standing still .

it's insane how big standing still can be .
what a big difference standing still in chaos is compared to standing in paradise ?
once upon a while ago, i said that i just wanted things to stay where they were .
and now i'm an anxious child whose mother put them in the corner for a time out .

the atmosphere never changes .
i was standing still in cold and i'm currently standing still in the cold now .
the difference ?
before i was wrapped in your embrace, that affection, the laughs,that deliberate security that kept me warm regardless of the bitter, dark hours . i would've stayed there for hours if i had the chance . i would've stayed there for years if i had the chance .
now i am forced to rub my hands across my arms in a desperate attempt not to freeze . alone .

and as much as i am standing still in this chilly predicament , i cannot move . i look into the sky for a gust of wind to carry my warmth back to me . my you back to me . i stare into the darkness waiting for a beacon of light or some type of hope . i wonder, how long can i stay in the cold ? i wonder how long can i wait until the frost begins to molest my soul ? So im losing my sanity , i want to get away ... to run . if i dont find shelter and warmth somewhere else, i can find comfort in the fact that my body will warm up from the running . . .