answers in alias .

every one's watching my words, seeing what little piece of my subconscious will spill out now. so i try to keep a sponge in hand at all times, soaking up any drips that reveal too much . but overflowing would be an understatement today. this red lipstick of mine has me bold & brash today.

life is an extremely huge paradox that hangs above our head like a threat. People always like to say, "life isn't fair" ... but that's only a 'comfort zone explanation'. What we really want to say is, "life doesn't make any sense." The robust and scary idea of paradox haunts us daily & we cannot explain why something as valuable as our lives can crumble randomly. Do you follow? Let me explain ...

College loans:
You can take out a loan to pay for college. It sounds like a great idea in theory. However, interest accumulates the longer you wait to pay it back. Here's the catch: for most school loans, you do not have to pay them back while you are in school ... acquiring MORE and more debt . a straight 'catch 22' .

Chemotherapy:

Numerous women could have cancer at this very moment and not even be aware. Maybe a pain here or there may cause discomfort but pain is not really a huge determining factor of a tumor. Here's the paradox: chemotherapy virtually rips apart your body and mind to make you better? Even more of a paradox, studies are showing that chemotherapy for minority women may be causing more harm than good: According to NLM Gateway, "Although the incidence of breast cancer in African-American women is lower than in white women, breast cancer case-fatality rates among African-American are higher than among whites. This mortality gap has not been adequately explained. Systematic differences in the doses and dose intensity of adjutant chemotherapy may contribute to the poorer outcome in African-American women." it's devastating to me that minority women are starting to become more vulnerable to their disease because theyre trying to cure it .

Lastly, Dating: What a paradox.

... to be continued ;)