Bridging the Infidelity Gaps.

I was sitting at a bar Wednesday night with some friends. We began to discuss the perimeters of love. “Can you even define love,” my friend said. As I suppressed the urge to quote (the very cliché) 1 Corinthians “Love is patient, love is kind…”, we stumbled across infidelity. Can you cheat on someone that you truly love? Can you cheat on them numerous times if you truly love them? Needless to say, the conversation was very heated.

Personally, I believe that we all fall short at times. We disappoint our family and friends- even though we love them. Hell, we definitely disappoint ourselves (the person we tend to love the most). During the conversation, a particular point stood out to me: Men are logical creatures, not emotional. We don’t look at sex as an emotional thing. We know we want it, we go after it. “PRETTY GIRL. WHAT GIRLFRIEND? ME CHEAT. ARGGGG.” If, in fact, men are simply chimpanzees with careers and iphone 5s then I plead insanity.  I refuse to believe that men are that painfully simple and/or mentally retarded. If a man's girlfriend never crosses his mind, then that is a bigger issue in itself.

I do, however, believe that men and women tend to see cheating differently. So, for all of the men who claim that they do not understand what the big “whoop” is with infidelity, let me paint a picture. When a woman is in love with you and you cheat on her:

She literally feels like an eighteen-wheeler truck is sitting on her chest. She feels like she was hugging, kissing, confiding in, and laughing with a serial killer. She thinks you are a stranger now, “How can someone be so dishonest and despicable?” She is humiliated that another woman can brag about the fact that she had you. She will regret all of the times that she was proud to show you off to her family and friends. She will feel weak. She will be mad at you because you ruined the trust. You did the unthinkable. Who’s to say the sky won’t fall again? She will mentally replay all of the times that you said she could "trust you". Now, all of her hopes for the relationship are tainted with a murky, grey film of betrayal, dishonesty, and coldness. Psh, I can’t even begin to explain how she’ll feel if you two are having sex (which 8 times out of 10, you are).] She will feel like she lost her best friend. 

Uncle Ben (Peter Parker’s uncle, not the man on the rice box) said, “With great power comes great responsibility.” You can no longer claim that you are ignorant to the effects of your infidelity. Now that you know what cheating will do to your girlfriend (or boyfriend), you have to evaluate if you could do that to someone you truly love.  I think the basis of true, authentic love is the quality of selflessness. Your needs become their needs and you develop an innate desire to protect the other person. Personally, I don’t think that you can continuously cheat on a person that you truly love.

But hey, what do I know? What do you think?

félicité: re-post from 2010

disclaimer: this is a dialogue. this post reflects a thought-process, but not necessarily my opinion. don't text or message me with questions lol. 
so, my friend asked "is it natural to love?"

are you kidding me ? who knew four words could make my face crunch up and my palms sweat ? she said, "we love our parents and we love our family and we love our friends (depending on who they are). But, romantically, is it natural to love people?"

that is a complex question . the love that we have for our family and friends is a completely different type of love than the one of our lovers . As opposed to talking to your friends and cousins every other day or week ,we drench ourselves in the people that we are in love with all the time . We make our world about them and they do the same for us . Is that healthy ? Is that natural ? Biologically speaking , we are made to reproduce . Our bodies attract to hormones in the opposite sex (subconsciously) to make babies . But all the extra: the yearning to talk to them everyday, the butterflies, the deep pit devotion . . . is it natural or societal constructed ?

the reality tv shows to find love , the love movies, the love songs, and the love poetry all tell us what we're missing or how to feel . the yoplait yogurt , special K, 24 hour fitness, weight watchers commercials that imply that eating healthy will make you attractive, hence ...help you find love . Has the media taught us that love is the ultimate thing to strive for in life ? maybe we hold on so tight to the people we are in love with because we know that they are hard to come by . Maybe we love so hard for the people we meet because they 'GET US' when no one else does .

when a girl tells a guy, "I love you, but more like a brother" . She means, "Psh. I could never revolve my world around you. I could never talk to you all the time. I could never imagine us kissing or fawning for each other." So, maybe someone can answer my question: Is romantic love a natural occurrence OR something that has been hyped up by the culture around us ? and if romantic love IS natural, why is it so different from other types (for example, the consequences of romantic love is heartbreak ) ?

The crazy part is: Even if we realized that romantic love isn't a "natural" thing , we would never give up on it because of our yearning to meet that special someone .

too many chiefs, not enough indians .

Dialogue makes the world go 'round .

I'm learning now that the conversations we have with people mold us into who we are . ideas are the clay to our soul . the ideas that we reject and the ideas that we receive make the difference in our personality . However, where do we get these ideas ? conversation .

conversation with my father teaches me about self respect and dignity . conversations with my grandparents teach me about dedication and wisdom . dialogue with my friend Fatima teaches me about society's perception and individualism . dialogue with my friend Kelinda shows me the presence and power of God . simply, conversation makes the world go around .

Today, in a shuttle to LAX i met a man from the Republic of Slovenia . He said it was the only country with the word 'love' in the middle [who knows if he was telling the truth? lol] . He had gray and black peppered hair and a round, large nose . his ears were very hairy, but his eyes were full and dark with mystique. He honestly reminded me of the old guy from the movie "Up". He introduced himself in a strong, raspy voice and said, "Vwhere Ahre Yoo Headeed?" I told him, "Spelman College in Atlanta." He asked me what i was studying and i told him English and creative writing . He smiled and told me that he was writing a book about his life . Interested, i asked him to elaborate and he told me stories about people he has met, his life as an engineer at JPL, the importance of education and the war .

Then he looked at me and said, "Yoo Luke Like Yoo 'ave a story too tell". I nodded it off and he still stared . He explained that there was a time when he was my age and he had a dream . He said in his dream, everything was blank & he felt as if his future was empty ... a story yet to be told . He told me that my future was "blank" (and kept asking me if i understood which kind of annoyed me lol) . He told me, "Yoo do note know who yoo vwill marry, how many keeds yoo vwill ave, ohre wvat career yoo wvill ave . Do not plan, just live mah dahrling."

dialogue makes the world go 'round . i felt like God put me in that conversation for a reason . i "wvill" store his words in the file room of my soul (: