carnival claws .

this post is for my friend . she knows who she is . do NOT feel inadequate just because he thought with his 'little head' . youre a queen and you need a man who looks at you like the eighth wonder of the world . i know how it goes, and you will bounce back .

"she had long blue nails and her skin was bad ."
that's all a girl can think about when it happens to her .
all she can think is, ". . . but her streaks make her hair look dirty" . . . at least, that's all she can think at first . by the third hour, however, she wishes that was the only thought that replayed in her mind . like a tsunami, other thoughts & feelings crash onto the shores of her mind & heart , causing devastation .

girls replay the face in their head ... over and over . wondering: why ? what happened ? and the bullet that should never be in her brain, "is it me?" it feels like her heart is being punched over and over . normally, she could move to avoid the punches, but how does she stop something that's happening inside her skin ? all of a sudden, it seems as if those blue acrylic nails were the scratches and blemishes in her relationship . those blue acrylic nails are scraping her heart .

then the burns begin . that is all a girl can feel on day 2 . a hot , third degree burn of humiliation . calling herself, "stupid" over and over in her head until it numbs the presence of her confidence . She looks in the mirror and sees the "stupid girl" that people gossip about . The last thing a girl wants to be is the "stupid girl" . she wore her heart on her sleeve and everyone [but her] saw him use her heart as a stepping stool . a stepping stool to reach the 'dirty haired girls' window ...

that damn skin . those damn nails . that damn skin . mm, those damn streaks . replay, replay .
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hurt . hurt . pain . hurt . a russion roulette with large & bitesize bullets

to my friend, you'll be okay... i promise i have been there: http://steviwonderwoman.blogspot.com/2009/05/contentment.html

break my heart, but leave me the pieces .

welpppp, i was reading blogs and ran across iman's [even though she's jank & hasnt talked to me in forever lol...but i digress]. it inspired me:

Question: Is heartbreak really that bad ?

"Heart, We Will Forget Him" by Emily Dickinson

Heart, we will forget him,
You and I, tonight!
You must forget the warmth he gave,
I will forget the light.

When you have done pray tell me,
Then I, my thoughts, will dim.
Haste! ‘lest while you’re lagging
I may remember him!

Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all was so full of himself . Heartbreak is nothing pretty. At the same time, I think labeling "heartbreak" into some kind of romantic, generic category is an injustice to love. Everyone had a different story. Some people met their lover in highschool and realized that they werent meant to be after years . Some souls were crushed when they were left for someone else. Some people were completely thrown off guard and never saw the devestation coming . Some were lied to, manipulated, cheated on. Some gave everything they ever had to please theyre lover ...to get nothing in return . Everyone has a heartbreak to call their own .

Everyone had a different lover . Some of our heartbreakers were the best people we ever knew . The way they looked at you ...like no one else mattered. Their kisses that made your knees weak . The laughs, the comforting times, the inside jokes, the places that you went that make you smile . Athletes, actresses, smart, gorgeous, halarious, intimate, romantic, strong, rough, ambitious ...their are so many characteristics that made us fall for the ones we did .

Yes, heartbreak has many different components ...however they are all the similar because they hurt like a million papercuts in between your toes and thighs . i stand by the statement that if you experience true heartbreak, your heart literally hurts . the pit of your stomach churns and your breathing is unpredictable . you dont know what to think about, you dont know what to say ... your faith in everything is shot to hell . heartbreak hurts .

BUT

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At the end of the day, heartbreak spray paints a mural in our hearts . a tribute to ourselves nonetheless . all of the times you argued in public with them . all of the times you endured public humilation at the expensive cost of "love" that you couldnt afford in the first place. all of the times you had to cry . all of the times you felt inadequate and worthless . all of the times you believed them and felt stupid . all of the phone calls that you knew was bad news . everytime your heartskipped a beat while going to their myspace and facebook pages . it paints a picture on your soul that is dark, but courageous . painful, but gorgeous .

Heartbreak can either scar you beyond repair or be the cool scar that you can brag to yourself about .