vivi's humanity expanse .

repost: If you forget me by Pablo Neruda

2012-02-10T08:17:00.000-08:00

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

what do you know about black history?

2012-02-09T15:17:00.001-08:00

repost: "to date a writer"

2012-02-09T10:33:00.002-08:00

they say, "never date a writer".full of metaphors and comparisons, they can mentally sketch you into submission.
some writers will send you gift-wrapped poems that warm up the soul . microwave ready, but hardly oven-type steady.
others are filled to the top with empty rhetoric, spinning your heart and mind in a whirlwind of words that mean absolutely nothing. - just pretty language that knocks you over the head like a wooden club.
most writers are lazy, emailing an "i dedicate this to you" song ... where the 'one size fits all' lyrics will sneak their way into the cracks of their victim's heart.

the mystery in writing is the master of it all -
words can tie you down and tear at the mind, make you wonder, and perhaps put your hopes so high in the air that it'll BREAK into pieces when it falls.
writing is an art because it paints - paints & portrays feelings [sometimes false] and inserts ideas where they were never welcomed in the first place.
manipulative they are, writers.

but oh, TO DATE A WRITER.
using words to massage your ego, insecurity or doubt. they can express love in ways that bend the mind into amorous yoga - twisting and tapping the tender places in our soul.
words can liberate the masses, but chain one person in love. writers are said to use their words as windows to their mind; but i think they're more so like kaleidoscopes - thought portrayed through colors and shapes ... but R A R E L Y straightforward and seen in full view.

In the bible, the tongue/speech is likened to a sword. it truly is powerful. we, as writers get to choose how we use the power of words.

i guess this is where he's been ...

2012-02-09T10:33:00.001-08:00

love sonnet XVII by pablo neruda

2012-02-08T08:52:00.000-08:00

I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

twerk somethin' ... after you get tested.

2012-02-07T08:56:00.000-08:00

February 7th Is National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day.

It's crazy to me how we are so candid about sex these days. We say the most reckless things, but we have the nerve to be shy about HIV/AIDS. instead of asking a girl what her major is, ask her if she gets tested. instead of wondering about a guy's past girlfriends, ask him about his past history with unprotected sex. We are dying. & to be frank, one minute of awkward conversation could truly save your life. get tested. use protection. challenge others around you.

ask for her number ... after you get tested.
go to the club ... after you get tested.
eat lunch ... after you get tested.
go to class ... after you get tested.
walk around the rosebowl ... after you get tested.
go to jazzmans ... after you get tested.
make that phone call ... after you get tested.
go shopping ... after you get tested.
tweet ... after you get tested.

& pray before you get tested.

this is urgent.

repost: "dark & twisty"

2012-02-07T08:42:00.000-08:00

it only takes a second to shift a life.
blue skies can drain of color and moisture leaving
the tops of the world dry with hues of grey.
smiles lose their balance in the crowded dance floors of pain and fall.
every moment, somewhere-
calm ponds behind the eyes flood down hills of cheeks and chins.
french horns play in yellow dressing rooms and reveal themselves
as solemn violins.
it only takes a phone call to make small hopes into realities.
a simple warm moment of leeway can put infinite joy on lay-a-way.
a kiss can dig a grave, or raise the dead.
a confession can slit the wrists of dreams.
Oh God!
if only the tightrope of spontaneity and hesitation were not such a fine line.
diving into a pool of uncertainty-
spreading your wings into the deep side.
ORcracking your face in a shallow end.
i guess it only takes a second.

you never know when your life will change forever. making a right at a corner instead of a left can make all the difference. random trips to the mall, starbucks, or the movies can turn the direction of your future. it's quite astounding actually. think back, have you ever met someone who changed your life in a way you never imagined? have you ever said "YES" or "NO" to an option and it changed everything? pretty tricky stuff ...

amor.

2012-02-06T18:28:00.000-08:00

"and they say love is in the air; so i ... hold my breath 'till my face turn purple..."

im just kidding. valentine's day is a cool holiday- it's a national attempt to stop and pay homage to the lovers in your life. Yet, valentine's day is NOT the holiday to run around like a chicken with your head cut off, trying to find someone to have feelings for. i have come from a family full of romance and love. i think it's a beautiful thing. in the spirit of valentine's day, im posting about romance this week :) enjoy.

WORD.

2012-02-04T13:27:00.000-08:00

paper-clipped praying hands

2012-02-04T13:26:00.000-08:00

"you've gotta past and i do to; we're perfect for each other..."

i was talking about testimonies with my friend today and i realized how much God really makes us tailor-made to inspire others. It's really astonishing. a testimony about self-hatred, estranged fathers, loss of family and friends, illness, or poverty can work to build up other people around us. it can really help to strengthen a person's character.

however, i think it's important that we watch carefully about shifting our testimonies into baggage. there is truly a fine line. often times, the things we have overcome make us stronger, but they can also make us self-riteous, bitter, apprehensive in love, and SKEPTICAL of everyone around us. everyone claims to have "a past" or a former heartbreak. join the club.

AND i don't have a solution. i wish i did. essentially, we are our past experiences - a bundle of events and our reactions to them. we can learn from hardship with humility, positivity and creativity. OR, we can let them dictate us and haunt us. just a thought, happy saturday :)

pay attention.

2012-02-03T09:41:00.000-08:00

Image.
Anyone who knows me, knows that i genuinely care about young women and their perception of self. I'm taking an "images of women in the media" course and my professor played this film. It appeals to EVERYONE - women, younger girls, scholars, men (who will have daughters)... everyone. This is just the sneak peak trailer, but you can see the entire thing on youtube (you won't regret it).

touch me, tease me .

2012-02-02T08:27:00.000-08:00

"They say that a literary “theme” is supposed to be acommentary on the human condition. Well, I have to admit that I go through lifetrying to string together the "themes" in life. After tying a few stringstogether, It astonishes me how people are sincerely surprised when they are approached for the things they flaunt the most."

Often times, the term “tease” is associated with women.- andrightfully so. As women, we love to feel appreciated. As a result, we oftentimes drive men to insanity with our flirtatious behavior and ambiguous sexualadvances. Somehow, we have the audacity to be surprised when we are seen as mere objects.Picture this scenario: A young ladyrummages through her closet for that form-fitting, little black dress. Herboobs are up to her chin and the bottom of the dress hits jussssssst below thecurve of her butt. PERFECT. She gets to the club and a guy (surrounded by hisfriends of course) says, “dammmmmmmn, look at all dat ass.” Of course, she makes a sceneand curses him out.

Now pause. We constantly bring attention to our bodies in extreme ways and becomeoffended when men react. Do not misunderstand me, he should never grab your assin the club- that’s reckless, disrespectful and thirsty. However, you cannotshow your breasts and thighs and expect a man to wonder about your favoriteWilliam Faulkner novel.

Now, men are funny. I scroll on twitter: “it’s money overbxtches”, “Im making my first million by twenty-four”, and “BMF” (blowing moneyfast). I meet men and they are talking about how much money they are making andbragging about their job offers after school. yes, there is a fine line between taking pride in yourself & BRAGGING. This generation of men is obsessed with flashing money. Nevertheless, as soon as a womanapproaches him- in awe of his materialistic possessions- she is a“golddigger”. seriously? Essentially, each andevery one of us are brands and your advertising tactics appeal to a targeteddemographic. Be real with yourself. I am not saying that men should not strivefor nice things. However, if that is what youre promoting then that will yielda certain response.

How can a person of the opposite sex beinterested in something that they think is non-existent? If you promote yoursuperficial and shallow values, you will: 1) be treated as such 2) attract thesame sort of people. If you want someone to appreciate your personality, promote the fact that you have one.

i don't even have words anymore.

2012-01-30T18:09:00.001-08:00

a glimpse of thoughts?

2012-01-30T12:45:00.000-08:00

perhaps i'm in the wrong era-

a slave bound within the lines of calendar squares.

i am chained down to a cowardly age of stomachs too afraid to carry butterflies and hearts that keep their pitter-patters on a leash.

an era of inhibition,

girls are hiding blushes and warmth in efforts to keep the cool.

all she wants is a romance that tugs on the corners of her lips - stretching grins.

she'd love to plead guilty to having hopes stacked as high as a pile of love poems.

but she won't because we don't. here.

an era of shoe-tied tongues,

boys smearing cold winds of bitterness on their faces-

preparing themselves for the guerrilla warfare between vulnerability and sanctioned apprehension.

fighting a war that doesn't exist. swinging at the air until contact is made ...

against embraces, truth, and hearts.

i'm playing hopscotch on a sidewalk full of landmines.

i'm swimming in a bittersweet sea of insincere saliva - men spitting and spitting and spitting "game".

but it's weak.

and if i never find eyes that cuddle in mine,

i will gather those counterfeit claims of love as a collection for someone else's daughter ...

in another hopeless era.

it's everything.

2012-01-29T13:51:00.000-08:00

a lot of people don't know that Frank Ocean wrote "I Miss You" on Beyonce's album. a lot of people don't know that Frank is "that guy" lol. anyways, enjoy. I DID.

leaving a legacy.

2012-01-28T08:22:00.000-08:00

Okay, so when my Professor assigned this book, I was aboutto lose it. I thought, “really? You want me to read 950 pages? Boo.” Nevertheless, I should have trusted her judgment because she is myfavorite professor at Spelman.

We are reading a book called, “Gone with the Wind”. I knowyou probably heard about it – filled with lots ofracist undertones and distorted depictions of history. That’s beside the point; I encourage all ofyou to read it.

Back to my point that I never reached:

I was reflecting on the novel(based in Georgia) and my matriculation throughout Spelman. The AUC and Howardare known to be the cream of the Historically Black College and Universitycrop. Historically, the locations of these two institutions have contributed somuch to who I am as a black woman.

Georgia was not the “golden state”- full ofluxurious architecture and promised opportunities. In Georgia, the streets werepaved with blood. “Hang em’ up Georgia” was a place full of lynchings, sit-ins,shootings, burning bodies, protests, hooded ghosts, rapists and “tragic”mulatto girls. Georgia is not glamorous – it is a place seeping with a pastthat should not be forgotten. Martin Luther King Jr. sat in the classrooms ofMorehouse. His dead body was brought to Spelman’s chapel for folks to payrespect. The AUC is a constant reminder of the sacrifices of my ancestors. Myfamily is from Georgia. My grandmother is still sensitive about certain placesin her hometown. It was real. It stillis- confederate flags still hang and black men are killed just because. Thesouth is a place that nourishes the mind with a consciousness of where it hascome and how far we have to go.

Howard University, placed in themost beautiful and ugly city in America- Washington D.C. It’s like a hugesymbol of progression for black people. From the back roads of Alabama to theWhite House, we have pushed and pushed- Legislation and conceptualization ofjustice in the air. My friends and I drove up to D.C. for a football game and Iwas honestly taken aback. I felt like I placed myself in the skin of a ZoraNeale Hurston or Dubois. I imagined what it could have been like totravel up north. I imagined what it must’ve been like to consider a new tomorrow-a new, loud voice. I considered the late night meetings with Langston Hughes and RalphEllison, shaping the culture that we have today in literature, poetry, music,and overall expression.

I know I am a nerd, but I am blessed to be apart of a continuing legacy. When I was in high school, the brief history ofAfrican Americans felt too fantastical for me to relate. It was almost likereading a comic book or hearing a tall tale- so far removed. But, when I see Martin Luther KingJr’s sister on campus or hear Nikki Giovanni speak … it is almostlike watching my race climb out of the dusty old pages of my textbooks andsmile. How many people can claim these experiences? I am Honored.

OH MY GOD.

2012-01-25T08:46:00.000-08:00

LISTEN, do not press play until you have 6 minutes and 42 seconds of free time. it's worth it.

"Mother to Son" by Langston Hughes

2012-01-23T12:00:00.000-08:00

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor --
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now --
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

quote, end quote.

2012-01-23T11:44:00.000-08:00

"experience is a cruel teacher; it gives the exam first and then the lesson."

[ ... everyone needs to see Red Tails. ]

fist pump

2012-01-20T12:13:00.001-08:00

so i know it's real.

2012-01-19T10:06:00.000-08:00

ahem ahem. Youdon’t have to tat my name on it. It makes no difference, really.

I know so many people who got it “tatted” and it hasabsolutely NO significance now. The tattoo could just as easily say, “Kung PaoChicken”. You can keep that. If it’s “real”,you could try this:

Men, if it’s real, treat a lady with respect ... in all venues and circumstance. There isno use in “treating me like a lady”in person if you’re going to speak reckless of me to your friends. It’spointless to be respectful on campus and then a douche bag in the club. Thereis no use in “watching your languagearound me” if you are calling me out of my name behind closed doors. Realgentlemen would approach a lady with consistent respect, even when she was nowhereto be found. That’s “REAL”.

Ladies, accept that a man has flaws so he knows it’s real.NO man will be equipped with everything you want. A lot of women want a guy whohas a beautiful smile, buff arms,extremely keen mind, great sense of humor, poet, skateboarder, athlete,astronaut, left-handed, 6’2, money, with a pet lama. The crazy part is if women actually got "the perfect man", they would probably be tooinsecure to even be happy. Ladie, we have flaws too. If he can accept that you’renot a beauty queen in the morning, the way you always call during the Cowboysgame, or the way you gossip, then you should accept him for him.

Leave the games at home SOI KNOW it’s real. Consider the last conversation you had with someoneyou’re dating. Why did you say the things you said? Was your friends’ adviceclouding your thoughts? Were you afraid of saying too much? Did you waitto send the text or call so you wouldn’t seem “thirsty”? Did you lie about what you were doing or whom you werewith? A wise soul recently told me, “If yourfirst move is fake, don’t expect a real reaction.” Even if the other person's response is genuine, it’s only based on something that’s initially false from your end. Take off your cool, so I know it’sreal.

You don’t have to tat it. BE REAL so i know it's real.

Lord, be with us.

2012-01-18T10:00:00.000-08:00

look, i am not the MOST savvy person when it comes to politics. I watch here and there but i know this: the GOP candidates scare me. Giving them this country is like giving a rifle to a toddler -_-

speak now or be silenced later.

2012-01-18T09:13:00.000-08:00

This Piracy act will be a burden on everyone involved. The internet is a beautiful resource and allowing the government to decide what we can and cannot access is problematic for me. One, i don't trust the government enough to blindfold me and decide what i can and cannot have access to (the tried that numerous times in the past to hide things). Two, this act is too stringent- affecting websites, companies, advertisers. To my young students, this can potentially hinder your job opportunities in the future. For more information about Company backlash:

The Daily Beast's article about SOPA

support something substantial.

2012-01-17T09:07:00.000-08:00

George Lucas, the infamous creator of Star Wars, explains how he was not supported with this movie because of his all-black cast. This is unbelievable to me. He was forced to fund the movie on his own and production has been held up for decades! The studios excuse of "marketability" is nonsense. George Lucas created a cinematic dynasty with Star Wars and his seniority in the business should have been enough to green-light the movie. Because of this Hollywood Studio injustice, approximately 30 of the remaining Tuskegee Airmen have died without seeing this movie on the big screen.Red Tails airs this Friday, January 20th. Please go support and prove the nay-sayers wrong. Like George Lucas said, Their story deserves to be told because they helped to shape America as we know it today:

beating down adversity.

2012-01-17T07:18:00.000-08:00

I got a call last night that really tore me up. The person on the other end of the phone sounded so broken and weak. I use thatlast adjective with caution, but it's accurate nonetheless. See, i can sympathize with tears, frustration, or anger. I cannot, however, understand how you decide to stop pushing. I have seen too many people that I love fight fortheir livelihood to understand the justification of “giving up”. Weakness is a luxury reserved forpeople who have nothing left to lose. Weakness is not something that you canshake off like a common cold. It sits in your pores and infects the mind andsoul. Weakness is a disease.

[I was talking to a friend of mine and she told me about aguy she’s dating. She said one of the most attractive things about him is thathe’s a provider & protector. She said that she could see him being anamazing father and husband because he is too driven and strong to let his lovedones starve. He had a hunger to keep pushing and that made her feel "safe".]

I think a lot of women still want that out of a man- andrightfully so. Strength means so much more than lifting weights or a fist.Strength means getting back up again, because you have mouths to feed and dreams to nourish. Strengthmeans standing firm in the belief of God’s grace. Personally, life has tried meand this has caused me to acquire a thirst for survival. Subsequently, I look for that same quality ina guy. Because quite frankly, there are too many men trying to lead a householdand relationship when they’re lost in the dark themselves.

Look, life will try to beat on you. From school, careers,funny money, family, disease and death. That’s not going to change. You have to adapt. There are only twooptions when approaching adversity: One, you submit to the beating and adoptthe role of “victim” -freezing up like a deer caught in headlights and hopingfor the best in a trying situation. Two, you can learn from life’s tacticsand…become stronger. Like any basketball team or professional fighter, you needto study your opponents before you can truly know how to beat them. Learn howto maneuver throughout life instead of letting it toss you around like a ragdoll.

If you are “fortunate” to never experience real hardship,then I tip my hat to you. Nevertheless, to the other ninety-nine percent of us… align yourself with God and keep pushing. We are not strong enough to do it on our own. Yet, if we remain hopeful in God's ability then things will happen.

5 cliches & idioms to live by:

2012-01-14T11:22:00.000-08:00

When I'm on twitter, I feel like i'm seeing the same tweets over and over. However, the life lessons that we dismiss as "cliche" are more valuable than we think. After all, they have to be cliche for a reason, right? They must've worked for someone. Well, these are my top 5 favorite ones. They are cliche because they are brilliant codes to live by:

#5: All that Glitters is not Gold:
I don't know how many times I have learned this lesson the hard way. It applies in so many aspects of life. Sometimes, it is really not worth it to pay for the glitz, when the benefit is too short lived. What you think is beautiful can easily be "smoke and mirrors".

#4: No Use Crying over Spilled Milk:
When I was in the high school, I was in this UCLA program called VIPS scholars. Early on in my scholastic career (lol), I was a worrisome student- like, knots in my stomach ..can't eat kind of worrisome. It was bad. Then I met one of the mentors and he said something that (in all honesty wasn't even that profound) stuck with me forever. "If you change something, f*ck it. You cant bring yesterday back, all you can do is BETTER." This does not mean that you need to accept defeat. However, there are some things that are beyond your control. If you dwell on the woulda coulda shoulda ... you will miss the opportunity to succeed. After all, rejection is God's protection.

#3: Idle hands are the Devils tools:
My friend told me this and I didn't even know what it meant lol. This idiom implies that nothing good can really come out of boredom and complacency. This is real. When we are stuck in neutral, we often times get ourselves into trouble. In high school, me and my friends were the prime example - when we had nothing to do, we raised hell. This also applies to the 20-somethings. Sitting in yourself is not okay if you plan to take over the world. just saying.

#2: A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned:
Since i was a little girl, my Dad has tried to lecture me about the importance of saving. I can't pretend like i have figured it out. Nevertheless, if we learned how to save money (as little as every paycheck - 20%) ... we'd surprise ourselves. I know a woman who bought her first house in her twenties, simply because she saved religiously. think about it.

#1: What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger:
This is my favorite. If you accept it, it will be one of the most beneficial phrases to live by. Some people really do crumble when dealing with adversity. I, however, can attest to the strength that comes out of hardship. With God and perseverance, anything is possible.

mmhmm.

2012-01-11T22:42:00.001-08:00

the gender see-saw .

2012-01-11T22:37:00.000-08:00

While I was in Los Angeles with one of my friends, heconfessed he had a bone to pick with me. He told me that one of my blog postswent a little too hard on men. I was impressed. I can appreciate when someone expresses an opinion that differs from my own. & even though we didn’t get to discuss the post specifically,we spoke about my outlook on manhood.

Although I do not have any apologies about my recent stance, I'll admit that I probably needed to write a disclaimer before i started to express such bold sentiments:

People that really know me know that I like to approach dating froma common-sense standpoint. Fortunately or unfortunately, my mindset can mirrormy male friends from time to time.

I used to scold women about being "stupid" in relationships. I saw them doing the most desperate, pathetic things growing up and I couldn't stand it. Istill can’t stand it. I can’t stand women who think sex will keep a man faithful. I can’t stand women who arestupid enough to think a baby will keep a relationship strong. I still can’tstand girls who are willing to put their self-respect on the back–burner fordisrespectful douche bags. Nothing has changed in that regard.

However, I think I need to hold men more accountable fortheir actions. I still can’t stand men who need to call women “bitches and whores”in order to validate their manhood. I still can’t stand men who emotionally andphysically abuse their girlfriends. I can’t stand rape. I can't stand cheating. Istill cannot believe that there are “men” at the age of 21 who still gossip and lieon females.

Simply put, I do not mind being a conscience foreither party. We need to love ourselves and love others. Although i usually level my writing field, I’ll admit I have been a little hard on men lately. It justscares me that men my age are going into the world with a briefcase full ofdouble standards and chauvinistic views. These men are going to marry women.These men are going to raise sons and daughters. I’m concerned. I’m concernedthat the next generation will not know what a self-respecting, honest man lookslike.

yummy .

2012-01-10T10:19:00.000-08:00

How could you NOT dig Givenchy's 2012 pre-fall line ? i mean honestly. i love the how the looks are so cohesive, but present variety at the same time! bravo. watch out for those boots & jockey caps man... just you watch.

to see more: fashionbombdaily

kevin hart is ridiculous lol.

2012-01-09T12:31:00.001-08:00

repost: 4/2010

2012-01-09T12:14:00.000-08:00

WHAT THE MIRROR SAID

listen,
you a wonder,
you a city
of a woman.
you got a geography
of your own.
listen,
somebody need a map
to understand you.
somebody need directions
to move around you.
listen,
woman,
you not a noplace

anonymous
girl;
mister with his hands on you
he got his hands on
some
damn
body!

HOMAGE TO MY HIPS

these hips are big hips.

they need space to

move around in.

they don't fit into little

petty places. these hips

are free hips.

they don't like to be held back.

these hips have never been enslaved.

they go where they want to go

they do what they want to do.

these hips are mighty hips.

these hips are magic hips.

i have known them

to put a spell on a man and

spin him like a top!

mmphh !

2012-01-09T11:45:00.001-08:00

I really bang with Strivers Row. From cinematography, sound, and impression- they really understand the importance of aesthetics.

platformed expectations.

2012-01-09T11:44:00.000-08:00

I have a friend back home who broke up with her boyfriend.She felt like the relationship wasn’t healthy anymore- a union filled withresentment and complacency. She asked my opinion. I told herthat I’m single and I don’t want to be “that single friend” (lol). Her other friends were giving her a hard time…implying that her reasons for the break-up were not legitimate enough. Nevertheless, I told herthat I was behind her one hundred percent… regardless of her decision. I also told her that Icould understand where she was coming from…

Look. Some things in life are really beyond our control. Wecannot control disease. We have little to no control over thewell being of our families' health and their lives. No control over the stock market,the weather, or time. We lend ourselves to so much chance and probability. The ONEthing we can control, however, is with whom we choose to cuff.

We have to “make lemonade” out of so many situations in lifethat are beyond our control. Why should we have to do the same with our relationships? Now, i am an advocate for trying to work on a relationship before completely throwing it to the birds. However, i also think that we are too young to simply be "content" in our relationships. Just because a girlfriend/boyfriend doesn’t cheat on you, doesnot mean he’s the one for you. Just because a guy doesn’t stick his fist inyour eye, does not mean he’s your soul mate. Relationships are complex; but onething is simple. We deserve to be happy. Unless you’re married, you should nothave to sacrifice your well being because of an optional obligation. All in all,we’re too young to be tied down in a place that’s unpleasant. Be happy.

what girls like me neglect to say.

2012-01-06T10:00:00.000-08:00

i wish you'd stop begging me to dive into the "depths" of your mind.
i'm pretty sure that i'd crash into the concrete floor and break my neck.
it's not as deep as you think.

i live in the valleys of love and language.
you reside under the train tracks of greed and manipulation.
i love life. you love how they painted it for you.
& i'm not mad-

but i wish you'd stop trying to mend our hearts like heated steel -
you cannot melt me into love.
you cannot scold my mind into submission ... you knew that when you met me.
you knew that my thoughts were little bee hummingbirds, dipped in grease.

we told you not to try and clip the wings.

artista .

2012-01-04T12:00:00.000-08:00

RITA ORA - EPK from A.V. Rockwell on Vimeo.

a thought.

2012-01-04T08:20:00.000-08:00

holy crap, it's 2012. it just hit me (i guess i do things on my own time) and all i can say is, "WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING?"

we have cellphones now that severely mimic things from the movie "irobot" and that cheesy disney channel movie with the talking, computer house. smart house? yeah. anyway, i read this article and i can't help but realize how "enhanced" society has become. bigger cars. taller high heels. high heels with no heel. smarter technology. larger breasts. less pages, more "kindles". less neighborhood football games, more wii nights. dumber kids. fatter kids. poor kids. higher gas prices. lower self-respect. more babies. less parents. a disgustingly crazy obsession with "reality" shows. & an even grosser fascination with ourselves.

In a random article that i read (it's posted at the bottom), the author proposes, "Tell someone who you love that you love them on a more regular basis. To their face, not in a text." I had to stop myself. I didn't even CONSIDER telling someone face-to-face.

Have you ever looked at someone while they're passionately talking? like, really looked? laugh lines. those little wrinkles at the corner of a person's eyes? cutting of eyes. a nervous twitch. uncomfortable eyes. an endearing gaze. wide smiles ... not emoticons. if you pay enough attention, you can see huge red hearts in the eyes of another, you don't need to send it digitally. I talk. A lot. I love conversation and thinking and listening to people's opinions. We have to get back to that ... before we're born with "batteries sold separately".

interesting article

tequila x testimonies.

2012-01-03T08:34:00.000-08:00

I sat across from my dad at El Torito and we ordered margaritas. After drinks were poured, stories were spilled onto the festive, wooden table as well.

I have always found my mother and father’s relationship fascinating. As a girl, it was almost told in the fashion of a fairy tale. A wistful, romantic story that somehow ends in a beautiful marriage of twenty-one years. The logistics never mattered much-until now. The crossed T’s and dotted I’s were insignificant until recently, when loose tongues and curiosity got the best of us. anyways, my dad told me a story:

“You know, me and your mother almost broke up once while we were dating,” said my dad while tossing a tortilla chip in his mouth.

“Yeah?” I responded casually, “What happened?” I wanted to remain as calm as possible. I felt like a lion, afraid to scare away its prey.

The story was pretty simple. There was a guy. He was a friend of my mothers, but my dad never cared for him because he knew the guy had feelings for her. My mother knew how my dad felt but completely dismissed the notion. One weekend, my mother and her sister went to a party that the guy was throwing … and she neglected to tell my dad. I guess the friend tried to rub it in my dad's face. It drove my dad insane. “My pride and my ego were hurt. I didn’t like another guy being able to smirk at me about my girlfriend.”

I mulled this situation over in my head and sipped the last bit of my margarita. Although it's common knowledge that pride can be a cancerous tumor in a relationship, i could see where he was coming from. Too often we are afraid to be real with our boyfriends and girlfriends and say, "i don't want to feel or look stupid." I have wrote about the fact that a couple is a "brand"- when one is apart from the other, they still represent each other. If we were honest with one another and admitted the fear of "looking stupid", then things would go over more smoothly. No one wants to hear about their boyfriend flirting with another girl ... let alone in a public space. Similarly, no guy wants to hear about his girlfriend hanging out with his arch nemesis. Although it may seem stupid initially, it's something worth considering.

Personally, i am not a jealous person. Ironically enough, this has caused some of the problems in my previous relationships. I am, however, prideful. As i ate the last bit of my chicken taco (because red meat is the devil lol), i saw a little more of myself in my dad... one trait i inherited from my father.

snaps .

2012-01-03T07:58:00.001-08:00

thoughts stacked high.

2012-01-02T18:47:00.000-08:00

"life, i learned is not fair. if they teach anything in schools, that should be it." -Nicholas Sparks

So. I’m sitting in LAX with a $2.80Starbucks banana bread and $3.30 water in my lap, trying to evaluate the holidays. This past week in Los Angeles was exactly what I needed tocontextualize my life and bring in the New Year. As I reflect back on my trip, I pinpointed a few topics worthy of discussion.

-- Ispent time with my dad and grandparents. While this may sound mundane, theirinsight is blowing my mind. My dad revealed things to me about his relationship with my mother- things that made me see trust, love, and honesty a little differently. Also, my grandparents have an invested interest in my love life for some odd reason. All in all, I am forced to reevaluate some things.

--Mysocial life and outlook of Los Angeles has simultaneously shifted. While I have ahard time dealing with Atlanta’s fifty thousand dollar “millionaires”, Los Angeles has revealed its true colors to me. It’s funny to me how the most beautiful citycan be the most insecure.

--Thereason why I love my male friends so much is because they keep me grounded.They tell me their outlook (even if they know it will offend me) and they pushhonesty to the fullest. Discussions about my disloyalty to California men, theword “bitch”, and my blog have all had me in the hot seat.

... here we go;

look out belowwww ..

2011-12-31T01:06:00.000-08:00

oh yeah. so, about my previous post ... Laith and Christina broke up.

... talk about happy endings.

mmm hmmmm;

2011-12-28T09:24:00.001-08:00

you should probably watch this video on full screen (the text is kind of small). this is a true story that britteny put me onto this semester. we all couldn't help but to smile lol. anywhooo ... enjoy.

the hype & the hate .

2011-12-28T09:22:00.000-08:00

sometimes i tweet things that i feel are not simple enough for one hundred and forty characters. it makes me feel like a machine that spits out bumper sticker quotes and over-simplified phrases. After all, life is too complex to revolve around blurbs of one hundred and forty characters.

"they'll either hype you or hate you. it shouldn't make you or break you."

within those seventy-two characters lie numerous thoughts, experiences, and resolutions. Understand: Feeding into hype can be just as detrimental as feeding into the hate. I know SO many girls in high school who lived their lives trying to keep "popularity". It is important to know, however, that hype does not know loyalty. You're hot one day and old news the next. If your self-esteem is dependent upon hype ... then you're in for a rude awakening. I learned early on that flattery and hype will massage your ego, but it is nothing SUBSTANTIAL. it's amazing to me how much power we give to our peers. we "value" their opinion so much that we will shape-shift our souls, appearance, or self-esteem. Nevertheless, i challenge you to take a good look at your peers ... do they walk on water? have they given sight to the blind? oh. they have the new Concords. well, i guess that is more than enough reason to devote your life to their approval.

within the past few months, i have seen so many people torn down because of the hate of people around them. from the high schoolers that i teach to my colleagues in the AUC, i see an epidemic of choux pastry self esteems. people have been gossiped about, lied on, used, had, swindled lol; but honestly, you're going to let another normal ass person ... construct ... you? somewhere, a little high school girl is sending naked pictures out to maintain her hype. don't act like that's a left field concept...and if you think it is ... welcome to Pasadena High School in 2008.

Look, i'm not saying that you should NEVER listen to a person's compliment or criticism. Sometimes, it's nice to know that someone out there can understand you or vibe with what you're doing. Sometimes, people have the gift of wisdom- gently guiding your path in the right direction. That's love. Sometimes we need to hear something we don't want to ... because we're too stubborn to see. As for me, i take everything a person says with a grain of salt until i can be sure they have my best interest in mind. Because sometimes, our loved ones can even come from a place of spite, fraudulence or jealousy. When all else fails, i seek counsel from God and try to eat sparingly from the tree of vanity. If your foundation is solid, the hype nor hate can phase you.

yessss andre.

2011-12-27T11:38:00.000-08:00

thanks jihad !

my social experiment

2011-12-27T11:06:00.000-08:00

I can confidently say that i am an honest person.

I don't like lying and i feel like it's a big inconvenience. What i can be guilty of, however, is shimmying around uncomfortable predicaments and questions. I try not to harm people's feelings or pride. Nevertheless, i believe that can cause more harm than good. So, i am trying something new. For the next five days, i am going to do a trial run of being completely and blatantly honest. Whenever i am asked for advice, asked a question, or my opinion ... i am challenging myself to be as straightforward and honest as possible. Everyone feel free to hold me to it lol ! Here we go :)

since it's still christmas in cali, take this ...

2011-12-25T21:30:00.001-08:00

Merry Christmas .

2011-12-25T07:55:00.000-08:00

"And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins." Matthew 1:21

This is the time that we celebrate the birth of our Lord and savior. Open presents, eat lots of food, and drink spiked eggnog. Laugh with family and friends and watch basketball (seeing how i will be doing most of those things too lol). Just remember that this day is about the birth of our hope for salvation ... the birth of our escape from damnation. deep, right? This is the real thanksgiving if you ask me lol. MERRY CHRISTMAS & all honor and praise to Jesus Christ !

for that girl in the parking lot ...

2011-12-24T08:25:00.000-08:00

Earlier this semester, I was leaving the library and ran into a new friend in the parking lot. I was in a rush to leave for dinner and asked, “Hey, how are you?” in an apathetic way. To my surprise, she had a lot to say. She told me about a guy she was dating. He created elaborate lies to ultimately use her for money, intimacy and most importantly … a lot of time. If that wasn’t bad enough, he spread lies about her around campus. She was clearly humiliated and heartbroken.

To be completely honest, my immediate thought during the story was, “Girl, that was naïve. You should have never took his words at face value.” And for that thought, I must apologize to the young lady if she’s reading. How could I patronize her for having the courage to trust and love whole-heartedly? After all, such trust is damn near impossible to stumble upon these days – like a four-leaf clover, or ... authentic Louis Vuitton. Anyway, this incident got me to thinking …

We live in a very peculiar time. This is a time when “men will be men”, but inversely, women should “know better”. Women are constantly portrayed as a femme fatale- the woman who lurks in corners, waiting to bring a man down. For example, if a woman musters up the courage to say she was raped, then she “wanted it” or she has to be “lying”. A girl gets pregnant, and she must've “trapped” him. If a girl is cheated on, society (especially women) chastise her because she should have “known better”. This is so backwards to me.

Yes, this is a peculiar time. This is a time that devalues the work of the mother… as if it is not a full time job to raise children in good health and faith (& Don’t even get me started with the businesswoman/mother – there should be a national holiday for these women). Leave a dad at home with the kids for five hours and he treats them like a grenade ... or rubik’s cubes. Yet, even after a woman commits years to wiping vomit off of her arms, pushing pounds of flesh out of her vagina, cooking meals, and instilling values in the kids, she is expected to turn a blind eye to cheating from her husband? AND if she decides to leave him and gets half, she is immediately deemed a “gold-digger” as if her contribution to the familial empire was non-existent. backwards.

Look, this is a post for that girl in the parking lot. Find a man who is honest. I say this with all sincerity. It may sound extremely simplistic but finding an honest man is one of the most complicated and difficult things to do. If a guy read this post and said, “that’s some bullshit” then he’s not ready to accept things truthfully. & What’s scarier than a man who lies to a girl is a man that lies to himself. If he is real with himself, the ability to accept responsibility and accountability will come. Who he is, what he believes, and how he treats others should all be grounded in honesty. Find that and you have struck gold.

"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces." - Matthew 7:6

the motto (remix)

2011-12-22T08:41:00.000-08:00

couldn't help it. aha, and they really put mac dre's mom in the video? that's tight. the video's dope too. cheap & dope lol. enjoy :)

thoughts dipped in snow

2011-12-21T11:54:00.000-08:00

The Holidays.

[The word holiday: derived from the notion of "Holy Day", and gradually evolved to its current form.]

Since I was accepted to Spelman College in 2008, I have really grown to appreciate the holidays...

Initially, being away from home was tough but only because of the culture shock. While I missed my dad, brother, friends and boyfriend (at the time), I halfway chose Spelman to escape the constant, gruesome reminder of my mother’s death two years prior. My life felt closed in and cluttered. Honestly, I thought Atlanta would be my sweet escape into the oblivion.

~~Silly me~~. Although I didn’t have to walk past her bedroom or drive by the hospital, my mother resurrected in other ways. When I left for school, I realized that she was more remarkable than I ever could have realized. What my mother instilled in me was more valuable than any AP class I took or any scholarship money. She gave me intangible things that Spelman couldn’t even begin to teach me. And I’m still trying to learn her tricks of trade- how to light up rooms with an entrance, how to ease a person’s soul, how to remain true to oneself, how to be salt to a tasteless world. Atlanta was a sweet escape- but only because the seclusion created a better place for me to marvel at my mother’s legacy.

In May, Samantha died. Just when I stopped walking on eggshells in life, one of my best friends died from sickle cell disease. They say you cannot truly see a situation clearly until you’ve had some distance from it. I’m still too deep inside that pain to understand like I want to. Yet, One thing is clear: Life and death are more fluid than most people know… so every breath, smile, laugh, cry, triumph and failure is valuable.

While you may ask what my mother and Samantha have to do with the holidays or even YOUR holiday, remember that the holidays are Holy Days. They are meant to transcend the trivial nonsense and shine light on the importance of God, family and friends. Being away from California taught me that the people I love would always impact my life, heavily- whether I am in my living room or 3,000 miles away. They will travel with me in memory, love, life or death. Embrace and cherish the people you love.

Happy Holy Days ..

2011-12-21T11:17:00.000-08:00

Is there a Christmas song that always makes you think of your childhood? ... I have two:

1. Johnny Gill: "Give Love on Christmas Day". My parents always played this song around the house during the holidays. I didn't care for it too much as a kid, but now it goes. lol (and i am sorry if this picture of him gives you nightmares. Honestly, it's the creepiest christmas album cover i've seen in a while).

2. MY FAVORITE CHILDHOOD christmas song. TLC: "Sleigh Ride", hands down. can you picture me in my baggy 90's clothes dancing? i hope not -____- lol.

quote, end quote.

2011-12-20T08:23:00.000-08:00

“The sea rises, the light fails, lovers cling to each other, and children cling to us. The moment we cease to hold each other, the moment we break faith with one another, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out.”

- James Baldwin.

saw this quote today on tumblr & i couldn't help but share. i believe life is about these connections. it's all about contact - even if it means crashing into one another or disturbing the peace. as humans, we either spend our lives wandering in search of love or wallowing in our misery because we gave up hope.

hallelujah , it's raining ... apples?

2011-12-16T11:11:00.000-08:00

Apples Rain Down from the Sky in Britain !! -- check out this article !!

So... now apples just fall from the sky? This is WILD. Sidebar: I know so many chicks who would've preferred a shower of men instead. phooey. maybe next time? lol.

félicité: re-post from 2010

2011-12-15T13:22:00.000-08:00

disclaimer: this is a dialogue. this post reflects a thought-process, but not necessarily my opinion. don't text or message me with questions lol.
so, my friend asked "is it natural to love?"

are you kidding me ? who knew four words could make my face crunch up and my palms sweat ? she said, "we love our parents and we love our family and we love our friends (depending on who they are). But, romantically, is it natural to love people?"

that is a complex question . the love that we have for our family and friends is a completely different type of love than the one of our lovers . As opposed to talking to your friends and cousins every other day or week ,we drench ourselves in the people that we are in love with all the time . We make our world about them and they do the same for us . Is that healthy ? Is that natural ? Biologically speaking , we are made to reproduce . Our bodies attract to hormones in the opposite sex (subconsciously) to make babies . But all the extra: the yearning to talk to them everyday, the butterflies, the deep pit devotion . . . is it natural or societal constructed ?

the reality tv shows to find love , the love movies, the love songs, and the love poetry all tell us what we're missing or how to feel . the yoplait yogurt , special K, 24 hour fitness, weight watchers commercials that imply that eating healthy will make you attractive, hence ...help you find love . Has the media taught us that love is the ultimate thing to strive for in life ? maybe we hold on so tight to the people we are in love with because we know that they are hard to come by . Maybe we love so hard for the people we meet because they 'GET US' when no one else does .

when a girl tells a guy, "I love you, but more like a brother" . She means, "Psh. I could never revolve my world around you. I could never talk to you all the time. I could never imagine us kissing or fawning for each other." So, maybe someone can answer my question: Is romantic love a natural occurrence OR something that has been hyped up by the culture around us ? and if romantic love IS natural, why is it so different from other types (for example, the consequences of romantic love is heartbreak ) ?

The crazy part is: Even if we realized that romantic love isn't a "natural" thing , we would never give up on it because of our yearning to meet that special someone .

head nod

2011-12-14T16:12:00.000-08:00

Shout out to Kreemo, this video promo is dope ... no other way to say it. Everyone check out their website and pink pullovers - they're bomb & feel like heaven on the inside lol.

“If I were a poor black boy.” really?

2011-12-14T08:40:00.000-08:00

Iread the article, I listened to the feedback online, and I gave myself time toconsider Gene Marks’ arguments. I have a hard time swallowing the fact that hisarticle is extremely lazy when considering the aspects of black poverty andinequality. My second problem is that he contradicts himself throughout thearticle. On one hand, he claims that this is not an “inequality” issue, but an“ignorance” issue. The next minute, he’s “commiserating” the poor, black kidswho do not have the same opportunities and have to work twice as hard.

Peopleare saying, “Cut him some slack. He’s one of the only white men trying toempathize with blacks.” No. The “slack” is too thick with surface explanationand fraudulent compassion to "cut". Contrary to popular belief, the problem ISinequality. The problem IS injustice. College is competitive. Even if the “poorblack kids” can get a used, older computer… rich kids will have better softwareand even better technical skills. Five years from now, I can imagine LittleJovan typing up an exceptional personal statement on his used IMB while Little Bip turns inhis personal statement and an imovie video on his macbook, giving him a competitive advantage.It’s about lack of “quality” resources for all people, not about distributingbootleg ones to the poor.

So Gene Marks claims that poor, black kids can succeed…they simply have to “work harder”. True, Little Jovan from Long Beach can walk to the library after school and use the computers. Nevertheless, if the Rollin 20s Crips are asking him “where you from?” everyday after school, he decides to go straight home or miss school all together. True, Little Jovan can go to a nice, shiny private schoolthrough a scholarship – but who cares about homework when your stomach isgrowling in the morning? Who cares about times tables when your mother iscrying about the eviction notice on her door?

Plainand simple, Marks is a bit confused. Having to work harder and hoping for some luck is not okay. Lack of resources and personal investment can deter a kid’s progress from Kindergarten – hindering the rest oftheir academic career. "In the 2008 National Assessment of Educational Progress — the massive, federally mandated report card on student performance, measured in grades 4, 8, and 12 — the reading scores of African-American boys in eighth grade were barely higher than the scores of white girls in fourth grade." Marks’ “technicaladvantage” advice is for the minute percentage of teenage “poor black kids” who aren’treading at a fourth grade level. A nine-year- old is not concerned with theircollege applications and to be quite frank, they should not have to be. Marks did not fullyconsider the psychological, emotional, and safety complications associated withpoverty. I’m not giving him the benefit of the doubt. If he wants to getcritical acclaim from controversial suggestions about MY PEOPLE, the least he could do is be more thoughtful- straight up.

Asfor my fellow black people: we are entitled to our different feelings.Nevertheless, I find it extremely disheartening to see people who look like me,being so short-sided. I DO believe that parents and guardians need to invest more in their child's wellbeing. However, this ‘pull thyself up from ye own bootstraps’ approach is really easy to say from the comforts of our beautiful, paid off homes. Upper middle class&/or Upper class blacks need to show some compassion and look deeper into these welfare woes. Yes, there are exceptionalpeople who overcome poverty and prosper. My dad is a prime example – singlemother, the youngest of seven boys, working to provide since he was a teenager.Nevertheless, if you ask my dad how he reached his success, he would not say, “The tools arethere. The technology is there. And the opportunities there.” Instead, knowing that he should have been in a gang, in prison, or dead, he would say, “…Only by the Grace of God.”

link of statistics: http://www.nationalaffairs.com/publications/detail/the-widest-achievement-gap

where we've come from.

2011-12-13T15:17:00.000-08:00

If I Were A Poor Black Kid

<-- read the article first, my thoughts come later.

some twitter responses:

“Ithink the issue is that he fails to realize that being poor, being black, andbeing a child each come w/ their own set of circumstances.”

“Ifeveryone was exposed to the same opportunities, who would run the world?”

“Itbothers me when people who never had to struggle take authority over the waysto make it out of the struggle.”

“TheForbes article simplifies the factors which can contribute to success andreduces "poor black children" to one category of individuals.”

“Everyone'sbeing so harsh on this man for this article. Why? Because he trying to help the"poor black child" the only way he knows how?”

mm hmm.

2011-12-12T13:18:00.000-08:00

"no, i'm gonna change your life. i'm 'that' girl." -

mila kunis

i'm so sorry keyshia.

2011-12-11T21:11:00.001-08:00

oh! my pet peeve..

2011-12-11T19:33:00.001-08:00

Someone recently asked me, "What is YOUR dating pet peeve?". After much consideration, I realized that I have afew pet peeves. Jealous guys and liars are definitely at the top of the "peevingmy pet" chart. However, there is one in particular that always seems drive me to the point of no return:

The one thing that really grinds my gears is a narcissisticman. I’m sitting across from you at the dinner and you’re telling me yourentire life story – without displaying the slightest interest in me. So there Iam ... hearing about where you were born, how many siblings you have, and yourhigh school experiences, while simultaneously trying to digest my food and theinformation.

Selflessness and reciprocity are vital components to loveand relationships. If a man does not have the capability to EVER put the focuson me, then that’s a red flag. When I say “focus”, I am not talking aboutsuperficial compliments. I mean a focus on knowing me as a human being- mypassions, my values, and the things that are most important to me. I understandthat some men want to lay their “everything” on the table to seem honest andtrustworthy. Nevertheless, I’m a firm believer that a person cannot be faithfulto a stranger. Hence, if a man does not truly know me, how couldhe be loyal and committed to me? He won't even know what he's committing to. Just a thought :)

2011-12-09T09:01:00.000-08:00

and this is why the commercial is triflin'...

Americans have absolutely no problem centering themselves as the lynchpin for normalcy. We constantly look for conveniency, even though it can promote racism and ignorance. The lady says she loves Cabo because it was so "easy" and continues to explain how everyone spoke english ... "even the cab driver".

So the hell what. The point of traveling in the first place is to expand your perception of the world and create a larger sense of humanity for yourself. You may think that i am reading too much into the commercial, but let me ask you this. How many times have you heard someone belittle an immigrant for speaking their first language, "Speak English, you're in America." Nevertheless, how many times do Americans learn other people's languages when we go somewhere else? We're extremely narcissistic. Language is SO powerful and we need to realize that the things we say are a reflection of our minds.

my first vlog !

2011-12-09T08:25:00.000-08:00

P.S. there is more to come :) if you want to give "dating life" input, please contact me via facebook, twitter, or cell ! hope you all enjoyed it ...

2011-12-06T18:02:00.001-08:00

"in order to claim the beauty that is my heart;
you must first battle the beast that is my mind."

- Stevi Renee.

finals.

2011-12-06T16:56:00.001-08:00

say what's real.

2011-12-04T12:52:00.001-08:00

i look at my life like a huge jawbreaker ;
i suck at it.

so i sucked at life,
i licked through the many layers trying to get to the core -pushing and weaving through. i licked through the 'trying to fit in' stage when i felt like an outsider and social deportee . contrary to popular misunderstanding, America's broken-record routine is to find the newest alternative lifestyle . the new trend is to flee as far as possible from tradition & 'boxes' . i found at a young age that morale, faith & self-actualization are 'boxes' that i wouldn't mind sitting in . SILLY me .

i licked through the layer of superficiality. they say money doesn't buy happiness, they lied . that's why people are so confused . they buy a Ferrari and feel this sensation in their bellies . they swipe their credit card to buy that watch and tingle inside . see, money can buy happiness ... but it can't buy Joy . they are two different things . happiness is a quick high that leaves you smiling until you're ... not. Joy is the emotional, physical, and psychological land of milk & honey . it's a peaceful state of calm & contentment ... money is simply theoretical paper.

ahh, i licked through the false sense of affection . we go through life with family and parents that care, however in the back of our minds we wonder: "they (our family) love us because they have to . will there ever be anyone who loves me on purpose? (lol) will there be someone who sees something special in me ?" therefore, we search life for someone who cares ... and we run smack dab into infatuation . it feels cool when you're in high school and someone is obsessed with you (and vice-versa) lol . unfortunately, that dynamic is not about the two of you ...it's about the one of you . one person is obsessed about being adored, and the other one is doing the exact same thing . people are simply using & using without being accountable for the catastrophe that comes later .

finally, i reached the core . i don't mean to sound cliche, but there's a reason why love is so popular. i need people to see love, not as a 90's R&B song, and not as a cheesy romance movie . those things are simply simulations of 'real love' ...those things are cheap, body spray scents, but hardly the real thing . Love, real love, is so selfless and unstable that it's rulebook only states, "one size fits all ." it's a scary thing, because it is so untamed & addictive, you become scared that you'll get lost somewhere between bliss & armageddon . But displaying love is all that matters; it is the only good, strong thing left in the world . IT IS OF GOD . Agape.

"Three things will last forever - faith, hope and love - and the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

shout out to khiry making worldstar. lmao

2011-12-01T19:45:00.001-08:00

white people & the "N" word.

2011-11-28T17:00:00.000-08:00

Tim Wise spoke at Spelman a few weeks ago and one of my bestfriend's attended. She told me that this white guy was really thought-provoking and approached race in an entirely new way. I thought that was cool but didn't give him a real chance until his name was brought up again in another class. I checked him out. You should too. Tim Wise:

whoa.

2011-11-28T09:06:00.000-08:00

"I think life is difficult and that's that. I am not at all-- absolutely not at all-- interested in the pursuit of happiness. I am not interested in the pursuit of positivity. I am interested in pursuing a truth, and the truth often seems to be not happiness but its opposite."

when speaking about her brother:

"His life was a passive event. It had no shape. His life was sort of waiting to happen. As he died, that seemed to be what was going to happen -- so one could only say that he never lived. He sort of died all the time. It was one of the frustrating things in taking care of him that I sometimes seemed to care more whether he lived. I didn't like that."

- excerpts from an interview with Jamaica Kincaid, an outstanding author from the West Indies .

for all the 'good guys' who think they'll finish last ...

2011-11-27T12:00:00.000-08:00

chuckle, chuckle.

2011-11-26T13:41:00.001-08:00

words with strangers.

2011-11-25T10:46:00.001-08:00

He noticed her for months. Living. Breathing. She was alwayssmiling, but he suspected that there was something he couldn't see. Finally, heapproached her and asked the first thing to come to mind. “Where's your boyfriend?" he asked. She looked at him, intrigued, and said,

“Dating is a smoke and mirrors game. We’re blindfolded, spunaround in circles and expected to strike gold. No direction. No insight. We’rejust adults, stuck in kiddy mindsets- swinging randomly until we reach contact. We don't even know we’re breaking each other.

This is a generation that romanticizes pain. Some of us have legitimate, heavy baggage and heartbreak stories that blister hands, making it to excruciatingto hold another’s. Meanwhile, the others in our generation are pretending to bescarred because they’re scared of being "bland". They like to claim “trustissues” because they think it makes them real. I wish I could tell them that it’s okay not tolose a father, a mother, a lover, a brother, a sister. It’s okay to have a healthy ability to trust.It’s okay for your world not to crumble. Nothing’s cute about being cold. I'd tell them to givelife some time. Yes, with time ... life will shake them beyond belief but until then ... trust with open hearts & soul."

He was taken aback. She blinked and took even breaths as if she merely told him the time was 2 o' clock. He spoke carefully, "So, you don't look for something ...more?"

She smiled, "I’ll never pretend to be what I’m not. I’ve seen too manyreal things to entertain a false projection of reality. And sometimes fraudulence isn’t intentional-just a lost boy taking his time to become a man. Dating, at times, can be an inadvertent sham. [One persontelling another person what they think should be said. The other person trying to overemphasizetheir life] … attempting to put make up and hair ties on a hog.

I’ll settle for nothing less than organic. I'm not "looking for something" because the something you speak of is too complex. I need pride puton shelves. I need facades roasted away in cabin fires. I live in a world thatis drenched in fear and insecurity. Until I have something natural, stripped and raw, I willspread single across my lips and pucker up to life.”

thanks gabi. & yes, drake is PERFECTION.

2011-11-23T06:28:00.001-08:00

my final words.

2011-11-19T15:14:00.001-08:00

Itook some time to sit back and think about my blog series. I decided that I wanted to end with these last points: to fellow young women,

Womenare often times so concerned with the term “sexual liberation” while they’re in college.Time and time again, I try to keep a straight face when women say, “I thinkhaving sex with no strings attached is sexual liberation.” It doesn’t bother meas much that women say they want to have sex lives; it bothers me that theyequate casual sex with liberation. What do they think they’re being liberatedfrom? What societal constructions are supposedly holding them captive?

Many women argue that society turns their noses up at the “promiscuous girls”. They go on to explain how white society wants them to date. get married. have kids and follow the 'normal pattern' (as if such a life sucks). Casual sex and promiscuity are practices seen ontelevision, in movies, and social media sites. It’s more accepted and normalized to have kids out of wedlock than within the union of marriage. In fact, present day society marginalizes theabstinent girl more than the girls who participate in sex.

Isay all of this to remind you that views on sex will ALWAYS change. Trying tokeep up will only leave you feeling used, abused, and confused. Even more problematic is the fact that men areusually the trendsetters for the patterns found in women’s sexual behavior (look up marketing gender statistics). Isn’t that ironic? Instead of looking to ~~pop culture~~ for a tutorial on yourbody and sex life, take control for yourself. Sexuality is a huge part of a woman’s life (whether or notshe is sexually active). It’s important to have autonomy over your body and thethings you do. NEVER let a man decide what you are comfortable doing. Loveyourself first. Things are clearer that way. Thanks so much for engaging in this series :)

All of my love,

Stevi Renee

to whom it may concern:

2011-11-14T16:52:00.001-08:00

you. yes, you with the penis,

Over the years I have acquired a special discernment for recognizing manhood. I think the most essential sign of a boy becoming a man is his sense of accountability, responsibility, and his courage. It takes a big man to step outside of his comfort zone and acknowledge something like rape. Even more so, a real man does not walk around beating his chest.. he appreciates a woman's femininity and virtue. When you, as a "man", try to coerse a young lady into the bedroom, you should consider some things. You may think it's a completely normal, consensual action. Nevertheless, when you try to manipulate a girl, you should consider the idea that she may be emotionally, psychologically, or physically scarred by the effects of rape.

But oh, the inconvenience of rape. How annoying it must be to have to consider the women you're boning. It's less tedious to brainwash yourself and think that a girl who has been raped puts it all behind her. Sometimes, that is the case. But numbers are showing that ...sexual assault victims are:

3 times more likely to suffer fromdepression.

6 times more likely to suffer frompost-traumatic stress disorder.

13 times more likely to abusealcohol.

26 times more likely to abuse drugs.

4 times morelikely to contemplate suicide.

and then i bet you're thinking, "damn. that's unfortunate for them. but i don't f*ck with girls who were rape victims." oh pumpkin, you are sadly mistaken. Consider for a moment how many sexual partners you have had. Or, consider for a moment how many girls you played to the left, cheated on, left heartbroken. Got the number? cool. Well, 1 in every 6 American women have been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. Does that change things? Baby, your humanity depends on your sense of compassion... i personally know that men can smell insecurity from a mile away. Next time, however, while you're sniffing through the club and library... consider what i said and ... be a man about it.

Leda and the Swan by William Yeats (google it)

2011-11-12T20:07:00.001-08:00

A sudden blow: the great wings beating still

Above thestaggering girl, her thighs caressed

By the darkwebs, her nape caught in his bill,

He holds herhelpless breast upon his breast.

How can thoseterrified vague fingers push

The featheredglory from her loosening thighs?

And how canbody, laid in that white rush,

But feel thestrange heart beating where it lies?

A shudder inthe loins engenders there

The brokenwall, the burning roof and tower

And Agamemnondead.

Being so caught up,

So mastered bythe brute blood of the air,

Did she put onhis knowledge with his power

Before the indifferent beak could let her drop?

watered-down rape.

2011-11-11T10:06:00.001-08:00

RAPE(n.)

1.the unlawful compelling of a person through physical forceor duress to have sexual intercourse.

2.any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person.

Ifind it so interesting that dictionary.com uses the word, “duress” which means:compulsion by threat or force; coercion; constraint.

Convenience is the directantithesis of sexual safety and responsibility. You see, menand women like to conveniently picture rape as a concrete scenario: a lost andbewildered woman wanders down a dark alley and a man in tattered clothes creepsout of the shadows and has his way with her. How closed minded is that? We have to stop “watering-down” suchcomplex and saturated concepts such as sexual assault. Instead, we need to break down the common misconceptions:

Rape is bad. I hate to talk down to people, butunfortunately, we live in a society that is so obsessed with alternative lifestyles that is does not acknowledge simple ethics. People do not want to face the fact that some things are blatantlywrong. RAPE IS WRONG. There is no way to justify making a person bend and/or shatter theirsexual boundaries. The physical, emotional and psychological trauma is … lifechanging. The act of rape is disgusting, sick, and twisted. Plain and simple. Do not let someone justify raping or forcing someone to have sex.

YES. Rape can happen within a union. It’sinteresting to me how couple’s are willing to surrender complete control over their bodieswhen they change their Facebook relationship status. That is problematic.Saying “no” should always be recognized, regardless of a committed relationship. Also, a person who loves you should respect your right to say no. There are plenty of women in Ghana whose husbands are raping them in order to make them bear children …children that they do not want to carry and/or cannot provide for. See,if you are a person who envisions women as merely vessels for penises andfetuses, then you should revisit your therapist and address your f*cking mommy issues. That's sick.

Rape is unique, every time. Contrary to popular belief, there is no “onesize fits all” reaction or scenario to rape. I have heard numerous stories about girls whohave frozen up in those moments out of trauma, confusion, or shock. Justbecause she did not scream, kick, and punch a man in the face does not mean thesex was consensual or that the other person wanted sex. “She said we shouldn’t, but her eyes said she wanted it”,“I know when a girl is bluffing’” and other pathetic excuses have a severe stench of arrogance and inhumanity.

waves one hand in the air like i don't care

2011-11-09T09:09:00.001-08:00

...because i am above being raped.

2011-11-08T09:06:00.000-08:00

This series started because I sat in a well-lit classroom of twenty ladies and participated in a discussion about rape. While the idea of sexual assault, molestation, and rape may seem far-removed to you, believe me it is not. It's living and breathing next to you in line at the grocery store. It is teaching your classroom. It is your hairdresser. It is the captain of your high school football team. It is in the third row of the pulpit. In that classroom, I cringed as i listened to account after account of horrific stories. Not to mention, i replayed some of the same type of stories that i heard from my own friends and family about sexual assault. Immediately, my disgust about rape transformed into a blazing anger.

For those who do not know, I attend a Historically Black College that is 100% women. Freshman year, my Student Orientation Leaders (or SOL) told us to "watch our purses" in the west end. They told us to hide our gadgets and gismos at the risk of being assaulted. However, no one told me that those same "gadgets and gismos" could be my hips, breasts, or thighs. No one EVER told us about the dangers of rape and sexual assault. They never told us that An American woman is 10 times more likely to be raped than to die in a car crash.

My classes freshman year raised issues about my potential economic and social struggles that i would face as a black women in America. Spelman never told me that Black women’s sexual violence rate is estimated to be around forty percent by the time they reach age 18. I was 18 when i got to Spelman. So were my classmates. I am 21 now and can't help but imagine how high that percentage has risen. Afterall, there is an all-male institution next door to Spelman...

The upperclassmen told us to "watch our reputations" on campus and gossiped about the infamous Black List (a list of rumored "promiscuous girls" on campus). Simply put, they warned US not to be "fast" - as if every sexual encounter on the prestigious Spelhouse campuses would be consensual. They never told us that 74% of sexual assaults are perpetrated by assailants that are well known to the victim.

Yes. As i sat in a room full of girls recounting these stories, i wanted to give my Spelman card back for the day. Rape is such a taboo topic, full of stigma and misconceptions. Men don't want to talk about it and women don't want to report it. Consequently, we have a generational cycle of psychological, emotional, physical, and spiritual chaos. Whether you work, attend school, or chill on your grandmama's porch, your livelihood is affected more than you think. Plain and simple, no one told us. So i am taking the time to break down what's happening under our very noses ...

what's to come: "WATERED-DOWN RAPE"

statistics citation:
http://www.crisisconnectioninc.org/sexualassault/rapestatistics.htm
http://thehathorlegacy.com/rape-statistics/
http://www.rainn.org/statistics

let's talk about rape, bay-bee.

2011-11-07T07:41:00.000-08:00

Dear Reader,

I want to first and foremost thank each and every one of you for taking the time to read my blog. I understand that you are busy being workers, students, friends, mothers, lovers, wives, husbands, and ultimately theorists. It is not going unnoticed and i appreciate you.

This next series is very important and dear to me. Unfortunately, i know/have heard of too many people who have been sexually assaulted and it is nothing short of horrific. After hearing brave stories and shedding numerous tears, i decided to write about this. While rape may seem like a "female thing", it is a human thing. I want women to seize their sexual sovereignty but i am also giving men some unseen insight into the complexities of rape.

I will provide creative writing, facts & statistics, personal advice/accounts, as well as dialogue about this topic that plagues THE GLOBE. if anyone has thoughts, topic suggestions, or anything regarding this blog series, feel free to DM me, facebook message me, or comment (if you wish to contribute anonymously, that's perfectly fine). Although this is an uncomfortable and controversial subject, i am a firm believer that true growth only happens outside of comfort zones. Here we go ..

All My Love,
Stevi Renee

@heartsNhandguns
Stevi Renee Facebook

SHEESH !

2011-11-06T12:47:00.000-08:00

vivi's humanity expanse .

repost: If you forget me by Pablo Neruda

what do you know about black history?

repost: "to date a writer"

i guess this is where he's been ...

love sonnet XVII by pablo neruda

twerk somethin' ... after you get tested.

repost: "dark & twisty"

amor.

WORD.

paper-clipped praying hands

pay attention.

touch me, tease me .

i don't even have words anymore.

a glimpse of thoughts?

it's everything.

leaving a legacy.

OH MY GOD.

"Mother to Son" by Langston Hughes

quote, end quote.

*fist pump*

so i know it's real.

Lord, be with us.

speak now or be silenced later.

support something substantial.

beating down adversity.

5 cliches & idioms to live by:

mmhmm.

the gender see-saw .

yummy .

kevin hart is ridiculous lol.

repost: 4/2010

mmphh !

platformed expectations.

what girls like me neglect to say.

artista .

a thought.

tequila x testimonies.

snaps .

thoughts stacked high.

look out belowwww ..

mmm hmmmm;

the hype & the hate .

yessss andre.

my social experiment

since it's still christmas in cali, take this ...

Merry Christmas .

for that girl in the parking lot ...

the motto (remix)

thoughts dipped in snow

quote, end quote.

hallelujah , it's raining ... apples?

félicité: re-post from 2010

*head nod*

“If I were a poor black boy.” really?

where we've come from.

mm hmm.

i'm so sorry keyshia.

oh! my pet peeve..

my first vlog !

finals.

say what's real.

shout out to khiry making worldstar. lmao

white people & the "N" word.

whoa.

for all the 'good guys' who think they'll finish last ...

chuckle, chuckle.

words with strangers.

thanks gabi. & yes, drake is PERFECTION.

my final words.

to whom it may concern:

Leda and the Swan by William Yeats (google it)

watered-down rape.

*waves one hand in the air like i don't care*

...because i am above being raped.

let's talk about rape, bay-bee.

SHEESH !

fist pump

head nod

waves one hand in the air like i don't care