the difference starts with you .

This is Samantha Dancer (far left), one of my truest and closest friends . i call her my sister because she has been such an inspiration to me as well as a voice of wisdom . Samantha has sickle cell disease and it kills me to see her dealing with this . When i call and she's in the hospital or in pain, it ... tears me apart . Decades ago, sickle cell seemed like a hopeless cause, but these days (through donor registry and transplants) we can try to make a difference. of course, "a difference" is expensive and we are raising money for one of my best friends in the whole wide world . PLEASE DONATE ! any little bit helps ... and if you cant donate, spread her link :

About Samantha Dancer Samantha Dancer
http://cotaforsamanthad.com/

"With the cost of a transplant often exceeding $500,000, many transplant patients are unable to shoulder the financial burden of such a procedure. The Children’s Organ Transplant Association (COTA) is a national charity dedicated to organizing and guiding communities in raising funds for transplant-n..."

-- to donate, click "donate now" .

and please educate yourself about sickle cell disease :/

is this real ? i cant feel my brain =O

it is six thirty in the morning and i just finished my six page paper that i started 5 hours ago . i am delusional . tired . and aching all over . yet & still, this is the perfect time to post my most random and thoughts that i am too tired to restrict:

-- sometimes i genuinely dont understand men . they want to be my superhero but i didnt ask for saving . they wanna be leaders, but cant see where they're going "/ .

.. if i was stranded on an island, i could survive om kanye west, andre 3thou, wale, drake, john legend, musiq soulchild and the 'miseducation' CD [:

`` school is pushing me over the edge, && i forgot to pack my parachute .

-- why are women so scared to talk about marriage around guys ? i must admit, i haven't planned out my wedding like most girls . yet & still, i look forward to the day when i find someone worthy of my unwavering love & devotion . THAT'S NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF girls .

.. i have not & will not compare myself to other females . its an ugly, never ending, fungus covered cycle . no one is me ... & dammit im proud ! ow owwww (:

`` i can have me a gooooood duuuuude, & still be addicted to them doucheee bags lol .

-- friend or foe, who yah wit ? (jay voice)

..i wish everyone would be less concerned about their denomination of Christianity and more focused on a personal, spiritual relationship - there's nothing like that connection .

`` @heartsNhandguns , follow me lol .

-- i want "all of the lights" to be the soundtrack to my life . preferably the instrumental part in the beginning with the french horns and violins ... (but im not picky)

.. "and you aint finna see a mogul get emotional" . -yeeeezy

``it just hit me that im probably gunna get four hours of sleep "/

-- i really dont want anything sibliminal . tweets . statuses . posts . notes . whispers . no ; i respect people with OUTRIGHT, PROUD, DEVOTED, HONEST emotion . its what i deserve : plain & simple [:

.. is that ... THE SUN ??! lol, goodnight . goodmorn- ughh, you get it .

i'm N0T her .

I Swear ,
this life would be so funny if it weren't mine to deal with lol .

i woke up this morning in an unconventional place & way, with the sun on my face . and when i feel sexy with a lust in my chest, i curl my hair . i sit in front of the mirror, take strand by strand and let the locks bounce across my shoulder -- i dont curl every time, but it's a tendency of mine .

& i know what i'm saying sounds random, but right now it is all that makes perfect sense to me . yea, i missed these curls .

** i promised something to myself today . i will always keep in mind how short life can be.

1. i will feel no discomfort [i will not be held hostage to my fears and thoughts, nor circumstances .] i will express myself ! if someone asks me how i feel about something, me, you ... i owe it to myself to be honest and liberated .

2. i will not tippy-toe through days . there's no time nor room for my inhibitions . when i see an opportunity, it's mine . i will make decisions and live with the consequences ...i will have the prize of blame or credit (either way, i wont leave empty-handed).

3. i will not answer to anyone . this life is too spiritual and invigorating to be smashed down by people's perceptions, masks, and desires for me . i will love, freely without strain & be open with the risk of emotional infection . i wouldn't trade my past for anything -- it was full of laughs, tears, and security . im also open to possibilities in the now because the three distinctions of time are not as 'black and white' as we make them . ultimately, im taking what's mine .

never gets old .

le compter toute la joie ;

oooooh , to be thankful .

this journey of mine . at the age of twenty, as a junior in college ... you cant help but wonder "what's next" for yourself . we all reach this pivotal point in our lives filled with questions, curiosity, anxiety, and wonder . what career do i want for myself ? what will i do after school ? - housing, money, family, kids ... it HITS PEOPLE HARD, like a freight train . there's this weird feeling inside me, torn between reflecting on my past & where i came from ... and where i'm going .

but im so thankful to God for his grace and mercy . God has brought me out of some very dark, rough places . at times you want to know why you deal with certain things, why things turn out the way they do, WHY adversity can be so brutal . i still dont know the answers to some of those things, but i'm happy about where i stand . im grateful to God about where i stand and what i have learned .

im thankful for the experiences, family, friends & new people that have entered my life as well (cheese). im thankful for my acquired strength, patience, peace of mind, and ABILITY TO LOVE ♥ ! most importantly, i am thankful for my salvation and relationship with God. i really wish my mom was here to see this, i can say with confidence that she would be proud =)

happy thanksgiving holidays everyone .

MBDTF , oh baby .

Let me start off by saying, buy the CD (even though i may be the only person in America who still buys Cd's lol) . The art work is beautiful and you leave the store feeling like you have a bite-size piece of bliss in your hands . Me personally ? i popped the CD into my car and lost my breath . in fact, it took me an hour just to get past the first song ...i played it repeatedly . im still stuck in awe =O

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy is just that . It eloquently blends the distinctions of grotesque and gorgeous . Kanye takes his time on this album, nothing seems forced or rushed . In "All of the Lights" for example, opens with violins and piano playing for a cool minute ... before Rihanna even begins to sing. It gives time to take in the essence of the music . Quite frankly, this CD is for his musically inclined, instrument-appreciative, artistic fans/listeners . Some complain that the tracks are not cohesive, i argue that West provides versatility. On one end of the album you can have blame game, and the next you get Monster. The CD is "twisted" for a reason . It's schizophrenia at it's finest :) the album is not strictly for hip-hop lovers, it blends so many genres at the same time . ahhh, im in love . So, i cannot be mad at the people who dislike the album ... they just dont know how to listen to it .

poems about pancakes .

Butter pecan glaze gazes that leave my soul sticky. stuck.
I try to shake the memories and make the bad parts fall like yellow leaves,
But they trail behind my mind.
Some – sour like rotting milk, curdling at the exposure of surface-
Others sweet and precious like things that come in pink, cardboard boxes.

Leathery & soft memories that manipulate me into submission-
Nostalgia kicking me, choke-holding me, and yanking me to death & dirt.
I imagined that love would always soothe my bones easy, always nurture me.
With time and space I learned that loving ain’t easy-
But when you’re truly worth it, you’re worth it.
& sometimes, when the dice roll … you won’t be.

Part II
Time heals.
Resolution tends to take vacation & get lost at sea-
But like a missing earring, it’ll pop into the lap … eventually.

RIP .

i can wait .

i deleted my post that asked 10 questions I've always wanted to know about men .

i RARELY delete posts , but i deleted the last one . i don't know why exactly, but it bored me lol . after i slept on it, i realized that i don't want to ask questions to an entire gender ... and even more so, i don't even think i want the answers . sometimes we can fall into the trap of wanting to know something the EASY way instead of the hard way . consequently, the easy answers are usually false &/or too simplistic anyways . forgive me, an even BIGGER,BETTER. & JUICER post will be up next (:

how to listen to hip-hop .

We constantly praise hip hop artists for their charisma and supposed “swag”. Their witty lyrics and controversial lines leave numerous adolescents and young adults in awe. I have to admit, hip-hop is one of my biggest vices. I call it a vice because it consumes a big portion of my life and I have a lot of ethical problems with it. One, it is not of God. I don’t like to be so loyal to something that contradicts my connection with God. Two, the constant idolatry of money is problematic for me (hence the love of $$ being the root of all evil). Three, the degrading and self-hatred implications of blacks found in some songs frustrate me.

I have been battling with this balance of my morale and hip-hop music for a while. Now, I realized my main issue with hip-hop … the blind influence that it has on African Americans. Women have now embraced the word “bitch” and feel as if their most valuable assets are the only ones that can be squeezed, licked, or sucked. What used to be a temple of God is now degraded to “beat it up”, “I hit that” and “I’m tryna smash”. Therefore, women do not understand how valuable their bodies, reputation, and soul is. Men, as an effect of hip-hop, now worship (and I do mean WORSHIP) money. I believe I just heard a song in which Diddy so eloquently put, “I got so much money, my money counts money” (rolling my eyes). To be frank, things like humility and humanity are virtually non-existent in a lot of mainstream hip-hop songs. This really affects the larger population.

Although I express these problems with hip-hop, I love it. When I hear songs like “Flashing Lights” by Kanye, “Ex-factor” by Lauryn Hill, “Bonnie & Shyne”, “Anti-matter”, and “She lives in My Lap”, my life shifts like an earthquake. The extended metaphor in “I Used to Love Her” and Lupe’s “Gotta Eat” keep me inspired as a writer. With songs like “Bittersweet”, “Song Cry”, and “Karaoke”, I fell in touch with some sincere, festering, untouched emotion that I never felt before. Let me leave you with this advice: just because the lyric is witty, does not mean that it needs to be internalized. Yes, “f*ck niggas, b*tches too, all I got is this money … but this’ll do” is a catchy line, but it doesn’t mean it’s accurate. If we internalize every clever line we hear, we will not recognize the people we turn into. Brush off hip hop lyrics and stop idolizing rappers. I’ll never understand why 25 year old men are letting 17 year old rappers influence them so much. RAPPING DOES NOT EQUATE WITH WISDOM. The only lines we need to hold on a pedestal are the ones found FROM Genesis to Revelation.

"maybe tin cans crush simple"

from russell simmons to kanye west

Dear Kanye,

I have early recollections of Damon Dash calling me and forcing me to put you on Def Poetry Jam. I knew your record, “Through The Wire”, but I didn’t know much more. When you took the stage on Def Poetry Jam that night, and spit those genuine, heartfelt words, I witnessed your specialness that Damon had emphatically told me about.

From that moment on, you became a poet who has inspired the poets. I have proudly watched your career since then, and in case someone has missed the obvious, you are making a historical impact on music. Your life story took a tough turn with the passing of your mother. Although we grieved with you, we never really knew how much pain you were in. We witnessed your moment at the MTV Music Awards and many of us dismissed it as, “oh that is just Kanye being Kanye.” The hard part of all of this, is that we have all had moments in our lives that have been challenging, painful and hard to overcome, however most of us just hide our emotions and never deal with that inner-struggle that we face on a daily basis. As an artist, Kanye, you have always looked inside for your inspiration…always exuding emotions that are in us, but that we never expose. That is what artistry is about…to look inside for what is unique. With your journey towards a higher level of consciousness, a journey that we all are on, you have shown through your art a commitment to greatness.

The thirty minute film you most recently made was beyond brilliant. Brilliance is not a word that can even begin to describe your ability to paint vibrant, vivacious, colorful yet muted paintings of poetry, music, costume, art, design and most important, passion. The passion you put into your new album is why I stayed up all those nights in the early 80′s trying to get DJs and radio stations to play our records. I knew this day would come. Actually, maybe I didn’t know, but I really, really hoped it would. I didn’t work this hard when I was your age to watch the culture go the wrong way. And you, my friend, just took us to another level. I am simply in awe.

With this power, as you know, comes great responsibility. I am saying nothing you haven’t heard before. When you spoke about President Bush during the Katrina telethon, it was not the particulars of your words that mattered, it was the essence of a feeling of the insensitivity towards our communities that many of us have felt for far too long. It was the image of the President, our President, the President of the United States Of America, peering out the window of an airplane, as the people on the ground were drowning, that hurt us the most. For centuries, our people have relentlessly tread water as hard as they could to stay afloat, and here we were, literally drowning, and it felt like the President was insensitive. There is no need to apologize, Kanye. You spoke from your heart and that is all we will ever ask from you. Don’t be afraid of the press, as your art is your blueprint, thanks to Jay-Z, your big brother, we will always carry our destiny in our own hands. You are are an artist whose art is masterful. You are a servant to this world who no matter how hard it gets, keeps on giving. Giving gifts that inspire us, challenge us and motivate us to be better family and friends.

Keep on, Kanye. Keep on. We love you. We cherish you. And we will always have your back.

-- ** when it comes to hip-hop, being a good emcee is not enough anymore . some of our rappers today have better lyrical ability than run DMC and Slick Rick ever had . However, what makes those men great was their pioneer footsteps in the music industry. i love kanye west because he still finds a place to break barriers and leave a giant footprint in the art of music . well said mr. simmons (:

boom boom clack clack .

youtube didnt even post this yet :

but this song is awesome:
chrisette michele ft. Rick Rosay
http://www.hotnewhiphop.com/en/play/s/1c3c24f-113457/

break it down sumthin' proper .

agape love definition: unconditional love that is always giving. It devotes total commitment to seek your highest best no matter how anyone may respond. This form of love is totally selfless and does not change whether the love given is returned or not. This is the original and only true form of love.

eros love definition: known as 'erotic love', is based on strong romantic feelings towards another.

hmm .
i grew up watching women make a fool of themselves . falling at the feet of size 12 Jordan's and heartbroken two weeks later . over & over again, it replayed like machinery in front of my face . tears falling down the face & fist fights with other girls -while the "lucky" guy watched and laughed (classic). i dont wanna completely throw salt . i mean, "we all play the fool sometimes", right ? but anywho, i grew up (and still until this day) with numerous male friends who have said some of the most outrageous, disrespectful, and disgusting things i have ever heard about women . at the end of the day, i gained some insight .

i included the preceding definitions because it helps to differentiate something . love is a very complicated thing but i truly believe that agape love is the foundation for any other kind . respect for humanity in a whole is a stepping stone for narrowing that love for a specific individual. this kind of selfless, warm love manifests through God . Like Stephanie Crumpton said, "if you don't have a vertical relationship with God, how you gonna have a horizontal one with me?" & that's real . time and experience has taught me this the hard way, but i'm so grateful for the art of learning .

unfortunately, or fortunately (depending on how you look at the glass) ... some of the male mentality is stuck within me. i find that there are men that genuinely want to know you better - intimately, spiritually, mentally, - then there are men who don't ahaha . nothing is wrong with keeping either one around, but it is important to understand which is which . i dont discriminate i guess , but it's nice to understand how it all works . now, i don't believe in boxing people into categories of "good" and "bad" boys as much as i believe that motive & intention are pretty distinguishable. you simply have to know what to expect from who ... and if you just so happen to get a cherry on top, at least you weren't waiting around for it lol .


definitions found here:
http://www.ezilon.com/articles/articles/7675/1/God-is-Agape-Love

i dig this commercial everytime .

kidnap poem by nikki giovanni

Ever been kidnapped
by a poet
if i were a poet
i'd kidnap you
put you in my phrases and meter

You to jones beach
or maybe coney island
or maybe just to my house
lyric you in lilacs
dash you in the rain
blend into the beach
to complement my see


Play the lyre for you
ode you with my love song
anything to win you
wrap you in the red Black green
show you off to mama
yeah if i were a poet i'd kid
nap you

* shouts out to the powerful, wise, and talented ms nikki giovanni . she came to morehouse to speak and im so mad that i couldnt stay for her discussion :/ but her poetry is awesome nonetheless :)

beauty & suffering .

womanhood is the bastard daughter of suffering .
i have never known beauty until i have seen a woman's strength .
tears swelling behind the eyes like a tsunami, waiting to flush away the adversity of the day .

legs spread apart, pushing 8 pounds through slit flesh . yes, i am vulgar... but not delusional . that is suffering -
even worse, having that same, manifested 8 pounds of humanity refer to your gender as "bitch, slut, or whore" . that stings .
stings like scooping together 38 years of courage to finally feel confident about your chocolate skin to have your son tell you that he only likes "light skin girls" . we take the lashes .

suffering- like being lifted above the kitchen room floor by your neck . slowly losing sweet consciousness while savage hands grope the circumference of your throat . a kick to the stomach, an immense shooting pain into your spine . black and blue eyes hidden under RayBan's that he bought you to "apologize".

strength like biting lips when the sickle cell anemia attacks strike once again . strength like watching your hair, eyelashes, and eyebrows slowly fade away from chemotherapy . strength like heartbreak . strength like unrequited unconditional love & loyalty ...

WOMEN, KNOW YOUR BEAUTY & STRENGTH

inspired by the inspirational words and story of Ms Stephanie M. Crumpton- minister, breast cancer and domestic violence survivor :)