how to raise a son in the midst of quicksand .

[I attended another forum at Morehouse about dating and domestic violence yesterday. I am accustomed to the back and forth and back and forth about "exclusivity" ... but the domestic violence portion caught me completely off guard.]

While the men were tip-toeing around the issue of domestic violence and abuse, the women were more vocal...in an unconventional way. A lot of women said that a woman should expect to be hit back if she hits a man first. While that comment was unconventional, i could almost understand the logic. So, i kept listening. Finally, a young lady said, "If a little girl hit my son, i would teach him to hit her back." Excuse my french, but i almost shit myself. & with that being said, i bring you this:

I WILL NOT allow my son to hit any female. ever. My son will understand that he is blessed with physical strength that is meant for lifting up and not tearing down. Biologically, most men are stronger than women and he will understand that he has a social responsibility to treat all women with respect, even when they do not deserve it. Living a full and gracious life is not about that seven year old girl with the pigtails in her head. No, it is about MY son and his understanding of SELF CONTROL.

He will understand that the true makings of a man lie in his understanding of responsibility, accountability, and self control. He will be responsible and accountable for his own actions. He will learn to excrete patience and control over his actions. If he decides that he will react out of anger and bitterness, then his progress (or lack there of) in highschool, college, and the workplace will be a reflection of that. I understand that the little girl with pigtails could easily be a loud mouthed mother of two kids. Neither of the two women will be slapped, kicked, punched, or verbally abused by my son. 

Ultimately, my son will understand that he is not putting his hands on a woman- not because she is a woman, but because she is a human. We have come too far to use violence as a means of resolution and my son will not need violence and hyper-masculinity to feel confident about himself. We (his mother and father) will instill that with substantial things. My son will use his power and strength to help, motivate, inspire, lead, and/or serve. He will not use said strength to hurt people. Some traditional views are traditional for a reason, and i will not gamble with my future son's integrity on the basis of trying to be "unconventional". So, NO... my son will not be pounding his fists into little girls.


Hmph ... over my dead body (and the ghostly corpses of victims passed).