mangled melodies .

prelude :

Shihan (the fellow below this post) said something that i can connect with, "my feelings are all cliche" . i'm so mad that i can relate to that because it's something that i have an immense fear of; having emotions just like every movie, song, slogan, poem & thought already expressed before me . we go through hard times in life and it's hard to express at times . writing isn't about finding something new to say (at least not for me); it's about expression and connection . if i say anything that you can connect with or feel, then mission accomplished .

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"i just wanna love somebody, like forreal . & it's like a constant thing on my mind because of my mom ... because of the fact that she's such a great woman and i don't think she was ever loved properly ." - aubrey 'drake' graham ♥

love is a hot commodity- no matter who you are : African American, cuban, caucasian, professional, athlete, artist, gangbanger . we are only concoctions of our experiences . drake wants to love someone because he plans to show men how it's done . he saw his mother's broken love life ... so he wants to make some 'great' woman happy . me ? i want to love someone because i have seen it's capabilities . i watched my mother and father nourish each other with the love they gave . i watched my friend nikkiey light up and smile when her husband walked into church yesterday ... i felt warmth inside like bed comforters- fresh out of the dryer . i watched my grandparents call each other 'baby' yesterday & after 51 years of marriage ... i can say i have faith in love . [and even though my papa refers to sex as 'popping toes', i take his devotion to my grandma seriously lol] . i have faith in love .

BUT, if there's anything i have learned it's this : [ONE] this is a new day in age & relationships aren't the same anymore . technology, media & mindsets are changing faster than ever . lasting love is a miracle all in itself, it takes complete & utter faith in God . with that said & with that faith ...i still believe its possible . [TWO] i have learned patience . peace of mind comes when you know how to take your time . all great things are worth waiting for & sometimes great things simply don't work because of timing . either way, when the time is right ... things will fall into place (:

shihan 'family'

a tipped hat .

i havent featured a song on my blog in a LONG TIME but this song just has to be posted . Karaoke by Drake is an amazing song (produced briliantly by francis & the lights) if there's any real reason why i like Drake, it's because he's a vulnerable soul . he truly makes a living off of painting his life to his listeners . the 'Thank Me Later' album is like the "confessions album" of hip-hop . he's so honest with himselves & his fans . too many rappers are concerned with their facade . i can respect drake because his "gimick" (child star, singer, jewish, & being bi-racial) ... is simply NOT a gimick ...it's him .

dose of your medicine .

Dear abuser ,

you put wrinkles in her face & bags under her eyes . garbage bags filled with lack of sleep and all of the verbal abuse that you stuffed into her ears . bags- overflowing with the times you called her a bitch and flung her name into the gutter out of anger and jealousy . when she got spurts of strength enough to leave, you spray painted red slander onto her notoriety . you blackballed her within crowds of faces who were too quick to pass judgement in their GLASS SHACKS . because they cranked their noses at the sky towards her, she felt nowhere to go but you . a brilliant bastard child you are .

she gave you everything - her dignity, her pride, her affection, trust, & even her pearl . i drove down Lake avenue yesterday & saw it in the window of a pawn shop . now, card number 22 is gone and she'll never get that back . whenever she reached for the doorknob, you ran your finger down her spine & W H I S P E R E D her imperfections . sweet melodies of "no one will ever love you" & "you're not even pretty" . you read her list of insecurities daily like a prayer & i never got paid time & a half for all of the work i put in on holidays ... cleaning up that mess . i never minded much , cause i would scrub like Cinderella if it could heal the hurt .

but then it happened & i minded . when you threw your hand across that tissue papered princess, something SNAPPED within me . i need your head on a stake to balance the universe . i wonder if your mother knew that her ovaries were capable of such wickedness ? i wonder if her uterus stung during pregnancy from your festering temperament ? i never understood why God made flies; so vexatious, worthless & icky -now i wonder if you're kin ?

Sincerely,
Stevi Renee

Men are amazing creatures, but sometimes they can be grenades in your morning cereal . [one in every four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime] - stop it .

this gave daren chills . & dropped my jaw .