three questions.

[I asked my twitter followers for blog post suggestions. Here was one: How do you know when you are ready to date?]

Well, I am far from a relationship expert. However, i do believe that there are three questions that everyone should ask themselves before hopping into a relationship:

My first question is: Are you confident enough to date someone?

Often times, people look for a counterpart who will compensate for their flaws. For example, lets say Tanisha (random name, I know) is beautiful, outgoing, brilliant, and extremely insecure. She is hoping that her next boyfriend will give her confidence. He cannot do that because ultimately, he has nothing to do with her insecurities. All of his compliments, pampering, and attention cannot feed the beast that is her inner doubt. Paranoia, worry, anxiety, and jealousy will get the best of Tanisha, regardless of the man she’s dating. you have to date someone with the intent of complementing one another, not completing them.

I have dated men in the past that punished me because of their insecurities. They accused me of things or acted out because they assumed that I would get “bored” or “tired” of them. It was a classic “hurt them before they can hurt me”. Now, if they knew me at all, they would have known that I do not cheat – simply because I would never want to inflict that pain. Regardless of how many times I attempted to reassure them, they could not see me- they could only see a reflection of the men they were not. Make sure you are confident enough to date someone… especially in an era when people are more social, desperate, bold, despicable, and morally confused.

My second question is: Are you humble enough to date someone?

I know this question may seem out of place, but humility is just as important as confidence. It takes a humble heart to listen with open ears. It takes a sense of humility to admit that you are wrong- to put your pride and ego to the side for another person. Vanity, narcissism, and arrogance are not attractive ... in fact, they’re too transparent to even be interesting. Sometimes, it can pleasantly surprise the person you date when you ask, “How are you feeling about us?” It implies that their perspective MATTERS. It implies that there are two people in the relationship.

Third question: Do you know what you want?

This answer is not crystal clear for everyone. A wise man once asked me, “What do you NOT want?” and I was so flustered because I had not prepared that answer haha. Nevertheless, sometimes, understanding your deal breakers will help to weed out the frogs from the princes. If you are the “list type” and you want to write down the things you want, I suggest that you write eternal things first and physical things last. That, my friends, will also be your order of importance when dating. If you do not know what youre looking for...how will you know when you've found it?

ehh. but hey, what do i know?