the record was crooked .

sooo . basically , toni & trey kissed . . . for 2.5 seconds . ladies, dont fret . that was just for the performance . toni braxton is 41 years old and trey trey is 25 , that's just gross lol . i like their song in all seriousness though , (not being biased) i like trey's part better lol . so ladies , dont feel threatened by toni ...
after all, it seems as if "just right" from 'for the love of ray j' is the real threat . lmbo i knowwww right ? ew . supposedly, Ray J was reeeeally feeling 'just right' & the real reason she was released from ray's show was because she was feeling trey songz and talking about him constantly while in the house . COME ON , i dont even have to say it . it seems like pigs are flying above my head . how about you? lol im just saying . . . if she has a chance, then you ALL have a chance =)

. . . if only

jayde has not looked in a mirror in five months . She cant seem to get a handle on the girl that calls herself 'reflection'. miss reflection, the girl that stumbled into that party in her american apparel dress . the girl who found herself with hands cuffed to her mouth while she screamed for help . she screamed for liberation . she screamed for help , for it all to end . but the music, the party, his cold eyes filled her mouth, nostrils, ears & drowned her in a crime that burned her body to ash .

Jayde isn't the same . she wants control over her mind because the leash has been snapped . A bottle of vodka can make her cringe . A flannel shirt causes her eyes to water . A fitted cap, a song, the dark . . . all a trigger being pulled to push out the repulsion she feels for herself . she thinks it was her fault for that dress . she thinks she is disgusting .

Jayde has not looked in a mirror in five months . & you would never know .

[In 2007, there were 248,300 victims of rape, attempted rape, and sexual assault .]

* So many people have been sexually abused in their lifetime and you would never even guess it . I have had some girls tell me stories that make my stomach churn , really . Those vivid, horrible, sick experiences that people deal with . . . change them over the years . Please be sensitive to that idea when you make someone feel small . you never know how small theyre feeling already o_O .

the 'will work for food' generation .

let me tell a very important story:

once upon a time, my dad was
at luke's barber shop on orange grove and fair oaks . [Luke has been a barber
since my dad was a little boy, he has always looked out for the kids in Pasadena
.] My dad sits in the chair talking to the other barbers about football when
this lady walks in . She has on dirty clothes, her hair is tangled and matted, a
stench filled the barber shop air, and some of her teeth were missing . the ones
that were intact were rotten .

my dad minded his own business . Luke looked at the woman. "Lisa, you need to get it together and you cant be beggin' in here," he said in a low voice . The woman scratched a bit, twitched and began to head for the door and saw my dad . STEVE !" she yelled , "Look at youuuuu ...how you doin baby?"

My dad said the only thing he could recognize were her eyes,
"Lisa?" he said , eyes wide.

Lisa was 'that girl' in highschool . She was gorgeous and had a great body and all the guys wanted to date her (My dad said she was, "bad in highschool" and i almost threw up , but i digress).

He said she was Miss Popular , and look now look at her . . .

EVERYONE, EVERYONE, EVERYONE thinks that theyre going to make ends meet . Either we see that our parents did it, or we are so comfortable in our lifestyle that we think it'll be 'easy' . PLEASE wake up . My mom and dad both didnt finish college (my dad just recently) and my dad was able to run branches of a business across the country, my mom made a name for herself at disney . BUT PEOPLE, this was 20 years ago . These days, people arent 'handing out' jobs . in today's economy, people arent handing out jobs !

People think the recession will be 'over' soon ? The great depression lasted for 10 years . That seems small in history terms, but imagine being broke and homeless at the age of 28, 30? ill be blunt: f*ck that . The class of 2008 graduated the most students in the history of the US . DO YOU KNOW HOW COMPETITIVE THAT MAKES AMERICA'S JOB INDUSTRY ? from journalists, to doctors, to business starters, clothing line starters, apparel buyers, lawyers, hell . . . burger king .

soooo, im calling out to these DUMB YOUNG girls in highschool ... get smart soon . cause, chasing around boys who are already 19 and 20 . . . not doing anything wont do a damn thing for you when you graduate and work for UPS or TSA . Being popular is NOT COOL lol . No one wants to listen though, ask "lisa" or any other one of my dad's friends from HS and Muir who were found behind buildings killed or strung out . It happens in Cali, it happens in DC, it happens in New York, it happens in New Mexico . . . WAKE UP .

over your head .

as of lately :
les règles de nature ne s'appliquent pas .

my veins are no longer the vessel for blood . they are simply the tubes . the tubes used to transfer the love to my finger tips . the tips that type on these keys in a scared, light tapping of dance . but what are veins anyway ? simply what the mind tells us they are, and my mind stopped functioning in a typical way . . . about six months ago on that car ride home .

my palms are facing the sky in a hopeful stance and cold désir illégal is brushed in maroon across my hands . rather than let it dry, i press them against fear . ill let that aspect of my life deal with the passionate burden that used to be my own . i just wanna sit in whatever this is . whatever it is that im feeling, i want to stay here where the air is clear and simple is near . This may all seem very complex and puzzle like . at it's it core, however, it could never be more plain .

if the heart beats approximately 100,000 every 24 hours ,
then i'd like to know where my other 50,000 have been hiding everyday .

see, ever since i you. . . my heart has skipped a beat everytime, without failure . not that i needs those beats anyway . i'm more than content to have you fill the gaps of what used to be a mundane, typical b e a t . i find it more mystical than anything, my heart can still pump blood to my feet . my heart can still send blood to my face, to my stomach . amazing . it's so cliche to think that you could be a part of her heart . i've never been the 'mushy' type & but the solid has been deteriated .

-----------

This is for my friend . wake up and realize you're in love . . . as scary as it may seem, people wait a lifetime to feel what you do. Until you can say it, ill just say what you cant . . .

sweating in the theatre .

so, i saw new moon lastnight . first of all , this movie made like 140 million dollars !? and i can see why . For all of you non-twilighters out there, you honestly dont know what youre missing . It has action for you meatheads out there and it has a great story line . Although , the romance is definitely the most intriguing part in the movie. i need to break this down :

"Edward is a vampire (and reluctant to be one) . His group of vampires are
vegitarians in a sense . They work very hard not to hurt humans and to keep
their identity a secret, even though everyone in town knows theyre a little
'strange' (given their pale faces, their distance from everyone at
school and failure to look much older over the years).

Bella (relucantly) moves to town . She is intrigued by Edward ,
and he is trying his best to stay away because her particular blood makes him go
crazy and unlike every other human, Edward cannot read Bella's thoughts . He has
an instict to protect her at all times and she is falling for him . He yearns
for her, but is scared by his complicated attraction as well ."

Psh, that's just A PART of the first movie lol . The reason why these movies/books appeal to so many people is because we are left emotionally naked in the movie theatre . S E R I O U S L Y . The passion displayed on screen is kind of unexplainable . Edward cant even kiss her for too long because he has to fight off the yearning of her blood . But, he does because of his love for her . . . It's a very twisted love, but it's so deep . it's a very complicated romance story, but i think it's one of the best of our time !

AND SHOUTS OUT TO ROBERT PATTERSON

this guy is an extraordinary actor . He makes us feel his pain, his soul, his everything ! He was good in Harry Potter, but he's killing the game now lol .he's going to be an awesome name someday, mark my words .