If It Ain't Broke, Don't Mix It: The Disastrous Nature of the Mixed Signal

He texts you and says that he’s going to hang out with his friends tonight. You respond, “Have fun.” He reads your text and follows your instruction. The next day, he walks up to you and you greet him with a stiff kiss and cold nature. Silly him, thinking he should have fun when you told him to.

Oh, the beautiful mixed signal. How women adore thee.

I’d like for women to understand the catastrophic nature of mixed signals. Similarly, I’d like for guys to understand where it can come from at times. Most (but not all) women have fallen victim to mixed signals. We say one thing and mean something else. Or, our feelings can be so complex that we think we want something until … we don’t. I have to imagine that it can be hard on the opposite sex. Consider his frustration- trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube everyday just to get on your good side. I come across a lot of these scenarios in conversation:

-You tell a potential suitor that you’re not interested and then you become angry when he stops pursuing you. You wanted him to chase you and “fight for you”.  Women, you need to stop pretending that you are the director in your own romantic comedy. It’ll rarely go as you planned… primarily because you cannot write his script. He’s a human being with his own thoughts and actions. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t try to “trick” him into staying with you. Don’t try to trick him into the chase…cause that could be all he’s attracted to. That kind of logic backfires.

-A lot of times, you get nervous about being deemed as “nagging” or “emotional”. So, instead of saying what’s on your mind, you suppress your feelings. You don’t say anything about the all of the times your boyfriend cancelled on dinner plans. You won’t open up about your problems with family. You try to be as chill and easy-going as possible …until you explode. Then your guy is standing their looking confused and calling you crazy. It’s not “nagging” if you feel disrespected and it’s not “overly emotional” if it’s driving you insane.  Every guy has an “emotional cap” to deal with when it pertains to women. Some caps are higher than others. You need to stop trying to fit the mold for every guy- it’s a waste of time. Instead, find someone who will appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. Stop inadvertently apologizing for who you are. a lot of women are emotional ... that's nothing to be ashamed of...

We live in an era full of mixed signals and indirect communication. We communicate via text instead of the telephone. We talk on the phone instead of speaking in person. We use our Facebook and Instagram pages as smoke and mirror magic tricks to depict our lives. We care more about how things are perceived than how they actually are. Those priorities and mentalities leak into our relationships (or attempted ones). Personally, I have had my share of text message confusions and social network mishaps. We all fall victim (lol). Instead of hinting at what you mean, don't mix it ...SIMPLY SAY IT.