Standards vs. Expectations

Humans are generally social in nature. Our lives are based around constant communication and relationships; and they vary. Some relationships are strictly business- trading goods and services. Other relationships are personal – exchanging emotions and experiences for the betterment of their livelihood. I find more than ever that personal relationships seem to fail because people confuse “expectations” with “standards”.

A lot of us meet someone and have enormous expectations. Then, when they fall short, we’re angry with them because we expected more. That’s a set up for failure. Technically, the person we just met at the Starbucks or nightclub is still a stranger. Why do we expect so much from someone we just met?  After all, we hear more about trifling men and women than romance success stories.

So many women expect to meet a man who sees her and drops everything to be with her (give up his time, the sideline hoes, and “check-in” daily). They expect this "new man" to be consistent, attentive, and thoughtful. Those types of things are only seen with time. Sure, he may be sweet and charming, but who isn’t initially? Reliability shows itself over a course of time and circumstance.

Men, on the other hand, expect women to be matronly, sexy, devout and relationship-thirsty.  While I am not sure where these apron-wearing, stilt-stiletto pumping Mother Theresas are, I doubt she’ll be found on every corner. She needs to earn your expectations. Do not simply hand them over to the first girl with a pretty smile and charming personality.

Try to expect the best from the people who have proven that they can deliver. If a person shows that they are considerate and trust worthy then you have the right to be disappointed if they stray from their moral norm. Standards are the reason why you hold on to someone or let them go. Unlike expectations, standards are solely dependent on you. You set them.  You may not expect someone to treat you right, but you can know that you deserve it. Therefore, you can set certain standards for yourself. We cannot control what people do. However, we can control what we want for ourselves.