the cuffing commandments.

rule 12: You need to understand what kind of dater you are. Maintaining a relationship is like raising an infant. Depending on the timing, variables, and temperament, a relationship can grow into a mature, loving, sturdy man or an emotionally stunted, selfish, jealous, insecure boy. Know who you are and where you are. If you are an easily jealous or influenced person then perhaps a relationship on your college campus is not the best idea. Some campuses are huge and no one even knows your name, let alone who you're dating. However, if you live in the Atlanta University Center, you will learn very quickly that it’s this small (I snapped my finger in thin air, by the way). People will be intrusive. People will gossip about you. If you’re lucky, you may find your initials capitalized in 20 questions …who knows?

If you decide to become an “item” in the AUC, I would suggest the Beyonce and Jay approach. That is: keep your business to yourself because people will kill to see you fall.  Men and women, if you have one ounce of decency within, do not cheat. dirt will ALWAYS rise to the surface. DIRT WILL ALWAYS RISE TO THE SURFACE. Dirt. Will. Always. Rise. To. The. Surface. Your significant other will be flabbergasted to know that …well…roughly 5,000 people know their business. It will be spread around the AUC like an STD in a whore house. Besides, I honestly think that we are too old to be so concerned with other people's perception of us. Between twitter, facebook, and tumblr, people reveal their claws. Take your time finding someone that you can trust and when you decide that you can ... TRUST.

hate & love.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion. we all have our own beliefs and set of moral standards. this poem is not about homosexuality, per se. instead, it is about society's intolerance. i do not believe in beating someone over the head with my beliefs, but instead spreading God's word & my testimony when it's asked of me. regardless of what i believe, physical & emotional abuse is not of God so i'll never understand how someone could hate someone in "God's name". this poem is a testament to people's breaking points. you never know what someone is dealing with internally and what they will do to prove a point. seriously, you cannot plant seeds in hard soil. therefore, soften a person with love and compassion & then plant your seed of impression:

the cuffing commandments.

 rule #203: There is a rumor that Spelman girls came for their "MRS" instead of their "BA". That is not entirely false. i was kind of surprised to hear a story about a senior at Spelman who said that she wanted to be a housewife when she graduated. Listen, i must admit that i identify as a feminist. That term, however, is a very fluid one. unlike most girls, i do not label domestication to be a "horrid" thing. Nothing is demeaning about wanting to devote your life to being a nurturing mother and wife. I think it would be extremely condescending to throw salt on stay-at-home mothers when black women come from a long history of strong, resilient, domestic labor. I am, however, concerned that women are educated and aware that they have a choice in occupation. i want them to understand that what they choose to do is completely up to them. HOWEVER, why she would let her parents spend roughly $120,000 on a degree is beyond me. she could've easily hit up Devry and chilled on the same career concept. just saying (shrug).

while there are some girls who virtually stalk men as potential bread-winners, all women do not think this way. i have met numerous women who say they cannot even see themselves being married. Some cannot stomach the concept of a relationship right now- in the midst of trying to get into law school, find a job, or keep their head above water. While many people see their senior year as the last hope or opportunity to find a life partner, some loathe the idea. It's important to realize that both demographics are out there. There are even a few rare cases who are open to the possibility but know that is something not to be concerned over. they could kind of care less because they accept it to be an organic process (ahem, ahem). ultimately, we need to understand that everyone's priorities are not necessarily in line with the masses.

10 reasons why angels exist.

1. Her presence brought warmth to the chilliest of rooms & her smile brightened up the darkest days.
2. In high school ... she was on the yearbook staff, BSU, cheerleading squad, homecoming queen, broke track records, and never mentioned it until i found out.
3. My mother dressed up for Halloween and danced with me in her bedroom.
4. She taught me that i am special & the exception to any rule at any time i choose to be.
5. She is a second generation "love at first sighter", knowing instantly that my father was 'the one'.
6. after the chemotherapy, nausea, hair loss & fatigue ..."tears do not compromise my strength," was all she had to say on the matter.
7. she waited. too.
8. when i was seven, she said she was both my mother & my sister- making our bond stronger.
9. She let God pour out of her pores and seep into me.
10. She left her legacy ingrained and entangled within me.

September 27th marks the fifth year anniversary of my mother's passing. There are no words to articulate the feeling of that day or it's repercussions in my life. I was sixteen, but i am impressed with my mother for creating such faithful, patient children. Dallas and I are faithful that our mother is in the presence of God and patient-knowing that we will see her again. I am convinced that i was birthed from an Angel and that we tumbled down from the sky with humble ambitions on earth. God created perfection and let her stray as long as he could stand it. Rest in Peace, Stephanie Renee Darden.

the cuffing commandments .

As September tip-toes to a close, many people are becoming restless with all of the new and refreshed faces on campus. Numerous twitter accounts and facebook statuses have thrown the "C" word into the air and it deserves annual addressing. yes, ladies and gentlemen, cuffing season has descended upon us. Now, i promise i'm no expert and maybe it's the "know-it-all" that roars within me. Nevertheless, i'll break down a few rules and pointers this week:

rule #67: Freshman, do not listen to anything that anyone has to say about your relationship decisions. I have heard some of the most ignorant, shallow, and mundane comments being shot out of people's mouths like cannonballs. "Don't do long distance, it won't work", "Don't get in a relationship, you're going to find so many other girls/guys out there", "Spelman girls are dateable, those girls are not." "Morehouse guys...." Look, while i agree that you should enjoy your single, college career to the absolute fullest, i know people who maintained long distance relationships for all four years. I know couples who have dated since freshman year and still remain very happy today. My point is, no person is the same. There is no dating manual that applies to all people. You need to find what works best for you and then believe in your intuition. Date around, hop into a relationship, do what you want and follow your instincts. Oh. But ladies ... don't sleep around. the AUC is small and it is almost impossible to get dirt stains out of a clean reputation. [something to think about]

i wrote this two years ago:

she woke up. what a bad dream, this one . the same dream as the other two-hundred, but it felt so real this time. She felt around the bed. It was there, she just knew it. She could smell the pink in the air, it had to of been there. She shook it off, felt the pink fall off of her nightgown. She hopped in the shower. The sprinkler head pushed out the steaming hot water onto her canvas. She hoped to wash off the dream. She hoped the water wouldcleanse her of the fright. For she knew where the center of fright stood… In between delicate feminist color & painful death. She moved her hand around her breast, but all she felt was silk. Tears rolled down her silk and into the collection of others acquired before. She knew what was coming. She sat on her bed and waited until finally she passed out. The ribbons came this time. Wrapping around her brain until her circulation was depleted.“About time,” she thought.

charlie sheen's roast [warning: extremely crass lol]

wanted: some justice, for once.

Listen,

 I do not say this lightly. I am ashamed to be an American tonight. It would only be fitting for us to bury our heads underneath the dirt to hide from our disgraceful actions. Tonight, i dont claim America. I do not feel like my demographic is appreciated or relevant because of these ... legalized lynchings. What kind of logic is it to kill someone as a demonstration that killing is wrong? I think it's so ironic that Americans constantly 'imperialize' countries to "civilize" them and yet we participate in the most horrific and barbaric practices.

 As i sat at the protest today, i could only imagine my little brother, Dallas. My brother is a brilliant mind with one of the kindest hearts i have ever seen, reminiscent of my mother. However, to a racist police officer he is TROY DAVIS. In front of a jury with an orange jumpsuit, he is TROY DAVIS. my father is troy. my uncles are troy. my cousins are troy. All i could do was cry and pray.


I am really proud of my Spelhouse and Howard counterparts for their protests today. We come from a past of sit-ins, bus boycotts, jailhouse protests, marches, and activism. Our ancestors hail from the antebellum south and the progressive north and they would be proud of us today. We have many advantages that our ancestors did not: we have a way to reach the masses with a click of a button. we have some people in higher places. we have some of the most innovative and interesting minds that our race has ever seen. Inversely, we have to remember this:


THE REASON THE GOVERNMENT FEELS LIKE THEIR ACTIONS ARE OKAY IS BECAUSE THEY THINK WE WILL "GET OVER IT". we are the generation of newsfeeds and tweets. consequently, we lack compassion. I beg of you, before you tweet about worldstarhiphop tomorrow, employ your peers to remember TROY DAVIS. do not brush this off as another injustice. we need to revamp our HBCUs into the pro-active powerhouses that they always were.

Ultimately, i'm praying for Troy Davis' family and friends during this time. I wish them the utmost peace and comfort from God. Davis was going through this nonsense for decades. He finally deserved to be free. He was released today and i am sure that he is in the presence of God. So, i ask my generation:

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS INJUSTICE? HOW WILL WE BE PROACTIVE?

My God.

easy-baked notions.

"i don't worry about how people are going to perceive me because ...quite frankly, i can't control it."

... and then the light bulb illuminated inside of my head. i guess it was only appropriate that such a profound rationalization would be presented to me in my senior year of college. even more interesting, my professor's comment was unfolding my societal outlook. to some, that quote may seem like a very fundamental understanding. nevertheless, there are so many untapped implications in my professor's comment.

consider how many people have the wrong impression of you. they think of you to be spoiled and ungrateful. they think that you're just a pretty face. they think you're conceited. you're a know-it-all, "blonde", insensitive, playboy, slut, whore, shallow... okay look, do you see how all of those adjectives are just extensions of one another? those labels are not you, but someone else's projection onto you. labels are rarely creative or accurate because most people's "hater skills" are lazy. they see you and they typecast you in their delusional reality television show where it's all about them. regardless of your efforts, it is impossible to forcibly change someone's perspective of you.

a friend of mine said he was apprehensive about speaking in class because people immediately write him off as "pretentious". i reminded him that he would eventually have to open his mouth during class. it would be a better use of his energy to be labeled "the pretentious boy who's engaged in class discussions" rather than "the pretentious boy who said he was 'present' during role". either way, people will project onto him but we cannot be defined by the flawed perceptions of our peers.

this year, i will probably commit a fashion season faux pas. i may slip and fall in the main lobby of Cosby. it's possible that i will dance on tables, eat with my fingers, sing Gwen Stefani lyrics loudly, and pray in public. what do i owe the people who are impatiently waiting to criticize and label me? i certainly do not owe them my peace of mind. know this: when it's all said and done, you owe it to yourself to be proud of who you are.

well, well ...

thanks gabbbbbs :]

the bullies on capitol hill

if you haven't heard about the Troy Davis case, then you're living under a rock. Twitter and other social networks are buzzing about the wrongful, scheduled execution of Davis. It's important for us to have a sense of humanity and compassion towards this man. It's important for us to make an uproar about injustice when we see it.

Davis was accused of killing an off duty police officer in Savannah, Georgia. He has been on death row for numerous years now and is said to be killed next week. However, seven of the nine witnesses have recanted their statements. They claim the police manipulated and forced them to make claims against Davis. If that is not horrifying enough, there is no substantial physical evidence to link Davis to the crime.

we have to take some sort of action. every time we turn a head to inhumane treatment, a piece of our integrity dies. tweet #iamtroydavis, make a facebook status, write a blog post, tell a friend, call courtrooms and news stations. ultimately, say a prayer. Only God can save us from such a corrupt system. To learn more about the outstanding minority death penalty statistics, check this out:

troy davis and minority death row statistics

Says the avid reader

     Anyone who knows me even fairly well is aware that i am a Harry Potter nerd. My friend Kobi (http://threeonetwosix.blogspot.com) sent me a link to an article regarding the sexual innuendos found throughout Rowling's seven book series. Honestly, it's humorous but also SO intriguing! I was already a fan of Rowling but now i love her even more because she's a pervert. if you enjoy Harry Potter as much as me, CHECK IT OUT:

HARRY POTTER'S 5 SEXUAL INNUENDOS.

seniority is not immune to a #fail .

He is a Morehouse professor. 

the man who said these things.

business department, Morehouse professor. 

a man directly across the street from Spelman College said these things. 

Audio from a particular Morehouse faculty member was circulated around the Atlanta University Center as he spoke about the dynamic of men & women in the business field. This man proceeded to rant on that black women are beginning to have an increasing presence in the corporate world, maybe even more so than black men. He claims that black women in the corporate world is a problematic concept seeing how there are so many black males incarcerated and without educational access. From my understanding, the professor also suggested that the feminine roles in teaching are emasculating men. This professor is the same man who makes it extremely difficult for Spelman students to cross-register into Morehouse business classes - which i am starting to believe is no coincidence.

While i agree completely that the disparities between black men and higher education are disheartening, this professor's view is ludicrous. his backwards outlook implies strongly that black women must step down from their pursuits on wall street to appease the black man's effort. Not only is that sexist to attack one gender over the other but it also emasculates men by asking us to "step out of their way". this notion would imply that black men could not break into the corporate world unless black women stopped competing altogether. now that's some emasculation for you. while i agree that our community needs a stronger presence of black, male teachers in the school systems, creating a competitive, negative dynamic between black women is counterproductive. 

There was a time (believe it or not) when black women and men collaborated on the progression of their race. With such a high rate of single black mothers in America, is it not logical for them to pursue financially stable careers? Or should they remain complacent in order to appease this professor's ego while their children cry for food in the neighboring room? the idea of the "absent father" is fairly new to the African American family dynamic. In the early 1900s, 70% of black families included both parents. We used to work together to construct the generations that came after us. ultimately, competing with one another is a waste of time because we are both underrepresented demographics. Why should black men and women fight over the same slim piece of pie when there are other pieces that have been untouched by us too often? 

happy birthday mom , rest in peace .

today would be my mother's fiftieth birthday.
i always considered what my mother would be losing because of her death. she wouldn't see me graduate high school or college or meet my children. i didn't realize i would miss out on the numerous cornerstones that she had yet to reach. i'll miss out on a few things - my parents 30th, 40th, & 50th wedding anniversary, my mother's grey hairs and her wisdom about children and marriage.

but this is homage paid to the woman who dressed up every year for Halloween. this is a tribute to the woman who took pictures with me at the mall even though she knew it was ghetto. this is love to the woman who taught me to respect myself, be true to myself, and embrace my unique aura. although she was on this earth for a short amount of time, i am convinced that only an exceptional woman could keep her legacy living through me. happy birthday mom.

gets me every time .

transparency versus transparency.

i am a firm believer that there are only two types people in the world: 

the transparent and the transparent.

you know, life is truly about perspective. personally, i have a discernment for people's character and i am very big on picking up energy. some people are transparent by default. they try their best to layer themselves in trivial things. nevertheless, they have tenebrous insides that exude negativity - low self esteem, skeletons, anger, envy and resentment. Consequently, those inner aspects are pushed to the surface only to be poorly hidden. these transparent people think that twitter personas, clothing labels, inclusion with certain people and catty remarks will block the world out.

unfortunately, these people are the easiest to read. i have to admit, it can be extremely uncomfortable to see someone for who they are when they have no clue themselves. embarrassment is scribbled across their face in what seems like permanent red ink. concern for other's approval leaves them naked and shaking ...leaves me feeling like i'm the only person in the room with see-through sunglasses.

on the inverse side of things, you have the transparent person. every once and a while when the moon turns black and unicorns are eating cotton candy bushes on your front lawn, you meet these people. you meet transparent people who CHOOSE to be transparent. i love these people. their triumphs, their pain, and beliefs are not smudged in ambiguously painted proclamations. they are secure in themselves. so secure, in fact, that they simply put their cards on the table and let you decipher who they are. they do not care how they are perceived, they'll lose no sleep over it.

these transparent people are the reincarnation of eve and adam anterior to fruit juice dripping down chins. the "i know that i know nothing" species, so secure in mind and spirit. this is not to say that these transparent people meditate in trees and seclude themselves from the world. on the contrary, they know how to maneuver in society while simultaneously maintaining their identity.

ultimately, my friends, you WILL BE SEEN THROUGH. it is up to you to claim your transparency or put up a fight. if you choose the latter, my prophesy predicts that you will probably lose the battle.