growing charlie horses .

when youre in elementary school, you make so many "friends" . all it takes is a "hi, whats your name?" and you are pretty much set . Now, God forbid you dont share your snack with me...then we have a problem . Anyway, in those days, friendship and relationship were simple . Everyone has set a principle and morale . It's with time that those things are corrupted and disoriented . people's true colors start to rise to the surface ... sometimes at the age of 10, 16, 35 sometimes 19 . people become selfish, self-righteous, prideful, followers and completely self-obsorbed.

with time, growing pains become a lot more agonizing . wounds that were made when we were kids were brushed off after recess . Now, subtle things can cause life changes . when we were younger, we knew the truth (even when we tried to pretend like we didnt) ... but now...we are so full of our own bullshxt that we engulf ourselves in our self-pity, lies, and pride . sometimes i think little kids are more mature than adults .

So much has changed since i went off to college . I went off to find myself (because on the contrary, id rather keep searching for myself . taking my time, than settling for the first thing i find along the way) . I love my friends. all of the ones who did me dirt, or wished me bad or friends that i just grew further apart from . some tried to cut ties with me because they were scared that i would do it first . some of my counterparts still act like little kids who wanna make big kid decisions but cant handle the responsibilities of their own actions ...wrongfully marginalizing others to compensate for the consequences that they are too scared to face .

i dont expect much from anyone except my dad & brother . I also have the maturity to decide that i cant put those obligations on anyone else because im an adult & my life is my own . So, if im "acting brand new" ... so what ? At the core of my personality is the same Stevi who taught you how to use a tampon on the outside of the bathroom stall . At the core of my personality is the Stevi who stops what im doing to listen to your problems . At the core is the stevi who pushed you to better yourself . Who cares if i live in Atlanta now ? At Spelman now ? Weave up my hair now ? Didnt kiss your ass like everyone else...ever ? perhaps they are the ones acting brandnew ... dont see the important characteristics in a friend anymore ... corrupted by what society classifies as vital friend traits: status, where you live, & money .

for all the people who remained good friends to me throughout the years, or hell...for a couple days . i love you, im praying for you & thank you .