sipping on the moon .
floating up with passion like it's a helium balloon .
singing my song - an often 'misconstrued' tune .

you say i'm your trashed-treasure, a satin soft D R E AM ;everything that glitters isnt gold - but some is exactly what it seems .

there's a lot left to give , lucky man .
i'm back from hiatus, welcome to your promise land
you begged for me to " see the light" ... welp , now i CAN ♥ .

thank you

randommm i know .

me & my brother always die laughing at this commercial . im not even sure why exactly lol . but im sure someone out there hasssss to be laughing too ! its not just me o_O

cutting corners .

i told you this weeks ago .
when tears ran down my face like they raced for first place .
many, many weeks ago i told you that things were swept under our heavy, embroidered rug .
-the rug that mom bought ...when i was with her . when she said, "that's perfect ."
i tried to tell you weeks ago .
you said it was fine . but fine isn't strong .
now your voice is banging against walls & doors & lamps & shades & him .
im only an innocent bylistener, but guilty by association i presume .
every issue you neglected is throwing a temper tantrum in what was once my havana .
but i tried to tell you weeks ago .

mm ,
if a tree falls in the middle of the forest & no one is around to hear it ... does it make a sound ?

i guess not .

signed, a tree .

eyelashes & prizes .

a keepsake for my exhausted friends .

you thought you would only love as much as comfort would permit .
as if adoration in full bloom could be equated with twisted lungs and slingshotting intestines . you were right , but you threw dice -
love requires a HEAVY gamble, synonymous with:
strapping 8 pounds to your body for nine months OR carrying a wooden cross & hiking up hills towards utter demise .

you had no clue, did you ?
that love can blend to hate like echos of thunderous sound .

2 gallons of passionate-premarital sex, mix a pint of resentment, a sticky stick of honey kisses, a cup of dishonesty, tablespoon of diaphragm laughs, a pinch of verbal abuse, and a dash of immaturity . boil & you will see the fine lines rise to the surface like buttered up Pillsbury biscuits .

there are pieces of gold lining . buy one storm, get two sunny days for free . you can watch the light seep through your window-paned situation, splashing a melody of color into your life'sfoggy haze . love is a marathon, not a sprint . the paining is only the training ... hold on until you win .

razor blade candy

flat character (n) - a character not fully developed who seems to represent a “type” more than a real personality .

the bully in the cafeteria who knocks down your food tray ... the neighborhood priest who always has kind, wise words ... the mobster bookie who threatens to cut your limbs off if you skip town ... grumpy old lady ... dumb jock ... stuck-up cheerleader ...

we have seen them on television shows, movies, & read them in books (hopefully) . they're these lazily drawn out archetypes of personalities that never seem to surprise us much . the books i like to read are the ones when the characters disappoint me or make me wonder about their actions . -it's realistic . often times, we like to think that people we meet day to day are flat characters . we like to drop people into two, clear cut containers labeled "HERO" & "VILLAIN" . there's no such thing . that's way too black&white to make any type of sense .

behind every person is a backstory . domestic violence, sexual assault, neglect, heartbreak, poverty, disappointment, and anguish . i told my friend yesterday that tragedy can cause one of two reactions out of people: (a) lashing out & scaring OR (b) gaining wisdom & understanding ... he told me i was wrong and said he experienced both reactions . he was right, and i didnt even take the time to realize that im the same way . - the true definition of a round character . now, i hope people dont use this as a crutch for doing grimey things or being dueche bags , im just saying this:

i dont believe in "good" and "bad" people . a person who did the most dirt will have the best testimony when they are ready to live right in the long run ...

HERE IT COMES .

**thanks to tommy j .

random thought .

i have been thinking .
the human body is really an amazing design .
our nerve system , cells , digestion, and reproductive process ... REMARKABLE .

-The average human heart will beat 3,000 million times in its lifetime and pump 48 million gallons of blood.
-It takes the interaction of 72 different muscles to produce human speech.
-The average surface of the human intestine is 656 square feet (200 m).

why do we treat such a beautiful vessel like garbage ? we burn our insides, we clog up our pipes, and we infect ourselves with disease (sexual and food related) . even though our bodies are interesting things, they are also houses made of cards . the wrong outer intrusion can make everything fall apart . anyone who knows me well enough knows that i am a glutton (haha) . i love food and i usually don't care what kind it is . i eat candy, chips, cookies, pies, pizza, hot dogs, fried chicken, tacos (with extra oil in the pan), or anything else with extra seasoning & sugar . well today that ENDS - im monitoring what goes into my body ... in all regards .

i challenge you to do the same (:

simple ?

we are women .
a forgotten species buried under gravel of music videos & the 50's .
torn between alter egos 'as seen on tv' .
tucked in the crevices of our insecurities .


we are women
who wear chameleon masks, changing our spirits to blend into men's expectations .
we slip into our brilliance, then into our ditsy damsel . pretend to like sports, pretend to cook, & whatever else we read in Cosmo - anything to please the penis i suppose .
we'll let them black&blue-face us . a minstrel show for these millennium ma`ssuhs .


we are women .
told to be a lady, then persecuted with double sided standards .
told to be a "freak", then branded with scarlet letters & facebook statuses .
told to reach for the stars ...but not that one, it's too high -of a salary .

stupid women .
so transparent and flimsy . isn't it ironic that you're so ready to sell your soul to be what men want ... & most of the time, guys dont even know what that is ?

mangled melodies .

prelude :

Shihan (the fellow below this post) said something that i can connect with, "my feelings are all cliche" . i'm so mad that i can relate to that because it's something that i have an immense fear of; having emotions just like every movie, song, slogan, poem & thought already expressed before me . we go through hard times in life and it's hard to express at times . writing isn't about finding something new to say (at least not for me); it's about expression and connection . if i say anything that you can connect with or feel, then mission accomplished .

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"i just wanna love somebody, like forreal . & it's like a constant thing on my mind because of my mom ... because of the fact that she's such a great woman and i don't think she was ever loved properly ." - aubrey 'drake' graham ♥

love is a hot commodity- no matter who you are : African American, cuban, caucasian, professional, athlete, artist, gangbanger . we are only concoctions of our experiences . drake wants to love someone because he plans to show men how it's done . he saw his mother's broken love life ... so he wants to make some 'great' woman happy . me ? i want to love someone because i have seen it's capabilities . i watched my mother and father nourish each other with the love they gave . i watched my friend nikkiey light up and smile when her husband walked into church yesterday ... i felt warmth inside like bed comforters- fresh out of the dryer . i watched my grandparents call each other 'baby' yesterday & after 51 years of marriage ... i can say i have faith in love . [and even though my papa refers to sex as 'popping toes', i take his devotion to my grandma seriously lol] . i have faith in love .

BUT, if there's anything i have learned it's this : [ONE] this is a new day in age & relationships aren't the same anymore . technology, media & mindsets are changing faster than ever . lasting love is a miracle all in itself, it takes complete & utter faith in God . with that said & with that faith ...i still believe its possible . [TWO] i have learned patience . peace of mind comes when you know how to take your time . all great things are worth waiting for & sometimes great things simply don't work because of timing . either way, when the time is right ... things will fall into place (:

shihan 'family'

a tipped hat .

i havent featured a song on my blog in a LONG TIME but this song just has to be posted . Karaoke by Drake is an amazing song (produced briliantly by francis & the lights) if there's any real reason why i like Drake, it's because he's a vulnerable soul . he truly makes a living off of painting his life to his listeners . the 'Thank Me Later' album is like the "confessions album" of hip-hop . he's so honest with himselves & his fans . too many rappers are concerned with their facade . i can respect drake because his "gimick" (child star, singer, jewish, & being bi-racial) ... is simply NOT a gimick ...it's him .

dose of your medicine .

Dear abuser ,

you put wrinkles in her face & bags under her eyes . garbage bags filled with lack of sleep and all of the verbal abuse that you stuffed into her ears . bags- overflowing with the times you called her a bitch and flung her name into the gutter out of anger and jealousy . when she got spurts of strength enough to leave, you spray painted red slander onto her notoriety . you blackballed her within crowds of faces who were too quick to pass judgement in their GLASS SHACKS . because they cranked their noses at the sky towards her, she felt nowhere to go but you . a brilliant bastard child you are .

she gave you everything - her dignity, her pride, her affection, trust, & even her pearl . i drove down Lake avenue yesterday & saw it in the window of a pawn shop . now, card number 22 is gone and she'll never get that back . whenever she reached for the doorknob, you ran your finger down her spine & W H I S P E R E D her imperfections . sweet melodies of "no one will ever love you" & "you're not even pretty" . you read her list of insecurities daily like a prayer & i never got paid time & a half for all of the work i put in on holidays ... cleaning up that mess . i never minded much , cause i would scrub like Cinderella if it could heal the hurt .

but then it happened & i minded . when you threw your hand across that tissue papered princess, something SNAPPED within me . i need your head on a stake to balance the universe . i wonder if your mother knew that her ovaries were capable of such wickedness ? i wonder if her uterus stung during pregnancy from your festering temperament ? i never understood why God made flies; so vexatious, worthless & icky -now i wonder if you're kin ?

Sincerely,
Stevi Renee

Men are amazing creatures, but sometimes they can be grenades in your morning cereal . [one in every four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime] - stop it .

this gave daren chills . & dropped my jaw .