to whom it may concern:

you. yes, you with the penis,

Over the years I have acquired a special discernment for recognizing manhood. I think the most essential sign of a boy becoming a man is his sense of accountability, responsibility, and his courage. It takes a big man to step outside of his comfort zone and acknowledge something like rape. Even more so, a real man does not walk around beating his chest.. he appreciates a woman's femininity and virtue. When you, as a "man", try to coerse a young lady into the bedroom, you should consider some things. You may think it's a completely normal, consensual action. Nevertheless, when you try to manipulate a girl, you should consider the idea that she may be emotionally, psychologically, or physically scarred by the effects of rape. 

But oh, the inconvenience of rape. How annoying it must be to have to consider the women you're boning. It's less tedious to brainwash yourself and think that a girl who has been raped puts it all behind her. Sometimes, that is the case. But numbers are showing that ...sexual assault victims are:

3 times more likely to suffer from depression.

6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.

13 times more likely to abuse alcohol.

26 times more likely to abuse drugs.

4 times more likely to contemplate suicide.

and then i bet you're thinking, "damn. that's unfortunate for them. but i don't f*ck with girls  who were rape victims." oh pumpkin, you are sadly mistaken. Consider for a moment how many sexual partners you have had. Or, consider for a moment how many girls you played to the left, cheated on, left heartbroken. Got the number? cool. Well, 1 in every 6 American women have been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. Does that change things? Baby, your humanity depends on your sense of compassion... i personally know that men can smell insecurity from a mile away. Next time, however, while you're sniffing through the club and library... consider what i said and ... be a man about it.

Leda and the Swan by William Yeats (google it)

    A sudden blow: the great wings beating still

    Above the staggering girl, her thighs caressed

    By the dark webs, her nape caught in his bill,

    He holds her helpless breast upon his breast.

    How can those terrified vague fingers push

    The feathered glory from her loosening thighs?

    And how can body, laid in that white rush,

    But feel the strange heart beating where it lies?

    A shudder in the loins engenders there

    The broken wall, the burning roof and tower

    And Agamemnon dead.

                        Being so caught up,

    So mastered by the brute blood of the air,

    Did she put on his knowledge with his power

  Before the indifferent beak could let her drop?

watered-down rape.

RAPE (n.)

1. the unlawful compelling of a person through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.

2. any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person.

I find it so interesting that dictionary.com uses the word, “duress” which means: compulsion by threat or force; coercion; constraint.

Convenience is the direct antithesis of sexual safety and responsibility. You see, men and women like to conveniently picture rape as a concrete scenario: a lost and bewildered woman wanders down a dark alley and a man in tattered clothes creeps out of the shadows and has his way with her. How closed minded is that? We have to stop “watering-down” such complex and saturated concepts such as sexual assault. Instead, we need to break down the common misconceptions: 

Rape is bad. I hate to talk down to people, but unfortunately, we live in a society that is so obsessed with alternative lifestyles that is does not acknowledge simple ethics. People do not want to face the fact that some things are blatantly wrong. RAPE IS WRONG. There is no way to justify making a person bend and/or shatter their sexual boundaries. The physical, emotional and psychological trauma is … life changing. The act of rape is disgusting, sick, and twisted. Plain and simple. Do not let someone justify raping or forcing someone to have sex.


YES. Rape can happen within a union. It’s interesting to me how couple’s are willing to surrender complete control over their bodies when they change their Facebook relationship status. That is problematic. Saying “no” should always be recognized, regardless of a committed relationship. Also, a person who loves you should respect your right to say no. There are plenty of women in Ghana whose husbands are raping them in order to make them bear children …children that they do not want to carry and/or cannot provide for. See, if you are a person who envisions women as merely vessels for penises and fetuses, then you should revisit your therapist and address your f*cking mommy issues.  That's sick.


Rape is unique, every time. Contrary to popular belief, there is no “one size fits all” reaction or scenario to rape. I have heard numerous stories about girls who have frozen up in those moments out of trauma, confusion, or shock. Just because she did not scream, kick, and punch a man in the face does not mean the sex was consensual or that the other person wanted sex. “She said we shouldn’t, but her eyes said she wanted it”, “I know when a girl is bluffing’” and other pathetic excuses have a severe stench of arrogance and inhumanity.  

*waves one hand in the air like i don't care*

...because i am above being raped.

This series started because I sat in a well-lit classroom of twenty ladies and participated in a discussion about rape. While the idea of sexual assault, molestation, and rape may seem far-removed to you, believe me it is not.  It's living and breathing next to you in line at the grocery store. It is teaching your classroom. It is your hairdresser. It is the captain of your high school football team. It is in the third row of the pulpit.  In that classroom, I cringed as i listened to account after account of horrific stories. Not to mention, i replayed some of the same type of stories that i heard from my own friends and family about sexual assault. Immediately, my disgust about rape transformed into a blazing anger.

For those who do not know, I attend a Historically Black College that is 100% women. Freshman year, my Student Orientation Leaders (or SOL) told us to "watch our purses" in the west end. They told us to hide our gadgets and gismos at the risk of being assaulted. However, no one told me that those same "gadgets and gismos" could be my hips, breasts, or thighs. No one EVER told us about the dangers of rape and sexual assault. They never told us that An American woman is 10 times more likely to be raped than to die in a car crash. 


My classes freshman year raised issues about my potential economic and social struggles that i would face as a black women in America. Spelman never told me that Black women’s sexual violence rate is estimated to be around forty percent by the time they reach age 18. I was 18 when i got to Spelman. So were my classmates. I am 21 now and can't help but imagine how high that percentage has risen. Afterall, there is an all-male institution next door to Spelman...


The upperclassmen told us to "watch our reputations" on campus and gossiped about the infamous Black List (a list of rumored "promiscuous girls" on campus). Simply put, they warned US not to be "fast" - as if every sexual encounter on the prestigious Spelhouse campuses would be consensual. They never told us that 74% of sexual assaults are perpetrated by assailants that are well known to the victim. 


Yes. As i sat in a room full of girls recounting these stories, i wanted to give my Spelman card back for the day. Rape is such a taboo topic, full of stigma and misconceptions. Men don't want to talk about it and women don't want to report it. Consequently, we have a generational cycle of psychological, emotional, physical, and spiritual chaos. Whether you work, attend school, or chill on your grandmama's porch, your livelihood is affected more than you think. Plain and simple, no one told us. So i am taking the time to break down what's happening under our very noses ...


what's to come: "WATERED-DOWN RAPE"


statistics citation:
http://www.crisisconnectioninc.org/sexualassault/rapestatistics.htm 
http://thehathorlegacy.com/rape-statistics/
http://www.rainn.org/statistics