war of thee genetalia .

who will wave their white flag first ?
apparently we are at war with each other .
planting grenades in each others pockets & vaginas .
excuse my graphic imagery, but the elite of both side knows where the other's weakness is .
women try to g u a r d their softspots, because to men ... its just sex .
they shank you & then leave you bleeding & wounded .
Men keep their hands in their pockets so no other fingers can fit inside . $$ is their virginity & when the enemy invades , it burns like acid torture everytime .

however, this war is special ... the opposing sides NEED each other for survival ;
women & men are plagued with two different burdens .

women crave intimacy. not sex. they want someone who's strong to make them feel like they are the only one that he sees . sex makes women hallucinate because their mindset is mind set into naivete . during they day, they can discrimate lies from the genuine. but, whatever they hear in those sheets is soaked into their skin like water that never gets sweated out. they want to be held, they want to see him transform his strength so he can caress her like she's fragile ...like she's valuable ...like she's his money .

men want the one thing that will kill them in the end . money sustains them for only so long . it brings temporary satisfaction for boys who can only appreciate material . money is a tricky criptonite . money creates over ambition & blindfolds you until you cant see happiness for what it really is . money keeps you warm in the winter, but it'll burn you to death when youre in a place of comfort . money, cars, clothes, & hos are only for the shallow & artificial . if theyre lucky, they can figure out what real happiness is before they are held hostage for too long .


* until each party knows who they are & grows the courage to trust ... there is no winner .

thoughts on a sunday morning ;

this is just a thought process, nothing more .

two years ago today ... i dont know where the hell i was . haha, i could lie and say i remember but then id have to make up some story . i just know i was in California, and naive . its crazy how time can change so much of your life . i experienced the loss of my mom, i met a guy who changed my life forever, & i met friends who backstabbed & had my back through the worst & best of times . It's crazy, when you live in California ... its almost impossible to see yourself leave . even though it criples us because we lose perspective & humanity for others .

When i meet people now, i hold the idea in the back of my mind that they could potentially change my life. They might give you directions on the street, that leads you to the place that you'll get hit by a stray bullet. That guy at the club who you think is just a guy and will end up being a 3 year relationship. That girl you saw two days ago is the same girl who will give you a job two years later. life is funny that way . life has a dry, malicious sense of humor...beware. the same girl you trusted for fifteen years can sleep with your husband later . life is FUNNY . no ?

I just cant believe im in a dorm room in DC visiting my friend at Howard with neon green nail polish & my hair sweated out . how did i get here ? who wouldve known a month ago that i would be on the train riding by the capital ? who wouldve known that i would be living in Atlanta going to Spelman ? Who wouldve known that the asian lady over there by CVS would have waxed my eyebrows too skinny and that i woulda liked them ?! lmxo .

...i just wonder what lies ahead. & even though i have been burned by lifes curling iron, i still look forward to the things to come . =) idk ... life is just funny that way ....i guess.

btw, if i bored you ...dont care lol . this one was for me .

mmm . californication .

peel back the first layer of my eyes .

be careful , the shine extends far & seaguls fly .

sand will pour out like the sea-saltwater .

& bums & vendors will post-up and bother .

please scrape our skin .

our tans have been anxious to peep through & sin .

making men lust

just

to get a glimpse of us ...

push through my eyebrows please

you'll encounter 'in n out signs' & palm tree leaves .

red and blue flags entangled in my toes

in pain & crying singing funeral woes .

my cleavage cant hold much

but my heart & my soul

that carries my love for cali ...

im almost home =)

spoiled lil' LA girl ...

im naturally a good girl .

i mean, im no angel ... but i keep a

spare halo in my coach slingpurse .

but see, heaven & heathen are juxtaposed by a thinly line drawn in sand of lies & hickies .

i grew up in the church . did the singing solos , did the praise dancing, worked with the youth .

but as much as i fill myself with the pixie dust, lillies, and cotton candy ...

some of my hellz bellz slips out the back .

cracked diamonds, glossy pearls, pincurls, shades, & chanel bags .

consuming like crack turn us into hags .

my wings got tangled in my high heel laces and i cant seem to fly.

often conflicted with the mascara, lacy undergarments & neckbiting .

late nights, street lights, hair in a mess with my lipgloss sticky .

california is so similar to the videos that its hard to discrimate between whats what .

let alone whats right & whats wrong . how can u tell if you cant even identify the indentity ?

between the material & the real ... something has to stand out righ ?

lice .

he wants to do the best by me . i wanna let him . but everything he says is worth half a penny to me . its bland, its tense, its like an arranged marriage . he still has man shoes to grow into . size 10 to be approximate . i only gave half of me buht it seemed to be enough to reel him into my disillusionment. i wanna appologize, but he's not even man enough to understand . poor thing, chewed his shit up with hot sauce & spit it out .

hmm, he's been around for years . he fed me the best of bullshit . i stayed in the kitchen while he baked it . i couldnt smell it . i guess enough sugar-coating can hide any wretched smell . ill admit i made some mistakes, but when crunch time came, he crunched me & chose her . i wanted to keep things safe, but as much as i tried to fasten my lifevest, he poked holes which caused me to drown in a puddle of drama . now things cant be the same .

whats the price for happiness? is the ex doo mama drama worth the feeling that this one gives ? he makes me smile like happiest memory. if i could fly us away to some foreign land & start a new ... life would be exceedingly amazing . nevertheless, we are held captive by community stigma, hating & doubt . girls raiding my caralibro trying to find evidentiary evidence to prosecute a man who has done nothing wrong in any capacity. im the helpless spouse crying in the courtroom .

whats a girl to do ?