the cuffing commandments.

rule 12: You need to understand what kind of dater you are. Maintaining a relationship is like raising an infant. Depending on the timing, variables, and temperament, a relationship can grow into a mature, loving, sturdy man or an emotionally stunted, selfish, jealous, insecure boy. Know who you are and where you are. If you are an easily jealous or influenced person then perhaps a relationship on your college campus is not the best idea. Some campuses are huge and no one even knows your name, let alone who you're dating. However, if you live in the Atlanta University Center, you will learn very quickly that it’s this small (I snapped my finger in thin air, by the way). People will be intrusive. People will gossip about you. If you’re lucky, you may find your initials capitalized in 20 questions …who knows?

If you decide to become an “item” in the AUC, I would suggest the Beyonce and Jay approach. That is: keep your business to yourself because people will kill to see you fall.  Men and women, if you have one ounce of decency within, do not cheat. dirt will ALWAYS rise to the surface. DIRT WILL ALWAYS RISE TO THE SURFACE. Dirt. Will. Always. Rise. To. The. Surface. Your significant other will be flabbergasted to know that …well…roughly 5,000 people know their business. It will be spread around the AUC like an STD in a whore house. Besides, I honestly think that we are too old to be so concerned with other people's perception of us. Between twitter, facebook, and tumblr, people reveal their claws. Take your time finding someone that you can trust and when you decide that you can ... TRUST.

hate & love.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion. we all have our own beliefs and set of moral standards. this poem is not about homosexuality, per se. instead, it is about society's intolerance. i do not believe in beating someone over the head with my beliefs, but instead spreading God's word & my testimony when it's asked of me. regardless of what i believe, physical & emotional abuse is not of God so i'll never understand how someone could hate someone in "God's name". this poem is a testament to people's breaking points. you never know what someone is dealing with internally and what they will do to prove a point. seriously, you cannot plant seeds in hard soil. therefore, soften a person with love and compassion & then plant your seed of impression:

the cuffing commandments.

 rule #203: There is a rumor that Spelman girls came for their "MRS" instead of their "BA". That is not entirely false. i was kind of surprised to hear a story about a senior at Spelman who said that she wanted to be a housewife when she graduated. Listen, i must admit that i identify as a feminist. That term, however, is a very fluid one. unlike most girls, i do not label domestication to be a "horrid" thing. Nothing is demeaning about wanting to devote your life to being a nurturing mother and wife. I think it would be extremely condescending to throw salt on stay-at-home mothers when black women come from a long history of strong, resilient, domestic labor. I am, however, concerned that women are educated and aware that they have a choice in occupation. i want them to understand that what they choose to do is completely up to them. HOWEVER, why she would let her parents spend roughly $120,000 on a degree is beyond me. she could've easily hit up Devry and chilled on the same career concept. just saying (shrug).

while there are some girls who virtually stalk men as potential bread-winners, all women do not think this way. i have met numerous women who say they cannot even see themselves being married. Some cannot stomach the concept of a relationship right now- in the midst of trying to get into law school, find a job, or keep their head above water. While many people see their senior year as the last hope or opportunity to find a life partner, some loathe the idea. It's important to realize that both demographics are out there. There are even a few rare cases who are open to the possibility but know that is something not to be concerned over. they could kind of care less because they accept it to be an organic process (ahem, ahem). ultimately, we need to understand that everyone's priorities are not necessarily in line with the masses.

10 reasons why angels exist.

1. Her presence brought warmth to the chilliest of rooms & her smile brightened up the darkest days.
2. In high school ... she was on the yearbook staff, BSU, cheerleading squad, homecoming queen, broke track records, and never mentioned it until i found out.
3. My mother dressed up for Halloween and danced with me in her bedroom.
4. She taught me that i am special & the exception to any rule at any time i choose to be.
5. She is a second generation "love at first sighter", knowing instantly that my father was 'the one'.
6. after the chemotherapy, nausea, hair loss & fatigue ..."tears do not compromise my strength," was all she had to say on the matter.
7. she waited. too.
8. when i was seven, she said she was both my mother & my sister- making our bond stronger.
9. She let God pour out of her pores and seep into me.
10. She left her legacy ingrained and entangled within me.

September 27th marks the fifth year anniversary of my mother's passing. There are no words to articulate the feeling of that day or it's repercussions in my life. I was sixteen, but i am impressed with my mother for creating such faithful, patient children. Dallas and I are faithful that our mother is in the presence of God and patient-knowing that we will see her again. I am convinced that i was birthed from an Angel and that we tumbled down from the sky with humble ambitions on earth. God created perfection and let her stray as long as he could stand it. Rest in Peace, Stephanie Renee Darden.

the cuffing commandments .

As September tip-toes to a close, many people are becoming restless with all of the new and refreshed faces on campus. Numerous twitter accounts and facebook statuses have thrown the "C" word into the air and it deserves annual addressing. yes, ladies and gentlemen, cuffing season has descended upon us. Now, i promise i'm no expert and maybe it's the "know-it-all" that roars within me. Nevertheless, i'll break down a few rules and pointers this week:

rule #67: Freshman, do not listen to anything that anyone has to say about your relationship decisions. I have heard some of the most ignorant, shallow, and mundane comments being shot out of people's mouths like cannonballs. "Don't do long distance, it won't work", "Don't get in a relationship, you're going to find so many other girls/guys out there", "Spelman girls are dateable, those girls are not." "Morehouse guys...." Look, while i agree that you should enjoy your single, college career to the absolute fullest, i know people who maintained long distance relationships for all four years. I know couples who have dated since freshman year and still remain very happy today. My point is, no person is the same. There is no dating manual that applies to all people. You need to find what works best for you and then believe in your intuition. Date around, hop into a relationship, do what you want and follow your instincts. Oh. But ladies ... don't sleep around. the AUC is small and it is almost impossible to get dirt stains out of a clean reputation. [something to think about]